Lunar Shadows: Awaken

Selene

Bright golden light rouses me and I squint into the morning sun as it beams through my windows. I yank the covers over my head with a groan and roll over in bed. Asteria and I had stayed up late talking for a while. At first, our conversation was mostly about little things, but it grew heavier as the night went on. She’d asked me how I was doing, and I was tempted to lie and say I was doing fine, but I figured that would completely defeat the purpose of trying to heal, so I let her know I was struggling to face anything at all.

She was very kind and understanding, listening to the things I chose to admit and we had a few moments of shared tears. I had decided to let her know the full story of Bolvi and she was visibly holding back her fury as I spoke. Ria had vowed that if she ever saw him again, she would rip his heart out and I laughed until I realized she was serious. I told her that Kyran had said the exact same thing, but it probably wouldn’t be necessary since he’s most likely dead or damn close to it from the berserker disease. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about seeing him again after the incident at Kyran’s bar. I guess I just figured with Kyran around, he’d never show himself again and pushed him from my thoughts since that night.

We talked about my sleep-dive experience and I explained how I didn’t intend on facing my suppressed trauma at the time when it ended up swallowing me whole. Ria gave me insight on how the astral plane works, with energies and the powers woven through them, how memories hold energy and mine must’ve been quite strong to take me over in that way. I let her know about the chest again and that maybe soon we could try getting it open. Remembering what Luna was trying to tell me amidst the chaos of my hysteria, I found myself agreeing with her that having my memories back would definitely help me in wading through everything weighing on my mind.

I sigh, pushing my covers aside with a flop of my arm and roll onto my back. I have to admit, the light, fuzzy feeling blanketing my mind has helped me tremendously and I want to properly thank my mother for placing the enchantment over me. She never returned last night, at least not while I was awake and I want to see if she is home now. Pushing my hands against the mattress, I shove my legs over the edge and sit up, stretching my arms high. I do feel better after my night with my sister, being able to say and express things out loud released some of it from within me. Maybe the whole energy thing works on this plane as well, I muse as I pad over to my closet, maybe some of the negative energy transferred from my mind to dissipate into the ether as I spoke the thoughts aloud.

I wonder at this train of thought while I get dressed, choosing comfy clothes of leggings and a light gray chiffon tank top, and twist my hair into a messy bun before making my way downstairs for breakfast. I intend on making the most of today and letting go of the weight I’ve been carrying for too long. With this in mind, I consider what I should focus on working through first when I enter the kitchen, happy to find my mother sitting at the island. As I’m about to ask her what had caused her to leave so abruptly, Asteria pushes through the porch door.

“Hey,” she says with a small smile, “um, Kyran’s outside, if you’d like to talk with him,” she adds quietly, pulling her brows in.

I chew on my lip, wrapping my arms around my middle as I lightly shake my head. “I don’t think I’m ready to see him yet,” I admit, shame coloring my cheeks warmly.

She nods in understanding and disappears for a few moments while I awkwardly stand in the kitchen with a lost appetite. Ria reappears with a sad look on her face before she composes herself and takes a seat beside mother. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding until my chest aches in protest and I shuffle over to the couch, sinking down into the corner section. I must’ve zoned out for a little while because a nudge to my knee catches my attention and I find my mother sitting next to me, holding out a banana walnut muffin for me to take.

Accepting the treat with a small smile, I meet her gaze and ask her about yesterday. “What made you leave so quickly? Is everything alright?” I pinch my eyebrows together, hoping that nothing else is adding to her stress right now.

Her violet eyes meet mine as her cheeks puff out before she releases her breath on a heavy sigh and she gently shakes her head. “No, I am afraid things are not alright. In fact, things may just get much, much worse in the world if we are not careful…” she trails off, staring into nothing as she speaks quietly.

