I Reincarnated as a Noble Bastard, So I'm Seducing All the Villainess

 I've never had a more cinematic and triumphant late arrival than this, especially with the damsel Ravenna staring at me with wide eyes, kneeling in the middle of the hall in chains.

The sparkle in her eyes is absolutely beautiful! Of course, the handsome guy here, aka the cursed prince on a black donkey, arrived to change this disenchanted maiden's fate! Take a deep breath, Darius, this isn't a school presentation, stammering and faltering are the worst options right now.

I turn to the king, the true judge of this hearing, furrowing my brows into the most serious expression I can muster. The Duke even looks disbelieving at my entrance, I don't blame him, besides, I really did the most unexpected thing possible. 

Who would've thought that I, a worm in aristocratic society, would be here to turn the game upside down, huh? That's a glow-up.

Unfortunately, the others don't see it that way. Leliana, in the audience, turned so pale she just fainted from nerves, while for the first time in months I see Duke Moonlight's face transform into something other than impassivity.

You know, it even gives me satisfaction to see him like that. As for the king... he looks a bit pissed, but hiding it behind a cold face. I swear there's a vein almost bursting in his neck.

As soon as I took a step forward, some bastard in a blue cape with a crown symbol moved towards me.

"Your presence here was not authorized. Please, accompany me outside, my lord."

My lord? Oh, how cute. Treats me with formality while shoving me out of the most important scene in history! The worst part is he touches my arm. Big mistake, idiot.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Of course, I don't have the strength to go against a buff guy like that, but I can at least make a scene so they'll at least try to listen to me, right? Please let this work, because I couldn't bear the shame of being thrown out of here after all this. 

I stretch the crumpled piece of paper as high as possible, waving it like a flag of independence.

"I HAVE PROOF THAT INNOCENTS THIS WOMAN! AND YOU WANT TO THROW ME OUT LIKE I'M A DAMN PAWN?! THIS WHOLE THING IS A SETUP, IT'S ALL A FRAME-UP!"

I got the attention of the jury and the king with my yelling. Just please, Ravenna, stay still where you are like a cursed rag doll. If you break free now and bolt, I swear I'll kill myself. 

The king leans forward slightly, suddenly interested. The anger also seems to have subsided a bit, which is a good thing.

"Knight, halt! Release the young man and return to your post."

"Yes, Your Majesty!"

As quickly as he grabbed me, the tin soldier returns to his position with the others and stands at attention, but I can feel his penetrating gaze through his helmet. Thanks for letting me go, honestly.

"Darius Moonlight, you invaded a very important trial today, likely deceiving one of my most faithful men and also causing significant damage to property. Leonhardt von Eisenfaust, is what this person says true?"

"My deepest apologies, Your Highness."

The protagonist kneels facing the king and bows his head like a dog regretting eaten his owner's slipper. Now you're on his side, you bastard?

"I cannot confirm it's true, but I can confirm I found him yesterday, being attacked by Countess Moriah, Count Vandric's wife. He said he wanted to save this woman, so I deemed it necessary to come as quickly as possible."

Lying? Am I lying? What the hell is this? And what kind of argument is that? Shouldn't Leonhardt be the one in the wrong for bringing me here in the first place?!

Murmurs fill the room, probably from the part where I was literally attacked by the Count's wife. Now they're going to think I'm having an affair with her? No way.

"Well, would you care to explain why the Countess was attacking you, Darius?"

Why ask that, Uncle?! I'm already in deep shit, I don't want to be labeled a homewrecker in front of Ravenna! There's no way around it, I need to tell the truth, or a half-truth. Whatever works to get me off this tightrope.

"I... and Ravenna, we were investigating Count Vandric for conspiracy against the crown."

The audience reacts immediately with gasps and whispers, which is perfect considering how terrible my reputation is. 

A recipe for disaster is made of simple things: a sensationalist news story and someone's creative mind. Mix the two, and you have an explosion.

"For weeks she suspected that her uncle maintained connections with criminal underworld groups, including contracts involving the transport of illicit substances and the financing of illegal magical activities. When she told me about this situation, I thought it was an exaggeration, that she was just confusing things in her uncle's business... but after she was arrested, everything became clear."

I take a deep breath. Now for the dramatic pause. Drumrolls!

I flick the badly damaged piece of paper I brought, whose value is equivalent to a divine testament from the church.

"I visited her in prison, and she told me about this document hidden in the Count's mansion. I... I went in there last night to check with my own eyes, and then the Countess attacked me."

The sound of Ravenna's chains clanking echoes behind me. This gothic witch is looking at me with such a wide smile it's scary, but I have no idea if it's from hatred or happiness! Just tell me I'm acting right and keep that mouth shut!

The king drums his fingers on the arm of his throne-like judge's chair, resting one fist on his cheek, apparently very interested in my absurd story.

"The Countess...? Are you saying you entered Count Vandric's mansion alone and were injured by the Count's own wife?"

