Surviving marriage in yandere world

Velvet Academy School Festival — Day 2

Yandere Power: Over 9000

Survival Rate: Low

Sanity Level: Nonexistent

The sun rose on another beautiful day of hell.

Birds chirped. Students laughed together. Fireworks exploded from a suspiciously heart-shaped cannon. Then a choir sang what sounded like a love hymn but turned out to be Lilia's new anthem:

"He's Mine, Mine alone, Touch Him and Die~♪"

Rei woke up in a haystack, his face scratched, his shirt is missing and handcuffed to a life-sized plush of himself labeled "Practice Groom."

And hovering ominously in the air before him—

[Festival Mission Unlocked!]

[Mission: Survive All 5 Date Events Without Bleeding Out]

[Time Limit: One School Day]

[Reward: Demon Realm Vacation Voucher (Again)]

[Warning: Fail = Public Execution Wedding]

Rei sat up.

"NO, No system missions and no dating and no bleeding. I just want to drink tea without getting stabbed."

[Lol.]

A pigeon flew overhead with a mini scroll in its beak. Rei snatched it in mid-air.

"Dear Lord Rei. Your presence is requested at your first date. Do not resist. Or we will cry. —Your lovingly and violent Drakana ♥"

His eye twitched. "They're scheduling new trauma now."

Date #1: Drakana—Obstacle Course from Hell

The course had been upgraded. Now it featured flaming rings, dragon-themed spike traps, and a cannon that launched bridal veils at Mach 3.

Drakana stood at the starting line in a sleeveless armor dress that screamed "warrior princess in heat."

"You came" she said, her eyes are glowing.

"I didn't, I was abducted by festival rules."

[System Notification: Participation is mandatory.]

[Also, this counts as cardio.]

Drakana handed him a blindfold.

"What is this?"

"It's the Love Hunt Challenge. I chase you and you have to dodge and If I catch you—marriage round two begins."

Rei looked at the crowd.

They were cheering, chanting, and holding signs like "Bite Him, Dragon Queen!"

He bolted. Ten minutes later, Rei was sprinting through fire hoops, rolled under a spinning bridal mace, and dodged three "accidental" engagement rings launched from a ballista.

Final Score:

Drakana – 6 firebreath attempts

Rei – 1 burnt butt

[System Update: Rei's Trauma Meter +3]

[Remaining Dates: 4]

[Bleeding Status: Not Yet. It's Impressive.]

Date #2: Lilia —Festival Chapel of Eternal Suffering

The moment Rei stepped into the fake chapel, organ music started. All candles lit themselves.

Lilia descended from the ceiling. She zip-lined down in a wedding dress with black lace and glowing runes.

"You showed up," she whispered, her eyes were sparkling.

Rei turned to run but the door vanished.

[System Alert: Reality Bending Magic Detected. Suggest Compliance.]

"I prepared three vow versions this time," Lilia said, flipping through a blood-colored binder. "Cute, Violent, and Void-Sworn."

Rei blinked. "Why does one say 'May your soul be forever mine across all timelines'?"

"Oh, that's the tame version."

The ceremony started. Fake priest: "Do you, Rei Velgrath, take this overly possessive high priestess of love to be your wedded—"

"I OBJECT!"

Rei karate-flipped the pulpit. Then he jumped through a stained-glass window and ran.

Lilia watched him go with a smile that froze blood.

[System Warning: Marriage attempt 16 narrowly avoided.]

[Bleeding Risk: Moderate.]

[Emotional Damage: Maxed.]

Date #3: Rosette —Booth of Pain and Petals

Rosette had redecorated. There were now floral centerpieces made of poisoned roses, and a massage table shaped like a coffin.

"Welcome, my lord," she said, handing him tea laced with… something. "This is a date but also, therapy."

Rei sniffed the tea. "I'm not drinking this."

"You already did," she smiled.

His vision blurred.

[System Emergency Notice: User has consumed Love Toxin Variant #7.]

[Side Effect: Mild Honesty, Aggressive Blushing, and Zero Filter.]

Rei fell onto the fainting couch.

"I am so tired of all of you," he blurted.

Rosette blinked.

"I didn't say stop. I just said, I want naps and soup without any blood sacrifices."

Rosette leaned down and stroked his cheek. "You'll feel better after this acupuncture session."

She pulled out throwing knives. Suddenly Rei rolled off the couch and ran.

[System Update: User evaded therapeutic assault.]

[Bleeding: None, Barely.]

[Remaining Dates: 2]

Date #4: Seraphina —Floating Cloud Altar

Seraphina sat on a levitating blanket surrounded by holy food.

Rei floated up—via unwilling angelic wind.

"I prepared ambrosia," she said. "It's like pudding but it sees your sins."

"No thanks," Rei said. "I just came to not die."

Seraphina tilted her head.

"Then you must stay because I've written ten oaths of eternal purity and you must sign in holy blood."

"…Whose blood?"

She smiled. Suddenly thunder rumbled in the heavens.

[System Alert: Seraphina's Mood Level: Radiant.]

[Risk Level: Nuclear.]

Then she offered him a golden spoon. Rei took it and nodded. Then yeeted the pudding into the sky, grabbed a divine feather, and windsurfed out of there screaming.

[System Report: Damage = 1 torn soul ribbon.]

[But hey! Still not bleeding.]

Date #5: Emilia —Back Corner on modest Table with actual Sanity.

Rei collapsed into a chair.

Emilia handed him tea with two sugars and a side of reality.

"I heard your other dates were… intense."

"Understatement of the year."

They sat in peaceful silence for two whole minutes then—A knife flew past.

