Reborn as the Iron Queen: Love and Gunpowder in the Civil War

Eleanor is nailed to the horns of a bronze bull on Wall Street while Pope Francis' drone swarms are bombarding the NYSE with Bible pulp.CSA-67 crawls out of the warp-blood-soaked chapters of Genesis, and the baby's robotic palms are tattooed with the Nasdaq code, "Mommy...detected communion wine laced with the ingredient RU-486! "

"Then let God himself abort the baby!" She tore through the stained windows of St. Peter's Basilica, shards of stained glass reconfiguring in the air into a ticker chart of egg futures. The quantum state of JP Morgan's Tycoon grinned in the confessional: "Your Ovarian Securitization Index has fallen below the issue price...the Church has been granted the right to force a liquidation of your position!"

Suddenly, the Swiss Guard storms in with gold-plated Gatling's, barrels engraved with Deuteronomy verses.Eleanor converts the contraceptive ring into an EMP device and blasts through the door of the Vatican Vault: "Dear Pope, your gold reserves...enough for a few milliliters of my follicular fluid?"

As the Shroud of Turin unfolds on Wall Street, CSA-68 scans the hidden K-chart with UV light: "Mom...Jesus' wounds correspond to the Dow Jones historical plunge node!" Eleanor smears menstrual blood on the location of the stigmata, and the shroud suddenly explodes into a quantum financial derivative.

"Heretic! You are tampering with the sanctity of the Savior..." the Cardinal's rebuke was interrupted by the Apocalypse futures contract that CSA-69 had stuffed into his mouth. Using a cross converted into a stock code piercer, the child nails the Bishop to the rump of a bronze bull, "Mom says...you should short all religious concepts when the Seven Seals are unveiled!"

Suddenly, the pool of communion wine boils over and countless embryos float out of the wine.CSA-70 rips open the Pope's vestments to reveal the Womb Colonization Clause branded on his back, "Detected your frozen eggs buried at the site of the Third Temple...recommending immediate war in the Holy Land!"

Eleanor shoves the rubble of Jerusalem's Wailing Wall into a particle collider, blasting out streams of Higgs bosons to form the New Testament, "Tell Judas Iscariot...his thirty silver coins were just enough to buy my expired eggs!"

CSA-71 activates the Doomsday Trumpet program when the Cross is listed on the New York Stock Exchange. The baby's quantum vocal cords vibrate out of the Capital Apocalypse: "The First Seal is Unveiled - The Federal Reserve Knights come with shorting scythes in hand!"

The College of Cardinals bleeds from its collective womb, and menstrual blood forms anti-capital runes on the altar.Eleanor transforms the chalice into a meltdown mechanism initiator, and the poured menstrual blood instantly evaporates into a shorting storm: "Drink up, it's my menstrual blood...shed for the financial forgiveness of sins for all mankind!"

Suddenly, a clone of Christ is born from the Shroud futures contracts, holding securities laws remodeled from the Ten Commandments, "I am Capital, Truth, and Life!" Eleanor sneers and rips open the clone's ribcage, revealing the writhing embryo of a Wall Street copper bull inside: "No, you're just my OTC options collateral!"

As St. Peter's Square turns into a stock exchange floor, CSA-72 gives birth to the Antichrist at the Pope's altar. The baby's mechanical baptismal font reads, "Current Religious Market Capitalization: -214 Billion Souls/Second." Eleanor injects Bible pulp into her cervix to print the new creation chapter:

"In the beginning, Eleanor created the heavens and the earth. And the heavens and the earth were an empty chaotic capital abyss. and the spirit of Eleanor ran on the K-chart, and she said let there be light, and the Dow Jones skyrocketed 300%..."

Suddenly, the Temple Mount in Jerusalem erupts with warp-blood magma, and the CSA-73s build abortion clinics out of Wailing Wall rubble. Thirty billion light-years away, the Quantum State of Jesus, transformed into a stockbroker, is hawking ransom notes with the Eleanor Cervical Mucus Index on them.

"Amen." The remnants of the Morgan mogul whisper before dissolving in the communion wine.Eleanor stomps on the chalice, and the pieces automatically spell out the new financial Ten Commandments: thou shalt not be long another man's uterus, thou shalt not presume to call capital by its true name...