Lunar Shadows: Awaken

Kyran

Two days have passed since Selene pushed me away. I haven’t been able to bring myself to leave her woods, my worry for her outweighing my responsibilities at home with my pack and the Convocation preparations. Valdr had mindlinked Treyvar only to tell him we would not be home that first night, to which my brother acknowledged without question. It wasn’t until late last night that he had reached out to me to see if there was anything I needed help with. I thanked him for his concern but only asked if he could manage things without me for a little while longer and he assured me that things were going along fine, to take whatever time I needed.

Yesterday afternoon I had watched Selene have a meal on her balcony, she seemed lost in thought, almost dazed as she looked out over their property. I haven’t been stalking her, I’ve respected her choice to have personal space and distance, though it is tearing me up inside. My only reason for remaining out here is to ensure her safety. I don’t entirely know what has happened, or how she was out in the forest on her own and I can’t leave without being sure no harm will come to her. Jeger reported to me the night before that small nests of vampires have been appearing in the surrounding towns and cities but they haven’t seemed to cause any issues yet.

No news of Caedes has surfaced pertaining to my territory since his attack on my sister, the last I’ve heard of him was from Felagi letting me know he was sighted a week prior in the North East. I have no idea what the hell he is up to, but Jeger informing me about new nests is a major concern. This knowledge is what led me to showing myself to Asteria earlier this morning. I felt she and Hekate should know of a prevalent threat to Selene and their own well-being. Asteria had thanked me and asked if I would like to speak with Selene, which I immediately agreed to, only if she would ask her first out of respect for her decisions.

Asteria assured me that though Selene is struggling, she is doing as well as she can and that they are taking care of her. I thanked her for letting me know, feeling awkward at being so vulnerable in front of another powerful being. Asteria had let me know that Selene was not ready to meet with me at the time and she gave me a sympathetic smile, asking me to have patience. I dejectedly returned to my place beneath the blackthorn, the hope I had been clinging to slowly dying within me.

The day passes sluggishly as my mind wanders, my thoughts threatening to shroud me in darkness as time goes on, but I try not to succumb to the self-loathing and focus on Selene’s needs. She’s been through a lot of shit and her space is necessary in order for her to begin to heal. Fuck knows it took me too long to figure that out with my own life, and I refuse to be a reason it continues on with her. Little shadowy snakes of doubt slither through my mind, though, embedding themselves deep with tiny icy fangs. What if it isn’t just her pain causing her distance? What if it is me, if I’m not who she thought I was when we first met? She knows now the shit I’ve done, things I’ve chosen to do. Hell, things I never told anyone about before. What if it is the reason she can’t face me now?

My chest aches at my thoughts as I pace around the woods, the setting sun casting long shadows between the trees. Valdr has grown as restless as I have been, the both of us becoming anxious at the prospect of losing our connection with our soulmate. Our mind swarms with incoherent fearful thoughts, creating a wild tangle of undulating emotions. Distant rustling catches our attention and we peer through the tree line, noticing Selene picking flowers in the gardens behind her home as her dogs bound into the woods across the field. My heart beats achingly at the sight of her and Valdr takes control, stepping out from the shadows of the trees with a pained whine.

I watch as her bright eyes flit around in search of the noise and my stomach tightens when she doesn’t seem to notice me. Just as she is turning to leave, our gazes meet and I can hear her sharp intake of breath at the sight of me. I step forward out of the shadows and come to stop beside the old willow tree outside of her balcony, the place where I first revealed myself to Selene. The anguish in her eyes sends a stab of pain to my heart as we watch each other silently for a few breaths and my leg twitches to run toward her. It takes everything I have to remain where I stand, fighting against Valdr’s desire to disregard my demand to respect her boundaries and do as he pleases.

A heavy sinking feeling fills the pit of my stomach when she doesn’t move or speak, despair clawing its way through my skin to burrow into my lungs and steal my breath. It is in this moment I watch as her gaze leaves mine, turning her back and walking away from me, the hollowness that seeps from her absence swallowing me whole. Immense sorrow overcomes me and a deep howl rips from my chest when she opens the door, walking through it without a backward glance. Any hope I had left died at the resounding click the door makes, closing resolutely on what would forever be the best thing to have ever happened to me.

