No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode 160

I didn’t grow up unable to call my parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. I just didn’t call them that. 

There is a huge difference here.

If Hong Gildong had called his father ‘father’, he would have been beaten. So he couldn’t have called him that. In contrast, I wouldn’t have been punished for calling my parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. It’s just that there was no response, as if dealing with an invisible person.

So I just didn’t call them that.

“M-mom, dad…?”

“You called us…?”

To me, Cassice’s parents were truly wondrous beings.

At first, they looked at each other with an almost fainting intensity at the earth-shattering title that came from Cassice Demillang’s lips, but it was only for a moment. They acted like priests who had vowed to respond devotedly no matter what when their child calls for their parents.

“Ah. Cassice. Yes, mom and dad are here. Don’t worry. We’ll protect you no matter what happens!”

Well, actually, what they said to each other while turning their heads was a bit strange, but I decided to leave it be because it was amazing in its own way. 

“…We should have backed up this precious moment on a device. Why didn’t we think of recording a video?”

“We were in such a hurry that we didn’t have time to enjoy this blessed moment. Haha… There are so many. There were so many adults around, but it seems no one could protect our child.”

“How shocked must our baby have been to call us mom and dad…?”

Even this kind of talk came out. Just how much of an unfilial son was Cassice Demillang?

No. I don’t know if I can call him unfilial. In the end, Cassice Demillang did all this to protect his parents, erased his parents’ memories, and subjected himself to abuse and torture. In a way, maybe he should be called a filial son.

But how would it be from the parents’ perspective?

‘Even lava doesn’t have this much heat.’

Of course, I thought it was the same for them to have neglected Cassice Demillang until now. It’s just that since they were the ones Cassice Demillang had served and loved so dearly, as soon as I saw their tearful faces, I felt like I had to call them ‘mom, dad’.

But as I listened to the information Cassice’s parents were pouring out, I felt something strange somewhere.

“We didn’t want to hold you back… So we sealed off the mansion and cut off information as you told us to. We didn’t know that would make us overlook the threats you faced. It’s our fault. We’re really sorry. Cassice. Even though I knew this family…”

“Don’t say that, honey. If only I, if only I didn’t have this body…”

In a word… From what I heard, it seems Cassice Demillang had been confining his parents under the pretext of safety.

‘Wow. This psycho bastard.’

Until the butler risked his life to convey the truth to the parents, most of the information related to Cassice Demillang was completely blocked from being accessed.

Especially the information related to injuries seems to have been censored several times as if being sifted through.

The parents, who finally grasped the full context thanks to the butler’s loyal advice, came to see Cassice in a state of almost fainting…

I was really at a loss for words in front of the two who were shedding tears.

‘A legend of being unfilial, really.’

If you locked up your parents, you should have at least visited them often. Judging by the parents’ extremely joyful reaction when Cassice visited, it seems he didn’t see them often either. It’s a good thing the two are on extremely good terms, otherwise how lonely would a social animal like a human have been?

If something goes wrong, they might go crazy like me.

‘So if you’re going to make a cage, you should make it as wide as the world so the bird doesn’t know it’s trapped…’

No, that’s not the problem. The problem is locking them up in the first place.

‘But if it were me, I think I would have confined Ryuseong too if he were weaker than me.’

…Putting aside the value judgment on Cassice Demillang’s choice due to Jeong Ian’s personality issues for now.

There is one more problem derived from confinement.

‘Have you been getting hurt all alone until now? Cassice Demillang.’

Blocking even information from the parents you love so much.

Were you breaking down all alone like that?

‘I don’t think this is right.’

I wasn’t very different from Cassice Demillang either. I also thought it was more comfortable to handle things alone, so I deliberately dragged Ryuseong around recklessly instead of properly collaborating with him. To be precise, I didn’t want Ryuseong to see my brokenness straight on. I didn’t want to share the weight of responsibility equally. I didn’t want him to suffer by getting involved in my business. But this is the result produced by a bastard who acted with the same mindset as me.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think I want to live like this.

‘Ha, did I reach enlightenment or something? Did I have a great awakening? Did I escape from worldly desires?’

Otherwise, there’s no way I could have such healthy and wholesome thoughts. As I was stupidly repeating my existing thought patterns like that, I suddenly remembered.

