The Charismatic Glass Cannon

I was now standing in the throne room by myself, the sound of the Red Frog Army rumbling from beyond the walls.

“Well, that was easy,” I shrugged.

I started to walk to the door that I was dragged in from earlier when I stopped seeing a large gold chest behind the raised throne pool platform catching my eye. I bet Jace’s okay for another minute. Could have something that keeps us alive. I walked over to the chest and opened it. Gold light shone out, and as I stared at the chest, the light now dimming, Jace burst through the door. His cleaver was drawn, his eyes looking around the room wildly, ready for combat.

“You have to be fucking kidding me!” Jace said as he spotted me near the chest, his tense posture relaxing. “I risk my neck coming back to save you and you are just looting shit!” Jace said.

“Hey! You came back for me!” I spoke.

“Something’s got them all in a tizzy. This place is all but empty.”

“Yeah, I might have started back up a feud. Let me check this chest and then let’s get the hell out of here.”

From the chest, a floating loot box with a gold outline hovered up. I took it quickly, adding it to my inventory. As I took the loot box, it passed through another loot box floating in the same space.

“This one must be yours,” I said, my hand going right through it.

Jace came over, grabbing the loot box, adding it to his inventory.

“Let’s go!” I said, turning to the door. “You lead the way. I didn’t see how we got in here.”

“This way!” Jace said gesturing.

We zig-zagged through stone hallway after stone hallway, all full of red banners. I was slow, barely at a jogging pace. Jace ran ahead to the end of the halls where they branched, scoping them out and waited for me. He was showing no signs of fatigue. The lucky bastard.

“How many frog guys are there?” I asked through panting breath. “Also, I’m not going to be able to run much longer.”

“I don’t know how I know this, but those guys that were marching by earlier were the commanders of the different battalions. They are of a slightly different breed. Little gamier and stodgier. Sensitivity to cold.” Jace said.

“Stodgier? Alright, Paul Hollywood,” I said.

I don’t even know what stodgy means if I am being honest. I just remember someone saying that on one of those baking shows my wife always watched.

We finally made it to a massive wooden double door. Just before Jace went to push it open, there came a loud knock followed by a loud trumpet-like sound.

“Hello! Is anyone there?” said muffled voice from behind the door. “We come bearing the royal Blue princess with her dowry.”

“Shit what do we do?” Jace asked quietly. “I don’t know another way out of here.”

“Are we at the right place?” said another muffled voice behind the door.

I stood before the door confidently. “Open it,” I said to Jace with a wink.

Jace looked weary.

“When have I ever led you astray?” I said.

“Many. Many, many times,” he replied with a smile, heading to the door.

Jace pushed the door open with his shoulder, revealing a procession of six finely dressed frogs in blue. In the middle was what I assumed was a princess veiled in red fabric, beside her another finely dressed frog.

“I apologize for the delay,” I said. “Much to prepare with today’s ceremony. Please do head in,” I gave a small bow to the group of frogs, “please leave her dowry here, and we will come and collect it.”

“Red must truly be desperate, having stooped to having human slaves,” The frog next to the princess said.

“Quiet c'SdaMIleTH, we are here in good-will,” said one of the frogs in the precession.

“We are here to trade princesses and then get back home. It’s breeding season, you know,” the frog next to the princess said, licking his lips.

Then an errant thought crossed my mind. Horny toads. A laugh escaped my lips gaining me a glare from the horny frog.

Jace and I moved out of the way as the procession entered. Once they passed us, we went out the doors–Jace closed them behind us. I quickly went over to the dowry, which was a small wooden chest.

“Really? Now you are even stealing the dowry?” Jace said, rolling his eyes.

I opened it and was again bathed in light, this time reddish-pink light. Another loot box floated up, this one with red borders a heart affixed to the center. There was only one, and I took it, adding it to my inventory.

“Which way should we go?” Jace said looking down each direction of the hallway.

“Beats me,” I replied.

“Let’s go this way,” Jace said pointing to go left, “the air doesn't smell so foul down here.”

We started walking down the hallway and halted when we started to hear noise. I could hear distant screams sounding like war a mix of pain and death and the clanging of weapons.