"Yes. She attacked me in one of the gardens, almost killed me. I don't know if it was a psychotic break... or if she was part of it, but I'm sure Ravenna was arrested because she knew too much."

The Duke, in the front row, is about to get up from his seat and throw himself at me, probably ready to punch me in the stomach again and drag me through the streets like last time. Leliana is still unconscious, slumped in someone's lap.

Now I'm the center of attention, which worries me. Is everything really alright? It's impossible to shake this fear. I'm so anxious. What if the king doesn't trust me? There are a thousand and one reasons for him to just sideline me and continue the trial as normal. The nobles quietly discuss amongst themselves, soon the room becomes a buzzing beehive of wasps.

The king raises his hand and everyone falls silent.

"Darius Moonlight, these are serious accusations... and extremely specific. Would you have any explanation for maintaining this kind of relationship with Lady Ravenna?"

Why? There's a very specific reason!

"Because I love her."

I thump my hand on my chest and clench my fists with all my might, this is where I'll show what all my effort has brought: an award-worthy performance. Shine, Darius.

"No one ever understood me, everyone just treated me like trash dragged around by Duke Moonlight, a nobody. Then, I found her."

I turn towards Ravenna, extending my hand as if saying, "Take it and come with me, let's go far away," just like in those K-drama scenes where the male lead saves the female lead after so long.

"She brought me peace. She treated me better than anyone I've ever met. She deserves everything from me, and I would never forgive myself if I didn't come to this trial to prevent this! That's why I took the risk, Your Majesty! I'm not a strong man, nor an inquisitor, a mage, or anything of the sort, I'm just a bastard... but a bastard willing to fight for the one he loves."

The hall plunges into a tense silence, the kind of vacuum that precedes a storm. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will. My throat's already closing up, and I genuinely want to cry, because what I did was nothing short of beautiful!

But of course, there's always a killjoy. The one who breaks the peace is him, His Excellency Count Vandric, that skeletal bastard with a dead fish face, standing like a haunting apparition beside the jury members.

"This is an outrage!" he spits, literally, droplets of rage dripping from his magic-aligned beard. "This lunatic young man invades my property, assaults my wife, and now tries to rewrite history in this court?! All this... for a miserable affair? Because of a... a witch!?"

"Mind your words, Count Vandric! You're not talking to the whores in the brothels, you're talking about my woman, my girl! Do you think I'll let you get away with spewing any crap because of this, you crown-betraying motherfucker?!?"

"You...!"

The king merely raises his hand, and Vandric reluctantly falls silent, but not before shooting a look that clearly says "I'll kill you in some alley in the capital." Come at me, dead fish.

"Tell me more about this supposed investigation," the king resumes with a neutral voice, looking back at the piece of paper I was still holding. "And why exactly would Count Vandric have something to hide?"

Alright, this is it. No hesitation. I stare at Vandric with the intensity of someone ready to deliver a backhanded slap with a poisoned velvet glove.

"It's just a theory of mine, Your Majesty, but... I think he might be forcing his wife to conduct illegal alchemy experiments in his mansion."

Vandric lets out a bitter laugh, but no one's laughing with him. On the contrary, even the nobles who were whispering earlier now look askance, as if the stench of rot had finally reached them.

"When I passed through the Count's residence, I found a laboratory full of bizarre experiments, with humans, animals, and several other creatures!"

Here comes a half-truth. I wasn't actually there, but I know it's there. In the novel, it's mentioned that Moriah had been working with this kind of thing since her academic days, so there are definitely some extremely weird things in that house.

"Perhaps some in this room don't know, but Countess Moriah is a brilliant alchemist and married the Count so they could both have a monopoly on the creation of tonics and potions. Therefore, I believe the Count coerced his wife into performing illegal experiments and selling them on the black market to get more money. Ravenna discovered this, and the next day she was silenced with a prison sentence! It can't be a coincidence, Your Majesty!"

The king clasps his hands, apparently very interested in the fanfic I just spun for him. I mean, I didn't necessarily say anything wrong, on the contrary, it's more likely to be true than a lie. We'll only know after they investigate properly.

Catch this, old man. I'm so close to getting out of this hell once and for all and returning to Elizia's arms, please!

Ravenna lowers her head, not in submission, but to hide her smile. Why is she smiling so much? What's so funny? Am I dressed like a clown for you?

Hmm? There's something at my feet, felt like a... tremor? Wait, wait, wait! Don't tell me...!

"You're too good to be true, Darius."

Her voice hits me from behind like a needle straight to the heart, only for a rhythmic explosion to fill the hall from one end to the other. Purple clouds spread in all directions, even around Ravenna, who freed herself from her chains with no difficulty at all.

An invisible force pulls me from behind, feeling like the devil's hand dragging me to hell... the difference being that this devil wears black lipstick and lace stockings.

Before I know it, an arm is already wrapped around mine. The hall ceiling is in pieces, making way for the sun to shine over our heads.

"How about we run away from here now, my love?"

That's the one thing I didn't want to hear from your mouth, Ravenna.