LF Friends, Will Travel

“Thank you for your time, you’ve been very helpful.”

Zantari gave a small wave with their amphibian arm to the Yunni diplomat: “Trekn, Son of Trekn, born on the third rock along the river”. The frog-like creature did the same, their brightly coloured skin hidden underneath the suit that all Yunni wore when not on their home planet. It was less for their protection and more for the protection of everyone around them, since the amphibian species constantly secreted a toxic poison from their skin.

Zantari was sort of lying as they left the meeting room on this neutral Federation space station, heading towards their vessel, on their way to yet another scheduled meeting. 35 meetings had been had, 35 species who all explained why they had joined with the Terrans, and the Ghirlinn still felt confused.

No matter who they talked to, no matter the type of species, they all gave a different answer. Sometimes the Terrans were aggressive, other times peaceful. They would endeavour to travel the ends of the galaxy, or settle down and make permanent homes on alien planets. They offered a great amount of bureaucracy and stability where needed, but were also known for being chaotic and random. It felt like every single person Zantari had spoken to saw the Terrans differently. If they didn’t know better, the Ghirlinn wondered if somehow 50 different species had all taken the name.

At this point, Zantari believed that their meeting with the Terrans was probably going to go OK. Although they had never interacted with a species as advanced as the Ghirlinn, the Terrans seemed to have one central point of being liked by most people. The issue was, to a species as advanced as the Ghirlinn, probably wasn’t good enough.

When you can calculate the position and velocity of the entire universe to a Planck length and have the technological ability to play god, unknowns and probably’s become a sea of indecision. The idea that something couldn’t be planned out perfectly in advance was one that Zantari refused to accept. They could move planets and change reality, and these adorably cute and infuriating chaos primates weren’t going to be the ones to add an element of unknown to the very knowable life the Ghirlinn lived in.

“Questioning statement: Zantari, just what exactly are you doing?”

Zantari had been so engrossed in thought, they hadn’t noticed the figure approaching from ahead, the electronic voice forcing them to snap out of their thoughts as their focus returned to what stood before them. The Ghirlinn had to suppress an annoyed groan as they saw the mass of tentacles that represented the Scythen.

They ‘stood’ as all Scythens did, which is to say not at all. The Scythen were a strange species, not following the conventional rules of evolution, made up of a writhing mass of bioluminescent colour changing tentacles, as if a 3 foot ball of spaghetti was created by an aspiring artist. They rested upon a complicated floating metal disk that allowed the physically fragile species to move freely and communicate easily with the rest of the galaxy. The default Scythen language was a complicated thing involving colour changes and signing with their dozens of appendages, so a robotic translation into something more akin to speech was necessary for any Scythen to communicate with others.

“I don’t know what you mean, I’m just walking to my ship. Haven’t seen you in a few hundred years <¡¡¡>, how have you been?”

There was a moment as Zantari adjusted their physiology to correctly convey the changes in colour that represented the Scythen’s name: ‘<¡¡¡>’. The amphibian’s hand flashing with various colours as the Ghirlinn spoke. While the reacquaintance of the pair was tense, there was no harm in being polite.

The Ghirlinn obviously knew about the Scythen species, as they were the closest thing to a near peer competitor in this galaxy. Probably would have been a superior species if their culture hadn't taken such a disastrous shift after their mistake.

“More forceful statement: Do not change the topic. You have been taking an interest in our allies, I wish to know why.”

Of course. Zantari knew that someone was eventually going to catch on to what they were doing. There were only so many times you could have a meeting with members from the same alliance before some of them started talking with each other. It was just a shame that such an annoying species had been the ones to work it out first.

“Can't someone be curious about one of the fastest growing alliances I've seen?”

“Disbelieving statement: Curiosity doesn't result in you asking about the Terrans to such an extent. I know what your species is like.”

Zantari couldn’t help but feel offended by that last sentence, annoyance running through them at the clearly disdainful way of referring to the Ghirlinn.

“I'm sorry, what exactly does that mean?”

“Providing examples: The time when a Ghirlinn convinced the pre-industrial revolution level species on ‘4118.GH.A661F’ that they were a god for over two hundred years. The Hagl-Zaf war where a Ghirlinn was supplying both sides with advanced weaponry to ‘make things more interesting’. The ‘Q’ situation, where a Ghirlinn would repeatedly abduct individuals from species who had just discovered FTL, and have them solve puzzles and challenges in exchange for aid. Need I provide more?”

That was the issue with the Scythens being a near peer: they remembered all your dirty laundry, the stuff most others forgot over the thousands of years.

“None of those were legal or authorised by the government. They were punished, and their issues fixed accordingly. You know how it is.”

