I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

Early December.

It was thattime for college students.

Two weeks until the end of the semester, which meant, there were formidable foes that needed to be defeated.

The final exams and final project submissions, two things that left people exhausted.

-Riiing

I quickly reached for my vibrating phone and swiped the screen to answer the call.

「Hello?」

「Hello.」

It was a call from Doah. I had been waiting for a long time for it.

She said that she was busy and couldn’t contact me properly. I greeted her excitedly.

「Oh! Are you done now?」

「...Oppa.」

Contrary to my expectations, she sounded extremely tired.

An uneasy feeling began to arise.

「...Yeah?」

「I’m sorry, I don’t think we can meet until next week.」

But why?

I thought it’d be okay for us to go to school together.

The list of questions I had grew too big, so I took a deep breath before asking.

「By meet, you meant going out on a date, right?」

「...Yes.」

「What about going to school together?」

「Ah, of course we can do that.」

I felt relieved, but it was still hard to hide my disappointment.

「Does not being able to meet include today?」

「Yes... I haven’t finished studying yet…」

Hearing her voice gradually getting smaller, I shed a tear inwardly.

「I see…」

「Yes... I’m sorry…」

「Will you be able to stream?」

She did say that she wouldn’t be able to since she was too busy in real life. What a professional girl my girlfriend was.

「I can’t do anything about the stream. Well, I told the company that I might have a hiatus next week, I still don’t know if I’ll have the time to see you.」

「No, no, if it’s next week, I’ll probably be busy too, so it’s fine.]

Of course, it wasn’t like I had more on my plate than Doah did. I was just the type to cram all that studying last minute for the final week.

The break would feel depressing if I got terrible grades, you know?

I didn’t know about others, but, when it came to the exams…

Especially when I bombed the finals, I’d end up feeling depressed when the winter vacation came.

「I see... Anyways, let’s work hard together, and make sure to have lots of fun during the break!!」

At her words that sounded like setting off a flag, I immediately set to destroy that flag.

「We’ll have fun even if it’s not during the break.」

「Alright, you should study too, Oppa. Or else, you’ll screw up your exam.」

「I’m already studying.」

「Good job. Anyway, I need to continue what I’m doing, so, I’ll contact you again after the stream!」

“Huh...? Wait!”

After she was done saying everything she wanted, she abruptly hung up.

I double-checked, but the screen was red.

But… I was waiting… For so long…

Moreover, I had been diligently working on my assignments to the point that my eyes would turn bloodshot at the thought of meeting Doah. Now, all I could do was slump in my chair, feeling empty inside.

Right… I could just watch the stream later… That should count as meeting her, right…?

I tried to comfort myself, but because my time suddenly freed up, it felt like my mental state was collapsing.

Kim Doah…

You were the one who cried, telling me to pay more attention to you…

But you neglected your boyfriend like this just because you were busy…

I felt so spiteful to the point I considered filing up a complaint, but unfortunately, no brilliant idea came to mind.

It felt childish to whine just because of this.

In the end, I crawled back into my bed, starting to rewatch her clips over and over again, just like I always did before meeting Doah.

It was true that after she officially joined CLOSER, she had a lot more variety in her content.

She always aimed to stream alone, so co-op or party games weren’t an option back then, but not anymore.

CLOSER had five members, an enormous workforce to say, and every weekend they’d play the latest trending games or the consistently popular multiplayer games.

So, I watched them all.

Again.

And again.

Rewatching was my pastime usually, but today, for some reason…

It just didn’t feel the same.

In the end, unable to go over thirty minutes, I turned off YouTube and started racking my brain to find what the problem was.

Was this the effect of Doah telling me to stop liking Luka so much?

But that shouldn’t be the case, she was okay with me liking her, I just needed to refrain talking about Luka a little when Doah and I were talking, that should be all.

If my interest in Luka cooled off instead, would Doah feel disappointed?

Anyway, if that wasn’t the problem, why the hell did I feel so dissatisfied?

Hmm…

I only discovered the answer to that question…

…very late into the night.

* * *

“Aaaah!!! Why why?! Eeeeeek! Why is it coming out from there?!?!”

Fuck, I’m so pissed!

