One Helluva Fox

At the "Richest Cup Café, where the poor pour for you!" Stella and Stolas are sipping tea, giving each other glares while Stella's brother, Andrealphus, looks on.

Stella sips her tea. "Stolas."

"Stella." Stolas sips his tea.

"Cunt."

An small Imp, that's standing on the table and holding a tea kettle, puts more tea into Stella's cup.

"Witch." Stolas glares at Stella.

"Auuugh!" Andrealphus groans in annoy meant.

Stela slams her hands on the table. "FUCKISH. IMP. SUCKER!"

Stolas sips his tea. "Why did you insist on meeting me here?" He looks at his phone that says. 'Reminder: Deal  @Ozzie's set.'

Andrealphus clears his throat. "We wanted to properly discuss the terms of this divorce." He smugly smiles. "I feel my darling sister deserves a bit more... compensation."

Stella gives a large wicked smile.

Andrealphus continues. "After all, you did CHEAT on the poor thing. Surely you owe..."

Stolas frowns. "Andrealphus, cheating implies there was a betrayal. This woman never gave two shits about me or our very much arranged marriage. As far as I'm concerned, this divorce is far overdue."

The imp sever looks out to see Bombproof, the flaming Horse Demon, racing towards the glass window.

"Up yours!" Stella flips off Stolas.

Andrealphus groans. "Stellaaa, for fuck's sake, stop making this harder to bullshit!"

The window breaks, revealing Striker posing on a table.

She discards her poncho and twirls two angelic revolvers in her hand. She fires one and the bullet hits the window near Stolas' head. 

Stella grins evilly at Stolas as he dodges more bullets. He flies out toward the exit. Striker wraps Stolas in a glowing white rope before he can escape. Stolas falls to the ground in an alley, captured.

"Oh, dear..." Stolas mutters. "This is worrisome."

.

.

I.M.P are all inside their van as Blitzo drives. Moxxie, Millie and Sylvester, who's rubbing his closed left eye, are in the back. A fearful Loona sits in the front next to Blitzo.

Bltizo's phone rings, a bird ringtone plays. "Oh shit. Stolas!" He takes out his phone and answers it. "It's really not a good time buddy..."

Millie, Moxxie and Sylvester on lean towards Blitzo and listen.

"I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy, but um..." Stolas starts as he's tied up on the back of Striker's horse as she gallops down the street. His rope is glowing white. "I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch. I'm tied to the back of a horse at the moment."

"Pfft, lucky bitch..." Blitzo says.

"Um, well no, rather unlucky. I seem to have been stolen by that little cowgirl friend of yours."

Sylvester's fur puffs up a little.

"Ohh, which one?" Blitzo asks with widened eyes.

"How many cowgirls do you know?" Moxxie asks Blitzo, then talks to Stolas. "What does she look like your highness?"

Stolas glances at Striker and looks her up and down. "Mmm... Sexy."

"That's Striker sir!"

"What the fuck?" Sylvester gives Moxxie a questioning look, before pinching the bridges of his nose. "Awww, fuck... Striker."

"Oh for suck sake!" Blitzo yells into the phone. "Can't you just get away? Aren't you powerful?"

"I believe he has me bound with blessed rope, which limits my ability to free myself I'm afraid." Stolas informs. "So, I think you should come save me."

"Oh shit Stolas, I can't today alright? I'm sorry. I-I'm literally on my way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies S.H.O.T."

Loona just stares at Blitzo with frightened eyes as she hugs herself.

Bltizo continues. "It takes years to book an appointment at this place, it took five to get this one, and she's been doing a lot of field work so you know, she needs it."

"Oh, ha ha, well I do agree that is very important..." Stolas says. "But I-"

"Would you shut up already?" Striker angrily asks Stolas. "I can hear you by the way." She uses her tail to grab Stolas' phone and brings it up to her ear. "Don't worry about your lanky birdy... He's in good hands." She crushes the phone as she laughs evilly.

"Oh shit... Am I in danger right now?"

"Gaaagh... Damn it!" Blitzo crushes his phone and moves the clutch forward and his van speeds down the highway."

