19. Power
It was a normal day with a gentle breeze. Though the sun was free, it was still quite chilly—a growing testament to winter. I wore Harley’s fleece coat she got from Clueknicks, which was way more comfortable than my sleeping bag. The hood over my head made me feel like some sort of an assassin.
Wouldn’t that be cool?
While sitting on the picnic table with Jeremy and Randy, I chowed down on my warm beef stew with mixed vegetables. It was the perfect meal for this weather. The spices gave a kick, which made me sweat in the cold. My tongue could never handle spice, which was a shame.
After eating, Randy resumed our training. I was with Jeremy and a few others from Lex’s squad. We focused on the fundamentals, such as swinging in a straight line and whatnot.
It wasn’t anything exciting. Simply just polishing the basics.
Training was over, and Randy dismissed everyone except Jeremy. I was curious as to why but didn’t care enough to ask.
Maybe it was personal? Whatever.
While walking towards my shared tent, I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. I didn’t even have to guess who it was.
“What is it?” I asked, turning around.
Harley, whose hands were on her knees, huffed and puffed as if she ran across the world. She said some gibberish that I couldn’t understand.
Could she catch her breath first before speaking?
I told her to settle down. When she did, her words became more apparent.
“I gotta hide from Quinn.”
“Meaning?”
“We’re playing hide-and-go-seek. Quick, give me a good place.”
“A good place for what.”
Harley slapped her forehead. “To hide, dummy. You can be stupidly dull at times.”
Hide-and-go-seek? Since when was Harley interested in that?
“Did you have anything to drink?”
“We have no booze,” she exclaimed. “We ran out a few days ago and never got them imported. A total bummer.”
“Unfortunate.”
“I know right?! It really su—AHHH!”
“Founja.”
“That wasn't a hundred seconds, cheater.’
The small child’s cheek spread across his face like butter on toast. “Heh, heh. Foundja! Foundja! My turn to hide.”
“Did you tell Jill we were playing and used her as a distraction, knowing I would go to her? Incredible judgment.”
“I wasn’t a part of this.”
The small child giggled again. “Jilly so serious.”
“Am not. And don’t call me Jilly.”
Harley couldn't help but throw a playful punch at my arm. “Kid’s right. You’re prettier when you smile, Jilly.”
I squeezed my nails into my palm. “You too?”
Before I could throw my own punch, someone interrupted.
“Quinn.”
“Mom!” The child ran towards the girl dressed in maroon, hugging her waist. She patted him on the head, smiling broader than she usually does.
“Go back to the tent,” she insisted, “see if Klay wants to play.”
“Can Kathy come play? We both play with Klay together,” the boy proposed.
Ruby nodded, and the boy skipped his way back home.
“Klay? Is that the cat’s name?” Harley asked in a hopeful manner.
“Quinn’s choice. It’s a cute name, so I don’t mind.”
“I was thinking more like Mr. Fuzzlebop or Orangedash.”
“He does have a wild naming sense.” She paused, clearing her throat. “We can discuss that another time. The reason for my interruption was to inform you that scouts found a new bandit base nine miles east. They counted twenty-six men. Their defenses look solid but not great. Also, they are carrying a generous amount of loot. Lex’s group will raid tomorrow tonight.”
“And why are you telling us this?” Asked Ruby.
“Because you were on scouting duty today.”
“No, I’m not. Today’s Thursday.”
“It’s Friday.”
“Wait, really?! I’m so sorry!”
“You’re apologizing to the wrong person,” said Ruby calmly. “I don’t care who does the scouting as long as it gets done. But you know who cares for the tiny details, right?”
Harley slapped her forehead. “I’ll confront Nadia later.” She didn’t sound too happy about that.
“That would be for the best.” She turns her eyes to me. “Jill, why don’t you join Lex’s group for tonight’s raid? It’ll be good practice and a chance for redemption.”
A chance for redemption? This was perfect. I could show my steady improvement and gain experience at the same time. Plus, my ace card was on deck. Though we’ve only spoken once, it was still somewhere inside me. I wasn’t sure how to communicate with it freely.
I tried calling its name. Well, I’ve just been calling it “thingy.”
Damn, I’m so clueless.
But there was no time to dwell over it. It was an easy decision. But before I could even make it, Harley interpreted.
“What? No. Jill’s in Nadia’s group with me. You can’t just demote her like that. That’s power abuse.”
“I’ll be ok, Harley. I’ve improved since then.”
“That’s not the point. What if the same thing happens again? I won’t be there to protect you.”
“I don’t need to be babied. Have a little faith in me.”
Harley let out an aggressive sigh. “Whatever. Just make sure you’re close to the others.”
I’m glad she accepted without much of a fuss. The most I could do was smile, reassuring my safety.
“Well, that settles that. Harley, since you missed today’s duty, help set up the cabins in the north.”
“Right now?”
“Tomorrow.”
Harley gave another fuss but was quickly dismissed by Ruby. Once Harley left, I asked Ruby what the cabins were.
She told me it's a compact village a few miles away. The cult saved them from bandits a few times, so in reparations, the villagers allowed us to stay in their cabins for the winter. It was better than sleeping in a tent, for sure.
Ruby and I went our separate ways. I left camp without anyone questioning and headed to a recently discovered spot.
In front of me was a hill covered with trees and a green beacon. The sound of rustling leaves and snapping twigs echoed beneath my feet. The climb demanded stamina as it got steeper with each step. Nonetheless, the view from the top kept me going. My chest squeezed as I climbed the incline through the emerald sea.
I was alone. I always enjoyed the company. Even the tiniest interactions ease my soul. But today, with what was to come, I had no other choice.
