I will not be a fucking infidel

Chapter 1: The Fall Before the Rebirth

My name is Daniel Hayes. Born and raised in a small town in Minnesota, I've always considered myself an average guy. Standing at six feet tall with a lean build, I've kept in shape thanks to my years in the military. My sandy blonde hair and green eyes don't particularly stand out, but people often say my smile has a way of disarming even the coldest hearts. Not that it's done me much good.

At 28, my time in the service is behind me, but the discipline and scars remain. I joined the military at 18, straight out of high school, hoping to find purpose and maybe, just maybe, someone to share my life with. That dream, like many others, seemed just out of reach. Instead, I've been left with a string of relationships that ended in betrayal, heartbreak, and a growing sense of inadequacy. Let me take you through the ruins of my love life.

....

Emily: The Fragile Soul

Emily was my high school sweetheart. Sweet, shy, and with a heart as delicate as glass, she was the first girl I ever loved. We dated for two years before I left for the military. I thought I could protect her from everything, even from herself. She'd been through a rough childhood, both physically and mentally, and I did everything in my power to make her feel safe.

But safety wasn't enough.

"Daniel," she said one day, her voice trembling. "You're too distant. I need someone who can be here for me, not someone who disappears for months at a time."

I tried to explain, to promise her that my service wouldn't last forever, but it was too late. A week later, I found out she'd been seeing someone else—someone who was always there.

....

Chloe: The Bully

Chloe was nothing like Emily. She was bold, outspoken, and had a sharp wit that could cut through steel. We met during my first year in the service, and her fiery personality was magnetic. She challenged me in ways I'd never been challenged before. I thought we balanced each other out.

But her sharp tongue wasn't reserved just for the world around her.

"God, Daniel," she scoffed after I'd forgotten to call her on her birthday. "You're so useless sometimes. How hard is it to show you care?"

I spent the next six months bending over backward to prove my worth. I planned dates, surprised her with gifts, and wrote letters from overseas. It didn't matter. She cheated on me with one of her coworkers. When I confronted her, she shrugged.

"Maybe if you weren't so boring, I wouldn't have had to."

....

Vanessa: The Beauty Queen

Vanessa's obsession with appearances should have been a red flag. She was gorgeous, of course—tall, elegant, and always dressed to impress. I met her at a friend's wedding, and for a while, it felt like I'd won the lottery. But keeping up with her world was exhausting.

"You're wearing that?" she'd ask, eyeing my outfit with disdain. "You know, I have an image to maintain."

I spent thousands of dollars I didn't have to buy clothes that met her standards, to take her to the fancy places she loved. It was never enough.

One day, I came home early from work to surprise her. Instead, I found her laughing in the arms of a man who looked like he'd stepped out of a fashion magazine.

"Daniel," she said, not even bothering to look guilty, "you were never going to fit into my world."

....

Jenna: The Martial Artist

Jenna was strong, independent, and had a competitive streak that matched her skill in martial arts. She was the kind of woman who didn't just break barriers; she shattered them. I admired her drive and did everything I could to support her.

But my efforts often felt unappreciated.

"You're too soft, Daniel," she told me after I backed out of a confrontation with a guy who'd been rude to her at a restaurant. "I need someone who can stand their ground, not someone who folds under pressure."

I tried to toughen up, even started training alongside her. But no amount of effort could change how she saw me. She left me for her sparring partner, a guy she said was "more on her level."

....

Sophia: The Gamer

Sophia was the last. Quirky, fun, and with a love for video games that matched my own, she seemed perfect. We spent countless nights gaming together, and for a while, I thought I'd finally found someone who understood me.

But Sophia had her own definition of loyalty.

"It's not like it means anything," she said after I found out she'd been messaging another guy. "You're great, but you're so clingy sometimes. I need space."

I gave her space, but she filled it with someone else.

....

Looking back, I see the pattern. With every relationship, I gave everything I had, but it was never enough. Each woman left me with more reasons to doubt myself, more voices in my head telling me I wasn't worthy of love. As I sat alone in my apartment, staring at the remnants of dreams I'd built with them, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe they were right.

