Lords and ladies of Ye Olde Delmar.

“Okay…” Gizzy said as they gathered around the portal gate. "Everyone got all their gear and prepwork? Fantastic, Just gotta grab the house.” She added, placing a golden key in the door lock and turning it, as the house let out a deafening bass woof and retracted down to a lunchbox with a key in the handle. She sat it on the table and Vinn strolled by, grabbing it and trying to take a step, as the table folded and Vinn was yanked to the ground like he had been struck by a falling rock.

“Ow.” he muttered.

“Oh, don’t touch the house. It’s about 50 tons. It runs an antigravity system that keeps it about 25 pounds when active. However, as a safety device, if anyone but me tries to lift it, it reverts to about a ton of weight. Kind of a Thor’s hammer antitheft system, except I’m the only one worthy, purely because I programmed it to be that way.”

“Yep.” Vinn said, lying on the ground. “Thanks for the warning.”

“So what if you die, and we can’t use the house?” asked Nicole.

“Oh, if there’s something capable of killing me, the house won’t save you, and you’re all going to die too.”

“That’s comforting.” She said dryly. “At least we’ll die homeless and immediately.”

“I’m better armored than the house, honey.”

“Why? Why not just use whatever you’re made of to buff the house?” Nicole asked.

“Because then it would weight 4 times as much, and not shrink, so moving it would be a slightly harder task.” Gizzy said snidely. “Oh good, the camera guy is here finally. Quick, pose for a cover picture…Why are you standing on your tiptoes?” Gizzy asked Silverback.

“I’m the group leader, I should look the tallest, and I’m being blocked by a 6-foot Viking chick.” Silverback said, stretching as much as possible.

“Yea, but with Vinn over there, you’re gonna look like a bitchlette regardless.”

“Just let me have this, woman.” He said taking a regal, serious pose.

“Come on people, we got a time limit here.” She said smiling for the picture and then grabbing the house and heading through the gate, followed by everyone else in a slight panic.

The soft breeze of cottage life wafted through a quiet hillside where a small cabin rested. The chirping of birds in the fall echoed through the green rolling hills, as a gentle brook flowed and the sound of an old rocking chair could be heard from the cabin. Suddenly the thunderous oompf of one bass pulse and flash of green light beamed from the cabin windows like a laser show, punching a hole in the roof and beaming skyward, followed by a loud crunch and breaking knickknacks.

The group stumbled to the dirt floor, noticing the warp bubble had carved a rather perfect spherical hole in the wooden floor. The smell of burnt cedar and the glow of the endgrain now filled the room, as well as 5 random assholes carrying backpacks.

Nicole’s eyes grew wider as the ceiling boards shifted slightly.

“Did…did we just spawn in, right in someone’s house?” she asked.

“We didn’t Spawn in, Nicole, it’s not a video game. We terminator-style transposed the matter of a spherical area of someone house into energy, and then converted that energy into us and our gear…right into someone’s house, apparently. It’s the same as how the portable house works. It just deletes matter. Don’t look at me like I did this wrong, this is another tandem universe in another timeline I never went to before.” Gizzy explained.

“You hit someone’s house. You didn’t aim for like a vacant wooded area?”

“You do realize the universe all moves, the fact that we hit a moving rotating earthlike planet, orbiting a moving star that orbits a galaxy in a different universe 20,000 years before our timeline, and didn’t end up 400 feet in the air or underground, is impressive.” Gizzy explained defensively.

“I think we killed a guy.” Dee said, looking grossed out.

“We don’t know that, we just dicked-up his house. The odds anyone was home in that exact spot are a million to 1. We’ll leave some gemstones and he’ll fix it. Houses are replaceable; it’s the people that live there that matter.” Gizzy noted.

“There’s a pair of smoldering boots with feet in them and half a chair right outside the death sphere.” Dee pointed.

“Oh…well fuck. Yea we killed a guy. Still no way of ever predicting those odds, and still not our fault. Trust me, we’re gonna kill some people on this mission. Let’s all just assume he was a terrible person, or very old and in bad health anyway. It’s a painless way to go. We don’t know we didn’t do something good here. Nobody can prove otherwise.” Gizzy shrugged.