"Blitz." Sylvester leans over the front seats. "Let me, M&M, take care of this one."

Blitzo glances at Sylvester. "Are you sure you three can handle this?"

Sylvester gives Blitzo a really look, and motions to all of himself. "Have you met me?"

Moxxie pops up next to Sylvester. "You're a psychopathic gunmen that does nearly anything for money, and sounds like you have daddy issues."

Sylvester glares at Moxxie.

"Moxxie, now's not the time." Millie places a cowboy hat on her husband's head. "We got this, sir."

Blitzo nods. "Alright. Well, hurry. Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time." Bltizo pulls up to the tall St. An's Hospital main building. "And knowing that woman's aesthetic, my money's that she's in Wrath."

Blitzo drops the car keys into Sylvester's hand, as Blitzo pulls Loona out of the van and carries her over his head. "Now, get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something."

"Let's go bitches!" Sylvester climbs into the front seat and speeds off, after driving over a couple Imps.

Moxxie and Millie hold onto their seats as Sylvester widely drives down the street.

"Do you know how to drive?!" Moxxie shouts.

"Um... Kinda." Sylvester chuckles.

"KINDA?!"

"Hey, I've never really needed to drive, okay!" Sylvester nearly crashes into several cars.

"I think you should pull over and let me or Moxxie drive." Millie suggests.

Sylvester looks down at the steering wheel, then back to the road. "Um... That's a good idea."

.

.

Moxxie's now driving with Millie sits next to him. Sylvester sits in the back, fiddling with his left eye.

"So, Sylvester..." Moxxie looks into the rear view mirror. "How do you know, Stolas? From what I've seen and heard, you're both really buddy buddy."

Sylvester stops touching his eye. "Um... Well, I met him a really long time ago. When I was a child."

"How does a Hellfox like you, met a Prince?"

Sylvester grows. "What do you mean by that?"

Moxxie nervously chuckles. "Um... You know.... How you are all.... Killery... Murdery... and messed up in the head?"

"Wow, Moxxie, that's low." Millie speaks up.

"Hey, all of its true!"

Sylvester rolls his eye. "Whatever... I just met him is all... That's all you're getting." He says in a grumpy tone.

"Sheesh..." Moxxie glances at Sylvester.

.

.

.

"Crumbs!"

Moxxie pulls into a gas station in the Wrath ring. Sylvester's now wearing a cowboy outfit.

"I'll grab the gas Millie, you and Sylvester, go and see if anyone's seen Striker anywhere." Moxxie says.

Millie nods and gets out of the van.

"I'm not paying for the gas." Sylvester hops out of the van.

"Fine." Moxxie hops out as well.

Sylvester walks towards the building and leans against it as he lights up a cigar. Suddenly his phone vibrates. "Hmm?"

Sylvester pulls out his phone and sees a text from his sister.

'Hey, call me when you can. It's important.' -- Malina.

Sylvester goes to the contact and hovers his finger of the call button, but he looks up to see a biker gang starting to harass Moxxie.

Sylvester groans and tosses his cigar to the side as he pockets his phone. He walks over to the bikers as one pulls back his fist. "Gentlemen, are we gonna have a problem here?"

The three bikers look over to Sylvester.

"Hey, get lost foxy boy." One of the biker snickers. "This ain't your issue."

"Is it?" Sylvester asks. "Now you see this Imp is my friend, and I don't take kindly to those who mess with my friends." He hovers a hand over his flintlock in a holster on his right hip.

The three bikers sweat as Sylvester glares at them. The leader then turns to Moxxie. "Don't be wearing the same hat next time, it'll get you killed." The leader says as he and his gang walk off.

Moxxie rolls his eyes as Sylvester approaches him. "I could have handled that."

Sylvester just waves off Moxxie.

Millie then runs over. "Come on! We got a lead!" She hops into the van.

Sylvester climbs in as Moxxie puts the nozzle back and runs over to his seat and drives off.

.

.

In Striker's hideout Stolas is tied upside down on some railroad tracks. He opens his eyes and spots Striker using a whetstone to sharpen a Blessed Knife.

