Nirvana In Fire

Xiao Jingyan held Mei Changsu’s arm and patted it lightly. He knew that Lin Shu truly despaired at that moment, and that he was suffering in his heart, but he had originally known that there wasn’t much hope with Grand Princess Liyang, and he also knew that forcing her was meaningless, so he did as Mei Changsu said and took the pouch from his aunt’s hands, saying, “Thank you for your efforts in bringing this here. Your nephew expresses gratitude on behalf of the deceased. There are more things I have to discuss with Sir Su. Thank you for coming, gu mu. I won’t be seeing you out.”

With that, he dismissed his guests, without attempting to persuade further. This instead made Grand Princess Liyang feel discomfitted and at a complete loss as to what to do. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. In the end, she was forced to turn around walk silently out, her head bowed. Xiao Jingrui turned and bowed, paying his respects to the Crown Prince before turning to catch up with his mother, gently supporting her arm.

Leaving the main pavilion, across the white jade tiles of the outer courtyard, just before the screen wall*, Grand Princess Liyang suddenly stopped in her tracks and lifted her eyes to look at her son. “Jingrui, do you think….I was too heartless?”

*wall used after the entrance to shield the rest of the house from outside eyes

Xiao Jingrui thought for a while and said, “There are grounds for supporting either action. It all depends on what Mother values most in your heart. Nobody else, including your son, has the right to influence Mother’s decision. What’s more, once this immense case is overturned, Marquis Xie….Marquis Xie’s crime would become high treason. Although he is dead, second and third brother would undoubtedly be implicated. Mother is unwilling to be the hand that pushes them into the abyss. I understand Mother’s love for us.”

Liyang held back her tears and patted the back of his hand which was supporting her. “Only you understand my thoughts. But looking at the Crown Prince’s determination, this case would be overturned sooner or later. Having Bi’er and Xu’er in mind, I wanted to be the first to present the plea in exchange for their pardon. This seemed like a reasonable resolution, and I had originally expected that Mister Su, with all his shrewdness, to try to use this to persuade me. I never expected….that he would be so angered by those few words I said…..”

Xiao Jingrui thought it through and felt equally puzzled. He said softly, “When I first got to know Su xiong then, I admired his talent and generosity. In spite of all that happened after, I still always felt that….the struggle for power was not his style. Since he had long since known the truth about the injustice faced by the Chiyan army, then perhaps right from the start, his goal had always been for the sake of this case. As for who he sided with, who he supported, these were all but a means to an end.”

“It looks like this Mister Su is no outsider….” Grand Princess Liyang frowned, her eyes intense. “Who is he? And what does the Chiyan case have to do with him?”

“There’s not much point in delving into this now. Whether Su xiong is involved in the case or merely the Crown Prince’s advisor, they have both already decided to disclose Marquis Xie’s testimony. They are resolute in their intention to clear the names of the wronged and they will not retreat. I admire them for this. Unfortunately, my position is awkward, so there are many things I cannot do on Mother’s behalf…..”

“Jingrui, if you were me, you would definitely have agreed to their request, wouldn’t you?”

Jingrui gave it serious thought and said, “Your son is different from Mother, so it’s not possible for us to think the same way. Many things in this world come with a dilemma. How could your son be inconsiderate towards Mother’s struggle and sorrows?”

Grand Princess Liyang exhaled a long breath and stared at the colorful carving of nine dragons* on the screen wall for a good while, before finally turning around to say, “My good son**, why don’t you accompany me to go back in again.”

*likely in reference to the “9-dragon wall” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine-Dragon_Wall)

**literal translation of “好孩子”, an expression of affection and praise which Chinese are usually pretty sparse with

Xiao Jingrui was not surprised by his mother’s decision. He nodded and supported her by her arm. “Mother, your son swears to you, no matter what happens in the future, we will go through this together as a family. If anyone wants to harm Mother and my brothers, they will have to get past me first.”

Grand Princess Liyang felt her heart boil over (with emotions) and returned her son’s hold with strength. Supporting each other, they turned and walked once again through the door of the main pavilion.

