Lunar Shadows: Awaken

Selene

Icy fear drowns me as I tumble through the darkness of the churning waters, my arms and legs flailing helplessly as I sink deeper into the abyss. I was about to take Kyran’s hand and walk away from the turmoil, I wasn’t ready to face it yet. Though I have spent a long time sorting through all the shit Bolvi did to me physically and mentally, there was a lot of energy I had yet to fully release from within me. Energy that threatened to consume me if I paid too much attention to it.

Bubbles fly out of my mouth as I try to scream in terror and frigid water pours into my lungs, suffocating and weighing me down. I kick harshly, desperate to find the surface but I cannot tell which way is up or down. Panic seizes me and I fear I will not survive this, thrashing wildly to try and get anywhere but here.

Blazing heat envelops my arms, holding them still before sliding up to my face and I whip my head around, finding Kyran’s glowing amber eyes boring into mine. He looks terrified and drags me against his heated chest for a moment then pulls back, mouthing silent words at me. I can’t hear him over the pounding heartbeat in my ears and I shake my head vigorously as we float under the water. He clasps my hands tightly before taking an exaggerated breath, widening his eyes at me and I belatedly realize that he is actually breathing underwater.

I squeeze my eyes shut and believe that I can also breathe, slowing my heart rate down as I focus and take a tiny inhale through my nose as a test. A bizarre sensation fills me as I feel the cool water flowing around me but my chest is light with air and I open my eyes wide at Kyran, taking a deep breath myself. A shrill laugh spurts from me as a few bubbles float upward and I feel a bit dizzy trying to wrap my head around everything.

Kyran pulls me toward him again and holds me in his strong arms, running a hand over my hair and shushing me. “Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you, sweetheart, you’re okay,” he whispers, comforting me.

I take a moment to collect myself and think about what makes up this ocean. I realize that all my trauma has bunched up into one huge, overwhelming mass of energies left over from the awful experiences I went through with Bolvi. Many of them were based on fear and I have shied away from facing it fully because any time I would try, I would feel the beginnings of a panic attack and push it down, down, down, shoving it deep within me. I look up at Kyran with a frown and clutch him a bit tighter.

“I’m afraid,” I admit with a shaky voice, “I don’t think I can get rid of this, it’s too much. I just want it to go away. I don’t want his energy inside me. I can’t go through that again, it will ruin me,” I cry, my voice breaking from the emotions roiling around me.

“I know, I don’t want you to have to face this if you aren’t ready to. It’s okay to be afraid, Selene. I don’t know the details of everything you have faced but you did not deserve any of it. I can tell Valdr to have Asteria pull us out, okay?” his voice is gentle but has a tightness to it.

I want to agree and leave here immediately and I almost open my mouth to say so when I abruptly understand that is what I have always been doing, running away. If I turn my back on myself here again, this won’t go away and will only grow worse with time, making the next time I face it that much more difficult to deal with. Steeling myself, I shake my head and Kyran’s brow scrunches down.

“I can’t run away, not anymore. I don’t know how, but I need to release this once and for all. I don’t want this mess affecting me any longer, I don’t want it getting in the way of bonding with you,” I say firmly, my voice gaining strength as I speak.

A warm smile pulls his mouth up and he leans down to kiss my forehead. “I’m here for you however you need me to be,” he mumbles against my skin.

“Thank you. I—I don’t know where to start,” I sigh deeply, regulating my breathing and focus only on us for the moment.

“What would you say was the worst part about being with him?” he prompts, pulling back a little as he slides his hands down my arms, though I don’t miss the jump of muscle clenched at his jaw as he turns his head away.

Averting my gaze, I chew on my lip as I think about that, having tons of issues to choose from. With a nod of my head, I know where I need to start. “Control. Or the lack of it, I should say. I always felt like I had absolutely no control around him, he would do whatever he wanted with me—or to me—whenever he wanted to. If I ever denied him or disagreed, I would’ve been hit or shoved down in retaliation, made to fear speaking against him. I had the choice of suffering either physical abuse or going along with what he wanted to save my body from the pain. I know now that I was only trading physical pain for mental abuse when I had to succumb to doing things I did not want to do. He was a predator, seeking out weakness to prey upon me and manipulated me for a long time into believing I would never be loved by anyone else, convincing me that nobody would want to be with someone as pathetic as me. It’s all so fucked up! I truly hate him, I despise the thought of ever having been involved with a piece of shit like that,” I seethe, my trepidation melting away into frustration and shame.