My body reacts and I’m running, my bleeding heart stinging with every stride as I skid to a stop at the place she just left and I breathe deeply at the scent of jasmine. Of course she was picking jasmine. The aroma makes me weak and my legs give out on me as I shift, my desolation bringing me to my knees. My palms crash into the gravel and I bow my head as hot tears stream down my face. I grate my fingers into the rough ground, seeking anything to lessen the burning agony lighting deep within me. An anguished groan escapes me and I clench my jaw against it, my breath leaving my constricted chest heavily.

It takes me a few moments to get a hold of myself, though Valdr’s distress within me makes it immensely difficult, and I slowly push to my feet. With a long look at the light in Selene’s windows, I roughly swipe a dirty hand across my face in agitation and turn away as I shift back into wolf form. I resolve myself to accept that I am no longer needed here, Hekate is aware of the vampire threat and is more than capable of handling things on her own. My heavy paws crush the ground beneath me as my insides turn to stone, making my way slowly back to my house.

I am forced to switch off my emotions in fear that they will consume me again, afraid of tumbling into the fathomless pit I only just crawled my way out of. By the time I make it across the patrol boundary, both my mind and heart are encased behind a thick wall of ice, my movements automatic and thoughts only focused on the task at present. I don’t bother to acknowledge the warrior who greets me, or any of the pack members milling around the village as I trudge up the roads to my home. I hardly even notice anyone anyway, my attention only on the steps that I am taking, carrying me further away from Selene.

The entry door shuts with more force than I intended as I stalk across the house toward the stairs, the joyous noise of conversation in the lounge above quieting at the sound. I take the stairs two at a time, barely giving the group of people a glance as I round the corner to take the short flight up to my rooms.

Felagi’s raucous voice yells out to me, “Oi, Kyran! Now it’s a party, haha!”

I ignore him and the laughter that follows, not able to join in the lighthearted fun they’re having. The clack of pool balls and upbeat music just grate against my ears, and I grit my teeth as I wrap my hand around my bedroom door handle. The stairs behind me creak and I wrench my head over my shoulder to glare at the intruder before I realize it’s my brother. Briefly closing my eyes, I sigh through my nose and drop my hand, crossing my arms over my chest as I wait for him.

“Hey,” his light voice and smile drop immediately as he looks at me. “You okay? What happened?”

My only response is to stare stonily at him and he raises an arm to run his hand through his hair. Trey’s face pinches a little as he thinks before dropping his arm, leaning his shoulder against the wall and shoves his hands into his pockets. I just cock an eyebrow at him, silently asking what it is he needs to tell me.

“Right,” he sighs, accepting my silence, “well, Felagi’s pack arrived earlier today, as you can tell,” he gestures down the stairs at the noise below. “Everyone is situated for the most part, Kyrre made sure no one but Felagi was to stay here in our home and many brought their own tents and whatnot. Anyway, Alpha Castian has just arrived with his mate and their pack. They’re making their way through the villages at the moment,” he quietly informs me.

I nod my head in acknowledgement, waiting a beat to see if there’s anything else he wants to add before pushing open my door and stepping through. Turning around, I catch his eye as he is about to head back downstairs and tell him, “Greet them for me and make sure their room is accommodating for Mira’s pregnancy. Let them know if she needs anything to ask me directly or to get someone who will find me for them.”

His green eyes widen at my words and he smiles widely, “No shit, she’s pregnant? That’s great news! I will, I’m happy to greet them and I’ll let Kyrre know they’ve arrived,” he turns to step down the stairs and pauses. “Oh, Alpha Marx called a little while ago, he and Alpha Luric are traveling together and they’ll be here within the next couple days. Though I haven’t heard from Daine, I’m sure he’ll show up at the last minute with all the pomp and circumstance,” he rolls his eyes dramatically.

I nod my head again and he returns a nod back as I turn to close the door behind me. I take the watering can off a nearby shelf and give some of my plants a drink before I cross into my bathroom and turn on the shower as hot as it will go. I brace my hands on either side of one of my sinks and stare at my dirty reflection in the fogging mirror. The darkness in my mind swirls the longer I stare and my fingers grip the edges of the sink basin like a vice.