Xiao Jingyan rose and stepped forward to welcome them, as if this was the first time he was meeting the Grand Princess today. “Gu mu, please have a seat. Do you have something more to say?”

“I agree.” Grand Princess Liyang was succinct in her reply.

“Gu mu, have you given this careful thought?”

“Since I left and returned, I have of course thought it over thoroughly.” Grand Princess Liyang smiled sadly. “Actually, no matter how much I think about it, I can’t just stand by and be indifferent. Had I left your Eastern Palace today, I’m afraid my nights would be filled with nightmares.”

“Alright,” said Xiao Jingyan with his eyebrows raised, “Since gu mu has such feelings, then I will assure you that once we have cleared Chiyan of the injustice, all your children will be pardoned and not be implicated.”

Grand Princess Liyang began to tremble, saying in a faltering voice, “So you actually knew…..”

“Gu mu’s thoughts are only natural. How could it be difficult to discern?” Xiao Jingyan exchanged glances with Mei Changsu, then said lightly, “Sir Su didn’t want to say more earlier, because he didn’t want to turn this into a deal. Having come so far, at this most critical stage, any vow that is extracted by force, that is not wholehearted, would become an uncontrollable variable. Not forcing gu mu would also avoid any unexpected risks.”

“Your candidness actually puts me at ease. It appears that you won’t accept the help of anyone who is not sincere in their intent to help clear the names of the deceased.” Grand Princess Liyang turned towards Mei Changsu and looked at him. “Since this is the case, then for Mister Su to be here, he must presumably sworn undivided loyalty to you, for you to have such deep trust in him. But how did you verify Mister Su’s sincerity?”

Xiao Jingyan pursed his lips and glanced at Mei Changsu, who was looking out the window expressionlessly, as if he hadn’t been listening to a word Grand Princess Liyang said. He suddenly felt a dull ache in his heart, and paused for a while before saying, “Sir Su has expended his greatest efforts for my sake. It’s difficult to explain to you in one sentence. Besides, doubt not the person you use. I had already told you that Sir and I are like one person.”

“Doubt not the person you use…..” Grand Princess Liyang muttered these words to herself, then nodded her head, “Jingyan, I had never paid much attention to you in the past. I realize today that although you and Jingyu were different in temperament, deep inside, you’re both exactly the same.”

“If I can carry out royal eldest brother’s legacy in this life, it would be my greatest wish.” Xiao Jingyan nodded his head faintly. “If you change your mind after you leave, there is no need to force yourself. When the time comes and you have to withstand the pressure of His Majesty’s wrath in the palace, without steadfast determination, it would be difficult tocomplete what you have to say.”

Grand Princess LIyang did not respond immediately, but thought it over carefully, nodding her head in silence. At this moment, Mei Changsu turned around and smiled as he asked, “Jingrui, you’ve been away for more than a year, so you must have gained a lot of experience. How is everything?”

Xiao Jingrui smiled warmly and said, “Yes, having been away from the country, meeting certain people and experiencing certain things, when I recall the past now, I can see things more clearly, and understand better. But….Su xiong doesn’t seem to have changed much. Looking at you now, you still seem as mysterious and enigmatic as before.”

With just these few words, both men looked at each other and smiled, as if a weight had been lifted off their hearts, and they suddenly felt light. Grand Princess Liyang also did not say much more. She nodded slightly towards Xiao Jingyan and then left with her son.

There were only the both of them left in the hall and a certain heaviness hung in the atmosphere for some time. When Mei Changsu had taken the initiative to come to the Eastern Palace in the morning, Xiao Jingyan was pleasantly surprised, but the moment they met, he realized that they were still a little estranged, and spoke only about business matters, so he didn’t dare mention anything else. Not long after, both the Grand Princess and her son arrived. Though the matter had been settled, the impasse between both of them still remained. “Do you think Liyang gugu* has really made a firm decision to assist us?”

*another more casual term for “aunt”

“The Grand Princess is not an impulsive person. Since she has agreed, she would most likely follow through. But just in case, we should have a backup plan.”

