Chapter 87: Fears
Itachi right now, Nawaki back then, Kushina growing up. He'd seen children at all stages of life, cared for them, nurtured them and loved them like they were his own. It would be a blatant lie to say he didn't want children.
But how could he choose?
My responsibilities to the clans and village, or mine and Tsunade's desires?
And even after that, what if my children die? I don't think I can handle that.
But as he thought, he remembered something Granny Mito had told him.
"Why are you training so hard?"
Katsuro turned from the ink and paper, looking up blankly at Mito, who for all intents and purposes was his grandmother.
"To make sure those I care about never get hurt again."
Mito chuckled lightly, "So in the process of protecting your family and friends, you neglect them and don't spend time with them?" Seeing Katsuro's confused look she continued. "Merely in the second year of the academy, you train so hard, day and night, and can probably already beat most Chunin, but you've lost the bright personality that used to care for the very people you wanted to protect."
Katsuro's mouth opened, but no words came out.
"While it's good to want to grow stronger, live your life, Katsuro. Even Hashirama, who they called the God of Shinobi, made sure to spend time with his family because, ultimately, they are the reason you want to get stronger."
"Alright Obaa-san. I'll try."
Mito smiled, "That's all I ask, my boy."
Katsuro smiled.
I told her I'd try, didn't I?
He thought back to yet another one of Tsunade's complaints.
"Even Kushina's looking like she's going to get married before us!"
I'm definitely not letting Kushina - my little sister - get married to Minato - more or less my student - before I marry Tsunade. She would have my head, and Kushina would brag about it for the rest of her life, just like Fugaku basically does already.
Katsuro turned to Tsunade, looking at her resting form, beautiful as ever, and he smiled.
Suddenly, I don't even know why I was hesitating. She's everything to me - she always has been, and always will be.
"Tsunade."
"Hmm?" she groaned, sleepily.
"Wanna get married and have a baby?"
—
Tsunade gaped at Katsuro for at least a solid minute, before confusedly responding, "What?"
Katsuro merely smirked.
"You heard me."
Again, Tsunade gaped at him for a moment, before narrowing her eyes. While she was complaining, it was for the sake of it. A routine of teasing between them so she would get him to coax and coddle her. But this sudden change from his usual tune made her heart skip a beat.
"And what exactly is the reason for the sudden change of heart?"
"What's with the interrogation? If you don't want to, then- OW!" he exclaimed, as Tsunade delivered a swift punch to his arm. Damn, I was just trying to make the mood less serious.
"Shut up!"
"Fine, fine!" he placated her, not trying to rile her up or get punched again. He continued in a serious but gentle tone, trying to convey his feelings in a manner that wouldn't hurt her feelings.
"I just - well, I guess before, I was just worried about what would happen to us and our kid if we did it. I mean, both of us already have so much responsibility. You're a Sannin and in charge of all of Konoha's medical ninja, and I'm the Patriarch of the Senju. Sometimes it feels like we barely have time for each other as it is, and marriage is a big deal too, y'know, so if we had a kid, would we even be able to give them the time and attention they deserve?"
He looked at Tsunade, checking to see any type of reaction - but, as he expected, she was just looking at him, her gaze soft. Not judging, not scheming - just listening. Katsuro smiled internally, and continued.
"But it's not just that. The main problem is Shinobi themselves. Our kid's obviously going to be a Shinobi, but that comes with so much risk, Tsunade. How many people have died in Shinobi history? How many of them children? Any time I think about it, all I can imagine is all of the kids I've seen die in the war, and our clansmen - but mostly, it's Nawaki," he said quietly, his voice beginning to break.
"I don't - I can't - deal with that again, and you shouldn't have to either."
Tsunade's gaze softened even further, and asked him something, her tone gentle.
"So, why did you change your mind?"
Katsuro took a deep breath and responded.
"Well, even if we are busy, I have enough faith in both of us to believe that we'll do our best - and that we will - make more than enough time for our kid. And even if there are times that we can't, we literally have a whole clan - in fact, 2 whole clans - and Sakumo, and Kakashi - and probably Minato and Shizune now, too."
"Damn right," Tsunade said, her gaze still soft but slightly joking now.
"And," Katsuro continued with a slight smile on his face. "I think I've realised I was being a bit - I don't know the word. Unrealistic? Overprotective? Either way, the harsh truth of the Shinobi world is that death is always lurking right over our shoulders - no matter if it's a freshly graduated Genin from the Academy, or a Chunin, or a Jonin, or even people as known and powerful as us. The Second Hokage, Mizukage and Tsuchikage, and so many more powerful Shinobi have been killed in battle. No one is an exception. But that doesn't mean I shield myself away from everyone, does it? It doesn't mean I refuse to make friends, spend time with my family, or fall in love, just because one day those people that I've grown to care for might die. In fact, it's the opposite - it's the possibility of death - of the fact that I might never see them again - that makes making friends, spending time with my family, and loving you, so worth it."
Tsunade looked momentarily stunned for a moment, as Katsuro paused with a steel resolve as he continued, "I will not let my fears dictate me. I am Senju Katsuro, if the world wants something of mine it will have to go through me first. If the sky cracks and falls, I will hold it up for my child, and if Yama himself comes looking I'll kill him too. This world will fear even coming near any of my people let alone my child."
But then, in a dramatic switch that almost looked like two different people, he looked at her sheepishly for a second, continuing to fill the silence.
"Plus, Itachi's very cute, and I can't let Fugaku have a cuter kid than me."
That seemed to bring Tsunade out of her stupor, as she punched him again.
"Shut up, you idiot. What kind of a boyfriend proposes to his girlfriend like that anyway?"
"You want a proposal? Fine then," Katsuro said proudly, clearing his throat before speaking in a regal, dramatic voice.
"Senju Tsunade, Slug Princess of the Senju Clan, one of the legendary Sannin, Chief of Konoha's Medical Corps, I have loved you from the moment I first met you. You're the only woman I've ever had eyes for, and the person I trust the most in the entire world, and the strongest woman I know. You make me smile and laugh so much that sometimes I even forget the times you hit me. You're my past, present and future. You're everything to me, and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you. Will you marry me?"
Although Katsuro's tone was jovial, he meant every single word from the bottom of his heart, and Tsunade knew it. Her eyes sparkled with a mix of amusement, appreciation, tears of happiness and love.
"Of course I will, you idiot."
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