Surviving marriage in yandere world

The school festival had begun. A time for joy, Laughter, Innocent games and Friendly competitions.Also for murder plots.

[System Alert: Annual Festival Sanity Risk = 94%]

[Festival Theme: "Hunt Your Beloved."]

[Reminder: Hostile flirting is still flirting.]

Rei had already dodged two marriage proposals, one love trap disguised as a bake sale, and a very persuasive dragon girl offering him "forever cuddles" behind the flaming obstacle course.

Now, he stood frozen in front of a booth that could only be described as... premeditated insanity.

A crimson velvet banner fluttered overhead, reading:

Rosette's Emotional Wellness Center

"We Heal Your Heart… by Silencing Others."

Underneath the sign sat Rosette in a pristine black maid dress embroidered with tiny skulls. Her hair shimmered in the afternoon light like silk… like if silk had a thirst for blood.

Beside her was a chalkboard menu:

'Confess and She Dies' Package – 10 Gold

'She Looked at Him Funny' Special – 7 Gold

Premium Plan: Public Elimination – 20 Gold

Target: Emilia

There was even a punch card that had ten hires and your eleventh assassination was free.

Rei blinked twice. "Rosette... what is this?!"

She smiled gently, hands folded like a kindergarten teacher during story time. "A passion project, my lord. Everyone deserves to feel emotionally safe and Emilia... is a threat to everyone's peace of mind."

"By… only existing?!" Rei asked with confusion.

"Yes." Rosette said.

[System Notification: Booth ethics violated in 0.003 seconds.]

[System Warning: Sanity Index dropped below acceptable educational standards.]

From behind the curtains, a pair of student council members in official robes approached the booth.

"Excuse me, Lady Rosette. As per the festival guidelines—no commerce involving live targets is permitted unless you submit an ethics clearance form, Form 27-B, with a mental wellness appendix."

Rosette handed them a clipboard with her assassin's guild emblem engraved in blood on the back.

"Already done," she said sweetly.

The council flinched.

[System Update: Rosette has exploited a legal loophole.]

[Her booth is now registered as a "Therapeutic Fantasy Outlet."]

The council retreated quickly.

Rei buried his face in his hands. "You turned a school fair into Hitman: Dating Sim Edition."

But the booth was already booming. A line had formed down the walkway. Girls from three factions stood eagerly, many holding heart-shaped coins. One even wore a "Down With Emilia!" headband and passed out flyers titled "Top 10 Reasons She's Probably a Spy."

"I didn't even know most of these people hated her," Rei muttered.

Rosette gestured elegantly. "Her popularity is unnatural. Which is statistically speaking, suspicious."

A classmate approached the booth hesitantly. "Um, I saw Emilia smiling at Lord Rei... I felt something break inside me."

Rosette nodded sagely and handed her a scented envelope. "Our Bronze Package comes with a candle and minor hex."

[System Message: Minor hex is... successful?]

[Emilia stubbed her toe without fatalities. You should try harder.]

Rei dragged a chair into the booth and sat down. "Rosette, you can't just start an underground murder service in broad daylight."

"Oh, I can, and i did. Also, it's not underground. It's strategically open air."

He stared.

She offered him a macaron with strawberry and arsenic-free and said "You're welcome."

The bell tower chimed. It was noon and it was from across the courtyard...

A tea stand sparkled like a mirage. The "Normalcy Booth." Run by Emilia. Cute tablecloths with homemade tea and flower decorations, with lot of laughter.

Even a gentle wind seemed to follow her around like an overpaid special effect.

Rei sighed in relief. "Finally, somewhere I can hide."

"No," Rosette said sharply. "You will be sniped with kindness. Sit here because It's marginally safer."

But Rei had already sprinted away from Emilia's booth.

The moment he stepped under the umbrella, the chaos vanished. It was like the yandere hurricane outside just... paused.

"Rei!" Emilia beamed. "Would you like lemon chamomile or mint?"

He froze. "You're offering options?"

She giggled. "Of course. You're not a prisoner."

That sentence alone gave five yandere girls across the festival explosive nosebleeds.

Rei sat down. "I might cry."

Emilia poured the tea.

In the distance—A crossbow bolt whizzed past. That bolt hit a paper lantern and that lantern caught fire. All booths panicked.

[System Alert: Rosette's assassination service has officially begun.]

[Kill Count: 0]

[Fire Damage: Moderate.]

Back at Rosette's booth. Rosette lifted a clipboard and sighed.

"She dodged again... annoying reflexes."

A girl beside her held a glittery dagger. "Next time, I'll spike the tea with truth serum."

"No need," Rosette said calmly. "We just need to... enhance the environment."

She pulled out a scroll labeled BOOTH REDEVELOPMENT PLAN.

Step 1: Capture Rei.

Step 2: Replace all festival pamphlets with "Why Emilia Must Vanish" essays.

Step 3: Optional emotional blackmail.

Meanwhile Rei sipped tea with Emilia in a brief moment of bliss.

