ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

Hazuki walked ahead with his hands in his pockets, the faint crunch of dirt under his boots the only sound—aside from Ridan, who floated nearby in his usual cloudy spirit form, whistling a tune that echoed faintly like wind through a hollow cave.

"You seem in a good mood, Ridan."

"Nah, just chillin'. Bein' serious all the time's a shortcut to white hair and early wrinkles."

"Yeah… I get that," Hazuki muttered, stretching his arms as he strolled.

"Besides," Ridan added, spinning lazily in the air, "life's simple, Hazuki. Don't go stressin' over things that ain't even your problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say you're in line for somethin', and some bastard cuts in front. You mad?"

"Hmm... Probably, yeah."

"Now let me ask you one thing."

Hazuki raised an eyebrow, glancing sideways.

"What?"

"Did it stop you from breathing? Eating? Sleeping? Did it make your future crumble to ash?"

Hazuki blinked, brow furrowed.

"…No?"

"Exactly," Ridan smirked, arms crossed behind his head as he floated backward. "So why waste energy getting mad over things that don't matter in the long run?"

Hazuki gave a lazy shrug.

"Yeah, you're right."

"Of course I am. Now bow down and worship me as Ridan-sama!"

He threw his arms up theatrically in midair, twirling once like a smug magical mascot.

Hazuki gave him a long, deadpan stare.

"No way. You're just a spirit."

"Ancient spirit!" Ridan huffed. "Master of knowledge and wisdom!"

Hazuki yawned, already turning his gaze elsewhere.

"Yeah, and a pervert spirit who loves boobs."

"Oi!! I was sealed for a thousand years, you know! I deserve a little indulgence!"

"Sure, sure. 'Indulgence'."

Hazuki sighed as he walked, the dry grass crunching lightly beneath his boots.

"Ugh… this sucks."

Ridan floated beside him, arms behind his head with a smug grin.

"What now?"

"Nothing… just too lazy to walk back. Two days, man. Two whole days before we even hit the main road."

"You should be grateful," Ridan replied, spinning slowly in the air.

Hazuki gave him a side glance.

"Why?"

"Normal adventurer parties? They take weeks to get this far."

"Why?"

"Unstable gravity. Mana-dense area. Monsters lurking every few steps. All that crap."

Hazuki scratched the back of his head.

"Hmm… but I only met that one monster—the punchy guy. That's it."

Ridan chuckled.

"That's because the aura you're leaking scared off everything else."

Hazuki blinked.

"Aura?"

"Ah… nothing, man. Just keep walking."

Ridan whistled innocently and floated a bit higher.

Hazuki stopped.

His boots planted firmly on the dirt road as he turned his head slightly toward the floating spirit.

His eyes narrowed.

"…You're hiding something."

Ridan blinked, feigning innocence with a wide smile.

"Me? Hiding from you? Never!"

He put a hand over his chest.

"How could you say such a thing?"

Hazuki didn't respond. Just kept staring. Squinting.

Unmoving.

"Suspicious~"

Hazuki leaned in slightly, his gaze sharpened like a hawk tracking prey.

Ridan floated backward a little, still keeping his grin.

"Hey now, no need to burn holes through me with your eyes."

Hazuki kept staring.

Unblinking.

"…Seriously. Stop that. It's creepy."

Still staring.

Ridan looked away.

"Alright! Let's keep moving, shall we? You standing here like a tree isn't helping. Might take us three days at this rate!"

"Suspicious~" Hazuki repeated as he finally started walking again.

"Ugh… humans," Ridan muttered, floating just a little faster than usual to stay out of view.

"Ridan?"

"What?" Ridan spun mid-air, doing a lazy dive before flipping upright. "If you say you're bored again, I'll scream."

"Growlll~"

The sound came from Hazuki's stomach.

Ridan floated still.

Hazuki rubbed his belly with a straight face.

"I'm hungry. Let's hunt monster."

Ridan stared at him.

Then burst out laughing.

"Bwahahahaha! You think monsters are hanging around waiting to be cooked!? They probably ran off after—uh... nothing!"

"Ran from what?" Hazuki asked.

Ridan turned slowly.

"...Nothing, man. Just... natural migration. Seasonal stuff."

"Ugh..." Hazuki groaned.

He looked around at the barren surroundings. Some rocks, a few weird plants, nothing remotely edible unless you were a goat.

"How about eating plants?" Ridan offered.

Hazuki turned his head slowly.

"You are the self-proclaimed 'Master of Knowledge and Wisdom,' right, Ridan?"

"Damn right I am!"

Hazuki pointed at a leaf.

"Then tell me—do you really think humans are built to eat leaves?"

Ridan scratched his chin.

"Hmm… well... humans eat fruits, meat, nuts, drink milk, coffee, beans… Yeah, yeah. You're definitely not a leaf-eater species."

Hazuki sighed and kept walking.

"Next thing you'll suggest is chewing tree bark."

