The Gate of Shadows

Remembering Fenris’s touch made me feel like the cold water that washed over me was nothing.

Will I lose control when you come through those doors? Or will I do something else? Something has to change. I love you. I want you to be mine, but you’ll never.

I had to face that if I wanted to control this. The lovely Layla flowed through my thoughts again.

She’s a better fit for you, but I…

Envy slowly gripped me again as I pushed it down. Fenris could do whatever he wanted to me, but in the end, that white wolf would be the one to be with him. It was how Lycan culture worked.

I’m such a fool. How could I forget that?

When I tried to profess my feelings to him, I was delighted by his fake affection.

Fake… It has to be, right?

If I accepted that, I could watch him be happy with someone else.

It’ll have to be enough for me.

I had to return to the days when I pushed everything inside and let it happen. Happiness was never for me, and he wasn’t for me. I was right when I said his destiny was for brighter things. I needed to understand that because I didn’t want to burden him.

Control it. Hold it. Don’t let it consume you, Lilith. For him, do everything in your power to keep it in!

Someone forced the door open, shifting my gaze towards it. That was when I saw Fenris’s expression of desperation to find me, which was so present on his face that it touched my heart. It was almost as if it washed away everything. Yet I…

Ah... Don’t look at me like that, or I’ll misunderstand.

Part of me wanted him to stay away from me, but he wasted little time closing the gap, cupping my face in his hands. A second later, he kissed me so deeply that I felt like I could drown in his arms. There was no way I could reject him.

Accept it as it is and nothing more.

Shade went into a corner of the tub when Fenris climbed into it with me. He grabbed my hand, only to realize that the bracelet that was supposed to keep my emotions in check was damaged.

Tugging away from my lips, he gazed towards it, “What?” he breathed.

There was only one way out of this; I wouldn’t lie to him.

“I got into an altercation with two witches, and it ripped, then I...” I trailed off, biting my lips.

He shook his head, not wanting to know the details.

“It doesn’t matter. I know you. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone willingly.” Fenris assured me, voice shaking.

He shivered before leaning into me to kiss me once again; slipping his tongue into my mouth, he slowly peeled away the bloody clothes from me. Heated as it was, I couldn’t help but grasp his hand, triggering him to tug away and gaze at me.

His eyes ere

 But for who? Me? Her? It doesn’t matter, Lilith. You’re his charge. He can’t leave you.

“I’m scared of myself. If—” I started before I was interrupted by Fenris kissing me again.

Unlike before, I felt all the fear the bracelet held back, but I wasn’t losing control. No, while I was in this wolf’s arms, I...

Tugging away from my lips again, he shook his head lightly. “Don’t be. I’ll never fail to protect you again.” He reassured me, taking off his shirt along with mine. 

After we removed our clothes, he turned the knob to warm the water. My body would shiver at the most straightforward touch he gave me. A chuckle rose from his lips, eyeing me down.

“What is it?” I mumbled, unsure of what he was cackling about.

By this time, all the chaos from me halted, but the alarm still flared outside. I focused on this wolf alone.

That’s all I have to do. Focus on you and forget the world.

“You’re cuter when you’re nervous.” He purred into my ear, picking me up and placing my back against the wall.

Again... Why do you want to hold me?

The only reason I could think of was that he either loved or wanted to control me.

Loving me would be too much to ask. Yet I want to hear that from you. Selfish… I know.

Grabbing onto the back of his head, I tugged him into a deep kiss while he held me up with one hand, unbuckling his pants with the other. Separating from me, he smirked playfully, enjoying this me.

“I won’t take it easy on you right now,” Fenris warned, eyes full of desire.

I giggled, tracing my fingertips on his lips.

Fenris… do you know? I would’ve fallen for you no matter who you were.

“You were taking it easy before?” I teased, letting myself be in the moment.

A soft chuckle left him before pressing himself against my slits, slowly pushing himself inside with ease. The motion caused me to yelp a bit at his sudden touch.

“I’ll show you,” the wolf murmured, triggering a mewl to escape my lip before quickly covering them with his.

My hands tenderly held onto his shoulders while he made love to me in the bathroom. Every thrust made me tremble, feeling him reach more profound than ever before. His hands clung to my bum, allowing his movements to become rougher with each passing moment.

It didn’t scare him to hurt me this time. Grabbing tightly onto him, my body reached its release, trembling in his arms. Sensing me clamping down on him, he licked my cheek. Enjoying the feeling of my body twitching in ecstasy in his arms, he leaned over to my ear.

“Did you...?” Fenris trailed off, leaving behind a tingly sensation where his breath hit me.

I nodded, feeling embarrassed, still feeling the high of it all. The wolf chuckled, thrusting himself into me one more time, triggering him to moan when I felt him release me. Kissing me one last time, he helped me get clean of any traces of blood before taking me out of the shower.

Once we were dried, he went outside, ensuring no one else was in the room, before allowing me out. At that moment, the power came back into the building. Before I knew it, I fell onto my bed with Fenris on me.

The only thing separating us were towels. Pulling myself up, I kissed him lightly on his lips. He responded by grabbing the back of my head to give me a more serious and passionate one. His tongue left me breathless before he peeled the towels from us.

