Surviving marriage in yandere world

"I see," Rei said as he stared down at the assignment parchment like it had just punched him in the soul.

He looked up.

Emilia smiled brightly at him from the other side of the table. "We're partners for the Magical Ecosystems Group Presentation, Rei-kun! Isn't that great?"

[System Notification: Warning — You have been assigned to a group project with Target: Emilia.]

[System Calculation in progress…]

[Projected Yandere Response Level: Extinction Event.]

Rei's right eye twitched.

"Excuse me," he said politely to the instructor. "Is death still a valid way to drop out of a class?"

The professor gave him a thumbs-up. "Not officially, but many have tried."

Two Hours Earlier…

The day had started with a warning. More specifically, Rei had woken up to his dorm door being nailed shut from the outside and a scroll that read:

"Don't cheat on us during class group assignments, Husband ♥ ~ Your Loving Wives"

"...We've officially entered preemptive war levels of insecurity," Rei muttered as he climbed out of the window.

His uniform was wrinkled, his tie was a noose of despair, and his shoes had suspicious bite marks. Probably Rosette's new "affection alarm" system.

Classroom 3C: The Assignment Arena

Professor Barkthorn's voice boomed across the room.

"Today, class, you'll be randomly paired for our semester's Group Project! You will study, live, breathe, and possibly die together!"

A few students clapped. A few more tried to crawl out of the windows.

"Groups will be decided by the Sentient Seat Sorting Spell," Barkthorn added cheerfully. "Good luck!"

Rei immediately stood. "Permission to sit on the floor?"

"Denied."

A magical pulse surged through the classroom. Students' desks screeched and shuffled like demon chairs in a haunted mansion.

Rei's seat locked him in with a loud click. When the smoke cleared, he was sitting next to Emilia.

And five yandere girls were sitting in five corners of the room. They were watching, breathing and twitching.

[System Alert: Critical Threat Level — Five yandere signatures detected. All are glaring at you.]

[System Suggestion: Cry. Cry deeply.]

Rei considered that.

"I got paired with you!" Emilia beamed. "I was so worried I'd get someone like that guy who talks to mushrooms."

The Mushroom Guy in the back gave her a thumbs-up and whispered something to his mushroom.

"I'm really looking forward to working with you, Rei-kun," Emilia continued, cheeks faintly pink. "You're… kind of amazing, you know?"

Rei internally screamed. Externally, he smiled like a man surrounded by landmines labeled Affection Threshold.

Wife Faction HQ – 3 Minutes Later

Seraphina, Lilia, Rosette, Drakana, and Lady Lunaria sat around a round table carved from confiscated classroom furniture.

A banner overhead read: WIFE FACTION STRATEGIC WAR COUNCIL — NO NORMAL GIRLS ALLOWED.

Lilia slammed a crystal orb onto the table. "She called him amazing. That's grounds for heresy!"

"I should burn her hair off," Drakana said helpfully.

"Already tried that last week," Rosette replied, filing her nails with a dagger. "She didn't flinch."

"Her immunity to psychological warfare is terrifying," Seraphina added. "She apologized for being targeted."

Lunaria sipped tea from a blood-crystal goblet. "We must take immediate action. Subtle. Surgical."

"Or just push her into a volcano," Rosette said.

"Subtle and surgical," Lunaria repeated, narrowing her eyes.

Back in the Classroom

"Okay, let's get started!" Emilia chirped, opening her neatly organized folder. "I was thinking we could do a presentation on enchanted forest ecosystems!"

"Sounds harmless," Rei said suspiciously.

"It includes fieldwork," she added.

"Of course it does."

Suddenly, a glittering envelope slammed onto the desk between them. It was sealed with a wax stamp in the shape of a bleeding heart.

Rei blinked. "A love letter?"

Emilia opened it. There was a note Inside.

"'Roses are red. Violets are blue. If you touch him again, I'll unalive you.'"

"…That doesn't even rhyme," Rei muttered.

"Oh! There's a footnote!" Emilia said, cheerful as ever. "'Sincerely, The Wife Factions. PS: Your hair smells like lies.'"

[System Notification: Threat Detected — Passive-Aggressive Poetry Bomb.]

[Affection Meter (Emilia): 43%]

[Yandere Trigger Threshold: 40%]

[System Analysis: You are now Beyond Help.]

Lunch Break.

Rei decided to grab food alone. Which meant he was followed by five girls and Emilia, none of whom acknowledged the others' presence.

They sat at six different tables all facing his.

Rei, sitting alone at the seventh table, was chewing like a hostage.

Emilia walked over with a tupperware box. "I made cookies! Want to try one?"

Rei glanced at it. It didn't pulsate that was already a win.

"Sure," he said, just as Seraphina's chair combusted behind her.

"That was a warning," she said, patting out the flames.

Rosette opened her own tupperware, filled with cookies identical to Emilia's.

"I also baked, Husband," she said. "Mine are gluten-free. Emilia's are not."

"They're gluten-optional," Emilia said brightly.

