The Charismatic Glass Cannon

I came to with a liquid being poured down my throat. I looked up and saw a thick piece of wood, my hands and feet bound. I quickly realized I was hog-tied, my back swinging, feet off the ground. The liquid tasted like fruit punch, so I didn’t immediately think to spit it out. I was glad I didn’t, as I saw Jace behind me. We were head-to-head on different pieces of wood, both of us hog-tied. Jace had one of his hands free, feeding me the potion, holding his cleaver’s knife between his teeth. The next thing I noticed was the humidity in the air. It felt like I had just left the airplane after landing in Florida.

“That was close, man,” Jace said. “That stab took you to negative 1. I should probably keep some of those healing pills just in case. I only have a few noob healing potions. I did learn that you die-die at negative 10 health. Once below zero, you lose 1 health per minute but get extra time based on your constitution bonus. For me, it’s every 20 minutes, but for you, it was every minute you lost 1 health. You were at negative eight before they walked out, leaving us alone. They put my knife over on that table and didn’t account for just how lucky I was in having a cursed blade that always comes back. They could be back any minute. I don’t have any game plan. I was just going to pretend I was still tied up until you were well enough for us to try and escape.”

“Sounds good. Thanks for the save, man,” I said.

I opened my interface to see how I was doing stat-wise. There was a notification waiting that I selected my interface talking.

Welcome back! You are one lucky SOB that you are in a party or else that would have been it. Your family’s fate in the hands of the most cutthroat person on Earth.

Achievement Unlocked! Coming back from the dead!

Reward: You came back from the dead what more can one really ask for?

Oh, have I told you yet about potion toxicity? Seems like something you are going to run into soon with how things are going. Users can only use one potion per so many minutes based on your constitution bonus. For you, it’s quite a long time! Go you! That’s why those healing pills you got are so valuable. They bend the rules and therefore potion toxicity does not apply.

As my interface finished, two frog people entered the room, making their way towards us. They got within 10 or so feet and squatted down, their thin spindly legs making their knees sit above their heads. I took in the room, seeing it was a plain stone room, the same as the halls and Christmas room we were in earlier. The only difference was there was a makeshift pond in the corner with stacked-up rubble holding in a few feet of water, lily pads floating on top. With a little bit of raked sand around it you could very well have a nice Japanese garden.

“Yes, these two will do nicely for the feast this evening. I heard they just walked right into one of our patrols. Quite lucky with the impending celebration and all,” one of the frog people said to the other after inspecting us from afar.

I was glad that I had eaten Jace's meal earlier, knowing that was the only reason I was still alive, but now I no longer had the temporary HP. Man, I was frail. One stab and I was done.

“Everything must be perfect for the ceremony. The uniting of the red and blue clans will not unravel under my watch. For a thousand years, we have hoped for peace. Our princess looked beautiful this morning as she traveled to blue. Did she not?” The other frog replied a gleam in his eye.

“Yes. Most beautiful,” the first speaking frog said. “Let’s eat this muscular one first, then we’ll save the juicy fat one for dessert. We should get him started so he is nice and blackened by the time we are ready for the first course,” he said, licking his lips.

The two frogs headed towards me lining up to take position on either side of my wood prison.

“I have an idea,” I whispered to Jace. “Wish me luck. Get out of here if you don’t hear from me in an hour.”

Jace and I locked eyes, and I could tell Jace was thinking the same thing I was. This was fucking real, and this could be the last time we see each other.

As they started walking me out of the room, I got my brain in motion, thinking of how to execute my plan. The title of my class had Charismatic in the title. I really hoped that did what I thought it did.

We were walking down a long stone hall. Red banners hung everywhere covering most of the stone. Even upside down, I could see the red banners had a proud-looking frog man stenciled on them. I took a deep breath and spoke to my frog prison transport.

“Hello. I think there has been quite the misunderstanding. I am actually here as a messenger,” I said to the frogs.

“A messenger? A messenger for who?” The frog guy in the rear said.

I couldn’t tell if my charisma was working or not through the jostling and swinging, unable to see if there were hearts floating above the head on the frog behind me.

“I have a message from Blue. They have said they will not accept Red’s princess. They claim she is far too ugly and,” I paused, trying to think of something, “that they would never accept a Red bride,” I said, stumbling over my lie.

A few seconds passed, and I saw no reaction from either of them. I was seeing the frog’s upside down, and my expertise in reading frog facial expressions was quite low, even if I was right side up and not swinging but it didn’t seem good.

“Well, I don’t want to be the guy who brings the message about the messenger with a bad message. The saying goes, don’t kill the messenger, right? Would that be me if I gave a message to the king about the messenger?” The frog from behind said.

“I like your thinking,” the frog in the front said. “Let’s make p’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ do it.”

“Good idea,” the frog from behind said with a laugh.

“Hey, p’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ!” the front frog called to a frog walking fast down the hall.

“This guy is a messenger from Blue and will only talk to the king directly. Can you inform the king the messenger will be in the throne room?” The front frog said.