Even though we had just done it, he was ready for more. I remembered what a girl, weeks before, gossiped to one of her friends in the hallway when I headed to Tania.

“Dating a Lycan can be so tiresome! I can’t keep up with their libido!” She complained to her friend, who complained of being unable to hang onto anyone instead.

The day before, I stayed awake through it all. I wanted to memorize everything about Fenris—every nook and cranny he offered. Even if my body felt numb after a while, I would willingly accept all his affection.

No matter what their cause was, if it was lust, love, or control, it didn’t matter as long as he touched me. I couldn’t live without it anymore. Even so, I wished he would only be mine. One, I would push down as much as I could.

After another round of Fenris, I felt exhausted because of my physical activity and emotional state. It was the first time I could feel all the awful feelings I didn’t want to experience ever again.

Fear, jealousy, anger, and greed... they’re so ugly.

I didn’t know what to do with the swelling emotions within me. If Fenris were around, I wouldn’t lose myself to them.

But what if you aren’t here? What if...

I closed my eyes and tried not to think, lying beside Fenris, who softly caressed my hair. His warm touch comforted me in ways I never knew he would. The way he gazed at me could’ve been confused with love. But I…

It can’t be.

Before I knew it, I drifted off, only to be awakened by Fenris answering his phone.

“Shit! What now?” he cursed, reaching for the device.

“Hello?”

“Yes, sir, she’s here with me.”

The silver wolf clicked his tongue.

“She’s in control right now.”

“Yes, it worked. But sir—”

“Well, sir, maybe if—”

“Yes... sir but—”

“No... that’s unnecessary. I’m sure—” The conversation suddenly finished, leaving Fenris angered and cursing.

He took a deep breath to contain his anger before turning to me while I pretended to be asleep. He gently blew into my ear to wake me up, making me shiver. He loved to do this technique since I was usually such a heavy sleeper.

Grabbing onto my ear, I turned to face him. I saw his smile there, which caused my heart to race again.

“Get dressed. We’re getting company soon,” he quickly informed me.

The moment Ryker entered the room, Fenris’s expression soured. The elf carried one of those bracelets made from luxorite, a unique crystal only found in elven land, prompting an argument to break out between them.

While Ryker argued otherwise, Fenris was determined to keep that crystal away from me. It wasn’t long until Ben arrived to reinforce his little brother’s side.

Ben... His arm is bionic now, and he uses a cane to walk after the fall.

Even though I took so much from him, he defended me with such fury. Their efforts to keep Ryker away made me happy, but the elf was right. I was a monster that needed restraints. There wasn’t an ounce in me to trust.

I could’ve leveled the building unwillingly without my beloved wolf.

I don’t have the confidence to keep myself in control.

Standing up from the bed, everyone went silent, watching me.

There is no other way. I can’t be free. Not while I can hurt everyone around me.

I walked over to them, offering my hand to Ryker.

Fenris grabbed me, “Don’t, Lilith.”

To him, today was proof I could do it without them, but it was the exact opposite. I had killed two people who didn’t need to die. What kept me in control was the unbearable thought of harming Fenris.

Something I can’t live with.

If this world would lose him, I would destroy it without a second thought.

Ah... I’ve become like Stella, obsessed. Hazardous. My obsession will end this world. Fenris…

There was no way for me to be without the inhibitor.

Not as I am. Weak, brittle, and easily swayed. No, I can’t bear it.

These emotions were too much for my heart to contain. Perhaps in a couple of years, I could try, but at this moment, I couldn’t. These two brothers would be the end of me, though.

“Stand aside, both of you!” Ryker ordered, having had enough insubordination from the two wolves.

Fenris had enough of the elf, too.

“I won’t. Lily doesn’t deserve this!” He stood his ground, pulling my hand away from the blond.

Ryker turned to him. “You know very well what will happen if you don’t stand aside. Both of you know! Don’t make my job any harder!” he threatened, clenching his hands into fists.

It triggered Ben and Fenris finally to stand down, knowing full well that any more led to me being a prisoner for life. However, something inside of my beloved wolf was breaking. Something I hadn’t noticed when Ryker grabbed my arm from under him.

Replacing the inhibitor that would make me hollow once again if my emotions went out of control, he sighed. When the elf stepped away from me before Fenris embraced me, he wasn’t happy about how everything turned out.

After Ben and Ryker left the room, Fenris stripped me of all clothing and made love to me repeatedly until I lost myself within him. It frustrated him to have little power over the decisions that affected me.

I didn’t know that then, though. All I knew while in this room was that I was his. There was nothing more to hope for as it could risk destroying this world—something I refused to do. The next day, they cleaned up the mess and wrote it off as an accident.

The camera had caught up until the power went out. However, the guard had been talking to his wife rather than paying attention to his job. He was swiftly let go and made responsible for what happened, but with the device, they saw how the witches pushed me until I lost it.

An enchantment went wrong… They called it.

Since it was a provoked event, I received no further reprimanding. However, after that day, Fenris changed once again. The final push to make him determined to free me from this chain of command.

The only way to do that was to go up the ranks. No matter the cost.