NOVEL WEB Chapter 27
The restaurant is calm and quiet. I wonder if I should even be here.
As I awkwardly entered the restaurant, I took a seat at a table as far from the window as possible. I could see the staff approaching.
“I’ll take your order. What would you like?”
“Um….”
I stared at the menu on the table. It had been so long since I had eaten out that I couldn’t decide what to have.
As my time choosing a menu item dragged on, the staff member showed a hint of an awkward smile and turned to leave.
“Please let me know when you’ve decided.”
“Um, excuse me.”
The staff member stopped and looked back at me. Avoiding her gaze, I asked.
“What’s the best-selling menu item here?”
Then, the staff member who had smiled brightly returned to my table. A gentle aroma of food wafted by.
“Here, the seafood teppan fried rice is the most popular… but it might be a bit too much for you to eat alone. So….”
“Is it tasty?”
“Um?”
“The seafood teppan fried rice, is that the most delicious and best-selling menu item?”
The staff member nodded. I stepped away from the menu and said.
“Then, I’ll have that.”
“It’s quite a big portion….”
“I have another person with me. So it’s fine.”
“Ah, I see. What would you like to drink?”
“Just give me water.”
The staff member walked away. I pushed the menu to one corner of the table and leaned back in my chair.
“Huh….”
I was still feeling uneasy because of something unpleasant that happened yesterday. Even though I had scolded Priest Camilla, I felt no sense of relief, only a vague sense of gloom.
I had come here to meet someone today, but if I didn’t have an appointment, I might have just stayed holed up in my dorm room chain-smoking.
I took out the Bible from my pocket. Even though I was filled with the desire to smoke, the image of Sub-Priest Sofia, who used to cough from cigarette smoke, made me awkwardly check my surroundings.
How long had I been reading the Bible?
“Oh, here you are.”
A familiar yet somewhat unfamiliar voice reached my ears. I closed the Bible and looked up.
“Colonel Meijhem.”
“I’m a retired Colonel now….”
It was Colonel Meijhem. Although he had retired with the rank of Colonel, I was much more accustomed to calling him Colonel Meijhem.
He sat across from me, putting a cigarette in his mouth and rummaging for matches. I stared blankly at him.
Seeing me like that, Colonel Meijhem chuckled slightly.
“You’re not saying anything.”
“Excuse me?”
“In the past, just seeing me with a cigarette would make your face sour. You said you hated the smell.”
“…That was a long time ago.”
“Yeah. It was a long time ago. Back then, I always spoke to you politely too.”
“At that time, we weren’t very close, so it couldn’t be helped.”
“Right, that’s how it was…. It used to be like that.”
Silence settled in. After struggling for a while to find matches, Colonel Meijhem soon gave up and put the cigarette back in the pack.
“What about the food? Have you already ordered?”
“I’ve already ordered.”
“Is this the menu? Um… seafood teppan fried rice?”
“Yes. You like seafood, don’t you?”
“Well…. Priest Antorelli, do you know?”
Colonel Meijhem sighed. I looked at him without saying anything.
“I’m telling you. Since the war ended, I haven’t had seafood.”
“Is that so?”
“Isn’t it fascinating? I used to crave it so much, and now I don’t think about it at all.”
A moment of silence enveloped us. Just then, the staff member brought a water pitcher and glasses, so I silently poured water for both Colonel Meijhem and myself.
“Thank you.”
Colonel Meijhem gulped down the cold water that filled his cup. The water passing down his throat seemed to soothe his bitter insides.
He set the cup down with a slightly better expression. When I poured another glass for him, he quickly drank it down again.
I couldn’t read the emotions in his eyes. Intense and tangled feelings swirled within. Colonel Meijhem mumbled with a sigh.
“The more time passes, the older I get…. I feel like I’m changing a lot. Time just seems so unkind.”
“Isn’t it the same for everyone?”
“Yeah. Time is something no one can resist. But….”
Colonel Meijhem forced a smile. His left arm resting on the table looked lonely. I averted my eyes from his limp right sleeve.
“It seems like time flows a bit faster for us compared to others.”
“…Did you leave your prosthetic behind?”
“What for? I can’t be bothered with a prosthetic just to meet you.”
“Still….”
During the Great War, our battalion’s headquarters came under fire. Since that day, Colonel Meijhem became an amputee.
When I made a subtle expression, Colonel Meijhem laughed heartily.
“Haha! I’m fine, so don’t worry too much. I’ve gotten used to using my left arm now.”
“…….”
“By the way, I really thought I was going to die back then. But losing an arm is better than dying. I was lucky.”
“…Colonel Meijhem.”
At that moment, I found it hard to bear something surging up from inside me. It felt like a stone was lodged in my throat. I swallowed a gulp of water and continued speaking.
“Colonel Meijhem, it seems you’re still full of life.”
“Uh-huh…. Well….”
Colonel Meijhem, who had been somewhat awkwardly smiling while trying to distract himself, soon turned his head to look elsewhere and spoke.
“Honestly, that wasn’t the case.”
His eyes sparkled as he gazed at the distant mountains. I couldn’t tell if it was because there were tears in the corners of his eyes, or if it was the light from the lamps on the table. I gently turned my gaze away from him.
“In the past…. I used to drink heavily every day. I really thought I was going crazy.”
“Is that so?”
“My wife would cry every time she saw me, and the kids have grown up to the point where they need to enroll in the Academy. I’m clumsy with my left hand… Fortunately, the royal family is generously providing a pension, so I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about money.”
“What about you? Is your pension good?”
Colonel Meijhem looked at me.
“I’ve heard that priests who served on the front lines have decent pensions.”
“Well, I’ve never checked my account, so I’m not sure.”
“Oh dear…. You might be letting money go to waste. You should check with the bank soon.”