“Take that, ribbit, you overgrown transformed fish,” I heard the Frog King say unmistakable with the additional frog croaks caused by his disease.

New Gauge Unlocked! Genocide Counter

Genocide Counter: 1

Genocide Counter: 2

Genocide Counter: 3

Genocide Counter: 4…5 6 7 8…9…10!

Genocide Counter bonus points received! You have received bonuses to your Genocide Counter for killing someone who had a family. Keep causing more widows and orphans for additional bonus points.

Fractional experience gained per Genocide Counter point. Hold tight your genocide count is still going up! We are up to 64…no way…65!

“I think we should turn around and go the other way,” I said to Jace.

“Agreed,” Jace replied.

Genocide count is still going up! You are up to 73 dead, their blood on your hands.

We made our way back to where we had left the frog area. The door was now wide open and there was multiple red and blue frogs dead on the ground. One of them I recognized as p’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ.

“These guys can be some pretty good ingredients,” Jace said. “Certain recipes can even be counteragents for some deadly poisons and infections.”

We approached slowly. I was worried that whatever team had won this fight was still around. I wasn’t sure who I wanted to face first the ones that I had tricked or the ones that seemed to have a hatred for humans.

Jace started slicing and dicing the dead frog people. It was gruesome business and blue blood was squirting everywhere. I was surprised Jace had this level of mutilation in him. Jace was one of those guys that would save an injured bunny on the side of the road, while also having chicken for dinner. A few degrees of separation and he was fine, but first person not so much. I didn’t offer to help and rationalized it by keeping a lookout.

Jace was about halfway through his field dressing of the frogs when we heard a noise from inside the frog area. We looked at each other.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here while we have the chance,” I said.

We started running down the hallway, the opposite direction this time, until I couldn’t run any further, transitioning into a walk. At about the time it took for me to recount my tale of tricking the frog king to Jace, our walk had led us to an alcove.

“You’re telling me you walked in there with two health and told them they should start up a blood feud again? And got the loot and walked out without a scratch on you? Maybe this Charisma thing is not that bad after all,” Jace said in reply to my story.

We both sat down in the alcove, leaning against the stone wall opposite each other, putting us in a position to see down the hallway in either direction. I saw I had pending notifications. I pulled up my interface, seeing two notifications, clicking them.

Achievement Unlocked! Aren’t you just a sadistic, heartless bastard? You have started a blood feud. And for what? Because you were too scared to fight them yourself? Actions speak louder than words, ya know.

Reward: Not-Bad Level Loot Box of the Coward

I clicked on my other notification. The same snarky asshole voice started to talk but it was now completely panned to the right.

You are now level 2!

I snapped my fingers on both sides of my head trying to test if I had gone deaf again or not. Lucky for me, I could still hear. But maybe unlucky for me as my asshole interface started talking again now only in my right ear.

New AI assistant unlocked. Don’t worry, I’ll still be around. She is a total bore, especially compared to me.

New ability unlocked Wealth of Power.

I pulled up my interface and watched as my now empty experience bar started to fill. My experience bar had started on empty, having just reset after gaining level 2. That meant these increases were bringing me closer to level 3. My eyes went wide as I watched my experience bar being bumped up in increments of around 10%, heading towards level 3. I still couldn’t see my exact experience number, but that whole frog thing was lucrative. Maybe this class is actually good?

“I got a level!” Jace exclaimed. “I am now level 2. I got shared party experience for making it possible for you to,” Jace said, pausing, “this next part is the games words not mine. Commit genocide.” Jace said.

I pulled up my interface, seeing what had changed with my increased level. My charisma was up to 135, an increase of 30 points. My mana was increased to a max of 1550 from 1000. Everything else looked pretty much the same. My health was still at 2, which was quite depressing. I scrolled through all the tabs and landed on my abilities tab. Next to Max Depletion was something new, currently just three question marks, my interface speaking.

Wealth of Power. The user gains increased mana based on the user’s magic-based stat. For you, it’s Charisma. Yey! More mana for you.

