LF Friends, Will Travel

“Uhm… Am I in the right meeting? I was scheduled to meet with the Jkugar ambassador. If I’m interrupting, I can wait.”

Zantari asked the question with a level of concern and confusion in their voice, the Ghirlinn in their near default reptilian form, sitting on the lightly padded seating upon the Jkugar space station. The station and the meeting room weren’t anything special, when you’ve seen one lightly decorated room, you’ve seen them all. Although the Jkugar tendency to use glowing crystals as decorations instead of houseplants was mildly interesting.

What was special, interesting, and out of the ordinary, were the two figures seated across from them, who had both entered at the same time with a surprising level of aggression. The first was the person Zantari had been expecting to meet: the Jkugar ambassador. The Jkugar were a species of mollusc: A relatively large one standing around three feet wide, their entire beige body hidden under a giant bright orange spiky shell. Only a few of their several leg-like appendages were visible below, and their two eyes protruded out of the top of their protective covering on the ends of stalks.

She was exactly as Zantari had expected, ‘dressed’ in the standard professional attire of various rocks, gems, and other pieces of precious metals grafted to her shell, creating a shiny glittering display popular amongst the species. No, that was perfectly expected, what wasn’t expected was the person who stood next to them.

“Oh, I know what this devil creature has done to the poor, honourable Ghirlinn diplomat. Did you not think I’d realize what you were planning, spinning silken lies of treachery and deceit with your soft-spoken silvery tone?”

The Yuur were a species of turtle-like reptile. Heavily armoured, thick plates of dark green keratin created a fortressed ball of interlocking plates, out of which smooth flippers and a tiny head suited for their natural aquatic environment poked out. Tiny red eyes and a strong jaw that could bite through bone and shell alike adorned his face. This ambassador was also dressed in the Yuur’s standard attire: Extravagant pure white silks whose frills and fabrics billowed in the air as the diplomat spoke, their head bobbing dramatically with each word.

That was a Yuur. In the same room as the Jkugar. Zantari thought they had seen everything, but right in front of him was a Yuur and a Jkugar, standing in the same room, less than 2 feet away from each other, and nobody was trying to murder anyone… To Zantari this was… unthinkable.

The last the Ghirlinn diplomat had checked, around fifty years ago, the Yuur and Jkugar had been engaging in a general cultural and literal war of genocide for the past 300 odd years. Both claimed the other had started it, both committing atrocity after atrocity against the other. It was fascinating, in a morbidly depressing way; how both sides had popular food items made out of the other species, yet both sides believed themselves to be the victims. Who exactly had started the war and why was unknown, and at this point not really relevant.

The entire concept of these two species being in the same Terran Alliance had been shocking to Zantari, but seeing it in action, seeing these two within striking distance of each other and not trying to gouge each other’s eyes out was… weird. Like returning home for the first time in years, and finding the shady alleyway where drug deals had once been done was replaced with an artisanal muffin store.

“We are allowed to have diplomatic discussions with other species. Not everything is about you!” The Jkugar responded back with venom, turning her eyestalks to glare at the Yuur before looking back apologetically at the Ghirlinn. “I’m sorry about this, our agreement means he has the right to be at this meeting. We are going to have to accept the presence of this strong brute.”

“I can reschedule, if that helps.” Zantari awkwardly responded, feeling the most uncertain they had felt for the last several thousand years. “I’ve got plenty of time.”

“Nonsense! We were scheduled to convene upon a later date regardless.” The Yuur responded, with gusto. “I’m sure my diplomatic counterpart would have ‘blessed’ us with her presence, attempting to drive your intellectual understanding of our discussion to unfathomable ignorance through her sultry temptatious lies.”

“As if I want to remain within your intoxicating aura of depravity!”

The two were now fully focused on the other, completely ignoring the Ghirlinn diplomat and facing up mere inches away from each other in anger. Zantari assumed it was anger, since the Yuur’s skin upon his neck had started reddening, which was a sign of rage. Well, it was also a sign of another emotion, but it was definitely not that.

“Excuse me.” Zantari gave a small polite cough, the two other diplomats finally breaking their attention from the other to focus on the person who had put this meeting together. “I’ll make this quick, but my government is doing an audit, and wishes to know: How exactly are you both within the same alliance, considering your history.”

“Terrans.”

They both responded at once, before the Jkugar added more context.

“The Jkugar were contacted by several Terran charities after a tragic and unwarranted attack by the Yuur. Together our species bonded as they offered, the primates are strange, but militarily powerful, technologically advanced, and willing to help anyone. Soon, Terrans from these charitable organizations became popular figures in our culture, as they rebuilt our hatcheries and aided our defences, especially with our shared love of gems and precious metals that glow in the light.”

“You tricked them with falsehoods and lies of deception, whispered devious words of political chicanery! Fortunately, the Terran were also aiding us. Several merchant companies of theirs began regularly trading with us when the Jkugar mercilessly burned a large quantity of our food production, leading us to certain famine had they not intervened. Their technology and industrial power was obvious, and soon in certain sectors of the world it wasn’t an uncommon sight to find a Terran facilitating trade of off world food and goods. Like with any reasonable species, we soon struck a friendship.”