"Actually, some cultures—"

"Shut up, Ridan."

"Hey, it's better than eating nothing, right?" Ridan shrugged.

"No way!" Hazuki barked back. "At least help me find some fruit! I'm sure this place has something. You're… something-something GPS and tracker spirit, right?!"

"Oi! That's rude, man!" Ridan flailed midair, his cloudy tail puffing. "I'm an ancient spirit, not a walking food locator!"

"Then be a floating food locator."

Ridan crossed his arms in the air. "Even if I could, it's not like fruit grows in mana-dense, unstable gravity zones, you know. This isn't your grandma's backyard."

"Well, I'm not asking for mangoes and strawberries. I'll settle for anything not poisonous or covered in spikes."

Ridan floated ahead, grumbling.

Ridan activated his tracking magic. A faint circle of light shimmered under him as a trail of glowing particles drifted toward the trees.

"Can't believe this. Me, the strongest wizard in my lifetime, master of knowledge and wisdom, the greatest spellcaster of the ancient era—reduced to using basic tracking spells to find food. What's next? Foraging mushrooms for soup?"

"Well," Hazuki said while stretching, "if someone had taught me how to use magic, I wouldn't need your help."

"Hah! Even if I tried, you'd never learn it." Ridan scoffed, glancing back. "You're lucky you got Elemental Control from Ellyn by a kiss—ah..."

Hazuki narrowed his eyes. "Hmm?"

"Ahaha! I mean—I found something ahead!" Ridan suddenly sped up, pointing dramatically. "Let's move! Let's move! Emergency! Magic fruit detected or something!"

Hazuki raised a brow, but started walking anyway.

"…Suspicious."

They walked slowly, leaves crunching underfoot as the dense forest began to thin, just slightly. The air was still heavy, the mana dense, but the pressure wasn't as crushing now—not for Hazuki, at least.

Inside Ridan's mind, thoughts swirled.

Damn... I almost spilled it. The brat doesn't know. Doesn't realize what he is.

No matter how many times I scan him, there's nothing that suggests he can ever learn active magic skills. Not the way mages do. No spell chant, no formula memorization, no refined spell circle casting—nothing. Just one exception: that ridiculous passive "Elemental Control" he got from Ellyn's kiss.

And yet... his mana pool is ridiculous. Ocean-level. His body? Built like a damn cheat character. He adapts to poison. Walks casually through areas even high-ranking adventurers avoid. I mean—acid? Gravity suppression? Doesn't even blink.

Ridan looked ahead at Hazuki, casually swatting away a vine that would've melted most armored men.

If it were a normal Rank B adventurer? They wouldn't even reach here. One or two weeks, stuck on the first layer of this forest. Probably turn back after vomiting their lungs out from the pressure. Or worse.

Two herbs done. Five more to go.

Chusi Flower... Hidun Grass...

That leaves Icy Leaf, Fire Grun, Moonleaf, Streamflow... and the worst—Lilith Blood.

He glanced at Hazuki, who was now trying to juggle a rock with a stupid grin.

Not to mention , this idiot didn't even choose the quest on purpose. Probably just pointed randomly. Or maybe... those two did something.

They're always one step ahead.

Hazuki yawned.

"Ridan. So which herb we go next?"

"...You just finished passing out from inhaling poisonous steam. Maybe let your lungs rest?"

Hazuki scratched his chin. "Nah, gotta keep the pace. Besides, walking like this is good for the health, right?"

Ridan sighed.

Every time he moves forward, it's like watching a wild animal adapt to its new cage. Except the cage breaks instead.

Not even once did Hazuki ask about rewards.

Not once did he ask about how strong he'd become.

Not once did he try to measure himself against other adventurers.

All he did… was walk. Eat. Fight when needed. Sleep wherever.

And now? He was somehow walking deeper into a journey that most top-class adventurer parties would hesitate to take without weeks of planning.

This herb list is like a trial course for a war god, Ridan thought.

Icy Leaf—frozen mountains and instant frostbite.

Fire Grun—active volcano. Heat-resistant monsters.

Moonleaf—timed bloom at moon peak.

Streamflow—home of Cro-ko-Kill, amphibian bastards with death rolls.

Lilith Blood... don't even want to think about that one.

Hazuki casually poked Ridan with a stick.

"Hey, you spacing out?"

Ridan swatted the stick away. "Oi, show some respect to ancient spirits!"

They walked in silence a bit longer.

And then Ridan thought again.

Adaptation.

Poison swamp? No problem.

Unstable gravity field? Shrugged it off.

Mana dense zone? Walked like a hiker.

Hidun Grass? Inhaled death gas like cigar steam.

He narrowed his eyes.

Hazuki, now humming an off-key tune, reached into his bag again.

"You know what I want after this?"

"Hmm?"

"A nice hot bath... with real meat and rice on the side. Maybe grilled. With miso soup."

"…You are the least serious adventurer I've ever met."

( End Of Chapter )