Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

In the sky above, a murder of black crows circled ominously, cawing into the still air.

Deep in the southwest corner of the Forest of Death, the ground was undisturbed, without a single footprint. It was clear no one had passed through here. After all, every Genin knew the goal was to head toward the central tower. The only reason Naruto Uzumaki had wandered this far out was because he had unfinished business—with Mitarashi Anko.

"Kill me if you want. Cut me up, I don't care—but why the hell are you hanging me up like this?!"

Anko's furious voice echoed between two trees, where she was suspended, bound tightly in midair.

Naruto calmly brushed the dirt off his clothes and strolled over. He circled her once, inspecting his work like a proud artist. Satisfied, he nodded at the sight.

Gotta admit, these "selector rewards" really go overboard sometimes.

Anko's outfit was already on the provocative side, but in this situation? She looked completely ridiculous. It was beyond over-the-top—almost cartoonishly humiliating.

And yet... no reward notification?

Really? That wasn't enough humiliation?

Naruto stroked his chin thoughtfully and said in a soft voice, "I don't want to kill you or cut you up. Take a guess—what do you think I'm going to do?"

Hearing that, Anko's face flushed crimson. She immediately shouted in rage, "You pervert! Freak! You're not gonna live long if you mess with me!"

"You just cursed again," Naruto muttered—and without hesitation, gave her a swift kick to the backside.

"OW!" Anko howled.

Naruto continued, "I didn't do anything to you. You're the one who started this mess. So whatever happens now, you brought it on yourself."

"I'm gonna curse you again, you little brat! If you've got any guts, untie me and fight fair!"

Even suspended, Anko tried to swing a leg at him. Her toned legs, trained for years, were athletic yet still feminine—firm, but without bulky muscle. Just smooth, strong curves.

She may be a pain, but those legs are something else…

"What's wrong with your brain?" Naruto muttered. He smacked her calf hard, leaving a red handprint. "You want me to free you, but you're still running your mouth?"

"So what do you want from me, huh?" Anko snapped, hesitating now. "I'm telling you now—I'm not giving in to some creepy little brat."

"Fine. Then stay stubborn." Naruto smirked. "I'll just go invite the other candidates over to come see the great Mitarashi Anko strung up like this. Should be a good show. Bye now!"

"Wait—WHAT?!"

"I said I'm going to bring a few more people over."

With that, Naruto summoned two shadow clones. He ordered them to stand guard over Anko and turned to leave, without a second glance.

Anko froze in panic. Even if she was disguised with the Transformation Jutsu, if enough people saw her like this, someone was bound to recognize her. And once word got out that Konoha's fearsome Anko had been strung up and spanked by a Genin…

She might as well retire in shame.

"Wait!!"

Her voice cracked. But Naruto didn't even pause.

Oh no… Is he serious?!

This time, Anko truly panicked. She blurted out, "Uzumaki Naruto! Don't go! You can't leave me like this—Kurenai Yuhi is a good friend of mine! You can't do this to me!"

[Ding! Congratulations to the host for completing Option Three. Reward unlocked: Coordinates and key to Sarutobi Hiruzen's secret chamber.]

Naruto suddenly felt weight in his ninja pouch. Reaching inside, he pulled out a key and a folded piece of paper. A map, most likely.

Looks like I was right—this "humiliation level" is about what the target is feeling internally. No wonder I didn't get the reward earlier. That thick-skinned idiot probably didn't even realize how humiliating her situation was.

Tch. She's a student of the Legendary Sannin and still lost to a Genin… and she's not even that embarrassed?

Closing the zipper of his pouch, Naruto put on an innocent expression and asked, "Who are you, and how do you know Sensei Kurenai?"

"I was sent by her. To protect you," Anko replied quickly.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Protect me? Then why did you attack me?"

"Kurenai said she wanted me to test your strength!" Anko said shamelessly, dragging Kurenai's name right into the mud without blinking.

He's just a kid, she thought. Shouldn't be hard to fool him.

Naruto twitched. If the selector hadn't told him Anko was pissed at him, he might have bought it.

"You thief from the Hidden Sand Village!" he shouted dramatically. "You tried to steal my scroll and now you're framing Kurenai-sensei? That's unforgivable!"

He clapped his hands. "Shadow Clones—let's do this!"

Two clones appeared at once. They rushed over, pulled off Anko's sandals, and tossed them aside. Then they grabbed her feet and began… tickling her.

And so, in the southwest corner of the Forest of Death, a strange sound rang out—Mitarashi Anko's shrill, helpless laughter.

"Uzumaki Naruto! I swear I'm going to—Hahahahaha—KILL you!"

"If you're brave enough—hahaha—then let me down right now!"

"STOP! STOP! It's too much! I can't—HAHAHAHA—take it anymore!"

"Okay! Okay! I was wrong! I give up!"

After letting the clones torment her for a bit longer, Naruto finally had them untie her and move on.

He resumed his mission: defeat more challengers, collect more rewards. His journey through the Forest of Death was progressing well.

"It's probably afternoon by now," Naruto muttered. "I wonder what today's final reward will be…"

Suddenly, a faint whistle of wind from behind.

Naruto's instincts flared. He spun and smacked an incoming kunai out of the air with his own.

Great. Another ambush?

Who now?

Can I even focus on proper challengers at this point?

But as a figure stepped out of the treeline, Naruto's pupils contracted.

"You've got to be kidding me. Why the hell is Orochimaru here?! Shouldn't he be going after Sasuke?!"

At the central tower in the Forest of Death, several jōnin and chūnin exam proctors had gathered—team leaders, observers, and instructors alike.

Yuhi Kurenai. Might Guy. Hatake Kakashi.

They stood around a table, chatting and speculating on which squad might be the first to arrive.

"Hokage-sama is here!"

At the announcement, everyone immediately straightened as the Third Hokage entered and made his way to the center seat.

"Hokage-sama, the exams still have five more days. What brings you here so early?" one of the chūnin asked.

The Third smiled gently. "I heard that little rascal Naruto has been causing quite a stir. I thought I'd come see for myself."

A servant placed the crystal ball before him, the same one the Third used for surveillance jutsu.

The Hokage Building was too far from the Forest of Death for his techniques to reach, so he'd come in person to enjoy the show.

"By the way, where's Anko? Isn't she supposed to be the examiner?" the Third asked, glancing around.

Yuhi Kurenai stepped forward. "She said she had a personal matter to attend to. She'll be back shortly."

"Ridiculous," the Third scoffed. "What could be more important than overseeing the exam?"

Everyone else kept their heads down, silent.

It wasn't unusual for examiners to sneak off for a bit during this phase—but today, Anko's luck was terrible. The Third Hokage had decided to personally spectate, and he'd caught her slacking off.

"…We'll deal with her when she gets back."

The Third waved his hand, and the crystal ball lit up. The image flickered, scanning the forest for candidates. Eventually, it stopped at a certain scene.

Kurenai's eyes widened. "What the…?"

Might Guy leaned in. "Lee's already there?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "Wait… what's Sasuke doing? Did he already beat Naruto?"

On screen, Sasuke was seen standing with one foot on a wounded Inuzuka Kiba, gazing defiantly at both Rock Lee and Gaara.

"At the very least," Sasuke declared, "I will be the strongest among the challengers."

"You two—who wants to go first?"