"So, my wife paid you for this hmm?" Stolas asks. "Wouldn't a holy bullet have sufficed? Or could you not afford those?"

Striker smiles. "I was paid to give you the real royal treatment. Your wife must really hate you." She laughs.

"You have no idea-" Stolas looks around the hideout. And he spots a lifesize Sylvester plushie and body pillow. He blinks  a few times. "So... train tracks... really? Seems a bit cliché doesn't it?"

"Its a classic."

"Is the giant statue of yourself also a classic or..."

In front of Striker is a large statue of her self, with long erected nipples. Striker gives an irritated hiss as she clenches the whetstone. She then throws the stone on the ground and takes off her hat.

"Heh, are you seriously judging me right now?" Striker asks as she throws her hat onto one of her long nipples on the statcue.

"I'm just impressed you seem to want to suck your own tit this badly." Stolas insults.

"Look, not every ring is some fancy ass city, with some fancy ass mansion- - that only fancy ass royals get to live in." Striker walks over to Stolas. "Some of us have hard lives to live. And some of us have everything we care about taken away by some fuckers like you."

"I have no-" Stolas screams in pain as Striker stabs him in the shoulder.

The Striker rips out the knife and cuts the rope holding him to the track, so he falls down. Black blood soaks Stolas' shoulder.

"YOU don't get to talk over me." Striker whips Stolas with her tail. "I don't have to listen to your bullshit." She stomps on Stolas' wound. "All you royals ever do is talk over us. That's why I like Sylvester, he knows the pain of hard work."

Stolas tries to petrify Striker, but the rope prevents his powers from working.

Striker smirks as she puts a hand on Stolas' chest. "Don't bother trying your little eye trick on me. Those rope ain't gonna let you do anything. Got something to say about that your--" She digs her foot deeper into Stolas' shoulder. "HIGHNESS!"

"Well, you seem to be forgetting-" Stolas starts. "-You are working for a royal. Right-" He kicks Sticker off him. "NOW!"

Striker smiles and grabs Stolas' outstretched leg, and breaks it. Stolas barely flinches, and smiles. "Bltiz handles me rougher than that in bed... nice try."

Striker gets slightly frustrated, but smiles as she stabs her blessed knife through Stolas' leg.

"Blitzy's knife is bigger, and hits sooo much deeeeper."

Striker lets go of Stolas'"Being a smartass hmm?" He grabs Stolas by the hair and lifts his head up. "Cause once I split your neck open and let you choke on your own blue blood." She rubs the dull side of the knife on Stolas' face. "You won't be worth any more than the tombstone you'll be buried under."

Stolas smiles. "Blitzy says far dirtier things to me with much sharper objects at my throat."

Striker hisses in frustration and shoves Stolas back down and walks away.

Stolas takes a deep breath as a single tear falls from his eye.

.

.

In Andrealphus' mansion, in the Pride Ring. Andrealphus and Stella are having tea and Andrealphus creates several ice cubs, stirring them into his drink.

"So, earlier. That assassin." Andrealphus speaks playfully. "Was that yoooouuuuu?"

Stella speaks in a singsong tone while smiling. "Guuuiiillltttyyyyy. Yesss it waass."

"You silly minx, you." Andrealphus laughs. "Though, you know... If your husband dies, it won't turn out well for you."

"He'll be dead! Why wouldn't it?"

"Because my dear sister, you've already produced an heir. When he dies, his duties, his possessions, his legions, it will all pass to Via... And her new that insufferable fox that she will then be forced to marry. Sooo, if you kill him you would...?"

"Laugh?" Stella asks. "HA!"

"NO YOU STUPID COW!" Andrealphus yells. "YOU'D GET NOTHING! Ugh, you're SO lucky you're attractive..."

"Agh! Well what do you propose we do? He won't leave me anything willingly, he hates me almost as much as I hate him."

"Hmmm, well this kind of situation is extremely unique." Andrealphus stands up. "A Goetia has never behaved like this before..." He walks over to his sister. "But with him alive, we have options, opportunities... Eternity is a long time my dear. I say we bide out time, and wait for the chance to gain the upper hand."