Maybe I was the problem.

That night, as the weight of my failures bore down on me, I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me, not knowing that the end of one life would mark the beginning of another.

....

When I opened my eyes, I wasn't in my room. The sun shone brightly, bathing a landscape I had never seen before. Around me, a vibrant city came to life with constant bustle. Streets packed with people stretched out in all directions, lined with massive screens projecting colorful, eye-catching advertisements. The buildings were tall and modern, blending futuristic and traditional architecture. It was a place that seemed straight out of a dream or a movie.

But something was strange. As I looked at the people, I noticed something unsettling: they all shared my facial features. Although they dressed differently and wore various expressions, their faces were identical to mine. Beyond that, amidst the crowd, I also spotted boys and girls who looked like they had stepped straight out of an anime or manga. Brightly colored hair, oversized eyes, and extravagant outfits paraded before me as if it were completely normal.

"What the hell is going on?" I murmured to myself, unable to comprehend the surreal scene before my eyes. Before I could process more, an older man bumped into me. He stumbled, and when he looked up at me, his expression shifted drastically—from anger to sheer terror. He stepped back a few paces and muttered something incomprehensible before running off as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Delinquent youth! How did he get here?" I managed to catch as he ran away.

I stood frozen, trying to decipher what had just happened. The words he had mentioned echoed in my mind, but I had no context to understand them. Everything in this place was a mystery, though surprisingly, I could read the Japanese letters adorning the signs on the shops. "Ramen," "Manga Store," "Karaoke Rental." It was as if part of me recognized this place, but my mind couldn't recall it.

Suddenly, a feminine voice echoed in my head, interrupting my confusion.

—Oh, you're finally awake! —the voice said, brimming with excitement—. I've been waiting so long for this moment.

—Who's speaking? What's going on? —I replied, looking around for the owner of the voice, but no one was there.

—It's me, a Goddess. You can call me Amaterasu. I've been watching you for some time, Daniel Hayes.

My heart stopped at the mention of my name.

—A goddess? This has to be a joke… —I said, unsure whether to laugh or be worried.

—Oh, this is very real, dear. I saw your suffering, your despair. I took pity on your soul, so broken and lost, and decided to give you a new chance. This place is your new home, a world full of possibilities—but with one small condition.

—What condition? —I asked cautiously.

The voice became more playful, almost seductive.

—I want you to do something for me. In your previous life, you suffered the consequences of infidelity. Now, I want you to break those chains. If you fulfill my whim and become unfaithful in this world, I will return you to your old body and your old life. But if you refuse… well, let's just say this will be your reality forever.

A chill ran down my spine.

—Are you… Are you saying I have to betray others to satisfy your whim?

The Goddess's laughter echoed in my mind, light and cruel.

—Exactly. And, by the way, don't try to defy me. This world may be more complicated than you think. Good luck, Daniel. I'll be watching.

The voice disappeared as quickly as it had come, leaving me alone in the middle of an unfamiliar city with a new and ominous weight on my shoulders. Now, more than ever, I knew my life had changed forever.

When I began walking through the streets, it was impossible not to bump into people crossing my path. Some turned with annoyance, but the moment they looked at me closely, their expressions changed instantly. Fear flashed in their eyes as they fled, murmuring things like, "He's a delinquent!" or "Keep him away from us!" Confused and frustrated, I tried to reach out again to the Goddess who had spoken in my mind, but there was no response. Not a single word.

I even went as far as shouting her name out loud: —Amaterasu! What the hell did you do to me? —The only thing I achieved was drawing the attention of a few people who looked at me as if I were insane before hastily moving away.

As I moved forward, I passed by a shop, and something in the glass window caught my attention. I stopped and looked closer, and what I saw froze me in place. My reflection wasn't mine—it was someone entirely different.

