Lunar Shadows: Awaken

Kyran

We spent the rest of the evening quietly sitting with each other on the balcony, gazing at the night sky and enjoying each other’s company. A few hours ago I could feel Selene relax, falling asleep against my chest. I had pulled the blanket up around us to keep her warm and have been holding her while I think about what I must do in order to be with her properly. Looking up, I judge the time to be close to midnight based on the position of the moon and gather Selene gently in my arms, careful not to disturb her slumber.

I rise slowly to my feet and carry her into her room, reaching out to quietly close the doors behind us with a soft click. I pad over to her bed and lay her down slowly, arranging her comforter around her like a nest and I can’t help myself from brushing her silvery hair away from her beautiful face. She looks so peaceful and calm, two things I have only ever felt from being in her presence. I lightly trace my thumb over her cheek and sigh, pulling my hand back as I straighten.

Turning to take my place on her floor by the balcony doors, I feel a softness glide over my hand and I glance at Selene’s sleeping face. I peer down at her outstretched arm, her fingers resting on the back of my hand and flick my eyes back to hers, finding her squinting at me.

“Come here,” she murmurs sleepily, rolling onto her side and lifting her blankets.

I lie down and take the blanket from her as she wiggles her way beneath my shoulder, curling her head and arm on my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in tightly and press a kiss to her head, feeling more comfortable than I have in a very long time. I listen to her breathing as it quickly evens out, her sleep returning to her so effortlessly and smile at the thought of her feeling just as comfortable as I do.

Closing my eyes, I release the trepidation I feel about what Selene will choose to do once she discovers my harsh truths and only focus on enjoying the time I have spent with her as I drift off into a restful sleep.

Silk caresses my back and I flex my shoulders at the sensation with a low rumbling rolling through my chest. Feathered hands glide up my neck, kneading the tension away and making me sigh. Gentle fingers run through my hair and the electric tingles they emit shoot down my body and I groan, lifting my head from the pillows. Selene’s bright smile greets me as she giggles, running her hands through my hair again and I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of her touching me.

“Good morning, Ky,” she whispers, her voice soft.

“Good morning, beautiful,” I whisper back, rolling onto my side and brushing my knuckles against her jaw.

Her smile widens as she props up on her elbow, sliding her free hand into mine. “So, I’ve been thinking,” she murmurs, drawing circles on my palm, “what if my mother or Asteria could assist us with your healing, somehow? We were going to attempt to unlock my memories before you had come back and I wanted to ask you first before bringing it up to them, to see if it would be something you’d be open to?” she asks quietly, giving me a small smile.

I raise my eyebrows at her thoughtfulness and nod my head lightly in agreement. “Yeah, I think that is a great idea, Selene, thank you,” I give her a smile and she beams at me happily.

“I’m not really sure what they can do for it, but I would be willing to bet they’ve got something we could give a try,” she says hopefully, giving my hand a squeeze.

A quick rap on her door announces Asteria before she pushes her way into the room and tosses a glass bottle at me, which I barely manage to catch.

“Drink up, both of you, you’re gonna need it!” she chirps before pushing the door closed and poofing away.

I look sideways at Selene as she sits up and she meets my gaze, letting out a laugh. I chuckle with her and sit up as well, shaking my head. “That woman is something else,” I tease, smirking.

“I am well aware,” Selene drawls, widening her eyes as she giggles.

“If I’m not mistaken, I believe your sister is a prophet. She has the ability for precognition, she can see the future,” I clarify at the blank stare she gives me.

Selene’s mouth puckers as she slowly nods her head, probably realizing instances that make more sense to her now, hearing me say this. I am reminded of just how much this woman has been unaware of and how she has managed to accept it all with such grace. I can’t say that I would handle it very well if our roles were reversed, that’s for sure.

She pats my knee and pushes to her feet, stretching her arms over her head before disappearing into her bathroom. I turn the glass bottle over in my hands, observing the metallic copper liquid swirling inside. Shrugging, I uncork the bottle and swig it down, leaving a little less than half left for Selene. The drink is sweet and sour, but not bad and I feel it seeping into my stomach warmly as if I downed a handle of liquor. Selene walks over to me, changed into a flowy white t-shirt and black leggings with her hair piled in a bun and holds her hand out for the bottle. I stare at her, awed by her simplicity being as attractive as the first night I saw her at Howler’s.