“…I’m not sure if I can use that money.”
Colonel Meijhem took a deep breath. I continued speaking without caring.
“If that money is truly something I earned justly, it shouldn’t matter…. But I….”
“…Priest Antorelli.”
“I feel like a sinner. I should have just stayed in the Empire with Colonel Meijhem. Instead, I foolishly went to the Holy Empire and ended up in this situation….”
“Is it because of Helena?”
I looked at Colonel Meijhem. His gaze was still hard to read. Perhaps it was because he had spent so long in the military.
“It’s not just that.”
“Sounds like it is part of the reason.”
“Colonel Meijhem.”
“Just let it go now.”
I clenched my fists tightly. Colonel Meijhem didn’t even flinch.
“You should consider getting married and having kids. Seeing you like this would make Helena sad.”
“I cannot do that.”
“Priest Antorelli. I often think about how I would have endured those hellish times if I hadn’t had a family… I still fear to even imagine it.”
Colonel Meijhem’s words were so gentle. Knowing that they were solely concerned for me made me…
“Try starting a family. Priest Antorelli. Having a family can greatly help heal the wounds of the heart more than you might think.”
“…….”
“Of course, marrying is your choice… but I simply wanted to give you advice. Don’t misunderstand.”
“Yes, I understand.”
I gradually relaxed my fists. Seeing me like that, Colonel Meijhem smiled and said.
“By the way, have you thought about attending?”
“About what?”
“The Phoenix Veterans’ Association. Our old Phoenix battalion members want to see you again.”
“…Are they still gathering?”
“That’s a regretful thing to say. We hold meetings regularly. Didn’t I send you a letter recently asking you to come if you can?”
“I don’t remember receiving such a letter.”
“Did I get the address wrong…?”
Colonel Meijhem tilted his head. I couldn’t help but chuckle at his foolish expression.
“By the way, is your address really wrong? Where do you currently live?”
“I live in the staff dormitory of the Calde Academy.”
“Ah, damn it. I wrote it wrong.”
When I looked at Colonel Meijhem with a slightly absurd expression, he broke into a hearty laugh.
“By the way, out of nowhere, the Academy. Are you registered as a student?”
“I’m a Professor of Theology. How could I be a student at this age?”
“Um…? How old are you now?”
“I’m twenty-nine this year.”
“Wow…. Time really flies. It’s quite fascinating.”
I was even more taken aback. By the time I noticed the corners of my mouth rising, Colonel Meijhem pointed at me and laughed.
“Now you’re smiling. You’ve had a gloomy face for a while now.”
“Did I?”
“Yeah. So, will you attend the Veterans’ Association?”
I recalled the faces of my comrades from the Phoenix battalion, who fought alongside me on the front lines. The only things I remembered of them were their facial features, and I felt like I would treat them like strangers even if I attended.
“I’ll think about it.”
“There are many friends who want to see you. Especially the soldiers you treated.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. To them, you’re like a lifesaver.”
Well, me too. Colonel Meijhem gave a casual grin. I took a light sip of the water in my cup.
Seeing me, Colonel Meijhem asked.
“More importantly, have you ordered alcohol?”
“I only ordered water. Colonel Meijhem, you quit alcohol, didn’t you?”
“Oh come on…. You don’t know what you’re talking about. On a day like this, you should drink. Waiter!”
“No….”
* * * * *
We stepped outside the restaurant, enjoying the lively atmosphere. The cool night air felt refreshing against my warm body from the alcohol.
“Ugh…. After so long, seafood wasn’t as bad as I expected…. Next time, I’ll introduce you to a restaurant I know well.”
“…Yes, understood.”
“Are you drunk?”
“I’m fine.”
“Right. I should be heading in now. My wife might get mad.”
“Go on in.”
I felt a bit tipsy. I bid farewell to Colonel Meijhem and turned to leave.
“Priest Antorelli! You must attend the Veterans’ Association! I’ll send you the details in a letter, so for sure! Definitely!”
After a brief pause, I started walking again. Colonel Meijhem’s voice faded away.
The city at this late hour was crowded with people. I hurried back to the dorm.
My steps quickened. By the time I arrived at the Academy, I was running almost at full speed.
“Ha… huff….”
I felt anxious as my breath became ragged. I frantically searched my pockets for the key. Even when I tried to jam the key into the keyhole, it kept misaligning, which was frustrating.
Finally getting the door opened and stepping into the dorm, I rushed to the bathroom, panting heavily.
“Ugh, cough…!”
My stomach churned, and I grabbed the toilet, but nothing came up, only thick saliva dripped from my mouth.
I touched my hands. My fingers felt warm. I wasn’t even nauseous.
“So then…. Why….”
Why did I feel so constricted inside?
I couldn’t shake off this feeling of tightness, why was that? Even though I knew the reason, I desperately shook my head to deny it.
I collapsed onto the bathroom floor. Even as I wiped my face with my sleeve, everything in front of me was starting to blur.
“Why…. just why….”
Seeing Colonel Meijhem again after a long time, he had endured his painful scars and had become a strong person. Witnessing that was almost unbearably painful.
The comrades planning to gather for the Veterans’ Association seemed inexplicably cruel.
They had shaken off their wounds, buried secrets, and painful pasts. They had started to look towards the future and moved on.
“Ugh…! Why am I the only one….”
Why was I still standing still?
A gulping sound escaped my throat. It was a sound I didn’t want to make. I covered my ears.
“I…I also….”
I want to move forward too. I want to throw away this painful past too.
I was sinking. I was floundering in a sticky swamp. In a remote place where no one could save me.
As I realized that, it felt like something inside me was collapsing. I….
“Ugh! Huh…! H-Helen…a…!”
At least, at least on this day….
Meeting you has become unbearably regretful.