Surviving marriage in yandere world

The wedding hall of the Velvet Kingdom was ablaze with chaos, opulence, and a dangerous level of magical floral arrangements. Trumpets blared. Choirs sang. Somewhere, a harpist wept quietly into her strings. Why? Because there were five weddings happening. Simultaneously. In one palace.

And the groom? Was currently being wheeled around on a gold-encrusted trolley like a terrified wedding cake.

"Faster, you fools! Rosette's ceremony has already reached the vow phase!" barked a palace attendant, whose left eyebrow had been permanently scorched off during Princess Drakana's fire-blessed bridal rehearsal.

"WAIT! LUCIVELLA'S SUMMONING HER DEMON MINISTER EARLY!" shrieked another, pointing to the western hall where a summoning circle glowed ominously.

Through it all, Rei sat—no, slumped—on his moving throne, dressed in a white ceremonial tuxedo that had long since been reduced to a patchwork of lace, scorch marks, and blood-stained boutonnières.

His hair was immaculately styled, because each bride had done it their way. On different sides of his head.

His eyes? Dead, truly, spiritually, cosmically dead.

[System Notification: {Welcome to the Final Boss Arena: The Ultimate Harem Wedding Gauntlet}]

[Warning: {Current Mental Stability: 3%. Recommend Therapy or Vodka or both.}]

"Please... just let me be a scarecrow in peace…" Rei mumbled as his trolley screeched into the southern wing where Lilia, the psychotic saint, waited with a coffin-shaped archway, surrounded by undead bridesmaids.

"My beloved," she intoned, eyes glowing red with obsession, "as decreed by the Holy Book of Eternal Attachment, Article 66, Subsection 'Til Death Isn't Even Enough,' I hereby accept you as mine."

She extended a cursed engagement ring the size of a dinner plate.

"Nope! Sorry, time's up! NEXT ALTAR!" yelled the guard, yanking Rei's trolley away as Lilia let out a banshee wail and unleashed a swarm of vow-enforcing doves armed with mini daggers.

The central hall, by contrast, was pristine, royal grand.

Princess Seraphina stood atop a platform of glowing sunlight, her white gown rippling like holy fire. Her ceremony was backed by three national orchestras and five blinding beams of sacred judgment.

"I, Seraphina Solaris, crown princess of this realm and beacon of eternal radiance, do take—"

BOOM.

A hole in the ceiling exploded as Drakana descended in full armor, veil fluttering behind her like a war banner.

"BACK OFF, RADIANT WORM! THIS CEREMONY IS MINE NOW!"

"YOU CANNOT INTERRUPT A ROYAL SUN-BLESSED CORONATION!"

"WATCH ME!"

Drakana lobbed a bouquet of flaming roses. Seraphina countered with a blast of holy lightning. The wedding guests ducked as the palace trembled.

In the midst of it, Rei—face covered in powdered sugar from Lucivella's cursed macarons—felt the pressure building in his nose.

"S-stay strong…" he sniffled.

The moment was getting closer. The System was glitching from overload.

[System Warning: {Emotional Pressure Reaches Fatal Levels. Coughing Reflex: 67%. Sneeze Reflex: 94%}]

[Passive-Aggressive Mode Activated: {Oh yes. Do go ahead. Ruin everything with your pollen sensitivity.}]

Back in the east wing, Rosette stood perfectly still, holding a scythe in one hand and a bouquet of black lilies in the other. Her dress was sharp, tight, and mildly threatening. The officiant was a skeleton she had borrowed from the Duke's mausoleum.

"Do you, Rosette von Silentblade, take this man to be your lawfully chained husband—"

POOF.

A cloud of sparkles burst from behind the altar.

Lucivella, the Demon Queen herself, had arrived. Wearing a gown made from living shadows and trailing a demonic veil that whispered eldritch lullabies.

"HE'S MINE," she announced, voice echoing across dimensions.

"You're late," Rosette said quietly.

"I was preparing a bouquet of TENTACLES."

Lucivella held it up and it hissed.

The guests screamed and one fainted. The priest made a strange gurgling sound and teleported himself to retirement.

In the dead center of the palace, Rei's soul officially left his body.

[System Alert: {User Rei.exe has stopped responding. Please reboot manually. Or via kiss-based CPR.}]

And then it happened. Lucivella stepped forward. Her voice grew husky with demonic power.

"Rei… do you take me to be your one and only demonic bride?"

Rei's face twitched, His nose itched, His soul screamed and He sucked in one last breath.

And then—

"AHHH-CHOOOO!"

The sneeze. It echoed through the hall like a divine trumpet of matrimonial doom.

Silence followed.

Total, utter silence. Even the tentacle bouquet froze.

Then five voices, in unison: "HE SAID YES."

The palace erupted.

Rosette fainted with joy and immediately strapped a cursed choker to his neck.

Lilia drew a blood contract on the floor with the words MINE FOREVER in glowing red script.

Drakana roared so loud a chandelier fell and crushed a table.

Seraphina kissed her family crest and declared national victory.

Lucivella ordered a demon scribe to register their eternal union.

And Rei? Collapsed but the sneeze had done it.

[System Notification: {Congratulations! You are now married to all of them simultaneously.}]

[Side Note: {This union has been livestreamed to Divine YouTube by Goddess Eris. Viewer count: 8.3 billion. Trending: #ReiTiedDownTragedy #MarriedByMucus}]

A golden spotlight fell upon Rei's unconscious form. The priest, recovering from earlier trauma, shakily lifted the sacred tome.

