Isekai Harem of Smut and Magic

 

Violet shut the door of her room.

She blushed, recalling the intense scene of her minotaur rook getting plowed.

Leaning her back against the door, she breathed deeply to expel these impure thoughts.

“Alright, I have to secure a way to take a dump without needing to leave my room...” She rubbed her temple, still displeased at getting caught by Lorely. She didn’t have time to waste.

She stepped over the piles of books and empty bottles of wine, making her way to the center of the bedroom.

There, a large cooking pot stood on magic circles.

Between her working sessions on managing the dungeon, Violet procrastinated by studying obscure magic that offered no strategic benefits for the sake of war, while carefully maintaining the facade of being hard working on her mission.

And the day to test her new theoretical framework finally came.

“Let’s finish the secret research.” She pulled up her sleeves, giggling with mischief.

Back when she was hiding in a witch hut with Lorely, she took great pleasure in forcing visiting heroes to share her innovative secondary skills such as ‘Summon Elemental Kitten’, much to their dismay.¹HoMM3 witch huts forced visiting hero to learn a secondary skill that could be trash. In Horn of the Abyss mod, you now have the choice to refuse.

Her new spell was a breakthrough in elemental pet summoning. She was going for an all-purpose design, rather than just useless plushies.

“All these years of random search are coming to fruition.”

She couldn’t contain her excitement and poured all kinds of suspicious liquid into the pot. “Load of mercury, two massive gemstones, a thick bar of crystal, a pinch of sul-fuck!”

The entire bag of sulfur fell into the pot. She compensated the excess by increasing the amount of other ingredients. Soon, she ran out of supplies.

“I only have one shot at this. Whatever… Let’s pray it doesn’t end up autistic.” She shrugged and stirred the boiling pot.

Pulling out her spellbook strapped on her belt, she recited her own version of Rook summoning ritual.

“Spirit of the outer worlds, heed my call...”

She slit her palm, her trickling blood falling into the pot. The liquid inside the pot shook with life.

Using a similar formula to the miraculous spells of Animate Dead, Earth Spirit Summoning and Resurrection, she would create a… toilet slime that would clean her waste!

Yes, a convenient organism that could handle her biological needs. She would no longer leave her room ever again, whether for food or to clean herself. It should also be cute to fill her loneliness, and manly enough to please her as well as a pack of troglo-

Wait, no! That’s wrong! Her mind screamed as she cursed the shameless minotaur.

The pot sucked her mana.

“Come forth, Toilet Slime!”

A shockwave coursed through her room alongside with a blinding light. The warlock scooped the pot’s contents and put it on a table.

The smoke faded, revealing a round pink jelly. It wobbled as it blinked its eyes in confusion. Its body had an opaque quality, but its edges were transparent.

It’s cute! Violet gasped.

“I am your sovereign, the one who summoned you in this world. My name is Violet Ylenward. Henceforth, you shall serve me as a toilet slime!”

Huuuuh?! Toilet what? he thought.

“Status open,” she said.

A glowing window appeared out of thin air.

A separate window displayed the list of his Personal Skills.

• Mana transfer lv.1
• Absorption lv.1
• Regeneration lv.1
• Alchemical Synthesize lv.1
• Shapeshift lv.1
• Appraisal lv.1

Status window? Race Toilet Slime? he wobbled in panic.

“Why is it so weird? It doesn’t say whether it’s a Rook or a Pawn.” She scratched her head.

What’s that? I only play checkers, the slime thought.

“Let’s give you a new name. From now on, I shall call you Sl-” She looked at the bloody dagger. “Slade. That is your new name.”

The slime shut his eyes, suffering a panic attack.

No no no, my name is… Oh no, I forgot! How could that be? Let’s sort my memories…

He collected himself, sorting out his memories.

I was on my way to a fast food job interview because I couldn’t find anything else with my overqualified diplomas and my lack of practical experience.

While I was crossing the road, a light blinded me...

A truck appeared. It rushed towards me at full speed!

I dodged once, but it drifted and came back…

It crashed into me at full speed against a concrete wall, the slime thought.

“Let’s do a test run right away.” She shoved him into a chamber pot.

Wha- Wait! He screamed but his voice didn’t come out.

The slime squirmed in alarm as a giant hairy butt was slowly approaching him, and then… Darkness.

The white-haired woman was sitting on the pot, blocking all incoming light.

Oh my god, noooooo!

A warm rain showered the poor slime. Her next words fell onto him like the executioner’s blade.

“Drink it all.”

An alert rang inside the slime’s mind.