Stella whines. "Ooooh, but I want him dead so badly!" She pouts.

"And he will be, in time, my fiery vixen..." Andrealphus holds up a phone. "But patience first. Now call off your mangy stray."

Back in the Strikers Cave Stolas gets thrown back onto the tracks.

"Well this has been fun..." Striker smugly says as she swipes her knife in the air a few times. She walks circles around Stolas. "But every good thing has to come to an end. Shame you won't see your kid again."

"Don't you dare breath a word about my daughter." Stolas glares at Striker.

Striker kneels down to Stolas. "Ooooh... Finally hit a nerve huh?"

"I swear if you go near her, I will destroy you."

Striker stabs her knife back through Stolas' shoulder wound. "Big talk. But just that... any last words Goetia?"

"Blitz... will..."

"That rodeo clown told you he ain't coming." Striker takes her knife out of Stolas' shoulder, and then holds her knife high up. "Nobody is coming-" Her phone suddenly rings. She takes it out and answers it. "Yello?"

Stella's voice comes over the phone. "Change of plans sweety, I need the prick alive."

Striker looks annoyed as she glances between Stolas' wounds and her knife. She sits down on Stolas. "I'm kinda in the middle of killin him..."

Stolas tries to speak, but Striker uses her tail to cover his mouth.

"Well stop it." Stella orders. "We need him alive to get some affairs in order. I will pay you more to spare him and bring him to us."

Striker groans in annoyance. "Yes ma'am..."

"Glorious!"

Striker ends the call, and then throws her phone to the side in anger, breaking it. She gets off Stolas and glares down at him. "Well... good news for you feathers. Your royal cunt says she don't want you dead no more." She grabs Stolas' face and brings her blessed knife close. "Buuut she didn't say what condition you had to be in." She brings her knife close to Stolas' eye. "I think these reds might be a pretty trophy. Can't have you seeing me again, can we?"

Suddenly a car horn blares in the distance. Striker gets up and growls while looking for the source. Parts of the cavern ceiling begin to give away and the I.M.P. van breaks through, tumbling down an embankment and the van comes to rest. The door opens with Moxxie and Sylvester aiming rifles at Striker.

The latter dodges several rods and throws her knife into Moxxie's rifle, causing another bullet to ricochet around the cavern and strike a nearby boom box that beings playing.

As Striker pulls out two revolvers, Millie attacks her with a Longsword from behind; Strikes takes the sword and Millie charges with a katana while Moxxie attacks as well with two revolvers of his own. 

Sylvester climbs up a rock and readies his musket, trying to get a shot at Striker between Moxxie and Millie. "Come on, Come on."

Millie, Moxxie and Striker all fight to a stand still and Sylvester smiles. He pulls the trigger of his musket, but Striker slides to the side and throws a knife at Sylvester.

The knife hits Sylvester Musket down a hole, and he groans in annoyance.

Sylvester slides down a rock only to find Striker hit Moxxie away from him and to the ground. Moxxie and Millie groan in pain as Striker turns to Sylvester.

"Well, well, well." Striker smirks.

"Striker, I'll give you one chance, let me and my friends take Stolas out of here." Sylvester starts. "And we'll let you go... I don't want to hurt you." Sylvester holds a hand above his holstered Flintlock.

"Come Zdrada, don't be like that." Striker says in a sultry tone. "Maybe I'll let your friends take him, if you come with me to by bed room~"

Sylvester just glares at Striker.

"Hmph, fine." Striker lowers her hand towards a holstered revolver.

The two slowly start to circle each other, with Sylvester glares at Striker, but she smugly smirks.

The two swiftly grab their weapons and bring them up, and fire. They shot each other's weapons out of their hands, sending the guns flying.

Sylvester swiftly takes a knife out from his boot and lunges at Strike, she grabs his hands and barely stops the knife from entering her chest.

"Oh, come on baby, you wouldn't kill me? Right?" Striker asks.

"I'd kill anyone." Sylvester growls as he puts more force into his knife.

