My Diary – A Twisted Yuri Romance

[Mayuri's POV]

The daughter who's supposed to have my name came back from her school. The method of tying her up was pretty similar to how we tied the son up.

The daughter rings the bell, Sis comes to open the door, explains why she's there and lead the daughter into the kitchen. Upon entering the kitchen, the daughter sees her mother and little brother tied to the chair and starts panicking.

In a panic, she turns around to search for Mehak but it was me she met. I quickly strangle her and put her to sleep with the chloroform, the son is still asleep and Mother again watches her children get into the same situation as her...though a bit better, they don't have hair stuffed inside their mouth.

Mother cries, probably cursing at me for coming back in her life and I feel something I don't know about. It's really a strange feeling, hmm, how should I describe it....it's like there's this serenity inside me. I don't feel excited doing this as I did with others, I remember being so happy whenever I played with the kids from the orphanage, playing with Abhi Sharma, having a fun year-long game with the students of the school. I remember being really curious when I first saw a dead body, by the way, that dream of having a vacation house with sculptures of the human bodies in various shapes, is still alive and well. I just need to earn money for that.

Like every time, it was so fun doing this stuff, I thought it would be this time too...I was really looking forward to it, meh, expectations have failed.

I didn't feel anything as I tied the children of my mother, seeing her suffer, cry, being in pain...just doesn't make me feel anything. I can't even get mad at her for doing all this stuff to me in the past, it's like suddenly all poof!!

Does that mean I have forgiven my mother for abandoning me? .... I don't know....it don't think so at least....but I'm not getting this feeling of anger anymore as I did a few hours ago when I saw her after so long, living so comfortably.

Haahhh..... stuff is hard. Why do we have to figure out our emotions...what are these scientists doing? why haven't they come up with a machine that can help you realize your emotions? Hmm, now I'm just complaining.

Now that I think about it, I also haven't written a diary entry in so long...

I used to write those every day, so passionately and with such emotions. It had become like a daily hobby of mine. I think I have filled more than 30 diaries so far, every single page of that talking about my feelings for Big Sis. I think it was easier for me to figure out my emotions when I did write it all on a page of the paper.

Why did I stop? or when did I stop?

I think.....no I'm sure it happened during that worst week of my short life. The week when Sis went with Mr. Jansha for a business trip. It was during that week...that I stopped writing the diary anymore...even after she came back, I didn't touch them.

I remember that week as clear as a computer remembers it 0's and 1's.

Sis went with Mr. Jansha, leaving me behind....maybe not leaving me behind, more like she didn't have a choice. He can't take an adopted girl on an official business trip.

Anyway, I thought was prepared for it...I thought I could manage without Sis for a week, but yeah, it didn't work. I think I crumbled down after only one day. I mean for so many years I have tried to spend every second of my time hanging around Big Sis, it was fun, so why wouldn't I?

I knew it could back to bit me in the ass, but I still did it anyway, I just didn't think too much about it...and when it really happened, well what can I say...something switched inside me.

First day, everything was fine for a few hours. I got ich to see Big Sis, but I managed to press it down...but once this ich starts, unless treated, just grows bigger and more irritating.

I managed to pass the morning, by evening, the ich grew at tremendous speeds. I couldn't just hold it back by thinking or forcing myself, my head started hurting, feeling of unease started creeping up my body, I just knew I had to calm it down somehow. Fortunately, I quickly went inside Big Sis's room and closed myself inside her almirah.

The sweet, forbidden smell of Big Sis, lingering in her clothes which surrounded me. Sis's dresses, shirts, skirts, underwear, bras, pants, caps...everything filled with the smell of Big Sis.....it was great...it was like I discovered a treasure...why didn't I go inside Sis's almirah for my whole life? why would I? when I had the real thing in front of me all the time.

Being inside of that closet, calmed me, it calmed my nerves, most importantly it helped treat the itch a bit. I didn't eat dinner that day and just stayed inside that closed for the whole night.

Next day came, I couldn't just stay inside that closet, no matter how much I wanted. A growing body needs food, water...sadly some restrictions of being a human. So, I very reluctantly got out of the closet and went down for breakfast.

Mrs. Jansha already had her fill, so the maid prepared the same for me. I sat on the chair, slowly eating the food...trust me, I wanted to gobble it all down as fast as possible but I couldn't break down my image of perfect adopted child that I created, so I had to show manners.

The itch returned back stronger than ever, I needed to close myself inside the closet but I couldn't...I cursed myself for playing that bullshit role of a perfect child even though Mr. and Mrs. Jansha doesn't care about me, but it's not like I could hate them for it, after all, it was me who wasn't being genuine with them in the first place.