I was tall, far taller than I was used to, with an athletic and toned body. My hair was black and slightly messy, and my eyes were an intense gray that seemed to pierce right through the soul. But what shocked me the most were the piercings. I had several in my ears, and to my horror, I also had a lip piercing. This wasn't my appearance, and it was definitely far from my idea of comfort.

—This can't be real! —I murmured to myself as I yanked the lip piercing out and threw it to the ground. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but the piercings in my ears seemed impossible to remove.

As I struggled to regain some sense of control, a wave of information suddenly surged through my mind. It was as if I now knew everything about this new body, this new life. My name was now Ryota Nakamura, a distinctly Japanese name. My parents had been absent for most of my life, leaving the streets and my own poor decisions to raise me.

I was known as a juvenile delinquent, someone constantly getting into trouble. Frequent fights, petty theft, and brazen behavior had earned me a fearsome reputation in the neighborhood. But worst of all—the detail that truly filled me with disgust—was this body's dark history: it had a habit of stealing other guys' girlfriends. Over and over, it had destroyed relationships, either for pleasure or to prove power, something that nauseated me as the memories flooded in.

—Disgusting! This can't be real! —I exclaimed, feeling the hatred for this new identity grow within me. Ryota Nakamura was everything I despised: an arrogant, self-centered, unscrupulous young man.

Armed with this new information, I stumbled to a nearby bench and collapsed onto it, burying my face in my hands. My mind was a whirlwind of emotions. "What did I do to deserve this?" I asked myself as I tried to make sense of my situation. I was trapped in a body that wasn't mine, living a life I loathed, with a Goddess who had decided to toy with me for reasons known only to her. Now, I had to decide what to do with this hell I had awakened into.

I couldn't stop thinking about my new life, about the disgusting reputation I now carried. The very thought of knowing that my pursuits had been about stealing other men's girlfriends filled me with self-loathing. I sighed deeply, trying to calm my mind. I didn't know what to do. I was an adult trapped in someone else's younger body, and now I had to figure out how to deal with this absurd situation.

While my mind remained tangled in dark thoughts, a scream pierced the air, yanking me back to reality. Laughter—mocking and cruel—quickly followed. I turned my head toward the source and saw several boys I recognized from this body's memories. They were delinquents from my high school, the kind of people who were always causing trouble. They were harassing someone.

And then I saw her. A girl named Haruna Takeda. In this body's memories, she was known for being quiet and kind, but she had also been a constant target for teasing and bullying. Her appearance was shocking: she wore several bandages on her arms and legs, and bruises were visible on her face. Her boyfriend, a boy named Kazuki Yamamoto, had also been repeatedly harassed by these same delinquents. It was clear Haruna had no way to defend herself.

People walked past the scene without doing anything, as if it was a common occurrence they preferred to ignore. The boys were pushing Haruna toward an alley, their mocking laughter filling the air. Something inside me snapped. Anger surged through me from head to toe. Without thinking twice, I began walking toward them. People moved out of my way, their faces showing fear as they whispered among themselves.

When I reached them, I firmly placed my hand on one of the boys' shoulders. He immediately turned around with an irritated expression. But the moment he saw me, his face changed instantly. His eyes widened, and in a shaky voice, he shouted my name:

—Ryota!

The other boys, who had been laughing and pushing Haruna, also turned to look at me. Their demeanor shifted completely when they saw me. Some even tried to force nervous smiles, greeting me as if we were old friends.

—Ryota! We didn't know you were here! —one of them said, trying to sound casual but clearly tense.

It was obvious that this body had a terrifying reputation among them, and I decided to use it to my advantage. I could feel my anger burning as I looked at Haruna, cornered and visibly scared. I wasn't going to let this continue.

With a voice that tried to sound kind but came out serious and cold, I asked: 

—What are you doing? 

One of the boys, the boldest of the group, answered nervously: 

—We just wanted to talk to Haruna... 

My gaze hardened at such an unconvincing response. My eyes swept over the alley where they had pushed her, and with a raised eyebrow, I asked: 

—And why in an alley? Couldn't it be somewhere else? 