“That’s not a problem. Marquis Yan will not back down. He has already assured me that when the time comes, if the time comes for him to present the injustice, even if the Emperor were to direct his full anger at him, he would persevere in stating all the facts. Of course, if we were to use Xie Yu’s letter to reopen the case, it would be better for Liyang gugu to personally present it.”

“Ng,” said Mei Changsu softly in agreement. “The situation at the time may be unpredictable, so Your Highness must maintain control of it.”

“You don’t have to worry about this. I have already spoken separately with members of the imperial family and court officials who can be trusted. The results are as I had expected. Whether it’s with sincere intentions or to take advantage of a situation, they’ve all expressed their unconditional support. But in order to prevent any of those who are as yet undecided from informing Father Emperor, I had specially requested Mother Concubine to prevent anyone from meeting Father Emperor these next few days. The imperial guards on duty at the palace have also been personally selected by Meng qing himself. No matter how much Father Emperor shouts at them, they will stall for time and not do anything until gu mu has finished speaking.”

“Your Highness has prepared well ahead.” Mei Changsu smiled.

Seeing his smile, Xiao Jingyan was secretly relieved. “I contacted the court officials without first discussing it with you and was worried that you would reproach me for being reckless. According to Meng qing, you’ve always emphasized the need to take one steady step at a time, which is why you kept so much from me, for fear that I would be too extreme.”

Mei Changsu lowered his eyes and said quietly, “As long as His Majesty is on the throne, overturning the verdict would never be entirely without risk. I would just like a little more certainty. At this point, the time has come for everything I had planned beforehand to ripen. The time has come for Your Highness to take the lead on this matter. In truth, I can’t…I don’t want to wait anymore…so I’ll leave Your Highness to make all the arrangements. Whether it’s for the deceased or for the people, having His Majesty personally order the reinvestigation of the case and exoneration of the crime, has a completely different meaning from if Your Highness were to overturn the case after ascending the throne in future.”

“I understand what you mean, and understand what you expect of me.” Xiao Jingyan looked intently at him, wanting to call out Xiao Shu’s name, but he was a little uncertain. He hesitated, and in the end restrained himself, saying instead, “As long as we succeed in making Father Emperor agree to order the reinvestigation in front of everyone, I would be able to overturn this case beautifully, and not leave behind any cause for question later on.”

Mei Changsu smiled again and slowly lifted his eyes. “There’s one more thing which I would like to request of Your Highness….”

“Why are you being so polite? Just say it.”

“On the day of the birthday ceremony, please bring me along with Your Highness.”

Xiao Jingyan’s eyes opened wide and stared at him in amazement.

“I have the status of a visiting court official. Although I would still attract attention at such an occasion, it would not be especially unexpected….after waiting all these years, whether we finally fail or succeed, I would like to witness it with my own eyes….” At this point, Mei Changsu suddenly realized that something was amiss with Xiao Jingyan’s expression and broke off mid-sentence to ask, “Does Your Highness think it would make things difficult?”

“What are you talking about?” Xiao Jingyan continued to stare at him, his eyes filling with anger. “Do you still need to ask this of me? Of course you have to be there! To arrive at this stage, all that painstaking effort with your own heart’s blood. How could I….not let you witness the outcome with your own eyes?”

“Your Highness….”

Xiao Jingyan didn’t know why, but he suddenly couldn’t control himself. With a calm face, he asked, “What Highness? Don’t you know my name? Did you just get to know me today? With what identity did you make that request of me earlier? As my counsellor?”

“Jingyan,” Mei Changsu extended his left hand and put it on Xiao Jingyan’s arm, pressing down firmly, calling his name clearly for the first time since meeting again. “This too….there’s something I need to tell you clearly….”

Afterthoughts:

I suspect I liked the conversation in the drama better. It was very well acted out. But, no touching, just a lot of intense looks at each other, whereas there’s some physical contact here in the novel, which I wish they hadn’t left out of the drama. Would it have been awkward, I wonder? And yes, I wish he had said “Xiao Shu”. It’s both ways isn’t it? He couldn’t call Xiao Shu Xiao Shu just like Xiao Shu found it so hard to say Jingyan.