Kyran remains silent and I slide my gaze toward him, finding him staring out into the shadowy water with a cold, stony expression. His body is rigid, almost statuesque as he hisses through clenched teeth, “If I ever see that fucking bastard again, I will rip his beating heart from his chest.”

His dark words stir something buried deep within me and I drop my head, scrubbing at my face while feeling angry at the memories swirling around me. A gap through my fingers shows a dark shadow circling below us and I tear my hands from my face in shock. Gasping, I grip onto Kyran’s shirt in fear and stammer, “K—ky, Kyran,” with my heart leaping into my throat.

He grasps my hands and glances downward, swearing at the sight of the shark rising closer. Pressing his fingers to my chin, he pulls my face toward him and stares me hard in my eyes. “Selene, you called him a predator. That shark is the manifestation of Bolvi and you’ve got to kill it to set it free from your soul. I could do it for you but I want you to save yourself, to show you how much strength you hold within. You are capable of more than you know, I have faith in you that you will succeed. I will be here with you the whole time, okay? I won’t let him hurt you ever again,” his voice is hard and a tear slips down my cheek as I nod my head.

I breathe shakily and turn away from Kyran, scrambling to figure out how to approach this. The shark grows bigger the closer it gets and I swallow thickly, my nerves jittering. Its large, gray tail flips back and forth lazily as it circles and I envision a long blade with a lengthy handle, manifesting it into my hands. I roll it between my palms as Kyran lets out a low whistle and I turn over my shoulder to grin at him. He smiles back encouragingly and I glance back down, startled to find the shark swimming alarmingly close beneath me.

I slowly float myself backward and Kyran follows suit, the two of us side by side as the shark bends, its flat black eye facing us. Before I have much time to react, it jolts forward on a burst of speed and I hastily lash out the blade with a scream, catching it in the gills as it passes by me. The huge shark thrashes to the side and darts at me again, this time closing its massive jaws around my handle and snapping it in half. I let out a shriek, totally freaked out and fail at conjuring a second weapon when it prepares to strike at me again. All I can see is the deep, gaping pit of its mouth ringed by dozens of jagged points coming at me. I try to swim away and squeeze my eyes shut in fear when I hear a loud clang reverberate around me.

Startled, my eyes fly open and I find myself in a metal cage. I search wildly for Kyran and find him floating above me with a long metal harpoon held loosely in his hand as he winks at me before focusing on the shark again. I watch as it circles back toward us, gaining speed and with a surge of anger and fear, I snag the harpoon from Kyran. Drawing my arm back, I position the weapon and wave my free hand to erase the cage. Waiting for the right moment, my heart pounds heavily, constricting my chest in fear as the shark drops its jaws open wide. I feel Kyran grab my hand tightly just as I scream and launch the harpoon upward into the shark’s mouth with all my strength.

Bright blood spills around us, clouding the water as the shark thrashes with the harpoon lodged inside its head and slowly sinks into the dark abyss beneath us. I can’t help the cries that leave me, the fear and anger seeping out of me in that moment and falling into the depths below behind the dying monster. My entire body is shaking and I meet Kyran’s gaze, letting out a laugh of disbelief. Another laugh follows and another, each one becoming more jubilant and he smiles widely at me, holding out his arms.

I fly into him and he holds me tight, swinging us around joyfully. “You did it, Selene, that was amazing. How do you feel, now that it is done?” he asks me, pressing his cheek to the top of my head.

“Terrified but also freer. I don’t want to experience that again but I have to admit, it was quite a rush!” I laugh again, pulling myself up to peck him on the cheek.

He laughs with me and I push off his shoulders to swim toward the surface as Kyran follows beside me. My head breaks through with a splash and I spin in a circle, noticing that the waters have calmed a bit, though there are still large waves rearing up around me. Kyran appears a few paces away, looking around as well and meets my gaze. “What has been left within you, Selene?” he asks quietly, noticing the heavy waves crashing loudly.