The two calmed down for a moment as they spoke of the Terrans and their meetings with the individual, for a moment forgetting the presence of the other in the room. Not that this peace would last for long, as the Jkugar diplomat spoke once again.

“As they befriended us, the Terrans learned of our fight with the Yuur brutes, the pain they wrought upon our people. Terrans do not like bullies, and they offered aid in ensuring such a thing would never happen again.“

“You mean the Terrans learned of our truth, the actual truth, and offered their aid in defeating the slayers of our children. The Terran merchant companies offered to help us remove the Jkugar butchers, in exchange for trading rights. They added strength to our weakness.”

“Please, as if ones of such brutish strength and power as yourself could ever be considered weak!”

Once again the two were metaphorically at each other’s throats, both very different species doing their best to stare each other down. Their feelings for the other clearly more important than the meeting they were having with one of the most technologically advanced species in the galaxy.

Just what exactly is the deal with these two, it’s as if I’m not sitting here in front of them.

“So, you both asked the Terrans for aid,” Zantari once again interrupted, harshly attempting to get their attention back onto them. “What happened next?”

A pause. The shame covering the body language of the two diplomats was obvious as both the Jkugar and Yuur looked to the floor and shrunk inside their protective coverings, for the first time not glaring at the other in rage or spitting insults in their direction.

“There was… nearly a tragedy.” The Jkugar started.

“A most catastrophic fortuitous happenstance, the Terrans are not a unified hive mind. While one organization was conversing and providing aid to the Yuur, another was being lied to by the Jkugar.”

“We did not lie about your evil!”

“The only treachery was not from our quarters! Although, the Jkugar is somehow correct. Both the charitable and merchant organizations we beseeched for aid found sympathy with our causes.”

“Both sent their armed forces to maintain peace, and very nearly engaged each other. It was only stopped by chance at the last moment. We never wanted the Terrans to get hurt, not when they had shown us friendship and aid without question.”

For a moment Zantari’s thoughts were no longer of the two weird ambassadors, now thinking of the Terrans. It was kinda adorable, thinking of the funny little primates rushing in without properly checking the situation. An urge to protect them from themselves filled Zantari, only curtailed by the fact they are sentient beings.

Instead, they settled for asking a question.

“So how did the Terrans react to this?”

“Badly,” the Yuur responded, shame still in his voice. “They informed us that until a peaceful resolution to the conflict was settled, that they would refuse to entertain any diplomatic enterprises with our peoples.”

“We attempted to explain the fault of our war lay with the Yuur, but they didn't care, they would be cutting off all contact until the issue was solved.”

It was a hate filled war lasting centuries. There is no way it was that simple to end it.

“And you just did? After all this time.”

“Of course!” the Jkugar responded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We had no choice. If the powerful and brutish Yuur allied with the Terrans before us, we would be doomed. Also, many of their species had become close friends and public figures of adoration. The risk of not stopping the war was too high.”

“Us?! Your species are treacherous deviants who speak whispered soliloquies of deception! Although we had a bigger issue. Their merchants had become a critical part of our economic system. Replacing them would take too long and cause such a shock that we would be unable to defend ourselves should the Jkugar attack! They are the ones most likely to turn the Terrans against us, and drive us to extinction!”

The two were once again shouting, their heads pressed against each other in rage, or what counted for a head at least. Zantari couldn't help but feel like a third party to this conversation, even though they were the ones asking questions.

“Excuse me! Over here, both of you, we are still talking!” The Ghirlinn felt anger and annoyance enter their voice as they once again broke up the arguing pair. “So, to continue my questions: How has your peace worked out?”

There was a moment’s pause, both diplomats taking a moment to think about this query, finally bringing their attention off of each other and back to the person they were having a meeting with.

“It’s gone well, I guess.” The Jkugar answered slowly “Peace hasn’t been something we’ve had for a while, it has been nice for the next generation not to have to worry about war, especially with the Terran Alliance agreeing to enforce the peace as long as we’re not the aggressors.”

“For once, I concur.” the Yuur agreed with a slight nod of the head. “Our economy is recovering, and the societal impact of not requiring an indefinite military response has allowed investment into previously neglected problems.”

For a moment the room was at peace as both reflected on the positive impact of the end of their forever war, the improvements to both their peoples and societies, when hate was exchanged for understanding and peace.

This didn't last long as the Yuur added an extra verbal jab at the other.

“This is why we endeavour to always be present at any experience the Jkugar arrive at. To ensure their devil song of temptation cannot gain root and ruin this.”

“Us! You are the ones most likely to be a danger to the Terrans, with your brutish powerful strength, that’s why we make sure to follow the Jkugar wherever they go!”

“The only danger here is your bejewelled shell and bewitching words swaying those with less mental fortitude!”

Once again the two sides had started shouting, their voices raised, pressed up against the other as they stared their opposite down, breathing heavily as they continued to scream insults, once again ignoring Zantari.

