Netkama Punch!!!

“D-Don’t be ridiculous! You probably edited it!”
I immediately denied it. But Shin Heejae just smirked like he’d been expecting that reaction, and this time, he held out his phone screen for me to see.

In the frozen frame, I was lying down with my eyes closed. At a glance I looked asleep, but my hand was reaching upward, waving vaguely—clearly I was at least semi-conscious.
“Wanna see it from the beginning?”
With all the confidence in the world, Heejae asked that and then, without waiting for an answer, scrubbed the playback bar back to the start. The video was a full thirty minutes long—what the hell had he filmed that required that much footage? I had a sinking feeling but couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.

“Seyoung-ah.”
The video began with Heejae calling my name and shaking me awake. And just hearing his voice like that brought back a chunk of memory I’d lost.
Heejae had come out of the bathroom and started trying to wake me up where I’d fallen asleep. When I still didn’t snap out of it, he kept pestering me—shaking me, pinching my cheeks, pulling the blanket off me. He kept it up until even my half-conscious self couldn’t ignore him anymore.

“…Ah, what the hell!!”
I eventually groaned and yelled, but that didn’t stop him. He rolled me over like a sack of potatoes and even flicked on the room light, blasting my face with harsh fluorescence. I started tearing up from how blinding it was, but he just kept going with his torture interrogation.
“I was thinking while I was in the shower, Seyoung-ah.”

“……”
“I still don’t really get what I did wrong with the whole Yeongil thing.”
“…Ha.”

“You just had to be better at the game than me, noona.”
Even when he said that, I wasn’t even mad—I couldn’t make sense of what the hell he was on about, and more than anything, I just wanted to go back to sleep. So I gave a lazy double nod.
“…Fine. Turn off the light.”

“So you admit I’m right?”
“Yeah…”
“Really? Can I record this?”

“Whatever… ah, fuck off already…”
That’s when it began. Heejae, seeing I was barely functioning, began recording what was basically a fake conversation, bordering on fabrication. He knew I wasn’t in my right mind and still shoved the camera in my face, running his mouth however he pleased.
“If you were pissed about losing your guild, you should’ve taken mine. And if you’re so good at being a netkama, why’d you ghost me like that?”
“……”

“I thought something happened to you those two weeks you disappeared… haaa.”
“……”
“You know how crazy I went? I was searching your name in the news every day. They told me only family can file a missing person report. It was fucking awful.”

He let out a long sigh, then reached over and pinched my cheek again while I was trying to sleep. I winced and furrowed my brow, and eventually, he let go—but the video clearly showed the red pinch marks he left behind.
Honestly, watching this part kind of hit me. It felt like a genuine confession—that he’d been seriously worried during those two weeks I was gone. But… this asshole just never knew when to stop. Before I could even process it, he launched straight into bragging and pestering me again.
“So? Are you sorry or not?”

“I’m not…”
“You have to say you are.”
“…Fine. I am.”

I only said it because I didn’t want to deal with him anymore, but Heejae let out this long, smug laugh in the video that made my skin crawl. From there, he just kept prompting me with more ridiculous shit.
“Noona, do you like me?”
“……”

“Say yes.”
“…Yeah…”
“You ran away ‘cause you started liking me, didn’t you?”

“……”
“Answer me.”
“Ugh…”

“So that’s a yes, right?”
“…Mhm.”
On screen, after mumbling that half-asleep confirmation, I squirmed deeper under the covers—but Heejae immediately yanked me back toward him with one hand. And whenever I looked like I was about to doze off again, he’d shake me or pinch my lips. Like a complete psycho.

He kept pestering me with questions like how much I liked him, when I started liking him, and other absolute bullshit. At some point I must’ve gotten a headache from it all, because I was grimacing and just nodding along to everything. It was like being hypnotized.
“Say it again.”
“…Haa… you’re cute. I said you’re cute…”

“Me?”
“Yeah, yeah…”
So that’s how we got to that part of the video. Through sheer harassment. I flushed red and yelled at him:

“Fuck! Delete that!”
“Nope.”
Heejae shrugged and very deliberately slid the phone into his pocket. I launched myself off the bed and charged him, but he caught my arm easily and looked down at me.