“So this is a merry start.” Vinn huffed as the house creaked and they all ran out the front door before it caved in, now missing a vital load-baring beam. The gentle flicker of flames climbed the debris, slowly engulfing the house.

“Okay that does seem like a bad start, but at least nobody got hurt. Nobody specifically in this group got hurt, and we have all our gear. Oh hey, free horses.” Gizzy smiled, trying to get everyone excited.

“Nope…they ran from the fire.” Silverback noted.

“Oh thank god the animals were okay.” Nicole sighed.

“So what’s the first mission?” Dee asked, drawing attention away from the wreckage. Gizzy took out her compass and locked on to a faint signal.

“We go that way.” She nodded.

“That’s it? We just go that direction?”

“Yea. It’s a mission to find things. The compass works with the glasses to locate the tachyon radiation signature of the nearest matching object. Then we find it. It could be in a tree or a monastery, or a pawn shop, we just follow the compass and whatever the glasses lights up green is the thing we get. It’s a very simple concept, they just may be really far apart and may be guarded, or sacred items we have trouble obtaining. THAT is the tricky part.” She yawned, taking a swig from a silver flask. “Really should have topped this before we went.” Gizzy sighed.

“Here, I got spares.” Dee smiled, producing another flask. “I got like 8 of them in my barwench outfit.” She bragged.

“You know you could have picked any outfit, just because the bar wenches in the manual dressed like prostitutes doesn’t mean to had to wear the exact outfit.”

“I know…I had the skirt shortened.” Dee said, looking confused.

“You know me too well.” Gizzy smiled, scooping her up by the waist and planting a kiss as Vinn and Nicole stared in disbelief.

They began walking in unison down the dirt road and into the woods.

Dee strolled at an awkward pace, her shorter legs mismatching Gizzy’s stride as she locked arms and did the occasional double hop to adjust, getting subtle looks of concern and saying nothing until one hop crossed over Gizzy’s sword sheath and nearly tripped them both.

“Dee, You’ve been acting very clingy since we got printed off on Delmar. Are you sure you transferred your memory intact?” Gizzy asked.

“I just really care for you and wanna be affectionate.” She scoffed.

“You’re practically hanging on me, I’ve tripped twice from it. What’s the deal?”

“I just feel different now. I appreciate things more, I don’t wanna waste time together, I wanna live my life and have fun. It’s been one week since we…finished the other mission, and it’s all been rushing to get this mission work done. I wanna have some US time.”

“Can you do a systems scan just to be sure, I wanna make sure the memory data fill software didn’t pull from your old host files, thinking you were the wrong you. Maybe the last mission left some residual imprint glitches.”

“Gizzy we DIED!” she blurted as the others stopped. “We dyed our hair a different color, and I didn’t love that color, and now I…just really think the white look fits your Viking look better… Is what I was saying. You just look hot. I’m being silly and horny, guys. Whoo, you thought YOUR Dee was weird, holy jumpin fuck, brace yourself for fun.” She bluffed with a non-convinving nervous grin.

“Did she say died?” Silverback muttered. “Like everyone?”

“I’m gonna choose to block that out.” Vinn nodded.

“So hold up.” Nicole blurted.

“Honey, prefer you didn’t.” Vinn corrected.

“Okay, you’re probably right. Brushing past that. Not gonna lose sleep examining that or anything.” She muttered to herself.

“Oh hey, a Village!” Dee laughed nervously. “Who’s excited for village!?” she smiled, leaning closer to Gizzy “I am so sorry, that was a private discussion, we’ll finish that later alone.” She muttered through her teeth.

Gizzy strolled into the little town, noticing a tavern with the name “Meredith’s Mug” he peeked inside and saw a lone woman cleaning tables.

“Tavern doesn’t open till dark.”

“Who runs this place?” Gizzy asked.

“Me. That’s my name on the sign.” She replied.

“Alright, so apparently women can own bars in this town, that’s a good sign that the sexism is down below witch-burning levels.” Gizzy nodded. Nicole looked nervous up.

“I may have chosen the wrong hat.” She whispered to Vinn.

“Okay, Compass says it’s within 300 yards. That’s as close as it gets without direct line of sight with the glasses. We’ll split up. Nicole you take the B team, Vinn, and Dee. I’ll take Silverback. We’ll meet back here at the hanging tree right before sundown.” Gizzy nodded.