Having to do assignments all day long already made me mad, so why did I have to deal with this kind of game after all that?!

Which Pink Army recommended this thing?!

I asked them to choose a game for the second half of the stream after the zatsuwas done, but now I had the urge to kill my past self who listened to their bullshit and chose to suffer.

This game was too hard!

I was already bad at games, now I had to deal with this stupidly difficult game!

[YOU DIED.]

That polite-looking font just pissed me off even more!

[Luka-nim! You should dodge to the right for that one...]

“Hey! You think I don’t know that?!”

“Like, you really think I don’t know that?! You people!”

I yelled at the chat in a fit of anger, but I knew full well that I shouldn’t be doing that.

Because I wasn’t a small streamer anymore. Many people would see me in a negative light if I showed my genuine irritation like this.

“Uhuhuuu I can’t do itttt…”

But what was I even supposed to do? I was hurting…

Like, I died over thirty times at the same spot…

If I were really going to try and clear this game before wrapping up the stream, I’d need to resolve myself to not get any sleep tonight.

Actually, even if I used all 24 hours of the day, I still might not be able to finish it.

[Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~ Let’s go for the 37th try~]

When I noticed a chatter who posted the death count, I secretly hovered my mouse over the timeout button before moving it away.

“My dear Pink Army. May I make a suggestion here?”

The public opinion was half and half.

Half seemed like they would listen to my suggestion.

While the other half insisted that I absolutely must clear the game today no matter what.

“Okay, hear me out. I’m not trying to run away. So, listen to me and let’s talk a little.”

After subduing the atmosphere in a dramatic way, I played my hidden card.

“Actually, I’ll have my final exams next week, but I haven’t studied at all…”

I tried to look as pitiful as possible.

You all liked me, right? Kids?

So, please, let me live, just this once.

I had a life, you know? I needed to live that life too, you know?!

“So rea~lly! I really want to stay up all night and clear this too…”

Boos were already pouring in.

At times like this, I had to firmly express myself and state what I had to say.

“What if we do this again at the end of December? As for today, I’ll end the stream at two? Would…that…not…be…okay…?”

I frantically pressed the key for the model’s crying animation.

Tears endlessly flowed down from the pink eyes.

The Pink Army didn’t seem to hate my whining appearance that much, so the public opinion roughly reached an agreement.

Amidst that, a familiar username caught my eye.

[Lucario: Luka-nim, fighting!!]

I told him to stop acting like a troll in the chat, yet he was still doing this!

Feeling a bit better upon reading his message, I fake coughed out of embarrassment.

“A-Ahem...! So for now, I’ll just play the usual rhythm game for another hour and then I’ll end the stream, okay…?”

There were still some people telling me to keep playing that shitty game, so I sneakily pressed the quit game button while being mindful of them.

When I opened up the rhythm game, my mind became totally at peace.

Ahh… Home sweet home.

What they said about people finding solace in games that didn’t require much brain power was true, after all.

Just like that, I apologized one more time after excitedly tapping the keyboard to relieve stress and then ended the stream.

“Ah... So tired...”

I couldn't find a better expression to describe my current feeling other than that.

Both my mind and body were too exhausted.

Thinking that I should probably call Oppa, I grabbed my phone. But, maybe I should just message him that I was gonna sleep since he must be tired too. At that moment…

-Knock knock

Was anyone gonna come over?

It was 2.15 am though.

Who the hell would come over at this time?

I considered ignoring it because I felt scared, but in the end, I decided to call Oppa instead.

「Hello.」

「Can you open the door for me?」

「...What?」

「I’m in front of your house right now, so please open the door.」

Taken aback by Oppa’s completely unexpected words, I went to the entrance and unlocked it, and there I found…

“Ah. I missed you so much! Kim Doah!”

“Huh...?”

Even now, I still couldn’t understand why this person was here at this hour.

But, he was hugging me so tightly while smiling brightly, so I just stayed still. I liked this development though.

As soon as he let go of me, Oppa took something out of a bag and held it out to me.

“You must have a hard time today, right?”

What he handed to me was a sweet peach-flavored ice cream.

***

https://ko-fi.com/genesisforsaken