I quickly glance over at Ria who is turned over her shoulder in her stool, a bite of food held aloft halfway to her mouth. Her face pinches with concern at mother’s words and I look back at her as she sets her mouth in a grim line. “What do you mean by that?” I ask cautiously, unsure where this could be going.

She pats her hand on my knee and gives a tight smile before admitting, “I left yesterday after that newscast broke out, because that woman shown in the wreckage, the one rising to her feet in the center of the chaos? That was…that was Lilith. She is my sister,” her voice is grave as her words detonate like bombs inside me.

Asteria spits her tea profusely onto the island at the admission and a shrill, “What?” peels from her before she manifests directly in front of us, her wind buffeting me against the couch. I blink owlishly at both her sudden appearance and my mother’s revelation and can only watch the scene unfold before me.

“You have a sister? I have an aunt?” her voice is still shrill, raised a couple octaves and I nod along in agreement at her bewilderment. “Lillith?” her voice drops low with disbelief as she runs a hand through her silky auburn hair, gripping her scalp tightly.

Mother nods her head, slumping back against the couch and sighing, “Yes. Though, she is not what mortals have portrayed her to be,” with a wave of her hand.

Asteria just gapes at her and a thought crosses my mind, “Why did you leave so abruptly, though?” I ask, trying to wrap my head around all of this.

Mother takes a deep breath before responding, “I haven’t seen her for a few millennia,” her eyebrows raise as she sits deep in thought.

A squeak escapes Asteria at this new insight and I flick my eyes to hers, watching as her mouth fails to form words. I empathize with her in discovering something about her life that she had been unaware of for, well, ever. Glancing back at our mother, I ask simply, “Why?” out of pure curiosity.

“The sake of humanity was under threat and she was involved, I had no choice other than to open a rift and send them into the future,” she pinches the bridge of her nose and inhales sharply, cutting herself off. “You know what, it’s a long story, one I’ll explain at a later time because frankly, I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. What is important, however, is that I know what spell to use to unlock your memories.”

“What? How? Did you meet with her? Did she tell you? Why would she know that? Is she a witch, too? But how, if you’re sisters…you’re like, the witch, though. Do you share power? Are you both split from—”

“Asteria, enough,” my mother raises a hand with a dry laugh and Ria looks like her head is going to implode. I just blink at them, only mildly affected with the benefit of my enchantment.

“First of all, I am not a witch, I am the goddess of witchcraft,” my mother breathes irritably.

“Tch, semantics,” Asteria says flippantly, waving her hand.

Mother stares flatly at her before responding curtly, “No, dear daughter, there is a distinct difference, one you are very well aware of.”

Again, Ria waves her hand dismissively, “Demons-shmemons, whatever, you know what I mean. If Lilith is your sister, what does that mean, exactly?”

Wait, what? “Demons?” I query, raising a finger, though neither of them seem to notice.

Once you hold your memories, this will all make sense, Luna’s voice drifts through my mind. None of this is new news, besides Lilith being Hekate’s sister. I’m just as shocked as Asteria.

I just nod my head along, absorbing everything as best I can. My mother rubs her forehead and closes her eyes for a moment, as if discussing this is causing her physical discomfort.

“It means that Lilith is the creator of demons. Her power is paralleled with mine, though her focus lies in the realm of the…underworld. Look, a long, long time ago, someone pissed her off, royally, and in her wrath the demon race was born. She intended to use their creation to seek revenge on…this person, though they got out of control when she got caught up in a battle with—nevermind. Like I said, I will explain her story another time,” she sighs, exasperated and I can’t help but just stare blankly at her.

“What is important here is that I had to send her into the future, and I chose to enchant her memories away someplace safe as a means to bide time to figure out what the hell to do with the dilemma we were faced with,” my mother lets out another tired sigh. “Yes, to answer one of your questions, I did meet with her and in doing so, I realized that the issue we are dealing with here can be solved by something I forgot I had done only once before.” Her voice grows quiet as she looks at the both of us.