The desire to just break the role started rigging my thought process, I needed to dump those thoughts, I needed to think of something very quickly. The itch along with the desire reached its peak in a few short minutes, the food only half-finished. I was about to lash out...fortunately I didn't.

Pain

Pain is a great tool, I discovered that day. At the last moment, I dug my nails on my thighs, they were quite sharp and long, with some force they easily tore a little flesh off my thighs. The sudden shock, pain...it melted all those desires to lash out. Now my mind was forced to focus on the pain, it didn't have time to prioritize the itch or the desire. The moment it started focusing on those things, I would again use my nails to slash my thighs.

I found a way to control myself while eating downstairs, for the rest of the time, I just had to surround myself with Sis's smell inside the closet.

Inside of the closet was dark, very dark. I didn't want to open the door, otherwise, the smell would go outside, into the room, thus decreasing it's concentration inside the closet quickly. That sweet smell was essential for me to calm down, I masturbated a few time inside that small closet, whenever the itch grew too big for even the smell to handle. Just the thought of releasing my juices inside Big Sis's closet, filled me with enough happiness to last for a few hours.

But there was only one drawback to this all, I couldn't write my diary anymore. Inside the closet was dark, outside the closet was scary, hence I just stayed there for a few days, only leaving to eat downstairs.

My body got used to the pain from scratching the skin off my thighs, it no longer focused on the pain anymore. I needed a new method to bring physical pain to myself. Something I could do while eating food, and it quickly came, the idea.

There's a fork beside my plate, they have little pointy ends, with enough force they can stab into anything. I used that property of fork and stabbed my thighs with them, it had to be the thighs, stabbing the arm could be seen by the maids, my legs are under the tail, they wouldn't see what happened to it.

The fork, pierced through my flesh, I gritted my teeth as hard as I could to no let out a scream, even the teeth started hurting in the attempt to not scream in pain. I retraced the fork back from my skin, it had blood stuck to it's three pointy fingers, while the maid wasn't looking, I quickly used the bloody fork to pick up food and put it inside my mouth. The usually tasty food mixed with my blood....didn't feel good, the sharp stingy pain of my thighs also didn't feel good....but it worked like a charm. Even after I finished eating my food, the pain remained in it's prime, distracting me from focusing on anything else.

Just like that, five days passed. Only two more days remained, my body was starting to smell without any deodorants, putting on a strong perfume became necessary if I wanted to go downstairs to eat. Both of my thighs were now filled with scratch and stab marks, both of them having blood splashes, scattered around. The wounds were starting to get really bad, every time the several wounds even touched my skirt or pants, uhhhh, it hurt like a bitch...that annoying sting. The maid could smell blood, so I had to cover the smell with perfume sprayed onto it.

Let me tell you, spraying perfume on an open wound is not a good idea. If it's several small wounds, then it's even worse. I knew it would hurt, but holy cow, I didn't know how much.....and it was a lot...like a looooooooooooooooooottt. Only I know how I managed to stay conscious, and not utter a single scream....it was hard, really tough...but it worked out quite nicely in the end.

On the fifth day, the traces of Big Sis's smell was now gone.

The closet was dark, inside the atmosphere was humid...hot, but it was all bearable, the smell was all I was there was...but now it was gone.

A new problem arose, without the smell, the itch was not growing even while I was not eating. There was no smell of Sis inside her room, she had been gone for too long...even though it had only been five days...but I still managed to pass through that day, thanks to spraying perfume on the scratches, wounds, every few hours.... that whole day I was in constant bursting pain, I also cried in pain, tears flowed down my eyes every few hours. The tears were not just because of pain, they were mainly because of my emotions going absolutely crazy..... but I didn't scream...I still had to maintain that image. It was good that it was a soundless cry and things worked out for me near the night as then no more tears came, I think I used all of them.

Now it was the last day, the next day Sis would come back. It was only one more day, I decided to not go downstairs that day...the reason being that perfume no longer masked the smell of my body or the dry blood. The blood on my thighs became stiff, by scratching I could tear bits of blood off from my thighs, but what was not good...was that spraying perfume over the wounds no longer hurt much. My body got used to it after doing it for more than 100 times.

I also needed to go to a hospital, or there would definitely be infections, in the worst-case scenario, I could also lose my legs...though it wouldn't be that bad. I mean just imagine, if I became crippled then Big Sis would have to stay by my side all the times, even while bathing or going to toilet....though I scrapped that thought, that would also make me unable to enjoy a lot of other things with Big Sis, hence the next day I had to go visit a hospital.

