NOVEL WEB Chapter 17: I Came Make an Announcement!
In my past life, I was never rude to anyone. In fact, they'd probably call me something like a "beta" or a piece of shit, considering how much of a goodie-two-shoes I was, which only got worse when I started working. I was a virgin for many years, so I want to understand why things turned out this way.
Why did I reincarnate as Darius, a secondary character, a bastard who dies off-screen from food poisoning in the most pathetic way possible, and worse, why is the protagonist hitting on me?
Nothing makes sense in this damn world, but at least I can abuse the luxury of a hot shower falling over my head. Thank you, oh gods of magic!
I'm grateful for all the modern technology that exists for convenience, like a completely functional bathroom. It makes me feel refreshed after yesterday's adventure...
Fortunately, I didn't lose the letter written in ominous blood, it stayed in the same place: my hairy chest, and now it's comfortably hidden and reeking of sweat among the shredded clothes on the toilet. Unfortunately, the parchments and other evidence in the cube were lost because of the Countess's attack, leaving me with just this.
Leonhardt offered me a change of men's clothes, finally a victory in this life. They're almost my size, meaning I can walk around the city without an ounce of shame and safely return home.
What am I thinking? Wearing another guy's clothes is the gayest thing I've ever done.
Swallow your pride now, Darius, you're not at the palace to demand anything. We need to get home, slam this document on the Duke's desk, and resolve things as peacefully as possible. If I can avoid talking to those spineless politicians, I'd love to.
Still, it would be great to see Ravenna's face before the trial. We could plan something, maybe a play to tug at the hearts of those on the jury and thus divert attention from her.
Such graceful shower thoughts, but that's enough... no, let's leave it bathing ghosts for a while, I want Leonhardt's water bill to be high anyway since I hate him.
Wait, boxers? What the hell, you pervert, I'm not wearing that shit!
I ignore the underwear and put on the pants and shirt. Feels good wearing something comfortable, it gives me a sense of being protected after spending a good few hours in "very revealing" clothes. I put the letter in my pocket, folding it carefully, but I prefer to ignore the smell of the thing.
I stomp down the stairs, shirt crooked, hair still dripping, and pants looking like they were put on haphazardly, which they definitely were.
My face is pure hatred and existential indignation. The smell of cut watermelon makes me nauseous, and the sight of the golden paladin with his chest exposed in front of the fruit platter only worsens my emotional gastritis.
"Ah!" Leonhardt's expression glows as if I were a goddess miraculously healed. "Good to see you up. Are you feeling better?"
"Better? My body aches, I smell like sweat, I have pollen in my throat, and you still insist on talking. Do you want a pitcher thrown at your head, by any chance?"
He backs up a bit, but keeps the same polished smile.
"I'm so glad. I've prepared a light breakfast. Fruits, eggs, and mint tea, something gentle to help you recover your energy."
"Dude, I just ate, why are you offering me more?"
"I thought it would be ideal considering you're still having trouble moving."
"Hah. I'll take the tea. You can shove the rest up your ass."
I sit down, but the relief lasts two seconds. He starts opening his mouth again. I honestly just wanted this guy to shut up and let me eat in peace.
"By the way... I need to leave. Today there's a royal hearing concerning the accusation against Lady Ravenna Galbraith."
"What?"
"She will be judged for attempted poisoning of Count Vandric and also for practicing forbidden magic. The trial will be presided over by the king himself."
"IT'S TODAY?!"
Leonhardt calmly nods, with that look of someone who didn't understand the gravity of what he just said.
"Yes. I should have left this morning, but I preferred to stay until you woke up, since..."
"YOU STAYED HERE MAKING FRUIT SALAD WHILE THE WOMAN I PROMISED TO HELP IS ABOUT TO BE PUBLICLY EXECUTED?!"
"The trial will be at the palace, not in public..."
"IT'S A METAPHOR, YOU ROTTEN PALADIN!"
I stand up suddenly and trip over the chair. There's still time to prevent the shit the author wrote from happening!
I still remember the sequence from the webtoon and the novel perfectly.
Ravenna breaks free from her bonds when she hears the sentence from the king's lips. One of the inquisitors draws his sword and tries to kill her, brutally failing as he's pierced by a black lightning bolt.
The protagonist, this idiot in front of me, jumps into the middle of the scene, a fight breaks out, and he decapitates her with a clean cut. The webtoon showed it in detail, with her dead face turned upwards at the end, blood oozing from her mouth.
Still know what the author wrote? "It was necessary." You bastard, killing the character for free like that was necessary, huh? I'll show you necessary later!
"I need to get there yesterday!"
"Perfect. I have a horse ready now."
"I'm walking!"
