The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

My heart is racing like it’s lost control.

Thump, thump. I could hear the sound of my heart echoing in my ears.

The child… they aren’t listening to this sound, right?

Anxiety creeps in. The child just stares at me, asking questions without moving an inch.

“……..”

“……..”

This silence is so heavy.

The bandaged eyes surely can’t see me, but I find myself avoiding their gaze, staring at the ground instead.

The weight of sin drags me down. But that guilt quickly ignites into rage burning inside me.

Anna. Anna Akaia.

That bastard’s, bastard’s Anna…!!

The rage, that I could not fully contain, directed toward a person I’ve never spoken a word to.

Anna… why do you linger, still haunting this child like a ghost…!!

Just… let the child go…

An indescribable rage climbs up my spine. My head feels hot, and I sense my pupils dilating. It’s as if I’ve consumed strong liquor.

But inevitably, those emotions must fade.

I have no right to feel that way in front of this child.

“……Elli, unnie?”

“……Ah—”

I wake from my thoughts to the child softly calling my name.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

I couldn’t see the child’s face well because of the bandages, but I could feel their affection through their attitude, voice, and the corners of their mouth.

Yeah.

The child was kind.

That’s all I could say.

So kind, selfless, only knowing how to care for others while neglecting themselves.

Surely, they must have something to complain about this suffocating life.

They could question the strange and bizarre actions I have inflicted upon them.

They could truthfully throw a tantrum.

Yet, instead, the child always thought about my heavy mood and tried to lighten it, obediently following my odd and bizarre commands.

That was affection.

So sweet it would melt your tongue, just sticky and hard to escape affection.

In the end, I had to admit it.

I couldn’t let go of this child before me.

“Ah… Anna, that was your name… right?”

“…..Yes..!”

As I began to talk about Anna, the child visibly brightened.

It was a beautiful smile I had never seen before.

—Crunch.

I bit my lip. My sharp fangs pierced through my soft lips like paper, spilling out the red liquid inside.

I could taste the salty blood. My tangled thoughts began to clear.

“……”

Gluck. I swallow.

I wish you were a bad child instead; that thought almost escaped my lips.

But my wishes disappeared into the dark along with the swallowed saliva.

I hoped the kind child would turn out to be a bad child.

I truly am a monstrous being with no way to redeem myself.

If you feared me, rejected me, betrayed me, attacked me, and tried to escape far from here—would my heart feel a bit at ease?

If only it had been that way—

—I could have devoured you without a second thought.

Now, it’s too late.

“…..Ah, right. Anna, Anna… Anna…”

“….Did you figure something out, unnie?”

“Ah… uh.. yes. There is something.”

I stand at a crossroads.

With one word that I spit out now, my future will change drastically. For some reason, I felt that thought. My instincts sounded the alarm.

Once I cross this line, there’s no going back.

I raised my hand to cover my eyes.

Darkness came.

It felt as if a long line was drawn in front of me.

Will I speak the truth?

Will I betray the child’s trust?

If I speak that horrible truth, the child will surely run to their sister.

I couldn’t think of any other future. If it’s the child I know, they would do that and more.

—But I must prevent that at all costs.

The Devil whispered.

To relieve the sister‘s guilt, who firmly believes she killed me, or perhaps to find out the reason why the first princess hated her, the child would seek out her sister.

It could be both.

The child has such a kind heart.

In front of the very person who tried to kill her mercilessly, the child would probably say it was their fault.

If anything was wrong, they would offer to fix it, pleading not to abandon them.

Crying and complying with any shameful command.

What would happen to the child?

What would that woman do?

Would the one who committed such a cruel act throw a festival because the child she killed came back to life? Declare today a happy day, calling people in for a ball?

Would she provide a warm home and food for the child, welcoming them as family?

No… no…

That can’t be…!!!

Crack, I heard something shatter inside me.

I crossed the line drawn before me.

I can’t believe it.

That’s right, I can’t leave the child with such a woman. No qualifications, none at all.

If she doesn’t try to kill again, that would be enough.

‘Oh… unnie…..’

‘….!!’

The gruesome sight of a body writhing in blood by the riverbank is still fresh in my mind.

Again, the child would be betrayed, wounded with scars that can’t be erased in their heart.

I can’t let it end like this.

Yeah.

Everything—it’s all to protect the child.

This isn’t a betrayal.

It’s about wanting to protect…!

So, I—

I—

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t find anyone with that name.”

“….Ah….?”

“I couldn’t find anyone.”

The child, who had been smiling brightly, now froze in that smile.

I said it.

Word by word, clear enough for the child to hear.

No.

There’s no one.

Such a person does not exist.

Even if they did, I won’t allow it.

So, don’t chase after such illusions.

I’m here, instead.

“There is no one. Such a person.”

“Ah… ugh….?”

“Not a single one.”

Upon hearing my answer, the child hugged their left arm with their right hand, trembling in that position.

Ah.

I let it slip out.

I let it out.

There’s no turning back.

Could it be a shock?

—It seemed the child’s body slowly inclined to the side.

“—Oh dear.”

“Ha… huff! Huff…”

Thud.

I quickly got up from my chair, rushing to the side of the child.

I barely managed to support the frail body teetering as if it would fall to the ground.

The child’s body felt as light as a cloud and soft as a feather.

It’s all for this child.

My heart’s angel smiled gently, nodded, and slowly faded away.

I’m sorry.

But I love you.

I held the child tightly in my arms, patting them gently. Was it just me, or did the sounds of their whimpering seem to diminish a little?

The fact that the child was relying on me entirely filled me with joy.

I thought to myself.

I should have done this long ago.

“Ah… ah…!”

“There, there, it’s okay. If we keep looking, we might just find them, right?”

“Really…?”

“Of course. Until we find them, I’ll be right by your side to help.”

They say forgetting is a blessing from the gods?

But for a child who must lose all memories and live only in pursuit of a two-letter name, forgetting must be nothing but a curse.

Hope, clue, memories, past.

With all those mental supports lost, the child lost the composed demeanor of their previous self, appearing like any other girl their age.

In front of me, holding and comforting the child, I saw the same mirror from before.

Still unchanged, black hair akin to muddy water.

I couldn’t hide the proof of being a monster, those red eyes that could never be concealed.

A face I have seen for hundreds of years, a face I loathe.

But one thing changed.

What is it, me?

Having lived like a mask all this time.

I could make such an expression too.

Huh, not bad.

“Hic… Hoo… Aaaah…!!”

“Yes, it’s okay to cry. Look, I’m right here, aren’t I?”

I comfort the child, whose face is buried in my chest, sobbing sorrowfully.

At this moment, or rather, in the future, I’ll be the only one the child can rely on.

This moment, the futures that were divided into two paths narrowed down to one.

Screech.

In the mirror, I saw the lips of a woman with red eyes stretch into a grin.

I stared straight into the mirror and said.

Whatever anyone says, I don’t care.

You made me this way first.

I’m a bad monster.

It’s only natural for monsters to do bad things, right?

I’m going to make the child mine.

I gently caressed the child’s neck, completely surrendered to my embrace. With my nails slightly extending, I left a small mark on their flawless, milky-white neck.

One feels a little lacking, so two.

“I’m going to give you a name.”

“….Elli un…nie?”

“It’s quite lonely not to have a name to call you.”

The child, who stopped crying, looked up at me.

I flicked my snake-like tongue and slowly began to wrap it around their neck.

I’ll make you happy.

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