Everything would be fine tomorrow, the problem was today.

Do I now think of new ways of self pain? I could, I also tried some self farm...but unfortunately, they didn't hurt much. The next thing I could think of was using a knife on my hands, but if I accidentally cut a wrong nerve...then it was bye, bye for me, so that idea was scrapped.

The morning went by me just staring at the ceiling and beating my head to the wall, I think I even made a new song using the sounds wall-banging makes.

By afternoon, hallucinations started happening, I could see Big Sis all around me. The first I saw her, she was standing by the bathroom door, excited to finally see her again, I rushed towards her, only to slam run into the door, hit my head and fall down.

Words weren't coming out of my mouth, I just rushed towards every hallucinated image of Big Sis and in the end slammed against the wall, in some cases trip and fall because of the stinging in thighs.

One image I saw of Big Sis was inside the shiny pearl eyes of the teddy bear. I could clearly see her image inside those eyes, she was calling for me, I had to answer her call, but the teddy was in the way. I quickly rushed to grab the teddy and picked it up.

I am sure I heard Big Sis's sweet voice calling to me from inside those shining eyes, she was crying and shouting for my help, I had to do something, she was right in front of me. I quickly grabbed the knife and cut the teddy's throat, pushing my fingers inside him to find Big Sis. Even after I removed all the cotton from inside the teddy, I couldn't find Big Sis. She was no longer inside those pearl black eyes.

The constant running around the room made me tired and I fell down...luckily falling asleep.

When I woke up, it was the next day. It was still early morning, there were still a few hours before Big Sis arrived. Excitement filled every inch of my body, I had to greet Big Sis in the best way possible, but I was covered with a rotten smell. I quickly showered and when I came outside, Big Sis was right there.

She came back early. Thanks Sis.

After that, I just didn't touch the diary anymore. I think that one week break ruined the habit and due to some other things...the thought of writing again didn't enter my brain.

That is until now....I wonder why now of all the times.

But Hmm...that went on for long. The daughter has also woken from her sleep, all three, Mother and the two children are now awake.

Big Sis is just staring at my face with curiosity.

"What happened Sis? Why are you staring at me like this?"

"Well, I called you several times but you didn't answer, it seemed like you were in some deep thought, so I decided to just watch your pretty face"

"I-i see..." well that's embarrassing, but Sis is getting bolder with her love in front of others, so that's good.

But what did I got out of my little mind adventure?

Yes, I should start writing the diary again to figure out my emotions.

Maybe then I can understand why I can't seem to be having fun while playing with Mother.

Sis is having lots of fun, so that's good... but now that children are awake, I want to ask or clear a few things with Mother before leaving.

"Sis, help me remove all this hair out of her mouth"

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[Riya's POV]

That Mayuri should be released from the hospital yesterday, I wonder what those sisters are doing today. HAAHHhh, I'm getting way to obsessed over them, I just can't shake this feeling of unease or suspicion towards them. I mean this whole suddenly losing an eye is just too weird, once you think a bit about it...that Mehak's story doesn't make much sense.

But I should be focusing on other things right now, it seems like I have made a friend. It's the Priya, the goody-two-shoes my brother seems to like, I mean yeah she's sweet...but jeez, she's way too sugar, it's irritating...also, there's her PTSD issue. I thought she would tell me about it once we became friends, she's clearly suffering because of it, and it's not like I care much about her...but as a friend it's my job to help her.

I keep pressing her to tell me about PTSD, but it seems like she isn't ready yet...well nothing I can do in that department.

Anyway, we are meeting today too, I haven't told that idiot brother of mine that I became friends with her crush, but it would definitely make him sad when he learns that the crush doesn't feel the same way towards him.

Hahhh, love is tough. It's good I haven't gotten involved in it, it feels like would be a huge waste of my time.

"Ah! hello Riyu!!"

there she comes, jeez, what is this riyu shit!? she's really irritating, too much for me to handle.... but I invited her for lunch, so it's not like I can turn her back

"Y-yeah...hello. So, don't call me by that nickname thingy"

"what!? why?...."

oh c'mon!!! don't make that crying face now!! I swear she makes them on purpose

"i-it's alright, call me whatever you want"

"Yeah! Yippie!!"

See!! I'm telling you, she's playing with me. How can one suddenly change expressions from crying to stupidly happy???

haahhh, I don't get it....I'm also sighing a lot...it was better staying alone

"Riyu...I want to talk about something"

hmm? now she suddenly seems... scared?

"It's about this....o-or-orphanage I belonged to..."

"huh?"

she's adopted?

Orphanage?