“Dismissive statement: No, I do not.”

Of course the Scythens didn’t. They were boringly serious, overly concerned with ensuring the mistake they’d made so many years ago didn’t spread any further. What was the point of having god-like technology if you didn’t enjoy using it?

“Forceful statement: You never answered my question, why are you interested in the Terrans? Or should we tell them you are sneaking around spying on them.”

“I’m not spying! We’re just… Maybe we’ll tell them that you could end this war with the Estorians in a day, and that their allies' pacifism is all a bunch of shit because you messed up!”

It was an empty threat of course, even if it was true. The fact of the matter was, the unofficial gentleman’s agreement among species at this level of technological advancement was to avoid digging up each other’s skeletons. Any species among the stars for the timespan required to hit this level of scientific knowledge, had a closet with a high percentage of calcium by mass and volume.

“Dismissive statement: You know why we don’t do that.”

Zantari did know. It was annoying as the after effects of their little… issue caused a bunch of problems with half of the Ghirlinns’ tech. Seeing causality shattered in such a way meant that you had to be careful when rearranging events without causing the entire thing to collapse in this local sector.

“You do know that our offer still stands, right? We can fix that problem. You wouldn’t have to fear picking up a weapon.”

“Polite denial: Thank you for your offer, but we do not wish to take the risk. Our current path is clear and valid.”

That was the issue with the Scythens. They were so risk-averse, they had the power of gods and chose to take the most stable path forwards instead of trying for the most freeing option. Sure, it miiight cause your entire species to spiral into extinction, but you’d never see the Ghirlinn being so passive about such a problem if it impacted them so dearly.

“Query: You still haven’t answered my question. What is your purpose with our allies?”

Zantari paused for a moment, before giving a sigh. Yes, the Ghirlinn and Scythen were nothing alike in terms of personality. But at the end of the day, out of any species in this part of the universe, the person that stood in front of them was the most likely to understand exactly what they were going through.

“We’re… worried about how the rest of our population will react to the Terrans, and how they will react to us. These primates… are adorable. We have no idea how the Terrans will react to the possibility of some of our less reasonable citizens abducting them.”

The Scythen erupted into a kaleidoscope of flashing colours upon learning this news, something Zantari knew the meaning of well: Wild laughter.

“Emotion, wild laughter: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“It’s not funny! We don’t want the Terrans to hate us because we’re kidnapping their citizens because we find them cute.”

“Humorous mocking: You do not know how funny that statement is. We know something you do not know: we know how they will react, this is funny.”

Zantari couldn’t help but fume at this mockery, as if there was some joke being told that they weren’t being let in on.

“It’s still not funny! This is a legitimate issue that could influence our two species interactions and perceptions of each other for hundreds of years! If you know something you have to tell me!”

“Mocking and teasing statement: No! You can learn it on your own, especially since you never asked us for aid in this.”

Zantari started to object to that statement, before stopping as they realized they didn’t have a good answer. The Scythen was right, they had been one of the species the Ghirlinn hadn’t set up a meeting with. It was just assumed that they wouldn’t be helpful, due to their rampant risk aversion.

“Well, I thought you wouldn’t answer! What are you even doing in an alliance with people of that technological level?”

That was a good question. Normally species like the Scythen didn’t get into alliances or deal with those on the same level as the Terrans. It just made everything… too messy, too chaotic. Species at that level tended to do silly things like start wars or anger dark gods.

The Scythen seemed to think for a moment, before starting to speak, deciding to stop the mocking to provide a small tidbit of information.

“Contemplative statement: I will give you that information, as it may be useful for your query. Unlike many other species in the alliance, there was no special event. They did not rescue us from slavery, or perfect a barbaric ritual. Nevertheless, we still allied with the Terrans because of one simple thing: They remind us of ourselves.”

That was news to Zantari. How could these two species be even remotely similar? The Scythen were known for their pacifism and lack of risk, while everything the Ghirlinn had heard about them could be summed up as “chaos primates”.

“Continuing statement: Curious, they seek friendship wherever they go, but have a vein of rage running through them. Watching them interact with the universe is like watching a younger version of ourselves, one created before we broke everything. Seeing them make friends in a universe full of life is… a glimpse into a future that wasn’t to be for us. A broken mirror reflecting what might have been, if the galaxy hadn’t been quite so empty when we got there.”

There was a moment’s pause as Zantari realized that this was all the information the annoying Scythen was going to give.

“Ending statement: I do hope that this was helpful, and you do not cause too many issues with our allies.”

Like everything else I’ve learned about the Terrans, it wasn’t helpful at all!