“Can you hear me, thingy?”
“Loud and clear.”
This was the first time I heard its voice in a while. A voice too high for a man but too low for a woman. The voice of the creature inside me.
“I’ve called you multiple times before, yet today you decide to answer. How come?”
“Communicating requires energy I don’t have. However, if you are participating in battle, I’ll gain plenty then.”
So it heard my conversation?
“What happens if you run out of energy?”
“The state will be worse than my current self. Life is viewed deep underwater. My senses grow weaker, unable to be used properly. You won’t be able to use me. I bet you don’t want that.”
“I don’t”, I said. “I want to use you. I want to use your power to accomplish my goals. That’s why I’m standing on this peak alone. I want to test your power now. Test its safety. See what happens to my body.”
“Understandable. After all, it is your body. The better you are, the more you care for yourself, the more it benefits me. I’m grateful that I have a sensible host.”
Thingy sounded truly relieved, which was a good thing. We should build our trust till it’s unbreakable. It’ll be best for the two of us.
“So what should I do? How do I give you control of my body?” I’ll give it up. If this works, then I’ll have a chance with the SCAR agent.
The creature was a tad startled by my quick request.“You are willing to give up your body without second guessing? Quite intriguing.”
“What other choice do I have? This is the only way.”
“Well then, if this is your desire, then I shall grant it.”
I loosened my body, ready for what was to come.
“Empty everything,” It said, “Imagine your soul leaving your body.”
“Is that all?”
“One step at a time.”
I took a miniature deep breath and held my arms slightly outwards. I did what the creature instructed. A little ghostly figure rose from my body, heading to the sky.
“Now what?”
“Do not speak.”, instructed the creature. “Now, clear your head. Your mind must become vacant. Not a single thought should cross.”
I followed its instructions. Darkness was the only thing seen. My mind rejected every thought bubble out of sheer determination.
“This will contradict what I previously said. Fill your mind with hatred—no—rather overflow it. Malice. Rage. Hatred. Despair. Release it all. Feed me all of it.”
The memories swept over me like a tidal wave, and I could not fight them off. The horrors of my past threatened to swallow me, and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of remorse and anguish. I felt as though I was imprisoned in a nightmare with no way out since the thoughts were a jumbled mess, each one more unsettling than the last. I reflected on the day I had lost everything, a day that had forever altered the course of my life. That image was so vivid that I could almost taste the fear.
It was torture. It was absolute torture—maybe even worse. But for strength. For insurance. To be able to protect so history never repeats itself, it was a must.
A must.
The past was an obstacle. I did the hard part. I climbed over. Now, all I had to do was live it over.
Fill me in despair, hate, anger. Feed it to the creature.
Let me be able to do this.
Let me…let me…
***
Blood. A drop of blood rolled down my cheek, replacing a normal tear.
Blood. Why was blood dripping out of my socket?
Did it work? Did the creature have control of me? It didn’t feel right, though.
I could see everything. Everything was so bright. The textures of the surrounding trees popped more than ever. I could hear everything clearly, much better than usual. It didn’t feel as though I was underwater. It was the complete opposite. I could see much better. Though the sky was blanketed with dense clouds, obscuring the sun, it still looked as if it was clear as day. I could hear much better. Squirrels raced through the rustling leaves. I could hear them perfectly.
“Jill,” said the creature. “I was wrong.” It paused in thought. “I got it completely wrong. You don’t surrender your body to me. I surrender my power to you.”
What?
So, what I was experiencing was its power. Heightened senses? Was that really it? No. It can’t be. It promised me so much more.
Hold on. Don’t jump the block too early, I thought.
“Are you saying you lend me your abilities while I have total control of myself?”
“Not quite sure. Since I don’t have control of you, we could assume. It’s better to put this to the test. But how…?”
I walked to the biggest boulder in sight. “If you successfully gave me your power, we can assume my strength is above human. I’ll punch a rock with full force. If it takes some damage, we can safely say it worked. If I take damage, though…”
“Willing to risk your body for answers? Courageous.”
“More like desperation.”
I swung my arms back a few times, ready for impact. My wrist could break. The pain could be fatal. It’s ok, though. I had to do this for the sake of confirmation.
My fist was tightly clenched, and the veins in my arms bulged. My entire body was tense, ready to unleash its power in one explosive blow. I lined up my punch, cocked my fist back, then swung with everything.
It sounded like a thunderclap as the boulder crumbled. My strength rattled the ground like I had crushed the rock with a thousand hammers. Rock shards were scattered around. Despite this, my hand remained unscratched and unscarred. I stood there, beaming with pride at my own strength, my chest throbbing with exhilaration.
“You said this isn’t close to your full power?”
“As of now, yes. The more you use me, the more power I will be able to lend you.”
I let out a deep laugh filled with arrogance and confidence as if the mere notion of defeat was beyond the realm of possibility. I gleamed with amusement, and my smirk hinted at my newly found power. The laughter was so powerful it reflected the spirit of someone who stood above all others.
“So this is what salvation is? This is what joy is? I feel amazing. So…strong I could take on that SCAR agent right now.”
While gazing at my unbreakable fist, a sharp pain emerged from my head. I crumbled to the ground, straining in pain. It felt like someone swung a hammer with full force. It lasted a few seconds till it magically vanished.
“Wha—What was that?”
“I took my power back. It’s futile to use energy on nothing.”
“You’ll give it back at the raid, right?” I asked with a hint of desperation.
“Give it back? It’s mine to begin with. But yes, I will lend it when the time comes. In the meantime, I will rest. Don’t expect a word from me till then.”