“Noona, I know you like me, but jumping me like this is a bit much.”
“Shut up!”
“And your face… you’re all puffy from drinking, you know? You look like shit. You even drooled on your cheek.”

“You son of a—!”
Smack.
Just before I could fully explode with rage, before the words were even out of my mouth—this bastard actually pulled me into a tight hug, and then, the moment our eyes met, he suddenly kissed me on the lips.

I froze, staring up at him with an expression of pure shock.
“Y-You crazy bastard…! What the hell was that?!”
“I mean… you looked like shit, but it was still cute.”

He said that with a totally straight face, and casually brought his hand up to stroke my cheek. I barely managed to slap a hand over his lips just before he could lean in again.
My heart was pounding so violently from the sheer rage, my face started burning up.
“Have you lost your damn mind? You fucker!”

I shoved him away with a scream, staggering back. Even as I screamed with fury, Heejae just rubbed the back of his neck and let out a loud yawn.
That calm, unaffected look on his face snapped the last thread of my restraint.
I screamed:

“You fucking bastard! Who the hell told you you could—fuck! Do you have a death wish?!”
Even then, Heejae only chuckled as he met my death glare. And with that infuriating grin, he added:
“Last night while you were sleeping… you totally groped me and cuddled up. Don’t remember?”

“Bullshit. You think I’m insane?”
“It’s true. Every time you fell asleep, you curled right into me, rubbed your cheek against mine, drooled, kissed me—you name it.”
And with the most arrogant smile in the world, he added, “You should try filming it next time you sleep.”

That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked around for something—anything—to throw, and spotted the desk lamp on the bedside table. I grabbed it, and only then did the smugness finally start to fade from Heejae’s face.
“Noona, wait, that was imported—I can’t even get another one if you—”
To me, that sounded exactly like: Please. Throw it.

* * *
Shin Heejae managed to save the desk lamp, but got the beating of his life. While he lay on the floor curled protectively around the lamp, I stomped all over his back until I ran out of steam. Then I locked the bathroom door and brushed my teeth. Three times.
Worried he might be waiting right outside, I filled a cup with water just in case. If he was still lurking out there, I was going to throw it in his face.

‘Where is he…?’
But he wasn’t outside the door. I could hear some noise from the living room—not the master bedroom—which meant he was probably messing around in the kitchen.
Still on high alert and holding a towel like a weapon, I crept out. Sure enough, Shin Heejae was standing over a frying pan, clumsily trying to flip something.

Fried eggs. And judging by the charred edges, they were thoroughly ruined. Whatever trace of appetite I’d had was instantly gone. But Heejae, undeterred, took ketchup and drew a smiley face on top, then proudly set it on the table.
He gestured for me to eat.
I walked up to the table and scowled at the mess on the plate.

“You seriously can’t even fry an egg?”
“I haven’t had much practice.”
“God, you’re pathetic.”

“But I’m a genius at games, so it’s charming that I suck at cooking, right?”
“Eat shit.”
I muttered curses and sat down, watching as he now struggled to score a few sausages with a knife.

Eventually, he brought over a plate of half-burnt sausages, picked out the one that vaguely resembled an octopus, and placed it on my plate with a long pair of chopsticks. It was kind of endearing in theory, but after everything that happened that morning, I couldn’t see it that way.
I folded my arms and glared at him.
“If you try anything weird again, I’ll beat you with that frying pan.”

I laced my words with deadly intent. Heejae glanced at me, then casually nudged the frying pan handle out of my reach. But he didn’t say he wouldn’t do it again. Even as I glared daggers at him, he just chewed his burnt egg in silence.
But when I didn’t touch a single thing on my plate, he rolled his eyes and stole a glance at me. That nervous look only lasted a moment, though. He dipped the octopus sausage into the ketchup and muttered under his breath:
“God, this is so unfair.”

“What?”
“You’re the one who seduced me first.”