[Skill: Absorption activated]

The slime couldn’t defy his sovereign. His pride and dignity lost, the slime was now Slade, a full-fledged Toilet Slime.

I… I want to go home...

The confused slime cried, searching for a way out. He jumped with all its strength, crashing against the blocking butt.

“Hey! It tickles! Are you cleaning my butt?”

Wait- What is this feeling!?

Slade felt invigorated by drinking the pee of that disgusting woman.

[Skill: Mana Transfer has leveled up.]

His mind was jumbled from shock.

If she’s making me clean up her pee, is she going to do the same with her poop?

She stood up, her bladder empty.

“It worked, everything really disappeared!” She poked the clean wall of the pot.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Slade jumped out of the chamber pot and crawled away at full speed.

“Wawawawa- Stop moving!” She ran after him.

Damn, my body isn’t obeying me!

She picked up the immobilized slime.

“Naughty boy, did you try to escape?”

Slade was drooping as if he was melting from disappointment.

“Seeing how lively you are, you must be a rook. Don’t worry then, I’ll take good care of you.”

The overly affectionate, smelly woman embraced the slime and patted its head.

Wait a minute, she has a huge rack?!

Her messy rags hid her body shape and face.

What if she’s actually bombasti- WOAAAH!?

He peeked underneath her hood and was horrified by her wrinkly face.

There was a legit reason for hiding her hideous face, after all!

Slade’s body deflated along with his will to live.

“Oh my, you must be tired. Let’s take a nap but don’t leave the bed.” She plopped down on the dirty bed sheets.

She hid her eyes with a blindfold, because the underground crystal constantly shone in her bedroom.

Slade squirmed helplessly as she hugged him like a plush toy. He only managed to slip away when he stopped struggling and let the sovereign fall asleep.

He felt an oily sensation and the pungent smell of sweat on the bed.

What is this? A barn? How can you sleep on that?

He wandered on the bed, looking for clues to explain his situation. Parchments were randomly cluttering the dirty sheets.

Neat! Those letters aren’t from Earth, but I understand them.

[Four reasons why Manticore rooks aren’t worth the points]

What’s this garbage? he thought as he threw the parchment away from the bed.

[How to manage your Dungeon for dummies]

It’s only a free preview...

[Thieves’ guild report! World domination leaderboard 03-658]

Ah, something about this world…

[1. Castle of the Light: Humans are still bickering against each other

2. Stronghold: Winning bodybuilding contests every year, human citizens report higher confidence and testosterone levels]

Slade rubbed his eyes in doubt with his stumpy arms growing from his sides.

[3. Fortress: The living creatures of Hekalys are surprisingly strong! Beastmasters are having a good time

4. Inferno: Aggressive human hiring campaign with great side benefits such as dental care at the cost of soul. Truly a steal
5. Conflux: Busy with sparkling mushrooms but still doing great somehow
6. Necropolis: Those introverts are mostly focused on killing any living creatures trying to interact with them and hide in their shroud of darkness
7. Factory: Currently facing major environmental issues
8. Cove: Busy stealing each others
9. Rempart: Promises of socialist paradise broken by dwarves hoarding everything in their treasury
10. Tower: Scientific publishers suffering backlash after imposing a paywall to scientific research, effectively decreasing the number of scholars working at their mage guilds
11. Dungeon: Mostly hiding underground because of crippling social anxiety]

What kind of report is that?

Sifting through the information, Slade concluded that he was currently held in a Dungeon, the farthest faction from World domination.

He threw on the ground the rest of the useless documents, having nothing else to do.

I guess I’ll try to clean up things since I’m a Toilet Slime. He wandered on the bed.

[Skill: Absorption activated.]

[Absorption failed, skill level insufficient to absorb the strong stains]

Come on, even the stains are higher level than me?!

The slime rolled around in frustration.

If I am a slime, I must have some kind of corrosive fluids.

The slime drooled on the sheets.

[Skill: Alchemical Synthesize activated. Surface active agent and conveniently alkaline fluid synthetized.]

Slade wiped it by shaking his body as foam bubbled around.

[Skill: Absorption activated. You have defeated ‘Stubborn Stain’! You gained 14 experience points. Alchemical Synthesize leveled up.]

I did it! Hurray! I’m the best sli- Crap, no! I’m a human!

He eventually got swept with the flow, and finished cleaning the bed.

The sheets were originally white? Are you kidding me?!

The toilet slime already finished cleaning the bed, yet the acrid smell persisted.

I’m stuck on the bed, and I’ve run out of tasks.

The source of the smell pulled his attention. He stared at the quietly breathing woman.

Wait a second, if I kill that hag, I’ll be free!