I watch as she sniffs the bottle before carefully taking a sip and laugh when she scrunches her nose at it. She glares at me and squeezes her eyes shut, tipping her head back to drink it down. The way she makes a twisted face is adorable and I laugh again, feeling slightly lightheaded. Selene rests her hand to her belly, no doubt feeling the pooling warmth by now and glances at me with a slow grin spreading on her face. I rise to my feet and smile back, holding my hand out for her to take as I cross to her door.

We make our way downstairs clumsily, giggling at each other the whole way until we see Asteria and Hekate waiting for us in the living room. Asteria grins at us and gestures toward the floor by the fireplace, some cushions and blankets have been laid out with candles and random bowls spread around. Hekate steps forward, clasping her hands with a worried expression on her face.

“How do you feel?” she asks, looking from Selene to me.

“Hammered,” Selene drags out the word and starts laughing.

I can’t help but laugh too, I feel fucking fantastic. Asteria laughs with us and shakes her head as she moves to the other side of the room. I tug on Selene’s hand lightly and we sit down on the floor, flopping onto our backs.

“The potion I gave you is intended to ease your mental barriers. I will be able to work easier this way with the both of you, I will be sending you into the dream realm and you should have full control over your conscious self while there. Your physical body will remain unharmed, though it may feel that what you experience is real, remember that what you see and feel is only in your mind, figments of your memories and nothing more. Understand?” Asteria asks intently and I try hard to focus on what she has said, nodding my head once.

“Selene, you might be able to unlock your memories through the sleep dive as well, if you choose to focus on your subconscious while in the dream realm. Mother will provide me with extra power to sustain you both for as long as possible, I am unsure how long I will be able to maintain the transportation spell, though, so try to be as efficient as possible,” Asteria turns to me to let me know, “if for whatever reason you need to be retracted, focus on Valdr’s bond and I will cease the spell. His energy will remain here, with your physical body, to act as a gateway or for communication if needed. Most importantly, do not let go of Selene, no matter what. If she becomes lost in the dream realm, I have no tether to her except for you, Kyran, and she may never wake again,” she states gravely.

I swallow thickly at the seriousness of Asteria’s voice and nod my head, clarity briefly allowing for me to grasp her words fully. Glancing over at Selene, I see her eyes blink owlishly at the information before she looks at me with worry. I give her hand a squeeze in reassurance and she lets go for a moment, snaking her arm beneath mine and clasps my hand again tightly.

“Are you both ready?” Asteria asks, raising her glowing hands.

We both nod silently, her eyes flooding black with glowing irises as she begins chanting, the room melting away around me like candle wax and I feel nothing except for Selene’s firm grip in mine. Darkness overcomes me with a sensation like diving into water and I am abruptly floating over my body ethereally, looking down at our sleeping forms on the floor. Hekate looks up at us and gives us a small smile.

“This is quite similar to astral projection, you can move freely as if you would normally, though add flying to the mix with some psychic teleportation and you can go literally anywhere. Envision in your mind’s eye where you want to go and you will be there. Good luck,” she waves her hand as everything completely disappears.

The silent, utter blackness is extremely disconcerting, and I feel Selene grip my hand which I reassuringly squeeze back. I reach within, finding the mental tether on my repressed memories and immediately the row of five doorways manifests before us on a curl of smoke. Feeling curious, I envision a bright night sky above and a soft, grassy field beneath our feet and everything springs around us, making Selene gasp.

“Whoa, this is so amazing! Can I try?” she asks eagerly, pulling me around to face her.

I grin at the awe on her face and nod my head. “Just imagine anything you want and put it somewhere,” I inform her, aware of how lucid dreaming works.

She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment and smiles as hundreds of floating white candles appear, along with wildflowers in the field and leafy vines along the stone arched doorways. The warm light of the candles sets the wildflowers aglow like fireflies and gives the whole area a calming, serene feeling. I grin at her when she opens her eyes and lets out an excited squeal at the view around us. Her joy fades as she looks at me again, her brow pulling down in concern.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” she asks me softly.

Glancing at the arches, I feel my chest tighten and I turn back to her, replying honestly, “I don’t know. I feel a bit anxious, actually.”

“Would maybe talking about them first help you?” she asks quietly, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles.

I ponder that idea for a moment, thinking it might make it easier if she knew what each one was before going in. Nodding my head, I tell her, “Yes, I think so, thank you.”