I suck in my lip and take a deep breath before answering him. “Intimacy,” I whisper, reaching out for his hand, “he ruined it for me. I don’t know what it feels like to be touched and enjoy it. I always dreaded him putting his hands on me, forcing me to comply when I would tell him no, hurting me, outside and in. He would…hold me down, yell at me to shut up or hit me until I did. I couldn’t sleep peacefully without the fear of being disturbed, I ended up keeping myself awake and always expecting the worst. I wanted to die, Kyran,” I sob, squeezing his hand tightly.

“Selene,” he rasps, his face stricken as he pulls me into a warm embrace.

“He-he would only leave b-bruises where my clothes would cover, so nobody would see them,” I cry out between gasps as my emotions threaten to consume me. “He would get me drunk and ridicule me for not handling my alcohol then take advantage of me in a vulnerable state. He kept revolting photos of me as blackmail, threatening to display them to the world if I ever left. The worst of it all is he killed the hope inside of me that one day I would know what real love felt like. His love was all that I knew and it has marred me ever since,” I end on a ragged whisper, feeling a little sick and my lip quivers as I desperately try to hold back my emotions.

Kyran remains silent after a few moments and I pull back to look at him. His handsome face is contorted with rage but he holds me gingerly and says lowly, “That’s why you had me make you that drink, isn’t it? And the way you reacted to me running into you at the park…Fuck!” he growls the swear with heated anger and he gently cups my face in his warm hands. “I am so sorry that you had to experience that horrible shit, Selene. How could someone do that—” he clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes, his nostrils flaring with ire as his hands begin trembling against my skin.

When he opens his eyes once more, unshed tears glisten as he roughly whispers, “Selene, that pain you have endured, the pain you still carry, it…it affects me deeply and I prom—”

A looming shadow tears my eyes from Kyran’s and I glance past his shoulder at a gigantic wave rising behind him. I barely have time to shout when it crashes over us, swallowing us in the tumultuous current and countlessly flipping me head over heels. I’m torn from Kyran’s grasp and flail around blindly for him, the light snuffing out beneath the cold water. I feel a pressure against my back and relax, relieved that Kyran found me so quickly amidst the chaos.

Icy fingers grip the back of my neck as more grope me roughly and I let out a shrill scream as I realize it is definitely not Kyran touching me. Hands grip me too hard, bruising my throat, arms, legs, and I claw at them desperately as panic floods through me. I can’t see anything in the pitch black and I sob helplessly while my clothes are torn off and my skin crawls from the painful touches. A cold, slimy lick trails up my neck and I shudder in disgust, slapping my skin at the sensation. I can’t focus on how to make it stop, I can’t think of anything but my fear and repulsion.

A stinging hand slaps across my face, hitting me hard enough to steal my breath as prickly hands grate against my belly, dragging downward toward my panties and I cry out desperately for it to stop. The sickening touches suddenly vanish, replaced by a blooming heat, soft and gentle across my hips. I search the darkness in front of me, unable to focus on anything solid and I try to move away, feeling scared without my vision. Squeezing my eyes shut, I picture the floating candles again and peek through my lashes to find they have appeared, illuminating underwater with an ethereal glow. Opening my eyes wider, I see Kyran below me gripping his head with a pained expression on his face. At the sight of him, my body relaxes for a moment and I feel much safer until another pair of gross, cold hands wrap around my torso and dig their fingers into my ribs.

I let out a dreadful whimper, scratching at the hands uselessly as my eyes flash to Kyran’s and he swims up before me. He glares in horror at my body then his gaze meets my eyes with a desperate questioning expression and I nod my head in agreement. He immediately reaches out with both hands and lays his on top of the phantom ones, his warmth melting the icy touch away as he presses his palms to my sides. I can feel the feather light brush of his fingers as he glides them over my skin and I relax at his touch.

Slimy fingers slide over my breasts beneath my bra and I grimace at the feeling as they pinch my nipples hard. I cry out in pain, my hands flying up to my chest in defense fruitlessly. Kyran frowns and meets my gaze with his brow pulling downward, saying seriously, “Tell me to stop and I will, okay? If you don’t feel comfortable, let me know right away the moment you feel it,” his deep voice is tight with anger.

