The daily Life of an IMP

Chapter 1: "Bureaucratic Bounty"

The morning after their latest mission, the I.M.P. team was back at their cramped, rundown office in Hell, nursing a hangover and surrounded by the remnants of a hectic job. Blitzo was at the front desk, slouched in his chair, sipping a cup of coffee that looked more like black sludge than anything remotely drinkable. Moxxie sat beside him, rubbing his temples in a futile attempt to stave off the headache that had been following him since they left the Lust Ring.

Millie was humming a tune while cleaning her favorite knives—her eyes gleaming as the sharp steel reflected the dim light of the office.

"I don't know why I let you two talk me into killing royalty again," Moxxie groaned. "Those demons have way too many bodyguards and, you know, infrastructure. I can't believe we got out of there alive."

Blitzo swirled his coffee around absently. "Oh, stop whining, Mox. We got paid, didn't we? And that's what matters. Besides, we made a statement. Hell's going to be talking about our 'death-defying escape' for weeks."

Millie grinned, sharpening another knife with the kind of precision that could only come from years of experience. "I think Blitzo's right. The pay was great, and we looked pretty cool doing it. Plus, it gave me the chance to test out my new cutlery."

"Mm-hmm." Moxxie's voice was flat as he flicked through their latest client requests on the desk. "Speaking of which, we have a new client. And I don't know if this is gonna be as fun as you think."

Blitzo perked up at the mention of a new job, throwing his feet up onto the desk. "New client? Well, let's see who it is! I'm all about adventures today, baby!"

Moxxie held up the request slip with an unimpressed expression. "It's from the Bureau of Infernal Affairs. They want us to 'eliminate a rogue bureaucrat' who's been… well, let's just say he's not following the rules."

Blitzo blinked, his excitement instantly turning into confusion. "A bureaucrat? What, you want us to kill some paper-pushing pencil pusher who couldn't organize a files drawer?"

"Apparently," Moxxie said, "he's causing a lot of problems. Like, an entire level of Hell is in disarray because of him."

"Ugh." Blitzo flopped back in his chair dramatically. "Bureaucrats are the worst. It's all red tape and pointless meetings with endless forms to fill out. My last job was like that, and I didn't even get a donut. This guy better be funny at least."

Millie raised an eyebrow. "What kind of bureaucrat gets on the bad side of the Bureau of Infernal Affairs?"

Blitzo grabbed the request slip from Moxxie and read it aloud dramatically. "'Attention, Immediate Murder Professionals: A senior bureaucrat in the Department of Souls, identified as 'Gerald of the Overdue Forms,' has been abusing his power and causing massive delays in the distribution of damned souls. His incompetence is driving Hell into chaos, and we need you to take care of him ASAP. Reward: 50,000 hellbucks and two free rounds at The Red Tape Tavern.'" He threw the paper down with a sigh. "Sounds boring, but whatever, I'm in. Let's go kill this Gerald guy and get the hell out of there before I get a paper cut."

Moxxie was already prepping his gear, muttering, "I can't believe we're getting involved in a bureaucratic mess. Again."

Later That Day...

The I.M.P. team made their way to the Department of Souls, a towering, sterile building made entirely of grimy gray stone and lit by flickering fluorescent lights that seemed to be powered by some kind of tortured soul trapped in an eternal loop of servitude. The place reeked of disorganization, from the stacks of half-finished paperwork littering the hallways to the faint sound of screaming souls coming from the sealed, off-limits vaults deep underground.

Blitzo stood at the entrance, hands on his hips, wearing an exaggerated look of frustration. "Well, this is exactly what I expected. Look at this place. It's like if a DMV and a haunted office building had a baby."

Millie snickered. "I'm surprised they don't just outsource it to demons who like paperwork."

Moxxie adjusted his tie and shot them both a weary look. "Focus, okay? We're here to do a job. And if this guy really is the cause of all this chaos, we need to act fast before we get bogged down in the infernal system."

They made their way through the maze-like halls, past rows of mind-numbed employees who were either asleep at their desks or frantically filling out forms that had no clear purpose. The team finally found their target in an office near the back of the building: Gerald of the Overdue Forms.

Gerald was the epitome of a bureaucrat—slightly overweight, with round glasses perched on the tip of his nose and an expression that said, "I've been here too long." He was hunched over a desk that was so buried in paperwork, it looked like a demon had taken a dump on it. His office was suffocatingly dull, with rows of filing cabinets, a desk lamp that flickered every other second, and a bulletin board full of expired deadlines.

"Ah, yes," Gerald said without looking up, his voice deadpan. "I was expecting you. You're from I.M.P., correct? I've been told you'll be 'handling my termination.'" He finally looked up, adjusting his glasses. "I understand the job, though I must inform you, the proper paperwork needs to be filled out first. Have you brought the necessary forms?"

Blitzo, already bored out of his mind, stared at him with a forced smile. "Are you serious? Forms? What is it with you demons and forms? You're gonna sit here and make us fill out paperwork before you let us kill you? I've got better things to do."

Gerald nodded slowly, unfazed. "I'm afraid so. Without the proper documentation, my termination cannot be processed according to Hell's guidelines. I'll need your signatures on these forms, a second-level authorization from your superior, and..."

"Yeah, okay, enough with the formality, Gerald," Blitzo interrupted. He grabbed a stapler from Gerald's desk and hurled it at his face, sending a paper cut across Gerald's cheek. "Let's just cut the crap and get to the part where I terminate you."

"Oh dear," Gerald sighed. "This will be an issue. I'm afraid I'll have to file a complaint with the Bureau of Infernal Affairs. It's procedure."

Millie, growing impatient, slammed her fist on his desk. "Can we please just kill him already?! We've got other clients to kill today!"

Blitzo shot her a look. "Patience, Millie. We do things properly around here... sort of."

Gerald adjusted his glasses, completely unaware of the chaos he was about to unleash. "Very well. But you'll need to submit your forms to the Internal Affairs Department within the next seven days or—"

Blitzo grabbed Gerald by the neck and yanked him forward. "No more paperwork. No more forms. Just die. Now."

With a swift motion, Blitzo snapped Gerald's neck. The demon slumped forward, his face falling into a pile of unfilled paperwork as he let out a quiet, defeated sigh.

"Well," Blitzo said, dropping Gerald's body to the floor with a soft thud. "That was… underwhelming. But at least it's over. Let's grab that reward, guys."

Moxxie shot Blitzo an irritated look. "I swear, you do not know how to handle any of these jobs properly."

Blitzo grinned. "Who said we were handling this properly? This is Hell. Who needs rules?"

Back at the I.M.P. HQ...

The team sat in their office, the promise of 50,000 hellbucks hanging in the air like an awkward silence. Moxxie was scanning through another set of documents (the kind that were actually important), Millie was happily fiddling with her knives, and Blitzo was once again sipping his sludge coffee, as though nothing had happened.

"Well, another day, another bureaucrat down," Blitzo said, wiping his hands theatrically. "Let's do this again sometime. Maybe next time, we'll have an actual fun job."

Moxxie rolled his eyes. "Just don't tell anyone we did it this way, okay? The last thing I need is to be stuck filling out your paperwork."

Blitzo's grin widened as he threw a stack of hellbucks onto the table. "Relax, Mox. You know we'll never do anything properly around here."

Millie winked. "Good thing we're damn good at it, right?"