"By the power vested in me, and possibly blackmail, I now pronounce you... eternally doomed."

Temple bells began to ring, not one set nor two but all of them.

Across the kingdom, citizens partied, nobles cried, and assassins hired to stop the wedding wept with admiration.

The chapter ended, as all great tragedies do, with the groom lying face-down on a satin carpet while the God of Marriage updated his status from "Single" to "...Well, Crap."

Meanwhile, deep in the Celestial Realms, Goddess Eris was sprawled across a beanbag throne made of divine noodles, cackling so hard she nearly fell into her own viewing orb.

"HAAAH! Married by mucus! Oh, someone clip that for me! Zoom in on his face—yes, right when the sneeze hits. Perfect. That's my new lock screen!"

A nearby divine assistant—a raccoon wearing a butler suit—delicately coughed.

"Lady Eris, the Council of Interdimensional Matrimony is on line three. They say this union violates at least seventeen timelines and one cosmic soul clause."

Eris waved him off while munching celestial popcorn.

"Pfft. Tell them to shove it into their fourth dimension. I'm the Goddess of Chaos, Baby—this is my divine rom-com masterpiece!"

Back on the mortal plane, things were not calming down.

In fact, things had escalated.

A celebratory wedding parade had spontaneously broken out in the streets of the Velvet Kingdom. Five different floats, each shaped like Rei's head and dressed in different bridal themes, rolled through the capital.

One float belched fire and had dragon wings. Another radiated holy light. One was made of bones and floated ominously two feet above the ground. The fourth trailed heart-shaped bubbles full of blood, and the fifth—Lucivella's float—was... breathing.

Citizens screamed in joy, in terror and nostly both.

Meanwhile, inside the palace—

"HE'S NOT BREATHING!"

"HE'S BREATHING!"

"STOP FIGHTING OVER WHO GETS TO BREATHE FOR HIM!"

"STAND BACK—I'M CERTIFIED IN POSSESSION-BASED RESUSCITATION!"

The five brides were in a frenzy.

Drakana was shaking Rei like a stubborn vending machine. Seraphina was channeling divine light into his mouth. Lilia was reciting marriage rites from a blood-stained hymnal. Rosette was quietly holding a scalpel with "Honeymoon" etched on the blade. And Lucivella?

She was humming a lullaby in Abyssal, her voice melting nearby candles.

[System Notification: {Rei has entered Critical Overwife Mode. Deploying emergency feature: Forced Spouse Stabilization Protocol}]

A magical heart monitor appeared above Rei's body. It showed five chaotic waves—each representing a bride—and one pathetic flatline labeled "MC's Sanity."

[Deploying Love Defibrillator.]

A magical device shaped like a heart-shaped cake landed beside Rei with a plop. It pulsed ominously.

"CLEAR!" shouted the System.

ZAAAAP!

Rei's body jolted.

His eyes opened halfway. He whispered, "I don't... wanna... honeymoon... in a lava pit..."

He was alive. Just in time for the afterparty. A massive curtain dropped from the ceiling, revealing a reception hall that had been prepared by all five brides at once.

Half the tables were on fire. The others were covered in holy silk, cursed lace, black thorns, blood roses, and demonic sugar sculptures of Rei in various poses of distress.

The five-tier cake was glowing. And breathing. And whispering vows in multiple languages.

A bard band attempted to play a romantic tune but was immediately incinerated by Drakana's celebratory sneeze.

Seraphina caught the bouquet. So did Rosette and Lilia and Lucivella.

It split into five bouquets. That all stabbed each other in midair.

As Rei stumbled into the hall—one shoe missing, veil stuck to his head, and tie wrapped around his leg like a noose—he caught sight of his brides gathered around a ceremonial throne made of mismatched love seats.

They turned in perfect unison.

"My husband~" they all sang.

Rei twitched then the wedding gifts arrived.

Dozens of magical chests flew in through the windows, dropping onto the ground with thunderous crashes. They opened in sync.

Exploding doves. Flaming corsets. Enchanted love contracts. One box contained a jar labeled "Soul Extract (For Later Use)."

[System Notification: {Marriage Gifts Received! Opening bonus affection meter... ERROR. METER OVERFLOW. Love Levels: ∞}]

"Oh no..." Rei whispered.

"Oh yes," Eris whispered, sipping divine boba tea in heaven.

And just when he thought it was over—just when he dared to hope—another trumpet blared.

"ANNOUNCING: THE ROYAL HONEYMOON COMPETITION!"

A magical board appeared in the air.

HONEYMOON DESTINATIONS:

Drakana's Lava Spa of Eternal Passion

Seraphina's Floating Palace of Light

Rosette's Haunted Forest Getaway

Lilia's Holy Dungeon of Chastity

Lucivella's Abyssal Love Labyrinth

"Only one destination may be chosen," declared the announcer.

"BY HIM," said all five brides, grinning in unison.

Rei's eye twitched.

[System Alert: {You thought this was the end? HAHAHA. NEXT MISSION: Choose a Honeymoon Without Dying. Difficulty: Impossible. Reward: …Still Breathing.}]

The chapter closed as Rei collapsed once more, twitching on the heart-shaped dance floor, while five bridal shadows loomed above him.

To be continued…