Rosette, hiding in a bush. "Just checking reflexes."

A flaming love letter hit the ground next. Courtesy of Drakana.

Lilia emerged from a bush choir to chant: "Just say yes, Rei"

Seraphina floated by on a hymn cloud muttering about shared soul contracts.

Rei gripped the tea then turned to Emilia.

"I would rather be here with you. Rather than in any of the knife weddings."

She smiled. That smile lasted for three whole seconds before someone threw a bouquet grenade.

[System Alert: Festival Chaos Level Maxed]

[Date Mission Complete!]

[Reward Granted: Demon Realm Vacation Voucher (Again)]

[Note: No one has ever redeemed it. Why do you keep earning it.]

Rei stood up then sipped tea and whispered. "I just wanted peace…"

BOOM.

Smoke cleared. The bouquet grenade had detonated into a swarm of doves wearing tiny wedding veils. They circled Rei like a feathered halo of doom.

[System Notification: Surprise Mechanic Activated!]

[New Rule: The groom must catch one dove and kiss it to advance.]

Rei shouted at the sky. "Why is this system obsessed with weddings?!"

[Lol. Because suffering = comedy.]

The doves cooed ominously and dove-bombed him in synchronized formation. Rei flailed wildly, batting them away with his teacup while Emilia calmly finished her sip.

"…You're really cursed, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes," Rei growled, ducking under a feathery kamikaze. "And the curse is called YOU PEOPLE."

Emilia tilted her head. "But I didn't—"

Before she could finish, Drakana landed with a flaming crash, wings spread wide. "Rei! I'll protect you from these accursed birds!" She immediately punched three doves into the stratosphere.

The crowd gasped.

[System Alert: Dove population -3.]

[Penalty: World Peace dropped by 2%.]

Lilia swooped in next, wielding a blackened holy book that fired wedding vows like bullets. "No, I'll save him! By binding his soul directly to mine!"

Lines of glowing contract-script shot out like magical bullets, one narrowly missing Rei's ear and branding a passing janitor instead. The poor man screamed, "WHY AM I MARRIED NOW?!" before vanishing in a puff of confetti.

Rosette emerged from the chaos last, rolling out a chalkboard diagram titled: 'Optimal Marriage Routes – Rei Edition.'

"You're all fools," she declared. "He doesn't need saving. He needs managed emotional logistics. Which is why I've created this flowchart of sustainable elimination strategies."

The flowchart had only one word scribbled at the end: "EMILIA."

Rei grabbed his head. "I JUST WANT TO FINISH MY TEA."

[System Report: Sanity Level at 3%. I recommend screaming into a pillow.]

As if things weren't already collapsing, Seraphina descended gracefully from above, glowing like a divine bride missile. "I heard vows. Where are my vows?"

"NO VOWS!" Rei shouted.

But Seraphina ignored him and raised her staff. A holy aura enveloped the festival grounds. The crowd dropped to their knees.

[System Warning: "Mass Wedding Aura" activated. Everyone within 50 meters is now spiritually engaged with Rei.]

Rei froze. "No. No no no no no—"

"Yes," the System whispered in glee.

All around him, classmates, vendors, even the goat from Bingo started declaring their love. "I'll be a good spouse, Lord Rei!" — "Share half my lunch forever!" — "Maaah, till death do us part!"

Rei screamed.

Emilia, still sipping her tea, finally sighed. She stood and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. The crowd went silent instantly, like the world itself was holding its breath.

"…You're all insane," Emilia said calmly, scanning the mob. "He's tired, he's bleeding inside, and none of you are listening. If this is what you call love, then maybe you don't deserve him."

The words hit like a meteor.

The doves stopped mid-flight. Lilia's vow-bullets fizzled. Rosette's chalkboard snapped in half. Drakana bit her lip hard enough to spark fire. Even Seraphina's divine aura flickered uncertainly.

Rei blinked at her. "…Wow. That was… actually helpful."

[System Alert: Unexpected Ally Detected.]

[New Buff: +1 Emotional Shield.]

Then Emilia added, "Also, I'm the only one here who knows how to make him soup."

The crowd gasped again. Drakana dropped her mace. Lilia shrieked. Rosette scribbled "SOUP MONOPOLY" in her notebook like it was the deadliest weapon she had ever heard of.

Rei nearly collapsed with laughter and exhaustion. "Soup… my last line of defense…"

The ground trembled.

"HE DOESN'T NEED SOUP!" Drakana roared. "HE NEEDS A DRAGON WIFE!"

"NO, HE NEEDS DIVINE PURITY!" Seraphina countered.

"NO, HE NEEDS A BLOOD PACT OF ETERNAL DARKNESS!" Lilia screamed.

Rosette calmly adjusted her skirt. "Correction: he needs a hostile takeover contract. Signed in soup, if necessary."

Rei put his face in his hands. "…I'm going to die surrounded by idiots."

[System Alert: Festival Mission Complete.]

[Reward Delivered: Demon Realm Vacation Voucher (x2, now stacking uselessly in inventory)]

[Next Event: "Wife Hunt Begins" — Scheduled Tomorrow.]

Rei's eyes widened. "Wait. Wife… hunt?"

BOOM. The festival gong rang, louder and darker this time. Posters rained from the sky reading:

FINAL EVENT: THE WIFE HUNT

Rules: One Groom. Many Nets and only Chaos.

The crowd howled with excitement.

Rei whispered in horror: "I don't suppose soup is allowed in hunts?"

Emilia smirked faintly. "Depends who catches you first."

[System Notification: Good luck surviving, idiot ♥]

To be continued…