"But it's faster by horse... I can put you in front of the saddle, you'll be quite safe between my arms, there will be no danger of falling, if that's what worries you."
"I'D RATHER ARRIVE THERE DYING OF DEHYDRATION ON THE GROUND THAN FEEL YOUR CHEST AGAINST MY BACK, HEAR ME?!"
He widens his eyes, surprised. I'm already out, breaking the doorknob in the process, may you incur all the losses in the world from my stay!
What a beautiful life, Darius, what pride in your reincarnation. How the hell is this sequence of events even possible? It's like someone's even plotting against me, some kind of creature pulling strings from above so everything is convenient enough for others to laugh at my face!
Oh, man, fuck it! I just need to get to the palace... wait, which way is the palace? I've never been to this neighborhood before, which way do I go? Up the street, turn, go down?
Shit, shit! Any moment now, the biggest mess is going to break out in the middle of the tribunal, if Ravenna goes crazy, she dies!
Her life is in my hands, goddammit! What I do? What I do? What I do?
"Wait for me!"
Leonhardt, now's the worst time to show up. I turn my face, the bastard is riding a blessed white horse towards me and stops right beside me, attracting the attention of all the young ladies in the vicinity.
"What do you want now? I said I can manage, get lost! I can... figure it out!"
"Excuse me, but I want to help you. Get on, I'll take you directly there. I don't know your relationship with Lady Ravenna, but I believe you either want to witness or be by her side, so I thought it ideal to help..."
He extends his gloved hand. Is this a joke? I have to touch this half-assed protagonist, the worst I've ever seen, offering me his arm. No, no, everything's wrong!
Darius, you damn idiot, why can't you swallow your pride right now? Ugh, fine, let's go!
I grab his forearm and pull myself up, sitting on the horse's rump.
"Faster, if we don't get there in time, I'll kill you!"
"With pleasure!"
The horse bolts through the streets, kicking up dust and startling the neighborhood. The wind hits me like a slap, while my entire spine regrets every second I didn't wear a corset.
Leonhardt rides like the perfect knight: firm, straight, with a heroic pose. I, on the other hand, look more like a kite tied to the horse's tail facing a storm.
Every turn is torture, every jolt reminds me why I hate this guy. The city blurs past. A bell is ringing, meaning they've already started calling for the hearing, damn it!
If this shit has already entered the judgment phase, it'll be useless for me to invade the place with this blood-stained paper in my pocket.
"Let's go faster!"
"I'm already pushing the animal to its limit."
The palace appears ahead, enormous, white, with its golden pillars shining under the morning sun. The main street is closed off by a curious crowd and some noble carriages.
Leonhardt doesn't hesitate. He pulls the reins to the side and swerves down a narrow alley, then through the trees of a side garden, until finally emerging before the castle's side gates.
"Open the gates!"
The two guards don't even have time to react. Leonhardt doesn't wait for anything either, charging the horse against the main entrance of the marble hall. Hold on, you're going to kill us, you maniac! We'll literally be blown apart by inertia if you try to hit the closed entrance like that!
That was my first thought, but like every webnovel out there, the world obeys the hero.
The horse bursts through the gates with absurd force, knocking down the two guards with a shockwave. Huh? It worked? What the hell am I doing with my life.
Leonhardt crosses the hall, the staircase, the main throne corridor, knocks down a tapestry in the process, and finally... SMASHES THE FUCKING TRIBUNAL DOORS WITH THE HORSE'S CHEST.
The wood explodes into splinters, the room echoes the sound like thunder, and the entire tribunal, every wrinkled old man in a wig, every perfumed lady, every royal guard, turns their head with frozen expressions of pure terror.
And me? I wasn't warned about this shit. The impact throws me forward like a possessed Annabelle. I'm catapulted from the horse's rump, flying over the inquisitors, barely grazing the head of a noblewoman who lets out a high-pitched scream, and landing with a dull thud right in the middle of the fucking room.
"AAAARGH, MY SPINE, DAMN IT!"
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much! I want to cry, I should've just run here on foot anyway! I end up writhing on the floor longer than I'd like, only to look to the side and come face to face with the group I least wanted to see today.
In the elevated center of the room, there they are: the king, the queen, and Duke Moonlight, my dearest and traumatizing father, all staring at me like they just saw a skunk walk into a luxury funeral.
I raise my arm with the crumpled document.
"I CAME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING THIS TRIAL!"
Leonhardt rides in on his horse with the utmost class in the world, as if he'd just escorted a goddamn lady to the ball.
"Pardon the delay, Your Majesty."
I turn to the side, trying to compose myself, but I can only cough up the remaining dust that entered my throat after that triumphant entrance.