I’m here if you need anything, Trey’s voice quietly floats through my mind.

Somehow, his words trigger something within me, cracking the ice inside me and I bare my teeth at myself as I rip the sink out and smash it down into the countertop. Porcelain shards fly everywhere and I lose my control, yelling as I tear the cabinet base free from the wall and hurl it across my bathroom. Wooden splinters explode against the wall and broken chunks of tile litter the floor. Water sprays me in the face from the severed pipe in the wall and I crush it in my grip, slashing my palm deeply against the metal. Hot anger courses through me as I smash my fist into the mirror, bloody glass raining down around me, cutting my forearm along the way. None of the physical pain registers and I couldn’t care less about it anyway.

In my frustration, I swipe my bloodied hands over my face at the water dripping into my eyes and grip my hair tightly, trying to rein in the simmering rage. I know I’ll regret the damage I’ve caused here and I feel shame at losing control but fuck, this really hurts. Turning away from the mess I’ve made, I catch a glimpse of myself in the good mirror, the fog obscuring most everything except my blood covered eyes. I turn my back on the reflection and stalk over to the shower, the residual blood on my hands smearing the glass door as I open it and step under the scalding water.

Taking a long, deep breath through my nose, I close my eyes and press my hands to the wall as I bow my head. I remain like this for a long while, focusing on locking down my pain until I have a safer place to let it out. Valdr is restless within me, his agitation palpable and I struggle to breathe through the tightness in my chest. Washing myself mechanically, I finally emerge from the shower and don’t even glance at the destroyed bathroom around me as I cross into my bedroom to get dressed for the night, needing to play host and meet with the other packs.

Besides silently living in my own personal hell, the night had gone well, and I let everyone know that the Convocation is set to formally begin in three days’ time. After my announcement I quietly excused myself from the socialization and tucked myself away in my room, hardly managing to get any sleep. I kept waking up and checking my phone even though I know it had never gone off. She hasn’t responded to any of the texts I had sent and I haven’t sent anything more since she walked away from me.

I irrationally want to crush my phone so I drop it on the bed as I get up to get dressed. I can smell breakfast being prepared and my stomach tightens needily though the pain of it doesn’t register. Everything is numb within me unless I acknowledge what lurks just beneath the thin veil I carefully shrouded myself with. I have to edge cautiously around the debris in my bathroom, ignoring it as I leave my room and head down the stairs.

In the lounge, I find Mira holding her large belly and bracing herself against the back of the sofa and I hurry over to her. “Are you alright? Where’s Castian?” I ask concerned, placing my hand on her shoulder.

She lets out a breath and smiles up at me, brushing her copper hair away from her freckled face. “Yeah, I’m alright, just winded. This little pup likes to kick the crap out of my lungs,” she chuckles, rubbing her belly as she straightens. “Castian is in the kitchen, he wakes really early and likes to get his personal stuff out of the way so he can tend to my needs when I get up for the day. He’s just the sweetest,” her pale face blushes as she speaks about her mate and a sharp pang runs through me.

I give her what I hope is a smile and offer her my hand as she waddles her way toward the stairs. She accepts the support as we make our way slowly down the steps and I release her hand when both of her feet are on the floor. A chair scuffs loudly and Castian appears, stuffing half a bagel in his mouth to take both of her hands in his and leads her toward the dining table. “You should’ve called for me!” he chastises lightly, ushering her along to take a seat.

Mira swats him away as she sits down carefully and mumbles, “I’m pregnant, not disabled.”

I huff a dry laugh as I walk over to the island and fill a plate before taking my seat at the head of the long table. Kyrre, Trey, Felagi, Castian, and Mira all pause and glance at me, no doubt wondering what the chaos was from the night before and I just stuff a forkful of eggs into my mouth, dropping my eyes to my plate. They all resume conversation unaffected and I am grateful for the given privacy. I don’t think I’d be able to explain it calmly anyway.

