Rent a girlfriend: Reincarnated as a responsible menace.

"Could you repeat what you just said?", I asked for the third time, so bewildered out of my mind.

"I said, and I will not repeat this again foolish grandson, I want to be in the streams" 

Yeah... where did that came from. I mean did you hear the same thing I did?

"Well, I don't mind it. Honestly the kids could use some wisdom of veterans."

"Yes. What you are doing is a social service, but your posture sucks and your metaphors are too anime"

Damn she's brutal. Reminds me of my mother-in law. Wonder what that bitch is doing? Probably sucking poor Pops money and happiness awa... Ok that was too much exposure too my life. Act like you didn't hear it.

"Grandma I'm literally exposing toxic dating tactics for the modern era" I replied to her after cutting off the interdimensional line services.

"You need old-school fire. The reliable, grandma's remedy. Now, I'm your co-host. So give me some space"

So we just did that, because come on. Wouldn't it be something to brag to the neighbors, that I got even my Grams to join the stream. Now just hope for the whole internet's sanity that rule 34 doesn't exist in this world.

"Red Flags and Funeral Wreaths"- Stream 67

"Hello, internet. I'm Grandma Nagomi. I buried three ex-boyfriends and a fiancé. Emotionally. Let's talk about ghosting."

"She's right!... Grandfather was cremated", I said after her, to which she nodded. Yeah, my grams no veggie, her jokes darker than 'the dark knight'.

"Ok, so first we lay some foundation, for your dull, rusty, strangled, glob of art you call brain",

Is she talking about them?

"First, 'if he's 30 and still calls his mom every day, RUN... unless you are the mom'"

"Or she's sick"

"Yes, don't forget to call your mother if she's sick. It's very manly to care for her, but not manly to centre around her"

"It could also be that, he got mommy issues"

"Yes that too. Seriously you young people have so many issues!! Back in our day, if someone died from us, we used to cry for a day, then go to send another one to die. War was a bitch"

"Is that PTSD, I am hearing grams?"

"No just pure resentment. I am too cool for PTSDs." she says haughtily, then looks at the camera.

"That of course, is a joke" Good. She knows when to tell

"Ok, going to the Second rule and this goes for everyone, 'if he or she says 'I'm not like other boys or girls,' assume he/she's worse'"

"No argument on that part, there's like a round of 80% chance that they are worse..." I trailed which she picked up with-

"The other 20 is that they're either desperate, or actually got some weirdly unique traits"

"For example masochism"

"Don't scare the kids moronic, pretzel. Don't listen to him, instead listen to the Third rule, 'Love doesn't talk in circles. If you feel dizzy, you're in a toxic merry-go-round'"

"She's right. Love is like the graph of exponential function. Always increasing and never null"

"Good one Kazu" She said. OF COURSE she complimented, when I did a math reference. Typical Asian Society

30 minutes later

#"Hey queen 😘 ur the only one who gets me frfr. Let's chill n maybe vibe. U up?"

...I am speechless. Fortunately she wasn't

"Delete. Block. Report. Then slap your own face for attracting this energy."

"That was harsh... Eh, who am I kidding he called for it"

"Agreed. If they don't use full sentences, they don't deserve full access to your soul" 

...That's not what I meant.

5 Mins Later

"You think you've been through heartbreak? I once dated a man who disappeared for three weeks... then sent me a postcard saying 'My bad, I was finding myself.'"

"What did you do?" I asked in an exaggeratedly horrified face and tone.

She looks at the camera and says, dead serious, "I found him and then lost his tires."

"...Ok, that was uncalled for. What the actual fuck?"

I turned to the camera and said, "Guys, this is only a joke. We don't condone vigilante tire justice and shit"

But the damage was done

#"GRANDMA IS A MOB BOSS CONFIRMED."

#"LostHisTires = new breakup anthem."

This was going on until one curious superchat of 30 bucks.

#"Do you regret never remarrying?"

Grams sipped tea and said "No. Because peace is worth more than one's company. I had a love who left me everything to do myself. I had pain, that made disconnect myself from my family in my hotblooded age. But solitude? Solitude has never lied to me, it forged me into who I am now.

I didn't say anything to that, and the guy who asked a genuine question got some insight on how a widow and a single mother feels.

10 mins Later

Bio #1: "CEO of Vibes. Fluent in Sarcasm. Looking for my player 2."

"Block. This is the kind of man who'll call your breakup a 'patch update.'"

Ok... next one

Bio #2: "I'm 5'8 but 6'2 in emotional maturity 😎"

"Lies. No emotionally mature man flexes imaginary inches." Well its true, but...

"You have already man-slaughtered 16 bios. And these were the one's with actual thought into them"

Then another 30 mins Later

We were doing a Q/A from fan requests.

# "How do I know I'm ready for a relationship?"

"When you're not trying to fix someone to fix yourself."

# "Should I give my ex another chance?"

"Only if you give yourself a lobotomy." 

# "Can I marry you?"

"Again? This is the 3rd time someone is hitting on her. I know they are jokes. But still, have some decency guys" I replied this time

"Only if your life insurance is top-tier", ...

