Rising Shards

“The girlfriend takes priority, y’know?”

Nikki said it, but it didn’t make sense.

Kalei babbled something immediately, her brain fully on autopilot as she began to process what she just heard.

“Right, yeah.” Kalei said. “Like, I totally get that. Like so. Girlfriend. You have.”

“We met at Wildfire Hearts actually,” Nikki said it so casually. “She thinks the school sucks too, so that’s pretty cool. I wouldn’t have met her if I didn’t go there.”

Nikki has a girlfriend. That isn’t me. That she met. At Wildfire Hearts.

“But hey, if I’m back at Rising Shards we’ll get to hang out plenty, right?” Nikki asked. Her voice had so little venom in it, as though she had no idea how deeply her words cut into Kalei. For some reason, that made it hurt so much more.

“Yeah.” Kalei said. Her mouth was dry. She desperately wanted this to be over. A group of people heading into the restaurant chatting with each other casually passed by, and Kalei had to turn away so they didn’t see her face.

The small talk Kalei forced out had nothing of substance, and she didn’t feel any relief when the call ended. Her shoulders rose with each breath, and she gripped her phone tightly. She couldn’t go back into the restaurant now. She refused to see the band play now.

Kalei wandered through the parking lot, getting away from anyone who’d bother her because she could not speak to anyone.

This always happens. It happened with Risa.

The concoction of shock and sadness brewed within her, churning her insides as she walked further into the darkness of the night. Snow fell around her, making everything far too quiet.

It happened again.

She gripped her phone tightly.

All those times.

Memories with Nikki flashed through her mind. When they first met. When Nikki whispered in Kalei’s ear and basically woke up the gay within her. When they were on the bus together. Seeing movies together. Making music together. Nikki sacrificing her spot at school just so Kalei wouldn’t go to Wildfire Hearts and be with Endorans. And now it was all gone. It all felt like it had been sucked out like there was a hole in the plane of whatever their friendship was building to.

“I wouldn’t have met her if I didn’t end up at Wildfire Hearts…”

It’s my fault. If I just came out sooner, figured me out sooner. If I didn’t let her leave. If I didn’t let our conversations dry up.

“No.” Kalei said out loud. The boiling feeling within her now had an added ingredient, anger. White hot, burning, raging. anger.

Why didn’t she wait for me? Why’d she go? Why couldn’t she just give me a bit longer? Why didn’t she mention any of this to me? Why tell me like this? Why forget about me? Why forget about what we planned? We were going to have fun, I was going to show her how much I kick ass. And she…

Kalei slammed her phone on the pavement, stomping it until its screen was cracked, the case on the outside broken. She stomped it more, picking it up a few more times only to slam it down again.

“It always! Goes! Like! This! I’m so! Stupid! Such a! Moron!” Kalei yelled with each boot.

She even used her powers to put a layer of ice around the phone before smashing it even more. Once it was completely wrecked, and her heavy breathing slowed down slightly, she realized what she’d done. She was effectively stuck there now. She could go in and ask for a phone, but she was already crying and pissed off, she didn’t need the added embarrassment of needing a phone to call mommy for a ride home.

“Where the hell even am I, ugh…” Kalei said.

She kind of remembered the way she took there. I’m still in Sky Clay. Not wanting anyone else to see her like this, going back to school on foot seemed like the only good option. She couldn’t exactly run home, since home was a town away. She wanted to run, just try to burn out some of this painful energy, but the sidewalks were too slick at spots. She was angry, but she’d already made a decision she’d probably regret with the phone, she didn’t need slipping on the ice and breaking an ankle, taking her out of a beam chasers season before it even starts on top of that. That’s what she told herself at least. She still ran some of the way. She still stopped at a few alleys to punch and kick at dumpsters and scream, leaving before anyone asked her what the hell she was doing, because she knew she didn’t have an answer. She felt she had gotten feral flu again and was on the loose, just storming around tearing through whatever she could. She passed by some townsfolk, but she had cried out all she could by then and the pain from getting in kickboxing matches with her phone and a few dumpsters was starting to sink in, stopping her from rampaging and breaking stuff right in front of them.

At times she’d look up at the sky, wishing there were stars to see. For some reason, stars would make her feel a little better, she thought.

Stars always make me feel like I’m not alone at night.

But having no stars to offer a celestial blanket of comfort made the night feel all the more bitter. Just another reminder of how things had gone. As Kalei continued back to school, hands in her pockets to hide the bruises, cuts, and swelling that were already starting to show, one thought kept looping in her mind.

At the end of the day, I’m always alone.