What I had seen in the universe.

‘The units of the world. The great divinity. The origin of mystery…’

I still can’t distinguish whether that moment was an illusion or a delusion.

Encountering Imugi Saha in the vast darkness and cosmic dust.

And the roots of the World Tree connecting the stars, the small universe, and all that brilliance.

If that was really reality.

‘If it’s true that I reached that scene Shinmyo showed me…’

Perhaps I changed a little by facing the World Tree, the creator of the world and the very origin of the world. Maybe from the moment I faced my brothers in that fantasy created by the delusion in the previous dream, and from the moment I calmly acknowledged that I love Ryuseong, I didn’t want to be like a person, but wanted to become a person. Maybe I wanted to live like a person, not like a fake. I had such thoughts.

‘Since the filth has shed its shell… It’s molting (脫殼) and escaping (脫却).’

There are two meanings to the homophones that use the pronunciation “molting”. A bug or something shedding its shell, and getting out of wrong thoughts or bad situations. But my situation is literally a bug shedding its shell and at the same time escaping from wrong thoughts…

“From now on, we will be with you too. Son. Please trust us.”

“Please let us stand by your side.”

That was funny, so I laughed again.

There are several types of laughter I make. Although it has become almost an archaic word in everyday language these days, if I’m talking about literature, it’s good to refer to the word ‘huaji’ (滑稽) which needs to be sucked to the bone marrow.

In literary criticism and such, ‘huaji’ is usually interpreted as absurdity, but traditionally it is defined as follows. Speech flows out quickly and smoothly, and there are many witty remarks, so that wrong words seem right, right words seem wrong, and it is able to confuse people about what is different and the same (『辭海』, printed by Taiwan Zhonghua Book Company)… That is the concept of ‘huaji’.

If we classify this ‘absurdity’ into two types, it can be ‘satirical huaji’ and ‘humorous huaji’.

I’m rambling on as I please, but my college major was astronomy, and literary criticism is all I took by chance when I failed at timetable Tetris. It’s hard to say definitively what this is or what that is. So I’ll only make general remarks.

Humor is generally faithful to one’s own expression, while satire is generally faithful to criticism of a hostile target.

In that sense, I was faithful to self-criticism.

My laughter was mostly like that. I hated myself so much, and that’s why I laughed.

Always, throughout my life.

“Haha… You two will only be a hindrance.”

“Then we’ll have to be a shield at least.”

“…”

“There are no parents who would let their son bleed alone.”

Cassice Demillang’s parents smiled softly as if they understood everything, but they didn’t seem to have any intention of overlooking it any further.

And that was the problem.

‘Damn you, Cassice Demillang!’

From the moment I faced my parents, my heart throbbed. It wasn’t cute emotions like excitement or joy. Cassice Demillang’s body was occupied by terrible sadness and despair that weren’t mine. So I couldn’t even distinguish whether my heart hurt because of that, or because there was a problem with handling mana. I was just desperate to prevent the oncoming respiratory distress.

‘What is it? Cassice Demillang’s emotions have never come up until now, what has changed?’

At that moment when I was somewhat unstable, Ryuseong walked up to me. Since the parents had already met Ryuseong, they didn’t stop his approach, and Ryuseong immediately picked me up and hugged me… What?

“Wait, what are you doing…!”

“He just fainted and woke up. He needs to rest.”

Ryuseong spoke to my parents without even looking at me. The two apologized profusely with guilt-ridden faces, saying they hadn’t considered that, and I felt the urge to curse.

I wanted to rip out and punish myself for making them sad.

‘Why do I have to feel these damn emotions when I’m not Cassice Demillang?’

I desperately searched for the cause, wandering through my mind, and only then did I remember what dream I had when I fainted.

“…”

A chilling sensation of blood turning into mercury crept through my whole body.

Sensing the anomaly, Ryuseong whispered to me.

“Do you want to run away?”

“…”

I want to run away. But I shook my head, and at the same time, I realized. Ryuseong must have seen that my lips had turned purple.

But I had no intention of running away. Even if I ran away, it would be into Ryuseong’s arms.

‘I’d rather not go anywhere.’

I saw Cassice Demillang’s memories in my dream just now. The emotions ‘inside the novel’ that fiercely hated the ‘protagonist’ still seemed to pierce my heart sharply.