"What does that even mean?!" Rei hissed.

[System Warning: Parallel Baking Conflicts Detected.]

[System Sub-Event Triggered: Cookie Cold War.]

Later That Night.

Rei sat on his bed in his "emergency stress robe," a fluffy bathrobe that had seen far too much.

"I just want to do a group project in peace," he whispered.

Spy-chan, the pillow Rosette enchanted with surveillance magic, rustled beside him.

"Must eliminate target girl…" it whispered in her voice.

"I'm talking to a pillow," Rei muttered. "This is my life now."

Meanwhile in wife faction war room.

"We strike at dawn," Lilia said, lighting a ceremonial candle shaped like Rei.

"We cannot cause permanent harm," Lunaria said. "Yet."

"I just want to push her off a unicorn," Drakana muttered.

Rosette set down a map. "Target's schedule. Pressure points. Favorite shampoo brand."

"Any weaknesses?" Seraphina asked.

"She's too normal."

They all shivered. Night Before the Fieldwork in Rei's dorm room.

Rei was hunched over his desk, trying to memorize facts about enchanted moss and its "cuddling habits" without imagining Emilia smiling at him in a meadow.

[System Alert: You are imagining it.]

[System Suggestion: Stop.]

Knock. Knock.

Rei froze. That was not Emilia's polite knock that was a war knock.

The door creaked open just enough for Rosette's crimson eye to gleam in the gap.

"Need help… preparing for the project, Husband?"

"No."

She slid a packet of papers under the door anyway. "These are better facts. Use them instead."

Rei flipped through it. Every page ended with "…and therefore, you should never trust Emilia."

[System Data Injection Detected.]

[New File Added: "Totally Real Scientific Reasons to Avoid Normal Girls.doc"]

Before Rei could throw them away, another knock. This time, Lilia kicked the door open.

She dumped a full-size magical scarecrow in the middle of his room.

"This is your training dummy. Use it to practice group work so you don't accidentally bond with Emilia."

"It has your face on it," Rei pointed out.

"Yes. You're welcome."

Emilia stood waiting with a picnic basket. She waved. "Morning, Rei-kun!"

"Morning," he muttered, checking the treeline for assassin wives.

"Don't worry," she said. "I asked the professor for permission to go just the two of us."

[System Panic Level: RISING.]

[Warning: Wife Surveillance Probability — 100%.]

They set off into the enchanted forest, where the sunlight filtered through sparkling leaves and a gentle breeze carried birdsong. It was… nice or too nice.

"Look! A moonpetal bloom!" Emilia knelt to take notes. "They only open in the presence of someone pure-hearted."

Rei's eye twitched. "Then why is it opening now?"

"…Maybe it likes you?" she said softly.

His brain short-circuited for three full seconds.

Both turned and a bush quivered. Suddenly something popped out. It was a "totally normal" squirrel. Wearing a tiny eyepatch.

Rei glared at it. "Rosette."

The squirrel saluted and scampered off.

Midday this chaos escalates even more.

Emilia unpacked lunch. "Sandwich?"

[System Analysis: No poison detected. 99% edible.]

Rei took a cautious bite. It was… delicious and not cursed.

That's when the air shimmered — and Drakana dropped from the canopy like a winged guillotine.

"LUNCH INSPECTION," she growled, snatching a sandwich.

Emilia stood. "You can't just—"

Drakana bit into it, chewed, and scowled. "It's good and I hate it." Then she flew off, muttering about losing ground in the Husband Affection Index.

Emilia sighed. "Do they always… do that?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Rei stared at her for a moment. "Because you're normal."

She tilted her head. "Isn't that… good?"

Rei laughed without humor. "Not in my life."

It's late afternoon, let's return to the academy.

They trudged back, notes and samples in hand.

At the gate, Seraphina was waiting, halo glowing ominously. "Inspection."

Rei handed her the notebook. She flipped through it, frowned, and stuffed a photo of a smiling Rei-and-Emilia under her corset like evidence.

"This will be reviewed at the next Wife Council meeting," she said sweetly.

That night, Rosette slammed the photo onto the table. "This is what happens when you allow unsupervised projects."

"She's too cheerful and It's unnatural," Lilia muttered.

"She's making him smile," Drakana hissed.

Lunaria tapped her fingers on the table. "We strike during presentation day."

Three Days Later on Presentation Day.

Rei and Emilia stood at the podium. The class watched but the Wives watched harder.

Emilia smiled at him — that same bright, unguarded smile. "Ready, partner?"

[System Warning: Affection Meter Surge Detected.]

[Threshold Approaching: Yandere Riot.]

They began presenting, flawlessly at first… until the "projector" exploded in glitter and smoke, and a banner unfurled from the ceiling:

MARRIED MEN SHOULDN'T HAVE LAB PARTNERS – SIGNED, THE WIFE FACTION

Half the class clapped and the other half ducked. Rei buried his face in his hands. Emilia just laughed.

[System Commentary: Presentation grade — A+. Mental stability — F-.]

To be continued…