Fuck. More mana? God dammit. How about some more god damn health. Did it say something about a new AI assistant? Does that mean this asshole considered himself an assistant? I’m not sure how I knew to try it. It was probably those nanobots mucking around in my head, but I spoke in my own mind towards a presence that I could now visualize in my head. I felt the presence as a ball of pulsating, shining blue light.

Hello, I thought.

The voice was very robotic. It was at a level of roboticism that was almost too hard to understand and was fully panned to the left.

Jesus, I wish there was a different voice selection, I thought.

A window appeared in front of me with two columns. The right column had the title Narrator, the left had Guide. Under Narrator, there were just two selections: Sarcastic and Standard. The sarcastic option was selected and in small print I read that by some sort of mental detection, it discerned I would prefer a sarcastic option, I’m not so sure if it was right or not. On the right column under Guide, there were a range of options, including a variety of different languages. I was careful not to even hover over any of the languages, being fearful I would be listening to important information in Chinese, never knowing what it was saying.

There were multiple English options available, including male or female with variations in parenthesis like American-Southern, New York, Scottish, Welsh, South African, and many others. There was one that caught my eye where small text saying the same thing about how it discerned, I would prefer it. It was under English (Female - Kiwi). I’m not sure why I trusted the game, but I clicked Kiwi.

Uh, hello, I thought again.

This time, the voice that spoke was female and had a Kiwi accent.

Uh, how are you different from the other guy that’s been talking? I thought.

Yeah, that didn’t make things much clearer. I also regretted the voice selection almost immediately. It was way too sexy. It came to me then remembering an article I had read on how the Kiwi accent was one of the top accent’s men find attractive. Kiwi was New Zealand, right? I really should have just picked normal American English. What the fuck was I thinking.

So, if I was understanding this correctly, the asshole voice would talk to me whenever it wanted about whatever it wanted to, and this Kiwi chick AI assistant would answer direct questions? She at least seemed no nonsense which was refreshing comparatively. Just when I was confused enough, I’m thrown something else.

I'll call you Kiwi my good cop and I'm still calling the other guy asshole or bad cop, I thought towards Kiwi.

Now to test her out. What things was I burning to learn more about? Hmm…

Do I really have nanobots in my head? I thought towards Kiwi.

Why? I thought towards Kiwi.

Why do some graves have bodies and others don't? I thought towards Kiwi.

How do we get to the next level? I thought towards Kiwi.

Maybe Kiwi wasn't the good cop after all. More like boring, information withholding cop. Then there was the bad asshole, sometimes perverted cop.

What do I get for leveling? I thought towards Kiwi.

Yeah, that was confusing. At least it seemed like I was getting some selection choices if I survived long enough. I was tired of having things forced down my throat.

Why did this game need people to become NPCs? I thought towards Kiwi.

Interesting.

Which direction should I go to get closer to the key? I thought towards Kiwi.

Not at liberty? These national secrets or something?

What is in level 2? I thought towards Kiwi.

I tried asking Kiwi some other questions on how to beat the game, but she gave me the same bull about not being at liberty.

If I survive, what level will I see my family? I thought towards Kiwi.

“Jace! My new AI just said something about Campaign Level 12. Our families are waiting for us in Level 12.”

Jace’s eyes went wide a smile on his face. “Fuck yeah!” he exclaimed. His face then softened, and a few moments passed. “Now we just gotta get to Level 2.”

Silence hung in the air as we both realized just how daunting what lied ahead of us was.

“What did you get for level 2?” I asked Jace trying to shift our focus.

“I got about 18 stat points. My Perception went up by 5 to 15, Athletics up from 5 to 6, Strength 10 to 12, Dexterity 10 to 15, and Constitution 10 to 15. I got a new ability that gives me a big boost to how fast I get my Chef Mojo which I still haven’t used. I have a few points now built up. Looks like the bar goes forever. Each point gives me about 30 seconds that I can be in this mode. It really does seem like a berserk mode. There also seems to be a way to extend the mode as I get more ingredients during battle. I’m honestly pretty confused about it. I also got an AI assistant. I’ve been asking it some questions and it’s giving some info but it’s pretty light. What about you?”