“Wait…why am I the leader? Can’t someone else with training take my glasses and lead?” Nicole asked.

“Nope. Trust me, in the other timeline, you made a great captain.”

“Cool, but like what do I do though? I know I like to YOLO crap, but this seems like a non YOLO kinda expedition. Any advice?” she asked. Gizzy smiled and gave her a thumb’s up.

“The shit does that mean? Why am I team leader? Did I miss something?” She asked Dee.

“She just trusts you and your instinct for finding things by sheer luck and some form of what she calls: plot favoritism.” She shrugged as they divided to conquer.

Dee and Nicole walked side by side as Vinn followed.

“Okay I have to ask, this makes no sense. You and Gizzy? Gizzy the alien overlord is dating a modded sextoy replica of a human she hates? Gizzy, the human-eating war-criminal, is dating a carbon copy of the big mouthed security breaching human that she actively despises, and you’re like…romantic and shit. I’m very lost.” Nicole whispered.

“You…wanna know why a bisexual ancient overlord with alcoholism and a sex drive that can melt metal, would want to date another bisexual ancient AI-infused, literal sex-machine, modified with body armor, bartender android parts, and the face and body of a pornstar half the universe wants to screw? Or are you just confused as to why the only single weaponized biomech goddess left from a lonely war-time history closer to Ancient Greece, would want the curvy weaponized biomech hybrid with the body of a Greek goddess… who’s from a lonely dead world of war and solitude, after they ended up stranded together on a spaceship with nobody else but 2 monogamous married mortal couples? Is that what you can’t see the connection with?” she asked, blinking.

“Yea that checks out. I see the potential appeal there. And the fact that you formed that reply far above a 6th grade education level really hammers home that you’re not the same Dee I’m familiar with. Touché’. Valid points. I’ll allow it. I’m impressed, Good game.” Nicole nodded, shaking her hand in admitted defeat. “I will ask no further details.” She added.

“Yea, I’d like that. And you are just as adorably quirky as your clone.”

“Yea, still don’t love that concept.” She smiled, dead inside.

Silverback stretched his arms and took in the fresh air. Gizzy strolled beside him, panning around for any glow.

“So…you seem happy.” She noted.

“Just very excited. This mission was a damn blessing. I’ve been back on the dating scene, Gizz, and it’s horrible. These ladies now just scan you and swipe, there’s no talking, no interaction. Back in my hayday it was more like this. Simple, quiet, you met people, you went places, you worked, you drank. I’m getting too old for this modern moon life.”

“Didn’t work out as you planned? Cheer up, you’re still young. You’re what, like 300?”

“Yea that’s young for your kind, that’s most of my lifespan. Average Eridani life expectancy is only 350. I’m reliving my past, the days before Delmarian rule, that’s why I jumped on this mission.” He smiled. “The fresh air, being on a planet with soil and grass and adventure. Hell, just leave me here for all I care.”

“The fact that SHE’s here had nothing to do with it?” Gizzy asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m over Dee. I spent over a year in love with an idea, and pretending the woman I was with, matched it. Choosing beggar, deep in denial. I miss the familiarity and the illusion, not the person. My Dee was a cheating bitch. I just took a long time to accept that, and a short time getting over it. Now seeing her with you was a bit jarring. I just never took you for the type.”

“Why does everyone act like I’m the weird one for this? All of you people bang mermaids and bears and I hook up with another biomech chick and I’m weird?”

“Well, put like that it doesn’t seem so strange, now does it?”

“You realize I don’t hate humans, I just think they’re too immature to be attractive. They break easily, they die at like 70 in the wild, they’re basically old children at that point, plus I’ve spent my whole life trying to rule them, it’s like dating a pet. Dee…my Dee, she’s older than you, she’s smarter than humans, she’s anything but fragile and weak, she survives sex with me after all, and we don’t play gentle. Sorry about the visual, must be a bit of a sore-subject.”

“The rest may find the visual troubling, I’m not mad about it.”

“She even killed a guy.”

“Really?” he asked, looking intrigued.

“Self defense, she was being abducted by a fan…ironically a fan of the other Dee, so technically your Dee’s antics got both of them abducted, but MINE got herself out of it alone, killed the guy. It’s kinda hot.”

“I agree. Strong independent women are hot as hell.” Silverback sighed.