Asteria’s hands slap against her thighs as her breath whooshes from her chest in disbelief. I glance at the two of them for a moment before rising to my feet. I gesture between them with my uneaten muffin and announce, “Well, let me know whenever you’re ready to free my memories, because I want to get it over with sooner rather than later and preferably with this enchantment still in use. Especially with the way the both of you look right now,” I add as I raise my eyebrows with a slight shake of my head. “I’ll be outside for a while in the gardens.”

I spend the rest of my day alone outside, wandering around the flowers and trees behind our home and give myself the space needed to let my feelings run their course. I take the necessary time needed with each thought and emotion, to allow them time to pass without pushing any part of it away. I sit on the edge of the large fountain, stroking my hand though Machitís’ fur as he sits with his massive head perched in my lap, feeling utterly exhausted. My body feels as if I’d run a marathon today and I realize how draining it is to endure emotional pain.

I’ve waded through a decent amount of emotional baggage, I’d like to think, and now I allow myself some peaceful quiet away from the memories and feelings that come with them. Deciding I want to do something for my mother as a show of gratitude and care, I contemplate which flowers to pick for a bouquet. Rising to my feet, I pat Machitís’ head once more and tell him to go find his brother, watching with a smile as he bounds away into the darkening forest.

Meandering through the gardens, I select a variety of flowers and enjoy breathing in their scents as I go. I want to apologize for my behavior, before, I direct my thoughts toward Luna, sensing that she has given me some distance for my privacy.

There is absolutely nothing for you to apologize for, Selene. What happened to you was truly awful, and with your discovery of your entire life being a lie on top of what you’d already been carrying, it is no wonder for you to have reacted the way you did. Do not feel ashamed for feeling too much, her crystal voice rings sharply in my mind and I smile a little at the intensity she feels.

I understand, though I do feel embarrassed by it all regardless. Especially with my behavior toward Kyran. I was in a panic, my mind felt out of control and this is not including my supposed powers coming to life without my knowledge of them. I just did not want to harm anyone, most of all him, I admit, my voice sounding small.

I feel a comforting pressure from Luna, almost like a hug and she responds, I know. I can see things from my side differently than you can, and I know you would never intentionally cause him harm.

Exactly, I reply, feeling relieved that she understands, this is why I can’t be around him right now, not while I’m like this. I feel…broken. And I don’t want my suffering to cause him pain, because I know he cares, and I know my hurting would in turn hurt him just by existing. I can’t allow that to be, so I can’t be with him right now. I hope he will understand where I am coming from with this, I let out a sigh as I pick the last flower, a small clutch of sweet jasmine and add it to the white bouquet I’ve gathered.

As I step across the path toward the cottage, a whine catches my ear on a brush of wind and I turn over my shoulder at the sound. At first, I don’t notice anything out of the ordinary with the dim light of dusk making it hard to see farther than the garden, until a dark movement catches my eye near my favorite willow. I almost brush it off as one of the dogs and am turning back toward the house when the glint of amber flashes briefly in the setting sunlight. “Kyran,” I breathe, my chest tightening painfully at the sight of him.

He takes a few steps forward in his wolf form, fully emerging from the shadows of the woods and stops beside the willow. He truly is beautiful and I am overcome with the strong urge to run to him, wrap my arms around his neck and never let go. But I know that would not be fair to either of us, to hold onto him in order to stand on my feet. It would be a disservice to us if I don’t sort out my issues first, especially when he has finally been able to free himself from the binds he’d been trapped in for so long.

I stare at him for a few breaths, my heart pounding with the effort to get my legs moving forward before I tear my eyes from his and begrudgingly make my way back up the path toward the cottage. His low keening howl washes over me, making my chest ache painfully with every step I take and a few tears spill over as I open the door to the kitchen, not daring to look back. Because if I do, I know I don’t have it in me to not fall apart. I would shatter into thousands of pieces.