Striker frowns and whips Sylvester in the face with her tail, dazing him slightly. She takes the knife out from his hand and stabs him in the shoulder with it, before talking him to the ground.

"You son of a bitch!" Sylvester growls as the two roll around on the ground.

Sylvester ends up on top as he wraps his hands around Striker's throat and starts squeezing. Striker smiles up at Sylvester.

"Oh, you know I like it rough~" Striker smiles, only to cough as Sylvester squeezes harder.

Striker grunts as she moves her hand to the side and tries to grab a blessed knife that's stuck in Moxxie's rifle. She coughs and grunts as he hand wraps around the handle and pulls out the knife.

"Come on Darling, loosen up a little!" Striker stabs the knife into Sylvester side and he shouts in pain.

Striker kicks Sylvester off her and he stumbles back, ripping the two knifes out of him and glares at Striker.

"I can do this all day!" Striker laughs. "So come and give me your best shot."

Sylvester glances behind Striker and smiles. "But I don't feel like fighting all day, so have fun~"

Striker grows confused, until she looks behind her and sees her statue fall on top of you. "Oh, you sly fox." She gets crushed under her statue.

A large cloud of smoke surrounds the area and Sylvester drops the knives and waves away the smoke. He walks over to where Striker was, only to find a piece of her scarf.

"Damn bitch..." Sylvester grumbles as he puts a hand on his wounded side. "That's gonna leave a scar." He then looks to the side and sees Moxxie and Millie hovering over Stolas, and he runs over.

"Oh Crumbs!" Moxxie shouts. "We have to get him to a hospital!"

Sylvester grabs Stolas and lifts him up as the two Imps run towards the van. "Come on, Stolas, you can't die now. I need a best man at my wedding."

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As a group of reporters stand outside St. An's, Blitzo and Loona emerge. With the former being beaten up and scratched, and the latter with a cone around her neck and holding a lollipop. The damaged van pulls up to the front.

Blitzo smiles. "Oh, good. You guys actually managed to--"

A horde of medical personnel and reporters trample Blitzo as they rush to the van. Two Plague Doctors opened the van door and they put Stolas on the stretcher. Blitzo gets trampled again when they wheel Stolas inside. Blitzo sees a passing look at Stolas' tail feathers as they pass by.

Moxxie, Millie and Sylvester walk over to Blitzo. 

"Sir, are you alright?" Moxxie asks.

"Oh, peachy." Blitzo is confused. "Yeah, no. Today has been wonderful;-" He points to the hospital doors. "what the fuck was THAT about?"

"Stolas is hurt, really bad." Sylvester informs.

Blitzo becomes shocked and worried. "Stolas got what? How? ... He can get hurt?"

"Where not immortal Blitz." Sylvester whispers to him. "We can die just the same as everyone else, it just takes an extra step."

.

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Stolas sets his phone down with a dejected look.

"How you feeling?" Sylvester's voice rings out.

Stolas looks towards the window and sees Sylvester, all cleaned up, sitting on the edge of it. His feet dangle out the window as he smokes with a slightly lost look.

"I've... been better." Stolas gives a small smile. "I don't think you should be smoking in a hospital."

"I don't care." Sylvester looks at Stolas with a worried look. "I'm... glad you're alright though. Had me scared for a little bit."

"Sorry, my friend."

Sylvester sighs as he spins around and turns to Stolas. "Blitz means well, okay. He's worried for you, just doesn't know how to show it. So do keep in mind that he's thinking about you."

Stolas smiles. "Thank you."

Sylvester leans on the edge of the window. "I don't think things are gonna get any better from her, Stolas. Only gonna get harder."

"What makes you say that?"

"The past couple months... Shits just been..." Sylvester sighs as he stands up and walks over to Stolas. "Get some rest, I'll be back later to check on you." He gives Stolas a small hug.

Stolas puts an arm around Sylvester. "Thank you for coming."

Sylvester takes a few steps back. "Hey, you'd do the same for me." He starts to disappear in the shadows. "See you later, birdy."

"See you later, fox."

Sylvester disappears in the shadows and Stolas rolls onto his side, and closes his eyes.

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12-08-2023

3562 words