“Of course,” said the frog I assumed was named p’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ as he raced off down the hall.

“Phew,” the back frog said.

“Alright hurry up. Let’s bring him to the chamber and get the hell out of here! Wanna see what p'LlaHP-AHuraB and g'NnUHa-AHtalieB are up to?” the front frog said.

“Oh, do I! It’s breeding season–you don’t have to ask me twice,” the back frog said.

They started running down the hallway, my body swinging like a pendulum. I started to feel sick to my stomach, but luckily it was short-lived as I was set down, my world still spinning but slowing as I heard the two frogs flee.

I was barely able to make out a raised, circular multi-tiered platform that looked like it had a pool at the top with a stone-like throne. I could smell the thick humidity in the room, which had upgraded from Florida to a tropical zoo enclosure.

Also, I’m not sure if you have ever been hog-tied or not, but it’s uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. My wrists were starting to ache along with my neck trying to keep it upright.

“What news, ribbit, do you bring, human messenger, ribbit?” a commanding frog voice said, his speech interrupted by the classic frog noise, almost like hiccups.

“My excellency,” I said, “it is an honor to be in your presence. I believe there has been a great misunderstanding. I am but a messenger bringing news.”

“I just heard, ribbit, reports that you attacked and tried to flee. Ribbit. How were we supposed to know you were a, ribbit, messenger? But by the lily, I don’t care. What news, ribbit, do you bring?” The frog king replied.

“My king, I would first like to petition that I no longer want to work for Blue. I would like to lend my insight to you and inform you on Blue’s stronghold so you may better vanquish them.”

“Ribbit. Get on with it!” the frog king bellowed.

“Blue has stated they will not accept Red’s princess. They stated she is far too ugly, and the king refuses to take a Red bride,” I said as confidently as I could muster.

The frog p’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ had come over as I spoke and started to untie me. I got to my feet glad to see the world in the direction it was meant to be seen. Raci was standing guard next to me, a spear in his hands at the ready. The frog king did look pretty regal but also a little silly. He had on a billowing cloak and held a golden-tipped spear with the same bright red cloth. He had a reed-looking crown on his head, which included multiple cat tails protruding upwards. He had many stray grey hairs jetting out from his chin, signaling his old age.

“Ribbit. Leave us!” the Frog King bellowed again.

P’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ glanced wearily between me and the King but eventually did as he was told. Just as P’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ left, closing a large wooden door behind him, the Frog King’s composure melted as he started to cry. He was sitting on his throne with his knees up high, water racing down his face and dropping into the pool. His cries were mixed with blubbering that I couldn’t understand, with lots of ribbits mixed in.

“This was my last chance,” The Frog King cried out between sobs, finally able to understand him. “I should have known they would never accept her,” he said again between sobs.

I didn’t know what to do. Should I console him? How do you console a frog person? Lucky for me, I was able to just stand here as he finally regained his composure.

“I have, ribbit, the ribbits you see. Reverting back to an unevolved state. I don’t have long before I will be all but, ribbit, a basic amphibian. This was my last chance to unite our two houses before they found out just how weak I was.”

The Frog King began to sob again.

I had a pretty ruthless idea and was at a loss for anything else that I could do. They were going to eat me a few moments ago, right?

“My king. May I make a suggestion? Blue is weak today. They have let down their guard and are still going through with their great feast. I say you muster your forces. Attack while you have the chance. Go out as a true warrior king,” I said with as much gusto as I could muster.

My interface started talking unprompted.

Lucky for you, Charisma is not solely based on the words that come out of your mouth, or you would be dead and turned into frog shit by now. But dear God man, some of your charm ability is in your words. Figure your shit out.

A few moments passed then I started to see it. The same somewhat opaque cartoonish-looking hearts were floating over his head, popping as they traveled up a few feet. The hearts didn’t seem as solid as with the Gym Rats, but they were still pretty visible.

“You’re right. We shall fight. I will be remembered. We shall conquer Blue this day!” He bellowed.

The Frog King started to ring a bell hanging from a pole in his pool. I heard the sound of marching as P’GdiONZ-ALEegoZ went over to open the large wooden door. Moments later Frog men started marching in. I was quickly smashed into the back corner as the entire room filled up with frog men, all with spears in their hands. They looked like a pretty formidable militia, uniformly lined up besides the frog who was assigned to my corner–he gave me a dirty look. I couldn’t get to the door easily, so I waited.

“Today Blue has disgraced us by not accepting our, ribbit, princess,” the Frog King bellowed.

“No surprise there she was a total toad,” one of the frogs whispered in front of me.

“I’d do her,” another one replied.

These frog men were kind of disgusting. Maybe it was the whole breeding season thing.

“Today we fight! We fight for our princess! Fight for your king! Fight for Red!” The Frog King cried out surprisingly void of any ribbits.

The frog men bellowed a throaty croak, and they charged out of the room, Remi and the king following.