I Start with a Bad Hand!

The academy was abuzz with the induction ceremony for the novice knights and Thomple’s first victory in five years. However, I did not participate. I declined Agnes’s invitation to go watch and remained lying quietly in my room.

There were many reasons I didn’t go to the ball: exhaustion, inconvenience, annoyance at watching others celebrate. But the main reason was simple. The parents of the students attended. Watching that was a bit too much for me.

I wasn’t at an age to grumble about my parents not coming to a school festival. Even when I was younger, I didn’t complain about such things. Yet, seeing parents handing flowers and blessing their children’s future at a novice knight’s oath ceremony reminded me that my parents would never again be part of my life’s significant moments, its joys and sorrows.

‘I know it’s childish.’

Still, I couldn’t help it. I thought I had covered the gaping hole in my heart quite well with various methods. But whenever I saw such scenes, the usual methods couldn’t keep my spirit from sinking. In this moment, with nothing to immerse myself in or think about, dealing with that emotion was beyond me.

‘I wasn’t always like this.’

Under normal circumstances, I’d be savoring this victory by now. From the moment I learned archery and hit the target for the first time to the hunting festival, shooting arrows always gave me a sense of accomplishment. This time, my heart should have been bursting with pride.

Even when the archery club students ran to pat my back after I shot the final arrow, even when Agnes squeezed in to hug me, even when I saw Irene’s rare bright smile, and even at the moment of achieving all this…

I wasn’t particularly happy. Saying I felt nothing would be a lie, but the emotions were vague and blurry, everything felt distant, like someone else’s business. What I used to enjoy no longer brought me the same feelings.

‘Why am I like this?’

As time passed here, it felt like parts of me were gradually wearing away and disappearing.

The moment I truly felt I was different was when I encountered Hayden late at night.

‘Of all people, why him here…’

Someone who made me uneasy whenever we met, despite having no real issues with me.

“Hello, Dietrich.”

His overly smooth tone and sudden touch were things I intended to avoid again today. I would have kept my distance if I hadn’t noticed the bandages wrapped around his left hand.

“Your arm…”

“I hurt it a bit when I fell.”

With a gentle smile, Hayden waved his arm. It wasn’t my fault he fell, nor that he broke his arm, but…

“If you lean against the wall, you can stand up by yourself.”

“If I had known you’d get hurt like that, I would have helped you up.” The slight unease and lingering guilt made it difficult to easily escape Hayden’s continued attempts to engage me in conversation.

“I heard the news.” Hayden said as he opened the window with his right hand. “I wish I could have seen it myself… but I couldn’t participate in the match.”

…Is he emphasizing that his arm is broken? He had a way of making people feel guilty in strange ways. As I idly tapped my shoe, he continued, “It must have been awkward for me, being from Sereti. Both the academy and Sereti.”

His unexpected words made me look up at him. Now that I thought about it, the pattern on the gowns worn by the Sereti students seemed familiar.

‘It’s because they look similar to the one Hayden wears.’

His loose gown, with its open front and similar pattern. I knew he was from a foreign noble family, but I hadn’t cared where specifically… so he was from Sereti. It made sense now why he spoke the empire’s language so fluently despite having been here for only a year. Meeting my gaze, Hayden added, “I didn’t expect no one to talk to me at all.”

He said, sounding somewhat bitter, “I only attended for about half a year… There were quite a few familiar faces.”

“I didn’t fit in well there either, because I look a bit different.”

Hayden turned to look out the window as he spoke. It was true. Now that I had seen Sereti students, I realized Hayden was different from them. His skin tone and facial features were subtly different, and his hair, though curly, was a lighter shade than theirs.

“I thought things would be different in the empire. But they weren’t.”

He paused, seemingly ready to leave, but then said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“I guess I’m a foreigner no matter where I go.”

Hayden’s soft voice continued, “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. From the moment I saw you, I felt you were similar to me. You seemed like someone who, no matter who you were with or what you did, couldn’t shake off a sense of loneliness.”

Nonsense. The certainty with which he spoke about my inner feelings, after only a few encounters, made me uncomfortable.

“I’ve been lonely for so long that I’ve become a mess, but you’re not there yet.”

Meaningless words from someone who knows nothing about me.

“So… I hope you find someone to rely on.”

His attempt to close the distance between us felt intrusive.

“I’ve always wanted to tell you that.”