I looked at Haruna for a moment, and something inside me shifted. Her appearance awakened an unexpected memory. Her face, though now marked by fear and confusion, bore a striking resemblance to Emily, my first ex-girlfriend. That similarity struck a sensitive chord in me, and my expression unconsciously softened. 

"No, she's not Emily," I reminded myself. I hardened my expression again and turned my attention back to the boys. 

—Let me ask you again. What were you planning to do? Were you going to blackmail her or something worse? 

None of them answered, but their looks gave them away. It was clear they couldn't stop staring at Haruna, especially at her body. She was very attractive, and they knew it. The tension in the air was palpable, and I wasn't going to let this continue. 

I pressed my lips together and said firmly: 

—Leave. Now. Unless you want trouble. 

No further words were necessary. The boys glanced at each other, and within seconds, they began hurriedly walking away, casting nervous looks in my direction. It was obvious that my reputation as Ryota intimidated them enough not to argue. 

Now I was alone with Haruna. She looked at me with a mix of fear and confusion, her lips trembling slightly as she said my name: 

—R-Ryota... 

The memories of this new life surged like an unstoppable wave. I remembered harassing her boyfriend, Kazuki, for no reason at all. I had even physically hurt him. The mere fact that such actions were part of this body's past filled me with disgust. I wasn't Ryota. I couldn't be. 

Suddenly, the Goddess's voice echoed in my mind, as clear as if she were standing right next to me. Her tone was excited, almost playful: 

—There's my great protagonist! Haruna Takeda... She's your first target. Isn't it thrilling? 

I frowned and responded mentally: 

—First target? You're insane if you think I'm going to court this poor girl. Look at her! She's terrified, and it's all because of what this body did before. I'm not playing your game. 

The Goddess let out a laugh that made me clench my teeth. 

—Oh, come on! You know you don't have a choice. Besides, look on the bright side: you could start with someone who's already afraid of you. Isn't that convenient? 

—Shut up! I'm not going to hurt this girl or anyone else. 

—Suit yourself, but I'll be here when you change your mind. Have fun! 

Her voice disappeared, leaving me with a mix of frustration and anger. I decided to ignore her and focus on Haruna. With a softer, though still serious, voice, I asked: 

—Are you okay? 

Haruna nodded weakly, but her body trembled. It was clear she was scared, and I didn't blame her. My appearance, my reputation—everything about me must have been intimidating to her. Even so, I tried to relax my posture, hoping it might give her some sense of ease. 

—I... I don't know why you did that —Haruna murmured, avoiding my gaze— but... thank you. 

Her gratitude, though timid, gave me a faint sense of relief. I nodded and shifted my gaze toward the alley where she had almost been cornered. 

—I wasn't about to stand by and do nothing —I replied, trying to sound neutral. Despite everything, I knew this was just the beginning of a complicated path. 

I let out a deep sigh as I turned toward the alley's exit. My voice, calm yet carrying a tone of warning, said: 

—You can leave. Be more careful next time. 

I began walking toward the light of the main street, trying to leave the incident behind. Without realizing it, I adopted the gait of a typical juvenile delinquent—hands in pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. It was an instinctive habit of this new body, but I quickly noticed and, with a mix of disgust and anger, corrected my posture. 

"This is ridiculous," I thought, frustrated. Every movement of mine seemed tainted by Ryota's habits. My own thoughts were a mess. I couldn't help but wonder what I was going to do with this new life. Could I redeem myself? Did it even make sense to try? 

I was so lost in thought that I almost didn't notice Haruna following me. I heard her light footsteps stop whenever I did and resume when I moved forward. When I turned abruptly, I found her just a few steps behind, looking at me with wide, curious eyes. I let out a sigh, this time filled with weariness. 

—Why are you following me like a lost puppy? —I asked, crossing my arms and fixing my gaze on her. 

Haruna took a step back, visibly nervous. She stammered as she tried to explain: 

—I-I... it's just... you're acting... different. You've never... defended me before. 