“I got an AI assistant too. Same here on the light info. I got a bunch more Charisma for my level and a new ability. Long story short, my mana is way up. Which I think is actually a bad thing. While I will presumably do more with my spell, it will take even longer before I am back in the battle. If my rough math is correct, after my level, it’s up to 20 minutes between castings.”

“Yeah, that’s not great. Anything else you can do?” Jace asked.

“Nope. I’m too weak to do anything physical. I guess if we found a crossbow or something and you loaded it for me, I could at least get a shot off.” I laughed with pity in my voice. “Sorry, man. Hopefully things turn around for me as I level, and we get some gear. I also need a spell that does some damage.”

“Let’s open these loot boxes,” Jace said. “Hopefully that will give us something good.”

I looked in my inventory and saw I had one Excellent Class Specific Loot Box from the chest in the frog throne room and a Love Loot Box from the dowry box. I was ignoring the coward one for now. I first opened the Excellent Class Specific Loot Box. Items appeared in my inventory.

[Ring of Additional Spell Damage]

[Excellent Mana Potion x5]

I mentally selected the ring.

Look at you go! Getting items to amplify your class. Any damage dealing spell cast deals an extra 25% more damage while user has this ring equipped. The problem with this ring is…you don’t have any damage dealing spells!

Asshole.

I then opened the Love Loot Box.

[Uncommon Shackles of Forced Love.]

Whoever puts these shackles on another creature who is not hostile will instantly fall madly in love with them. That is until they are removed, and they will probably be pretty pissed that you gave them the magical equivalent of a date rape drug. I’m sorry to tell you I don’t have any wrists so you can’t take me home and have your way with me. Much to both of our dismays. No homo.

The shackles looked like pink fuzzy handcuffs, but I was too weirded out to take them from my inventory and look at them. I took out the ring and put it on my finger. I opened my interface to confirm it did something. True to its word under my Character Overview tab I saw the 25% increase shown. But, just like the interface said I didn’t have any spells that did actual damage.

“What did you get?” I asked Jace.

“I got this sweet magnifying glass of identifying.” Jace said a magnifying glass in his hand. “It gives me stats and info on stuff. I did it on the stone and it gave me some general info, something called a notable notable, and a fun fact. I also got a few more healing potions.”

I then told Jace about the items I received.

“I’m really excited about these mana potions. Hopefully that will mean I can get off at least another spell if we are in a bind. The mana potions don’t say how much they will give me, but they are excellent ranked so I hope that means a good amount.” I said.

Things started appearing in Jace’s hand one after the other as he used his magnifying glass. I had one more loot box of the coward to open. I went to open it, but Jace gave me a look. Jace stopped for longer as he held a lump of green covered in blue blood. I knew it was something from the recent frog body slicing.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this but…” Jace said trailing off. “The magnifying glass told me something. I think these frogs were real people once. Their names are just the first names and last names mixed together. The first name lowercase the last name uppercase jumbled together. Like this one here,” He held up the blob, is S-d-a-M-I-l-e-T-H or Dale Smith.

Before I even had time to process this revelation that I may have just killed real people, a door creaked making us both pause. It was down the hallway that Jace had a view of.

“A door just opened,” Jace said whispering. “What the hell. A few pigeons walked out. They look pretty meaty.”

Jace peeked over the corner using the identifying glass and pointed it down the hall.

“Are they just normal pigeons that got in?” I whispered.

“Nope. Their fucking alpha dire pigeons,” Jace said, whispering back while holding up his magnifying glass. “I got some info. They are created by an alpha pigeon mating while eating another alpha pigeon while the mating is being watched by another alpha pigeon. That was the fun fact, by the way. I was excited about this thing, and now I am not so sure.”

“Wow. Yeah. I really didn't need that image. So created by cannibalism and voyeurism?” I asked.

“Yeah, it says that due to the nature that it was born in, it has an eternal hatred for anything that looks at it,” Jace said as he took another peek down the hall towards them.

A loud squawk followed.

“Fuck!” Jace exclaimed.