“Hey, I’m still here, can we-”

“If I’m the only danger here, why don’t you deal with it then! You’re saying with your thick carapace and mighty jaws you couldn’t?!”

Zantari was interrupted by the Jkugar, the Ghirlinn clearly forgotten by the two as they continued their argument.

“Oh maybe I should! Shatter you like a diamond, ending the incessant entrapment of your silvered words!”

“Then why don’t you!”

“Well maybe I should!”

The two were grasping each other now, the lower appendages of the Jkugar wrapping around the flippers of the Yuur, both glaring at the other as they spiralled into anger, hate and aggression. They no longer cared about the Ghirlinn in the room, instead focusing their entire attention on their feelings of disgust for one another.

Well… assuming it is ‘hate’. It might be… no, no, no. Eww. No.

Now that Zantari looked at the pair of quarrelling diplomats, their physical embraces weren’t making any attempts to physically harm the other, and their insults were… almost backhanded compliments. As if they were… flirting. Zantari didn’t want to ask the question, but they had to ask, to get some glimpse into why these two were acting so weird.

“Enough! Both of you!” The Ghirlinn screamed the words, changing their lung capacity to allow their voice to rock the room, the noise finally loud enough that both of the diplomats stopped focusing on the other due to the sheer volume. “What exactly is going on here! I am very, very uncomfortable, but I have to ask: Can you focus here, or do you two need a private room as you’re bickering like lovers!?”

The effect was immediate, the two disentangling near immediately, looks of shame and worry washing over their respective body languages. They both stammered and stuttered out a denial.

“Of course not! To do such a despised thing would be- be entirely against morality!”

“It’s not illegal!”

Both the Ghirlinn and the Yuur stared at the Jkugar as she stood there, the words she said leaving them both speechless as everyone thought the same thing. The words ‘It’s not illegal’ is not what’s said by someone innocent. The tension remained in the room as the awkwardness continued to ratchet up while everyone tried to move past the moment, failing tragically.

“What she meant, is… if such a thing were to happen, as, as unlikely as that is, that the...” The Yuur slowly tried to explain the Jkugar’s misstep, clearly struggling to come up with a proper reason. “.. you know, thanks to the Terran Alliance rules it would not be illegal, providing you with satisfactory evidence as to the impact of their enforced peace, answering your question!”

As the Yuur diplomat picked up pace near the end, seeming to land on a possible explanation. It was clear, however, that nobody in the room was buying it; Zantari especially, who just remained silent. They were partially happy that the pair had stopped shouting and insulting each other, although they were very unhappy to realize why that had been happening. Unknown to the Ghirlinn, whose information on the pair of species was fifty years out of date, this kind of relationship wasn’t uncommon, and was an open secret amongst the two societies.

There was an agreement between the Jkugar and the Yuur governments, that whenever one appeared at a diplomatic or otherwise galactic event, the other side would also be allowed to attend: to ensure neither side was ‘trying anything’. This meant that over various societal functions, there were thousands of such pairings, each ensuring that both sides were represented in anything they did. Like all sapient species with any measure of sociability, lots of these pairs ended up… liking each other. Friendships and relationships between the Jkugar and the Yuur would have been considered impossible a mere three decades ago, but now had become surprisingly common. Officially the two sides had to claim they still hated each other: for societal face-saving reasons.

Besides, it’s well known that hate and a taboo nature can make things… interesting.

Not that this information would have helped the poor Zantari, who frankly just wanted to leave, they wanted to do anything other than be in this room at this moment right now, with the level of awkwardness reaching practically lethal levels.

Maybe I could use the creation engine to destroy the entire space station. Sure, it’s illegal to do such a thing, but by god the authorities would understand when they feel how uncomfortable I am right now.

Luckily for everyone involved, nobody else wanted to be in the room either. As all eyes remained on her, the Jkugar diplomat flat out bolted from the room without a word, determining that the best course of action was to simply leave everything behind. Maybe she could start a new life as a hermit on an uninhabited moon somewhere, where nobody could ever remind her of this scandalous embarrassment.

“I’m going to- this meeting is- thank you for your time. You can see yourself out.”

The Yuur was the next to leave, the turtle-like reptilian giving a few half-hearted statements before also fleeing the awkwardness. Zantari couldn’t help notice that he left in the same direction that the Jkugar had gone. They then decided to not notice that any more, driving such a thought out of their mind lest it settle and destroy what sanity they had left.

Now alone, the Ghirlinn gave a deep sigh, slinking deep into his chair as he breathed out all the uncomfortable anxiety that had been building up. It really was an impressive thing the Terrans had done here. These two species culturally hated each other, having committed atrocity after atrocity over hundreds of years. To be able to make them abide by a peace, willingly, to the extent where what just happened, happened… This showed the impact that the Terrans had on the pair of quarrelling species. The impact that the cute little primates had on everyone they interacted with.

Zantari just wished they didn’t have to go through that ordeal to find this information out.

I need a shower now.