Words that anyone could interpret as their own story, like cheap, indiscriminate flyers pretending to be meaningful.

‘Wow, I really have changed.’

If it weren’t for this, tears wouldn’t be falling—not from Dietrich’s emotions or physiology, but from my own feelings. Frustrated with myself for feeling choked up over such words, I turned away without responding. Hayden didn’t try to stop me as I walked away in silence.

“Goodbye, Dietrich.” His low voice echoed behind me.

***

“Who did you say you’re going to the ball with?”

“Logan Usher.”

“Ah, Logan.” Agnes nodded, then hesitated.

“Who is that?”

“The guy who always hangs around Aiden. You know, the one with the blotchy blonde hair.”

“Ohhh.”

Now, Agnes completely stopped brushing her hair and turned to look at me, her face full of curiosity.

“Why?”

I don’t know either….

The day had finally arrived. The only solace was that this ball, organized by the student council, was a masquerade. Looking at Logan’s face the whole evening wasn’t exactly appealing.

When I didn’t respond, Agnes asked again, “Why?”

“Why go with someone like him?” she grumbled, continuing to fuss with her hair.

The ball following the novice knight’s oath ceremony. This year, Irene decided on a masquerade theme for the ball. Although there were some disagreements among the student council members, surprisingly, the Sereti students were quite receptive to the idea. With the guests in agreement, the hosts had no reason to oppose.

Instead of formal dresses, the notice invited us to dress according to a theme, which seemed to lift Agnes’s spirits. Although she pretended otherwise, it seemed Irene was mindful of the fact that we hadn’t attended any proper academy balls. She hadn’t told us anything in advance about the ball. Only when Agnes’s eyes widened upon reading the notice did Irene finally smile in satisfaction.

“If we wear masks and non-formal dresses, no one will recognize anyone,” Agnes said, showing me her masked face.

“How do I look?”

…She just looked like Agnes with a mask on. Her wild curls were too much a part of her identity for the mask to make much of a difference.

“How about braiding your hair?” I suggested.

Agnes braided her hair to one side and put the mask back on, looking at me expectantly.

She still looked like Agnes with braided hair and a mask. Would straightening her hair with a flat iron help…?

Then someone pounded on my dormitory door. The rough knocking made both Agnes and I look towards the door.

‘Who could it be, knocking so rudely?’ I thought, frowning as I opened the door.

“Why did you take so long to… Oh.” Logan stood outside. Without waiting for my permission, he peeked into my dorm room, spotting Agnes, who looked back at him with a bewildered expression from her seat at the desk. He muttered that he’d be back and quickly left. Agnes, who had stopped putting on her mask, stared blankly at the door, stunned by the series of rude interruptions.

“…Hey. Why are you really going with him?” she asked, voicing the curiosity we both shared, along with probably anyone who knew about this situation. The answer to that mystery began to unravel that night with Logan’s proposal.

Despite saying he’d be back, Logan repeatedly knocked on my door, waking me up. Trying to suppress my irritation, I opened the door to find him standing there, looking slightly anxious.

“Good, you’re awake. Look, Dietrich, how about tomorrow morning we go to a tailor in the capital?”

He scratched his neck awkwardly. “I won’t be able to go with you because of some errands, but I want to get you a dress for the masquerade.”

“…A dress?”

Half-awake, I struggled to understand his sudden suggestion. Squinting in confusion, I saw Logan quickly add, “You probably don’t have a decent dress, do you?”

I couldn’t hide my skepticism. How could a dress be made overnight? Logan, sensing my doubts, sighed and explained, “Since I returned home, I’ve always had a dress ready for you. Really.”

He added that all I needed was a quick fitting at the tailor’s in the morning. His late-night offer was unwelcome, and I stared at him intently.

“Since it’s a masquerade, it’s not necessary to go to such lengths…”

“I just don’t want you wearing some mediocre dress.”

He sounded so sure that I’d be wearing something subpar that I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. Did he say the same to Dietrich?

“Tomorrow morning at 7. Don’t forget.”

He left without waiting for my reply, leaving me genuinely curious. The next morning, a well-kept carriage arrived, not one from the Usher household but an external one, adding to my curiosity. Sitting in the motionless carriage, I pondered the same question.

‘Did Logan do this for Dietrich too?’

An hour passed, and the coachman, who had stopped saying something about a problem with the wheel, still hadn’t returned.