“God, it’s been so many millennia since I’ve been in a real medieval village, I don’t remember what to do. You wanna know the sad truth? I’m so damn old I forgot what this time period was like. I recruited you in case I got stuck and didn’t know what to do. These other kids grew up with smartphones, they’ve just played online games and been to renfairs. Dee lived hundreds of years on an advanced world, nothing like this. We’re the old farts who grew up hunting deer for food and chopping wood to cook it. I needed someone old enough to remember this shit, but young enough to have not forgotten this shit.”

“Well, it’s simple. In a village like this, there's 3 things to do. Drink, work, and screw. Screwing the locals won’t get us much closer to the artifacts, but people talk when they drink and there is always work to be done. We set up shop, get some work, have some beers, and people will tell tales.” Silverback shrugged.

“You realize Dee’s going to end up working at a tavern.”

“Am I a bastard for kind of enjoying the idea of her serving drinks instead of hogging them all to drink herself?”

“Maybe. Just remember, I’m letting you handle the team, not the team members.” She said, heading down the road to the nearest tavern that was open by day. They strolled in, the few early birds already doing their thing. Sitting down by the fireplace, Gizzy pulled up a chair for her swords, the gigantic crudely cloth wrapped bundle resting, as the barmaid approached them.

“Hello travelers. Would you like food or drink?”

“Yes. Both.” Gizzy said. “But do you have any available work? We’re traveling with some other friends and in need of some money. My…shorter friend is experienced in your field. She can make some very fine drinks.”

“I’m sure there is work to be done. I will ask the owner. Do you and your…husband have any skills?”

“Oh, no. We’re not…anything, let alone married.” Gizzy corrected.

“We’re friends, we worked together…building homes. We were part of a crew of builders before we left. This is Gizzy, I’m Nathan. She’s spoken for, I’m not.” He smirked.

“I will bring you both some bread and ale, we love to see travelers willing to help and contribute. Building homes would be a great thing, there are so many old ones in need of work in this little town. Are you planning to stay?”

“Not permanently, just for a while.” Gizzy said.

“Well, that depends on the people here.” Silverback grinned. “If they’re as charming as you, we might end up staying longer.” He finished as Gizzy did a slow turn, and the barmaid blushed and made her way to get bread and beer.

“Really?” she asked. “15 minutes into the first town, and you’re trying to get laid?”

“I’m trying to get the locals to like us, a little flirting with the help is just good for the mood. Nobody ever died from a little compliment.” He said as a large man approached the table. “Not directly anyway…”

“You two aren’t from around here.” The big man said.

“No shit Sherlock." Muttered Silverback.

"I’ve been here the whole time. You just missed me.” Gizzy scoffed.

“Your friend is not as friendly as you are, old man.”

“Thanks, she tries.” Silverback nodded.

“She’s smart. That little gal you were chumming with, is Tildy. I plan to marry that gal when I get some money saved up. You may try being more like your quiet friend. You never know who’s claimed.” He said.

“Claimed? She didn’t act very claimed.” Silverback smirked.

“Nathan…we’re fitting in, not standing out…or attempting that.” Gizzy muttered.

“I just thought we were talking. I didn’t realize women weren’t allowed to speak freely in this town.” He shrugged.

“They can, but strangers might be wise to hold their tongue. Like nice quiet little pups, or your bitch here.” The big man said as Gizzy smiled and tilted her head back.

“Oh it’s gonna be one of those adventures.” She chuckled, gnashing her teeth and debating her options.

“You really don’t want to insult her. I may shrug it off, but she’s not as cheerful of a pup. She bites.” Silverback whispered.

“This is not blending, this is toying.” She muttered.

“You really gonna sit there and do nothing with this guy talking shit?” Silverback asked discreetly.

“I’m trying very hard to do exactly that, and you’re not making it easier.”

“I came here to mingle, not get bullied by the youth, this guy insulted us.”

“Tell you what, Nathan, you want him, you can have him. I won’t stop you.” Gizzy said as the big man grinned and stroked his black braided beard.

“Not gonna back me up?” Silverback asked.

“Not unless he wins and doesn’t know when to stop winning. Go ahead. He’s all yours, old man. Relive your youth.” She said, kicking her feet back and smiling as the beers arrived.