I eat my breakfast in silence, mostly keeping to myself as I fill a couple more plates and finish them at the island. I quietly thank my brother for the food as he and most of the others make their way outside and I head into my office, closing the door behind me with my foot. My ass has barely grazed my chair when Castian bellows my name in fear and I’m bolting out the door and back into the kitchen in less than a second. I find him holding up Mira who is sobbing while clutching her belly and groin as a large patch of blood blooms over her pale pink sundress.

“Fuck,” I breathe, grabbing the towel off the oven handlebar and toss it at Castian. He quickly presses it to Mira and I mindlink Eir hastily. Eir! I need you in my kitchen, now!

I wipe my hand across my mouth, unsure what to do for them when a small popping noise announces Eir’s arrival beside me. Her back is to Mira and her golden eyes shine brightly, pinched tight with concern. She holds a worn leather strip in her slim hands and raises it to tie her silky copper hair back tightly.

“Kyran, what’s wrong?” she asks quickly, and I take her shoulders to spin her around.

“Oh! Oh, oh no,” she breathes, rushing over to Mira and immediately begins barking orders. “Kyran, get me fresh clothes and a clean, soft blanket. You,” she points a finger at Castian, “lay her down and find a large bowl.”

I do as I am bid, bounding up the stairs and seeking out a linen closet in the lounge that Kyrre keeps stocked. I take out the entire stack of sheets and blankets, hurrying down the hall to my brother’s room to grab a shirt and sweatpants from his closet, figuring the clothes are for Mira and baggy would be best in this situation. I leap down the stairs to find Eir holding Mira’s belly with golden light emitting from her hands and a look of determination on her face. Castian is openly crying as he sits behind his mate, supporting her head and shoulders with his body.

My heart lurches for him at the sight and I carefully set the pile down on the floor a little ways away from them. Knowing Eir would tell me what she needs, I remain silent, staying in case I could be of help somehow. I hear her assuring Mira that her baby is okay and ask when she is due to give birth, which turns out should be anytime this week or the next. Eir tells her that she is going to guide the baby out with her magic, and will try to help ease the sudden pain as best she can. Mira agrees and begins to lift her skirts out of the way. I see myself out the back into the garden and close the door quietly behind me, giving them some privacy.

I don’t know exactly where Eir came from, only that she’s been living on these lands for as long as I can remember. She had been a close friend to my mother and aided in each of her children’s births in this house. I never asked my parents where they met her, only knowing that she’s been the head healer in our pack for centuries. Once, when I was a pup, I boldly asked her if she was a witch. I knew she wasn’t entirely a wolf because when she shifts her scent differs from the hybrids, but since I had never met a witch at that time in my life, I didn’t know what one smelled like so I couldn’t use it as a comparison. Her response was, ‘don’t ever insult me like that again,’ and to this day, I have yet to understand what exactly Eir is. Maybe it’s time I ask her again, though this time with some respect, I muse as I wander aimlessly around the side of my house.

My thoughts drift around Castian and hoping that everything will work out well for them with their baby as I blindly walk through the streets. Images of Selene holding a little black-haired bundle flash in my mind’s eye and I shake my head fervently at the sudden thought, the unexpected sight causing me to stumble in my steps. A longing pain drags over my heart and I forcefully shove it down, swallowing thickly as I round a corner in the main square of the village.

I pass through the busy common areas, noticing how well things have come together for the Convocation and a trace of guilt runs through me and not being a part of the preparations. I make my way up toward the great hall and find that it is fully decorated and set up for the commencement ceremony, the wide fields behind it dotted with large piles of wood for bonfires and various stations prepped for food and drinks. Lights are strung all around the surrounding forest, lampposts, and roofs, as well as crafts and artwork from the people in my pack.

Making a mental note to thank my brother and sister for their efforts, I realize there isn’t much for me to do other than to make it through the next few days until the full moon is upon us and the celebration begins. Not really sure what to do with myself, I head back to my home to maybe catch up on some logistics and to check in with Jeger, see how everything is going on his end of things. The thought of doing such mundane tasks in the midst of the shitstorm looming over me seems so trivial but forced with no other option than to keep moving forward, I mentally fortify my ice wall so I can better focus on the responsibilities required of me.