I arrange the archways around us into a wide circle and face one of them, the one I had tried to enter before. “This is my first experience of what my father had called training. I didn’t realize that it was actually torture until I was older, though. His methods would change as time went on, getting stronger and harsher as I grew. This moment here was only two years after I first shifted, he said that he ‘could sense the power in me’, how he wanted to use my potential to his benefit. This moment here, I think, is the start of everything else. I want to get through this one first in hopes that the others won’t be as strong afterward, maybe,” my voice drifts off as I stare at the doorway’s foggy air swirling around inside.

Selene takes a slow breath, processing what I’ve told her and steps in front of me, blocking my view of the arch. “I want you to focus on what you wish to tell that little boy inside there, inside your mind, and hold on to those words. When you push through the torment you’ll uncover, remember that you have already survived this, that what happened to you was not your fault in any way and allow yourself to feel it all. Let the energy run its course and fade away, spent and disbursed rather than living inside you, festering in a wound desperate to heal. However it comes out of you, let it out fully and let it go,” she says gently but with a hard look in her eyes.

My throat constricts and I pull her tightly into a hug, clenching my jaw against the emotions her words have brought out. Selene leans up and kisses me softly before stepping aside. I take a measured breath and am about to cross through when she clasps my hand firmly in both of hers. “No matter what, hold onto my hand, and feel that you are not alone in this, Kyran. When it overwhelms you, feel my hand in yours and know I am here with you, okay?” she speaks softly and kisses my fingers.

I gaze into her bright eyes and nod my head, bracing myself before I step through the doorway, keeping my arm outstretched back to her.

Agony sears my skin as my back tears open from the lash my father whips at me. A scream claws at my throat and I sag forward, staring into my reflection in a puddle of my own blood. My boyish face grimaces back at me as my collar clanks against the chain tethering me to the wall. My fingernails are scraped raw from scrabbling against the concrete floor as I try to avoid my father’s whip, the chain keeping me just within his reach.

“Face me like a man, you fucking coward!” he screams from the side of the cage, raising the whip above his head.

I feel my body trembling, ready to shift from the pain and to fight my attacker when another burning strike hits my back. I roar out in anger and burst into my wolf, lunging at my father with snapping jaws. My neck snaps backward as my feet fly out in front of me, reaching the end of my chain just inches away from him. Before I can fully rise to my feet, a hard kick to my face sends me sprawling as my father squats down.

“You’re weak, pathetic,” he spits at me, “I should just leave you here to rot, you piece of shit.”

He reaches out, unbuckling my collar and throws it at me as he stands to leave. Shakily, I rise to my feet as the cage door clangs shut behind him and shift back to my human form.

“Heal yourself before coming to dinner,” is all he says without a backward glance.

I let out a loud bellow of rage until my lungs lose air and fall to the bloodstained floor, curling into myself and sob in the pain he’s left me with.

I separate from my inner child and stand beside him as pure fury rages around me, fire igniting and burning everything around to ashes. I scream and scream until my chest is raw, feeling through the immense rage I’ve lived with for so long. I want to follow my father and torture him the way he did to me, tear his skin from his flesh and rip his nails out one by one. Smash his teeth in until he chokes on them, break every bone in his body without letting him heal. I lose myself in the fury, vengeful for his maltreatment, grieving the life I could have lived. My hand tingles and I remember Selene, how she told me to think of the little boy and what I wanted to say to him.

I grip Selene’s hand and feel her presence with me, taking deep breaths to calm myself. Focusing hard, I crouch down and lay my hand on my inner child’s head gently. I pour healing magic through his body and watch as the torn skin mends, the bruises fade and the blood ceases dripping from his nose. I pull him into my lap and cradle the boy, telling him, “Your strength is greater than you know, what you have been through does not define who you are. How others treat you is a reflection of themselves, not you. You are loved and cared for, you have great potential to be a powerful man with the ability to love and care for others in return. You deserve love, you always have. You did not deserve this unjust torture. I love you, and I thank you for not giving up, for keeping your strength, for allowing me to be where I am today.” My voice cracks as a tear streams over my cheek and I let it fall away.

Rising slowly, I carry him out of the doorway and place him on his feet beside me. He looks up at me with hard, amber eyes and glances at Selene with a wide grin slowly spreading across his boyish face. He laughs joyously, beaming at me with pure happiness and turns to run away, fading into the ether with his laughter trailing behind him. Hot tears stream down my face and I let them fall freely as an immense weight lifts out of my chest, feeling like I can finally truly breathe. The doorway slowly turns to dust and blows away on an invisible wind and I let out a huff of a laugh in disbelief.

