The daily Life of an IMP

Chapter 1: "Bounty Business"

It was just another typical morning at I.M.P. (Immediate Murder Professional) Inc. — the most dysfunctional assassination service in Hell. Blitzo, the company's eccentric and barely competent boss, stood at the front desk, his eyes darting between papers, his posture a curious mix of manic energy and half-hearted indifference. The walls were decorated with cheesy motivational posters like "Go Kill or Go Home" and "We're All Gonna Die, So Why Not Get Paid?" The usual haze of smoke and awkward silence hung in the air, disturbed only by the sound of Moxxie, the straight-laced and perpetually stressed-out hitman, muttering curses under his breath as he tried to organize a stack of messy paperwork.

"Blitzo!" Moxxie barked, throwing the papers down on his desk. "Did you even read the new client requests? You've got us hunting down demon royalty today—again! And the last time we tried that, we nearly started a war with the Greed Ring!"

Blitzo barely looked up from his phone, which was showing a ridiculous video of some imp juggling firecrackers in a crowded street. "Oh, relax, Mox! It'll be fine. Royalty are practically begging for an assassin to show up on their doorstep. Trust me, we've got this in the bag."

"Last time we barely escaped with our lives, Blitzo!" Moxxie hissed, gripping his head in frustration.

"Well, we got paid, didn't we?" Blitzo grinned, tapping away on his phone. "And that's all that matters."

Millie, Moxxie's overly cheery wife and the muscle of the operation, strolled into the room, spinning a large, gleaming knife around her fingers with a playful grin. "What are we killing today? Another corporate bigwig? A shady demon banker? A whole cult of the undead?"

Blitzo looked up with a mischievous grin. "Well, as much as I love the undead, today we're going after real heavy hitters. Demon royalty. And trust me, they're loaded with guilt... and cash." He chuckled. "So, let's go make some hellish history."

"Ugh, royalty," Moxxie groaned. "What is it with you and the highborn types? They always have insane security and waytoo much self-importance. You'll get us killed!"

"Yeah, yeah," Blitzo said dismissively. "Look, we're a professional assassination team. We kill anyone—no matter their rank—because we're that good."

Millie raised an eyebrow. "You're still mad about that whole 'you're not actually royalty' thing, huh?"

Blitzo stiffened. "Shut up, Millie. I'm totally over that. It's fine." He waved it off with dramatic flair, trying to mask the sting of the reminder that he had once claimed royal blood, only to have it proven that he was, in fact, not royalty at all.

"I swear, Blitzo, sometimes I worry about you." Moxxie pinched the bridge of his nose. "If it's not your delusions of grandeur, it's your terrible business ideas."

Blitzo shot Moxxie a grin. "I don't have time for your pessimism today, Mox. Get your gear, pack your knives, and let's go kill some rich bastards."

Later That Day…

The I.M.P. team found themselves standing before a towering fortress in the middle of the Lust Ring—a decadent, sin-soaked district known for its opulent palaces and the sticky, scandalous deals made behind golden doors.

"Great," Moxxie muttered, eyeing the fortress. "This place looks like the kind of place where you'd get stabbed for looking at someone the wrong way."

Millie snickered. "You mean like the time you called that one demon princess a 'badly-behaved brat' and got thrown in a dungeon for a week?"

"Not helpful, Millie," Moxxie grumbled, adjusting his weapons. "Not helpful at all."

Blitzo knocked on the massive iron gate in front of the palace. A slit opened, revealing an overly-dramatic butler imp who raised an eyebrow. "State your business, lowly assassins."

Blitzo flashed his trademark grin. "We're here to, uh, 'take out the trash.'" He made finger guns, which only resulted in the butler staring at him blankly.

"Speak to my master," the butler muttered, and the gates creaked open.

Inside the palace was a grotesque combination of wealth, decadence, and barely-contained debauchery. The air was thick with perfumes and the unmistakable scent of burnt incense, mingled with the sound of deep, guttural laughter coming from an expensive-looking billiards table. In the center of the room, sitting on a throne made entirely of what appeared to be gold-plated bones, was the target—Lord Draggoth, a pompous, over-the-top demon who had amassed power through brute force and unreasonably large amounts of questionable wealth.

"Well, well, well…" Lord Draggoth's voice oozed with condescension. "If it isn't the infamous I.M.P. team. I hope you've come to entertain me."

Blitzo grinned, stepping forward with confidence. "Oh, we'll entertain you alright. But in the worst way possible."

Lord Draggoth chuckled darkly, snapping his fingers. Suddenly, an army of sleek, terrifying bodyguards materialized from the shadows, brandishing weapons that could kill a demon twice over.

"Ahh, did I mention I'm tired of playing nice?" Blitzo said, giving the signal. "Alright, team, let's do what we do best. Moxxie, Millie—get to work. I'm gonna go make sure this guy's business goes under."

The next few moments were a blur of chaos and gunfire as Moxxie and Millie tore through the palace guards, their weapons a blur of precision and destruction. Blitzo danced through the mayhem, taunting Lord Draggoth with insults and flips as he effortlessly avoided the demon's frantic attempts to strike him down.

"You can't escape me!" Lord Draggoth screamed, firing blasts of infernal energy. "I'm a god in this ring!"

Blitzo flipped over another blast, landing with a flourish. "Yeah, well, the only thing you're a god of is stupidity."

Millie lunged forward, taking down another guard with a vicious slice of her knife. "Blitzo, hurry up and finish him already! I'm getting bored!"

"Working on it!" Blitzo yelled, leaping onto Draggoth's back and knocking him to the ground with a vicious headbutt. "You're finished, Draggoth!"

With a final, well-placed shot, Blitzo delivered the fatal blow, sending Lord Draggoth sprawling to the ground.

Later, back at I.M.P. HQ…

Blitzo dropped a heavy bag of demon gold onto the desk with a satisfied grin. "Well, that was fun, huh?"

Moxxie, wiping blood off his shirt, shook his head. "I hate you. I really do."

"Love you too, Mox," Blitzo winked. "Now let's count the cash and see what we're spending it on. Who's up for some really bad decisions?"

Millie grinned. "I'm in. You know I can't resist a little chaos."

Moxxie sighed but couldn't suppress a smile. "Fine. But next time, please no more royalty."

Blitzo's grin widened. "We'll see about that."