Separation Anxiety

17.

#Attachment Relationship

After breakfast, while leisurely preparing to go out, Haram caused another commotion. He started throwing a tantrum, clinging to Dawoon and saying they were going to leave him behind and only the older brothers were going out. His crying could be heard even from the second floor.

When Hayun came down to the first floor, he saw Dawoon struggling to calm Haram down.

“What should we do?” Dawoon asked with a troubled face when he saw Hayun. Although he was asking what to do, his expression already showed that he couldn’t bring himself to leave Haram behind. Hayun looked back and forth between Haram and Dawoon, then smiled faintly.

“Take him with us.”

“Really? Is that okay?”

They were planning to go to the department store to look at clothes, so it was clear that taking a five-year-old child would be troublesome in many ways. It was obvious that the child wouldn’t be able to concentrate for long and would want to wander around. So it wouldn’t be easy to properly try on even one outfit. Dawoon wasn’t unaware of this. That’s why he was more surprised at Hayun’s permission.

“But have someone come along to watch Haram.”

At Hayun’s words, Dawoon looked at the caregiver who had been anxiously watching Haram cry from behind. When he asked with his eyes if she could come along, the caregiver forced a smile and said she understood.

“There should be an indoor playground in the department store. Have him play there for a while when we’re looking at clothes.”

He offered a solution in advance, worried that Dawoon might have trouble taking care of Haram. Only then did Dawoon nod in relief.

“Stop crying and let’s get ready to go out with hyung, okay?”

Dawoon took Haram, who was still sniffling, to the bathroom to wash his face again, which was a mess with tears and snot.

“He’s especially clingy today,” the butler remarked.

“It’s not particularly new,” Hayun replied nonchalantly. There was a reason that Haram saw Dawoon as a substitute for his mother, but Hayun thought Dawoon was also partly responsible for Haram’s attitude.

“It’s hard to tell which one is more dependent,” Hayun muttered, almost to himself. The butler turned to look at him but didn’t add anything else.

After washing up, Haram looked better than when he was crying and throwing a tantrum, but his eyes were still red and swollen from all the crying. Watching Dawoon look at even that appearance as if it were lovable and kiss Haram’s cheek, Hayun couldn’t help but smile weakly.

What if he’s still like this when he’s a bit older?

He worried for a very brief moment, but children inevitably grow up and quietly leave their guardian’s embrace. He didn’t have to look far for an example. He himself had doted on Dawoon like that when he was young. Dawoon had followed Hayun just like Haram was following Dawoon now, but naturally started to distance himself as he went through middle and high school.

So Haram following Dawoon like this was also a temporary phenomenon. The problem was not Haram, but Dawoon. He worried that Dawoon’s desire to protect might go beyond familial affection.

Thinking that far, he ended up chuckling. Who was worrying about whom?

Since he had originally planned to go out with just Dawoon, he was going to drive himself, but now he was wondering what to do. Inevitably, Haram would want to sit in the back seat with Dawoon, which meant Haram’s caregiver would have to sit in the front passenger seat.

I don’t like that.

It wasn’t because the caregiver was a woman and he wanted to keep his distance. She was in her late 30s, and there was no chance of rumors about a romantic issue with Hayun. He just didn’t like the idea of someone other than Dawoon sitting next to him. But there wasn’t enough space to bring along a chauffeur. With the car seat in the back, only two people could sit there.

“Haram,” Hayun called out to Haram, who was in Dawoon’s arms. The round face turned towards Hayun.

“It’s fine for you to come along, but you have to sit with the caregiver in the car.”

“Why?”

As expected, the child didn’t hide his dislike of the idea. Worried that he might be separated from Dawoon right away, he even wrapped his arms around Dawoon’s neck and hugged him tightly.

“If not, we won’t take you.”

Usually, he would have coaxed with a smile, but this time he spoke with a deliberately stern expression and a hard voice. Only then did Haram flinch. There weren’t many things that his oldest brother said no to, but even at his young age, Haram seemed to know that once he said no, he would never allow it.

“I can just sit in the back with Haram…”

As Haram started to sniffle again as if he might cry, Dawoon tried to take his side. But he swallowed his words at Hayun’s cold gaze.

“I don’t mind, but someone else might be uncomfortable?”

Hayun’s gaze quietly moved to the caregiver. Both she, who received the gaze, and Dawoon, who had turned his head following Hayun’s gaze, swallowed dry saliva, unnecessarily tense.