"Of course, because Ryota was an idiot," I thought but refrained from saying aloud. I took a deep breath to keep calm and responded in a slightly softer yet firm tone: 

—That doesn't matter. You can go home. I don't need you following me. 

She lowered her gaze as if pondering what I had just told her. However, despite my warning, she continued trailing behind me as I resumed walking. I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder, and just as I was about to stop again to insist she leave, an idea struck me. 

In Ryota's memories, there were countless horrible things, but one of the most detestable was how he used to humiliate Haruna for working at an animal shelter. That information, which ordinarily wouldn't have mattered, suddenly seemed significant. I needed a job. Ryota's parents sent money each month, but it barely covered food and rent. I couldn't survive on such a small amount. 

Without fully stopping, I turned my head toward her and asked in a softer voice, though still keeping my serious tone: 

—Does your shelter have any openings? I need a job. 

Haruna stopped in her tracks, staring at me with wide eyes. Her face, already pink from nervousness, flushed a deeper shade of red. It was clear she hadn't expected me to ask her something like that, much less in such a straightforward manner. 

—Y-you? You want to work there? —she asked, incredulous, as she fidgeted with her hands. 

I nodded firmly, showing none of the mockery Ryota would have displayed in a similar situation. 

—Yes. I can't survive on the money I have. I need something else, and I guess... I could help. 

Haruna lowered her gaze, but I couldn't help noticing a small smile forming on her lips. She seemed to be struggling to process what she had just heard. Finally, she looked up and responded, still in a slightly nervous tone: 

—I-I can ask. But... are you really serious? 

Her confusion was understandable. Ryota would never have done something like this. With a slight shrug, I replied: 

—If I wasn't serious, I wouldn't have asked. So, tell me, is there a vacancy or not? 

She nodded timidly. 

—Yes, I think there's an open position. But you'll have to talk to the manager. 

—Perfect —I said simply before turning and continuing on my way. Haruna, for some reason, kept her distance but didn't leave. It was evident she was trying to process the change in my behavior. 

As I walked, I couldn't help but reflect on the irony of the situation. The people Ryota had wronged were now the only ones who could help me find a new direction. And though I wouldn't admit it aloud, something about Haruna's nervousness made me feel a small pang of guilt. Perhaps, just perhaps, I could start making things right, even if it was one step at a time. 

I sighed deeply as I kept walking, feeling the constant weight of Haruna's footsteps behind me. It was clear she wasn't planning to leave, and it was starting to make me nervous. I glanced at the people passing by and could see in their expressions a mix of discomfort and fear. Some even seemed convinced that I was the kind of man who would hit his partner. The thought repulsed me. I wasn't that kind of person—I never had been. 

As we got closer to my neighborhood, the streets grew narrower and more neglected. There was graffiti on the walls, trash piled in the corners, and a palpable sense of insecurity in every corner. This place was a clear reflection of the kind of life Ryota had led—a life I had inherited without asking for it. 

Suddenly, I broke the silence, my steps never faltering: 

—Tell me, Haruna… why don't you stand up for yourself? —I asked, throwing a quick glance over my shoulder. 

She stopped for a moment, as if the question had hit her hard. Then, she lowered her gaze and murmured: 

—It's not that simple… I just want to protect Kazuki. He can't defend himself, and… if I don't do it, who will? 

I shook my head, letting out a sigh. In my memories, Kazuki had always been an easy target—someone who quietly stepped aside when things got tough. Haruna, on the other hand, had borne the weight of that abuse. She was the one who faced the worst taunts and aggressions, all to protect him. A knot formed in my stomach at the thought—it was far too similar to what I had experienced with Emily. 

I shook my head, trying to push those thoughts away. I stopped when we were just about to enter my neighborhood. Turning to Haruna, I moved closer to her without thinking too much about it. My movements were slow, but as she saw my hand rise, her eyes widened with fear. I stopped just before touching her head, keeping my gaze fixed on hers. 

—Relax —I said softly—. I'm not going to hurt you. 

Gently, I let my hand rest on her head, stroking her hair lightly. Haruna tensed up at first, but little by little, her body seemed to relax. 