Nodding my head, I whisper, “Okay,” and pull my hands away against the instincts raging inside of me as I sob helplessly.

He holds my gaze as he glides his hands up my body, his eyes searching my face for any sign of distress. His fingers slip beneath my bra and he gently cups my breasts in his warm palms, the pads of his thumbs lightly grazing over my nipples. I close my eyes at the sensation, feeling little sparks radiate from his touch and I smile, feeling safe with him. Sharp nails dig into my back, scratching down my spine to squeeze my ass so hard I yelp, arching away from the vile touch. Kyran glides his warm palms around my ribs to my back and reaches up, resting his fingertips behind my shoulders. He massages my back and I let out a small groan when he slowly traces his fingers over my spine as electricity tingles behind his touch. He splays his hands around my ass and kneads me gently, rubbing his palms across my skin soothingly.

I look into his amber eyes shining warmly like firelight and I let out a sigh, running my hands up his strong arms. Accidentally, I dig my fingernails into his shoulders when an icy grip squeezes my inner thighs, forcing my legs apart. I glance down with a sob and Kyran growls fiercely, his hand flying to my legs as he cups my center protectively. He holds still, carefully keeping his hand in place over my panties as he lifts my chin to look into my eyes. “Are you alright?” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb across my cheek to wipe away my tears and his face is hard with tension as he seems to struggle with keeping his emotions under control.

I wait a moment, anticipating more violation but it doesn’t return. My heartbeat slows from the perilous rhythm it was pounding into a more normal pace and I catch my breath. I nod my head in response and Kyran glides his other hand across my cheek, cupping my face in his heated palms. Relaxing against him, I slide my arms around his neck as tears fall down my cheeks and drip over his hands. Lifting myself, I wrap my legs around his waist and he embraces me in his strong arms comfortingly, holding me close.

“I am, with you,” I whisper, nodding my head again with a sniffle as more tears stream down my face.

He smiles warmly before kissing me deeply, his hand caressing my head and I glide my fingers up his neck into his thick hair. Heat blooms in my chest and pools low, the warmth spreading throughout my body as I sigh against his lips. After a few heavy breaths, I pull back and smile at him, tracing his eyebrow with my finger. He grins at me and I am struck by his handsomeness up close. Kyran kisses my eyes which are still wet with tears, rubs his nose to mine and looks upward, smirking at me before we start moving fast toward the surface.

I cling to his neck at the sudden movement and we quickly shoot out of the water, droplets flying around us glistening like diamonds. All around us the ocean is calm and beautiful, the sky a bright blue with puffy white clouds floating by. From here I can see the island Kyran had mentioned before I got swept away and I point to it, guiding his eyes. We slowly float over to the small piece of land, lowering toward the small beach as Kyran sets me down gently on my feet in the sand and takes my hands in his.

“I am so sorry you had to go through that Selene, both now and in the past. It sickens me to know you’ve experienced such awful treatment, especially from someone I was once responsible for. You did amazing, and as you said to me, you should be proud of yourself for your courage and strength to get through it again,” he asserts, rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs.

“Thank you, Kyran. I would have drowned in this without you here and I know that I will still have things to overcome from it, but I can feel that the darkness is lifting from me. I feel lighter, more free now that I have faced what I’ve suppressed for so long. I wasn’t ready to go through that and I didn’t want to, but with your help I did, and that is something I won’t forget. We make a kick-ass team,” I smirk, easing the heavy mood and he lightly laughs, though his eyes hold a hardness within them.

“I am always here whenever you need me, for anything,” he murmurs, his voice growing serious once more as he reaches up to gently cup my face. “Always remember that, sweetheart.”

I step forward and wrap my arms around his middle, squeezing tightly as he strokes my hair. We silently hold each other for a little while, gently swaying with the light breeze and after some time I lean away, taking a deep breath. Though I told him the truth, I wasn’t completely honest with him about how I’m feeling and frankly I'm not in the best place of mind to face it at this moment. I let out my breath slowly, glancing away from him as a flash of shame runs through me and I clench my teeth before giving him a small smile.

“Ready to go find that shiny thing you saw?” I ask quietly, taking his hand in mine as exhaustion threatens to claim me.

“I am when you are,” he nods toward the trees with a tight smile.