“Or we’ll have to move in two cars.”

Without a long explanation, he emphasized that he had no intention of sitting in the front seat with the caregiver. Dawoon bit his lower lip.

“These days, you never know where photos might be taken.”

At Hayun’s explanation, Dawoon blinked. Could there be rumors linking his brother with the caregiver? He thought it was absurd, but sometimes when he looked at the internet, even the most ridiculous rumors spread widely, so he couldn’t deny it.

“Haram,” Dawoon finally changed his mind and decided to persuade Haram.

“Let’s just go with her in the car, okay? In exchange, I’ll buy you ice cream when we arrive. Bead ice cream.”

“Bead ice cream?”

The child looked at Dawoon with eyes still brimming with tears. When Dawoon nodded with a smile, Haram puffed out his cheeks as if not entirely pleased, but nodded almost imperceptibly.

He’s still a child, falling for ice cream.

Hayun shook his head and turned away first. He sighed, wondering what he was doing dealing with such a young child.

***

Haram, who had acted like he would never leave Dawoon’s side until they left the house, brightened up as soon as they arrived at the department store and saw the indoor playground. His eyes sparkled, and he ran in without looking back. The caregiver reassured them that they didn’t need to worry and could shop comfortably.

“I feel a bit… betrayed…” Dawoon muttered incredulously, still not reassured and watching for a moment outside the indoor playground despite her words. Hayun chuckled at his comment.

“How do you think I feel then?”

Dawoon turned back with an expression that didn’t understand what Hayun meant.

Because I’m not talking about Haram, but you.

Instead of answering that way, Hayun just smiled and suggested they quickly look around while Haram was distracted.

Dawoon silently followed Hayun onto the escalator, but was puzzled when Hayun got off at the floor with luxury international brands instead of the casual wear section.

“Are we buying here?”

This time, Hayun was more surprised by his question.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been wearing your clothes all this time without knowing where they’re from?”

Even as he asked, he thought it couldn’t possibly be true. Seeing Dawoon’s face stiffen slightly at his question, Hayun finally realized he really hadn’t cared at all. Hayun let out a bitter laugh and reached out to ruffle Dawoon’s hair.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. But even just two years ago, you used to come shopping for clothes with me. Seems like you’ve forgotten all that.”

Hayun’s mood sank as he thought about how his memories with Dawoon were being erased one by one from Dawoon’s mind.

“No, that’s not it…” Dawoon frowned, his lips moving as if he had something more he wanted to say. As Hayun silently waited for him to continue, Dawoon let out a deep sigh and looked at him.

“When I was out with my friends yesterday, I noticed that usually, people don’t buy clothes from places like this.”

So that was the problem. Hayun was about to say that Dawoon couldn’t be included in that “usual” category, but just laughed it off instead. After all, he would be choosing all of Dawoon’s clothes from now on too, so other people’s standards didn’t matter.

If there was one fortunate thing, it was that Dawoon, having grown up without financial worries since childhood, didn’t faint at the clothes prices. He didn’t even think to check the price tags in the first place. It was natural since it didn’t matter how much they cost.

“Look around and see if there’s anything you like,” Hayun said, pointing to where the clothes were displayed as they entered the store. As he watched Dawoon go towards the men’s section guided by a clerk, Hayun sat down on a sofa provided on one side. He intended to let Dawoon choose what he wanted, but he knew that before long, Dawoon would turn back to him and ask for help. He was already showing signs of being uncomfortable with the clerk who was explaining various things with a smiling face.

“Mr. Jeong Hayun?”

Turning at the sound of his name being called, he saw someone wearing a store manager badge standing there with a smile, having appeared at some point.

“If you had contacted us in advance, we would have greeted you… I apologize for the late greeting, as we didn’t know you had arrived.”

The manager seemed to know who Hayun was. It was natural, as although it was rare for him to come to the store directly, his face was already somewhat well-known.

“Don’t worry about it. I came to look around comfortably,” Hayun said, gesturing with his eyes towards Dawoon, who was being assisted by a clerk in the distance. He meant not to interfere as he was here to choose things for Dawoon, not himself, but the manager seemed to interpret it differently.

“Who is that person…?”

“He’s my younger brother.”

At the answer that he was his brother, the manager looked even more flustered.