Selene wipes her cheeks with her hand and pulls my arm around her, squeezing my middle with all her strength. “You should be very proud of yourself, Kyran, what you have just accomplished is not a simple thing to do,” she mumbles against my chest, “you’re absolutely adorable as a child, by the way.”

I laugh as I wipe the last of my tears away and look down into her eyes. “Thank you for your strength, Selene. I don’t think I’d be able to do this without you,” I admit quietly.

She smiles warmly up at me and stretches up for a kiss which I return deeply. After a moment, I pull back and take a slow breath. I walk us over to the next arch, sensing what lays beyond it. Frowning, I bring forth the memory to share with Selene and it flashes across the archway in snippets.

“This memory happened shortly after my father’s torture started—maybe a year or so— time was hard to keep track of back then. I had a best friend, his name was Sisu and I looked up to him like an older brother, he could do anything and never be affected by it. He feared no one and nothing, he was definitely a risk taker. One night, vampires attacked our pack and took his mother from their home. Sisu was only a child but he fought with everything he had and even killed a few before he had been bitten. He was the first child in our pack to go berserk and it greatly impacted everyone. He was well known and loved. When he began to lose control, my father had ordered his death, with me as the executioner,” I explain tightly, clenching my jaw as I recall how that felt.

Selene’s hand flies to her mouth as she gasps quietly, tears pooling in her eyes and she shakes her head in disbelief. “How could he? That…that is just cruel,” she whispers harshly.

“He called it resilience,” I scoff at the memory of him and his sneering smirk when he demanded it of me. “I refused him, in front of our pack. My father used his Alpha will on me and commanded that I kill Sisu, then and there. It was awful,” I say lowly, dropping my head.

Selene rubs my arm gently before saying, “Remember to allow yourself to feel everything fully, and to let it go. It is very important that energy dissipates outside of you.”

I nod my head, giving her a wan smile before stepping through the archway. Same as before, I keep my hand outstretched toward her and I find myself staring into the red eyes of my angry friend.

My entire body tenses as my muscles flex, refusing to obey the command set upon me but my legs painfully drag me forward regardless. I stare into Sisu’s eyes and he snarls at me, his lean body quivering as he fights the urge to shift. The crowd surrounding us murmurs both in encouragement and dissent, the majority of the voices opposing my father’s demand. I resist as hard as I can when I come to stop before Sisu and hold his gaze for as long as possible.

“I don’t want to do this, Sisu,” I plead, shaking my head fervently as I clench every part of my body to remain still.

“Kyran, please, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I can’t fight it any longer. Just do it. Do it!” his voice is ragged as he paces back and forth.

“Si—”

“Kill him!” my father demands as I hold myself back.

I bare my teeth at my father in rage and lunge at Sisu, striking him in his face before he jumps at me, shifting mid-stride. I throw my body to the side and wrap my arms around his neck, trying to choke him but he claws at my leg and pushes free. Sisu’s chestnut brown wolf snaps his jaws at me, barely missing my face as I throw my fist into his throat and kick his ribs as hard as I can. I’m about to shift when he sinks his razor sharp fangs into the side of my neck and I scream in pain, tearing my body away as his teeth drag down to my shoulder, taking strips of my flesh with him. Valdr takes control for me, shifting fast and lunges at Sisu, clamping his jaws around his throat. Without hesitation he rips downward as blood floods over his face and onto the ground. Sisu’s wolf staggers for a moment before dropping dead, his body making a sickening thud before silence radiates around me as I shift and collapse to my knees.

I can’t hear what everyone is saying as I stare at my best friend, dead because of me. My first kill that wasn’t a hunt. Blood seeps from my wound but I make no move to heal it and I numb myself, sitting there in the dirt long after everyone has gone home. My father never spoke a word to me about it afterward and I focused only on the anger and hatred toward him, vowing to kill him one day for making me do this.

Taking a deep breath, I lean forward, press my hand to Sisu’s body and bow my head. I let the grief of his death flow over me, the heavy waves threaten to drown me as I mourn his loss and I struggle to breathe through it. My chest feels as if it will cave in, my limbs begin to tremble and I tighten my fingers around Selene’s instinctively. Immediately she grips onto my hand, her warmth and comfort surrounding me and releases the pressure built up inside. I don’t fight against the tears that fall, allowing them to pour from me freely as I remember my friend. I wish that things could have been different, but I finally accept things for how they are.