The Gate of Shadows

Fenris and I would only say good morning and night every day if it were up to me. Thanks to his training, he would usually pass out from exhaustion when he returned at night. Whenever this happened, I would cover him with his blanket, fearing he would catch a cold or worse.

Of course, he was always there when I woke him up because of a nightmare. Whenever I needed anyone, he was the first one there. Thanks to that, I had grown accustomed to him holding my hand every night.

The silver wolf did this even though the crystals would keep me from exploding. Even when I jolted awake, there was no risk of an apocalyptic event. Yet, he would hold my hand until I fell asleep.

That was why I woke up to him sleeping next to me most of the time. All because I never let go of his hand. They theorized the weird sickness that presented itself with an uncontrollable fever and weakness was because the nether realm was in me.

A human was never supposed to contain the power I possessed, and even though the inhibitors were in place, that power still lived within me, placing a strain on my body. It bothered me that Fenris was there whenever I needed anyone. I was his burden—something I didn’t want to be.

At the age of sixteen...

This day, Fenris returned to our shared room in a foul mood. Shade, who still wore the collar he gave me that day, lay in her tower of glory. It was a simple cat tower, which she adored. He had gotten it for her, though he always avoided touching her.

The night before, the silver wolf argued with Ben outside the room. Shade had tried to overhear them, being the curious little creature she loved to be, but I nabbed her before she could.

It isn’t my place to know what they're arguing about!

There was one more year until Fenris took over as my guardian. Throwing his bag onto his bed, he glanced over at me, only to look more troubled than when he came in. Instead of speaking to me, he went into the bathroom to shower.

Unable to feel too distressed over his reaction, I sat on my bed for a few minutes, staring at where he had disappeared, before continuing to write the assignment that Tania had given me. It was a simple puzzle test that helped keep my negative thoughts at bay.

However, when the silver wolf emerged from the bathroom, his mood was the same as when he entered the room. Much to the detriment of my heart, he neglected to put on a shirt this time. Every upper body feature he had was displayed, prompting me to gawk before tearing my gaze away.

All his training had defined his muscles and ensured he was fit for any battle. I swiftly diverted my gaze back to my work to control my heart.

This isn’t good, you know! You can’t be doing this to me!

Ignoring my worries, the silver wolf paced all over the room. Something bothered him, but I kept to myself. Deep down, I wanted to ask what was wrong, though. However, Shade had other plans, as his movements annoyed her, launching at his pants from the tower.

Luckily, they were baggy pants, allowing her claws to dig into the cloth.

“Shade, what the heck?” Fenris huffed.

“Your pacing is annoying,” I answered for her without gazing at him.

That wasn’t meant for me. My feelings for the wolf were undeniable, though. They weren’t ones of admiration.

No, I’m deeply in love with this silver wolf. But I can never act on those emotions. You’re meant for brighter things.

He turned towards me, “Lilith, control your cat,” he growled.

Shade climbed up his pants in a bid of revenge for waking her up ever so rudely. She had forgiven him for throwing his bag and slamming the door but not for the continuous pacing. No, that drove her over the edge.

“She isn’t a cat. She’s a familiar,” I corrected, sounding somewhat snarky.

I quickly covered my mouth, noticing how it sounded like.

I didn’t mean…

Fenris's amber eyes twitched, but before he could get a word out, Shade made her move.

“Ouch! Lilith!” he whined loudly, startling me.

Shade bit into the base of his tail when he tried to shake her off. I refused to look up, though. Sadly, it wasn’t long before I gave in, feeling his fiery eyes on me. He wouldn’t surrender until I took Shade off.

It was winter, so everything was cold, too. Gripping my rugs, I hesitantly got up. It was easy to pick up the cat, who had hooked on his tail.  Luckily, she hadn’t bitten through the skin, allowing his fur to retain its silver.

Trying to avoid looking at his exposed skin, I turned around, disappointed at Shade.

How could you get me into this?!

Hehe… I just went for it, Lily! She snickered, leaving me on the spot.

This isn’t—

Before I could take a step away, Fenris grabbed my waist, tugging me into an embrace. Shade fell upright on the ground, walking off towards her bed again. Laying his head on my shoulder, I felt the water from his wet hair drip onto my dress.

This was new…

“Lilith... Do you want to try it?” he whispered.

Try it. Try what?

“I don’t know what you mean. Do you need help with some work?” I mumbled, feeling flustered by his actions.

My heart was in the marathon of its life. It was going almost fast enough to trigger the inhibitor, but not quite. It only responded to negative emotions, and this was far from it. Fenris growled, holding me even tighter to him.

There was little to no space between my back and his chest.

“You silly girl... don’t make me say it.” He mumbled, holding me tightly and slightly shaking his head.

Something wasn’t right. Clasping onto his hand that held my shoulder, my body trembled.

Did I…

“Fenris... Did I do something wrong? If I did, I’m so sorry. I didn’t—” I began, only to be interrupted by him gently nibbling on the slightly exposed skin on my neck.

Instantly, I yelped, stiffing up like a pole. He licked where he pressed his lips, chuckling at my reaction. He rarely did things to tease me. Though, they usually happened whenever I apologized for something.

There was no doubt that he knew how I felt about him—not that I would tell him about it, though.

“How many times do I need to tell you? I never want to hear you say sorry,” Fenris murmured, shifting his hand onto my abdomen.

I was trapped in this wolf’s embrace. There was a tone of sadness in his voice that I couldn’t shake off. Pushing me onto my bed, I quickly turned to him, only for him to cage me under him. His cheeks were bright pink, eyes full of tenderness.

“Fenris...?” I called, feeling my cheeks burn.

Seeing his shirtless torso made me want to touch him, too. His muscles were so well defined from all his training that I couldn’t help myself when my eyes examined him.

All I ever wanted was to be by your side, nothing more. Yet… I can’t help but want more… Please… don’t tease me anymore!

This was something that could only be a distant dream.

It must be...

“I want to have sex with you,” Fenris announced, leaning closer to me.

He had said the impossible. It left me stunned where I lay.

I misheard him. You must’ve said something else. Like you want to... To... have me cook for you. No, I don’t know how to. Maybe you want to go somewhere with me. I must’ve misheard you. It’s a misunderstanding, for sure.

Surely, I’m utterly wrong. My ears must’ve missed a tune.

“Y-you w-want... w-what...? Sorry, I... m-must’ve m-misheard you.” I stuttered, stomach fluttering like never before.

My heart couldn’t bear it. It was about to fall out of my chest. It was the first time I felt this way.

Hopeful? No... I can’t be hopeful!