"Do you ever wish things could be... quiet?" he asked.

"Yes," Emilia said softly.

They made eye contact. Then—The ground exploded.

A yandere-special-grade fireworks trap launched 200 heart-shaped smoke bombs into the air.

[System Notification: Festival "Neutral Zones" disabled.]

[Affection Wars have begun.]

Rosette marched through the smoke like a CEO on a hostile takeover.

A crowd of her "clients" followed behind, chanting:

"Protect Rei's Emotional Purity!"

"Down with calm girls!"

"She used lemon in the tea, it's obviously symbolic!"

Emilia blinked. "Should we run?"

Rei didn't respond because he was being handcuffed by Rosette in front of everyone.

"This is for your protection," she said with a smile.

[System Alert: Consent not detected.]

[System Achievement Unlocked: "Publicly Kidnapped (Again)"]

[Rei's Morale: -12]

"What kind of ethics committee lets this happen?!" he shouted.

Rosette smiled. "I forged the committee's tax records."

Thirteen minutes later.

The booth had been "officially" shut down. By an enraged teacher wielding a staff of Anti-Yandere Enforcement.

But in a totally unrelated turn of events—Rosette's new booth opened one stall down.

Banner: "Therapeutic Pillow

Decapitation: For Educational Purposes Only"

The target board featured a sketch of Emilia.

She is still smiling, still serving tea also she is still alive.

Meanwhile Rei was duct-taped to a folding chair with a safety helmet and labeled: Emotional Hostage.

[System Warning: Rei's Freedom Level = 1.2%]

[Next Event Trigger: 4 PM — "Marriage Bingo: Who's Legally His Wife?"]

4:01 PM at The Festival Plaza. A giant bingo wheel spun in the center of the courtyard, rattling with ominous energy.

"WELCOME, STUDENTS AND RANDOMLY KIDNAPPED CITIZENS!" the announcer boomed. "It's time for the Royal Academy's newest festival tradition: Marriage Bingo!"

The crowd cheered. Confetti cannons fired and a goat bleated.

Rei, still duct-taped to his folding chair, stared in numb horror. "Why is this a tradition?! This school wasn't even founded with marriage laws!"

[System Notification: Historical Accuracy = 0%]

[Reason: The Yandere Faction amended the constitution yesterday.]

The announcer spun the wheel. Numbers glowed in magical fire. Each square on the giant bingo board listed names like "Lilia's Groom," "Rosette's Eternal Partner," "Drakana's Dragon Consort," and disturbingly, "Free Space: Emergency Honeymoon."

"B-12!" the announcer shouted.

Lilia leapt onto the stage, veil fluttering like a battle flag. "YES! The prophecy foretold it!"

Drakana shoved her aside. "No, fool! That's my row!"

"Both of you are wrong." Rosette appeared behind Rei, snipping his duct tape free just enough to place a marriage contract into his limp hands. "B-12 is mine. The system said so."

[System Clarification: The system said nothing. She hacked the subtitles.]

Rei's eye twitched. "I just want one—ONE—festival where I don't become a prize!"

Emilia finally entered the plaza, holding a tray of untouched teacups. She glanced at the crowd, then at Rei, and sighed.

"…Why does everything involving you turn into organized crime?"

He wanted to answer, but Rosette gagged him with a lace handkerchief labeled 'Property of Wife Candidate #3.'

The announcer spun the wheel again.

"G-19!"

This time, a new voice roared from the back.

"I CLAIM THIS ONE!"

The headmaster burst onto the stage in full ceremonial robes, clutching a shovel. His eyes were wild. "If anyone's marrying him first—it's me! For insurance reasons!"

The entire crowd froze. Even the goat stopped chewing.

Rei muffled through the gag: "WHAT?!"

[System Alert: Headmaster Faction Detected.]

[Warning: This is now a five-way marriage war.]

The chaos detonated instantly.

Petal bombs, flaming veils, and enchanted rings rained down on the plaza. Drakana unleashed dragonfire that scorched the bingo board in half. Lilia summoned a choir of angel brides to back her chant of "Till death do us part!" Rosette calmly activated Plan Ω, which appeared to involve a portable guillotine disguised as a raffle prize.

Through it all, Emilia just poured herself a cup of tea, sat on a bench, and muttered:

"…I really should've transferred schools."

Rei, still bound and gagged, rolled across the stage in his folding chair like a tragic tumbleweed.

[System Notification: Event escalated to "Battle Royale of Affection."]

[Survival Odds: 4%.]

And then—

The bingo wheel spun one last time on its own, glowing ominously. It landed on the "FREE SPACE: Emergency Honeymoon."

The crowd went silent.

The announcer whispered: "…That means… everyone here is legally married to Rei."

Every bride, rival, assassin, and the goat turned toward him at once.

Rei screamed into the gag.

[System Title Unlocked: "Universal Husband."]

[Penalty: You can never be single again.]

To be continued…