—You shouldn't carry all of this on your own —I continued, my voice now firmer but filled with empathy—. If no one appreciates your efforts, then it's better to walk away. Trying to protect someone who doesn't value what you're doing will only destroy you. I know because… well, because I've been in that situation. You end up hurting yourself more than the person you're trying to help. 

I stepped back slowly, watching as Haruna tried to process my words. She looked at me intently, with a mix of surprise and something that might be described as admiration. I took a step back and sighed. 

—Now, go home —I said, trying to sound authoritative, though my tone came off more paternal than stern—. I don't want to have to escort you like a scolded child. 

Haruna nodded slowly, but there was something in her expression that told me she wasn't entirely convinced. Finally, she turned around and began walking in the opposite direction. I watched her until she disappeared from view, making sure she was really gone. Once I was sure she wasn't following me, I let out a long sigh of relief. 

—Finally… —I murmured to myself, adjusting my posture and bracing myself for another day in this body that wasn't mine. 

....

As I walked through the neon-lit streets, my mind kept circling around Ryota's words. "You shouldn't carry everything on your own. If no one appreciates your efforts, walk away from that person. You're hurting yourself more than the one you're trying to help." Since when had he—Ryota, the boy who always mocked me and Kazuki—become so… human? I could hardly believe it. I could still feel the touch on my head, an unexpected and paternal gesture that had made my heart skip a beat.

However, my thoughts were interrupted when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. Pulling it out and seeing Kazuki's name on the screen, a smile of relief crossed my face. I answered quickly, eager to tell him what had happened with Ryota. But I didn't even get the chance to start.

"Haruna!" Kazuki's voice rang out like a gunshot on the other end of the line, filled with frustration and anger. "Do you know what those idiots did now?"

I froze, my heart racing. "What? What happened?" I asked, trying to stay calm.

"They broke a window at my house!" he shouted, his tone making me tremble. "Those thugs said Ryota sent them. He planned the whole thing!"

My eyes widened, a knot forming in my stomach. "That's not true!" I replied firmly. "Ryota saved me today. Those guys were harassing me, and he stepped in to help."

"So what? It's still his fault!" he retorted, completely ignoring my words. "Do you know how I feel, Haruna? Everything that happens is hell for me, and you just make things worse!"

"Kazuki, that's not fair!" I tried to reason, feeling a mix of anger and hurt. "I'm always trying to help you. I always put myself in the middle to protect you…"

"Well, stop it!" he interrupted with a shout that made me flinch. "You're a burden, Haruna. Always getting into trouble. I don't need you to defend me because you never actually change anything. You're useless!"

I felt something inside me shatter. My mind wanted to respond, to yell at him for being unfair, but the words caught in my throat. Kazuki kept talking, his tone full of rage and despair.

"Maybe you should just leave me alone. Maybe that would make things easier for both of us!"

And then he hung up.

The silence on the line left me frozen, as if time itself had stopped. I stared at the phone in my hand, unable to process what had just happened. A wave of emotions hit me all at once: pain, anger, frustration—all swirling together in a storm that threatened to drown me. With a strangled cry, I threw the phone against the pavement, watching it shatter into pieces.

I dropped to my knees, tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. All the accumulated stress, fear, and humiliation finally found an outlet. Kazuki's words echoed in my head, blending with memories of the times I had defended him, endured others' abuse for his sake. And the worst part was, he had never thanked me. He had always acted as if my efforts weren't enough, as if my existence were an inconvenience.

But then, through the sobs, Ryota's words came back to me: "If no one appreciates your efforts, walk away from that person. You're hurting yourself more than the one you're trying to help."

I clenched my fists, trying to hold on to that idea. Maybe Ryota was right. Maybe it was time to stop trying to carry everything on my own. But then, what was I supposed to do about Kazuki? I couldn't just abandon someone I loved, could I?

That question kept hammering in my mind as I sat there on the sidewalk, trying to find a shred of strength amid the chaos of my emotions.