"You are not HELPING GRANDMOTHER"

20 minutes Later

Knock, Knock, Knock... Why do I have an ominious feeling.

I still get up to open the door. Because mom didn't raise a dog with only bark. She raised a dog who devours on his enemies flesh, and makes protein shake of there blood.

"Hi, Kazu-kun~ .Long time no see. I heard you've become… internet famous"

Oh. It's her. I thought we would finally meet the cosplayer.

"Oh wow. The ghost now comes with eyeliner and a disturbingly fake smile"

Time to give my kids a practical of 'How to Stay Classy & Petty- When your Ex shows up'

"So this is her, huh? She looks so sane its disturbing" My grams said, which now she said, kinda does make sense

"And you must be the one and only grandma Kazu-kun always talks about~" She talks in that diabetes inducing voice.

"Well since his grandfather wasn't around enough, then yes I am only grandma. And you must be the one who left him emotionally bankrupt without the decency of a refund"

#"GRANDMA NO MERCY 💀"

#"This is better than Netflix"

#"I might just get UTube subscription because of this"

#"She's about to get Nanami'd"

...You didn't have to bring MY GOAT, into this. Mami doesn't even deserve his spit... Ok I am getting cranky. But I am still upset after his death

"Tell me, Mami... why are you here?" My grams asked while sipping her never ending tea

"I just wanted to see how he's doing."

My turn, "Aren't you already getting enough of me as is. You've been lurking on every stream. Using a burner account: 'HotBlondeTruth97"

"We don't do recycled affection in this house. If you walked away, keep walking." Grams on fire today.

"Wow. I didn't know Kazuya needed a lawyer/ bodyguard." Oh. I have a comeback for this

"Well that's what some social influencers need to, when they have the most violent and noisy fans out there"

Before she could speak again, I interrupted her, "Let's play a game. It's called 'Were You Ever Really Into Me?' "

"Of co-", this time grandma interrupted her.

"Sweetie, you ghosted him faster than my blood sugar drops after mochi."

"You said 'I am sorry Kazu-kun, I am seeing someone else' and made Kai so depressed out of his mind, that it could be considered psychological trauma"

"Okay, well at least I didn't build a dating cult!" She said. It was clear that we were getting through her.

"No, you just led people on for sport." I replied.

"I used to think I wasn't enough for you.But truth is, no one's enough for someone who doesn't even like themselves." I said, dropping yet another banger, spewed out of actual nonsense.

I mean I knew from start what she was doing. But others don't. Just don't tell them guys, it's a secret between us.

Seeing her flinch, i continued, "And for the record, darling? I don't hate you. I just finally stopped apologizing for you."

Then there was silence for some minutes, then, "Do you want tea, or do you want closure?"

Grams asked.

"…Closure." she said quietly. Like her will was broken. Good.

Now she will think thrice before pulling another 'Kai'.

"Here. It's jasmine. Helps with clarity. And letting go." Grandma gives.

Mami walks out — no tantrum, no games. Just silence.

I turn to the camera, and say, "Sometimes closure doesn't come with an apology.Sometimes it walks through your door wearing lipstick and regret."

"And sometimes it needs a good verbal slap and a tea bag."

#"My grandma just subscribed after watching this."

#"Mami got exorcised."

#"This woman is a national treasure."

#"Guys. She approved my bio, I feel successful"

#"Release a T-shirt for this guy quoting: 'I Survived Grandma Nagomi's Judgment.'"

Duly Noted brother. Duly Noted

After that, I added a new quote on neon light, along with my other ones

"Your past will knock again. Make sure your self-respect answers the door."

After that, Mami started to avoid me and my friends altogether. Finally done with her bullshit.

Oh and before I forget, I also hand made, and sewed my first ever shirt, specially for the guy.

Cause as someone who got my grandma's approval, I knew how hard it was.

In fact even her own son didn't. It's actually quite sad, that in our family, only he hasn't gotten the approval.

I might visit him someday. Just to visit him and tell him what I am doing. Cause knowing grandma, she didn't tell him a single thing, and unlike grams, he couldn't even use a mobile properly, much less keep track of 'UTUBERS'. So he's definitely in for a big surprise...

Oh and the guy was very happy when we sneaked into his front door. He also liked the shirt. Unfortunately, it was a tad bit shorter, so he gave it to his 5 year old son.

He's a single father. Seeing his decision, grandma decided to sew a shirt for his measurement right then and there in the stream only. In the end we took a photo together, which I made my channel's banner.

Very Wholesome.

Author's Note: I am doing this here, because its important, but not at top, because I didn't want to ruin the fun. Plus, to avoid Inkstone's error in author's thought section, like how it happened yesterday.

 Ok, so the chapter's done. Sorry for the late release. Unfortunately, I only have bad news. From now on, the release of chapters would drop. I would try to post one chap, in two days. I am doing this to avoid burn out, and also because my breaks would be over, and have to get back to real life grinding too.

As it is though, don't worry about this dropping. I won't drop it, until I am done with the fandom itself.