I hate being wed in a fantasy world!

Scouting the woods is a good way to clear your thoughts. Maybe it's because it awakens something more primal within me, cavemen instincts and such, but it's like being in the moment, being aware of your surroundings and opening up to stuff. In a sense, it's a sort of escapism.

You know what would be better for that? A game. Shit, I miss them so much!

Nonetheless, after months of living in this fantasy world—most of them outside—I guess I lost my dislike of nature. No reason to dislike something you can't get away from anyway, so better just adapt.

I use [Track], a skill which highlights the tracks lifeforms made around here. Aside from several woodland critters, I even see some boot tracks—the kind shitty fantasy footwork makes. This wood isn't that small, and there are several markings and cut trees. Guess that's where the farm people get their firewood from. There is also a brat, who plays there alone, but the latest tracks I found of that one are going back and are at least three days old, so if it's smart, it stays on the farm.

Maybe we should put some traps inside the forest, though the traps I have in my [Inventory] are either for game or are improvised using my bombs, of which I have a rather limited supply. Enough to set another trap like back with the mercenaries, but not enough to mine this entire place.

This wood is a bit concerning, as it would give enough cover for a camp. I climb on a tree, trying to look for some bigger clearing. Hm... checked these ones. I guess I can move to the northern part of the forest then to finish up my scouting.

Something overlays with the annoying sound of squawking birds and running critters, [Pitch] allows me to hear it clearly though: “I ANSWERED YOU! PLEASE! DON'T!”

Ah shit.

Without missing a beat, I jump from the tree and run towards the bratty cry. I activate my arsenal of stealthy skills: [Camouflage], [Sneak], [Hide Smell], [Mask of Wildlife], [Trackless], as being noticed as late as possible may be the only way to survive.

Using the voice of the brat, his cry for help, I come to the scene. Shit, four barbarians and a pipsqueak clad in the cheap clothes of the farmers. A blonde barbarian, maybe around my age, is about to cleave through the brat. I drop my skills, grab my spear from my [Inventory] and intercept the sword.

*CLANK*

While the rusty-sword barbarian—let's call him Rusty—needs a second to take in what happened, I’ve already sent my spirit out to a nearby tree: “[Entangle]!” In this split-second, I chose to restrain the girl of the group, maybe thinking she would be the weakest and would take the most time to free herself.

So... each barbarian should be around my level—according to Ara-san's tier list, we're all tier 2—which means that I'm clearly outmatched. If I take into account that I should have the environmental advantage here, I guess I could take them on if everything goes well?

Yet there is a big problem: The brat. As long as it's here, fighting using my strengths in hiding and ambushing is complicated at best and impossible at worst. Means I need to get rid of that pain in the ass: “Fuck off, turd!”

Of course it didn't work, as that shitty little waste of space is trembling so much that I would ask myself why he still hasn't shat his pants. Or I would, if I weren't busy deflecting an attack from another barbarian, another boy my age—let's call him Fuzz, as he’s trying to grow a beard—while also keeping the rest in my sight. He shows his teeth, as I parry his mace-like club with a small movement.

“Inolf, where are your manners?” Rusty says while dropping the sword and drawing a better one. “He's mine!”

Seriously? Oh well, if they want to take me one-on-one, be my guest?

*Burst* Girl-barbarian—let's call her Mole, as she has one above her lips—tears the branches from her: “He's mine, Skall!” Oh, they're fighting over me. Has it finally arrived? Is this my popular phase? I'm being sarcastic.

“No,” the older one—he's not a Gramps, as he's still far younger than Jii-san, so... Stale—says, playing into my sarcastic thought: “He's better than any of you.”

“What did you say?” Rusty snarks at Stale, though I think it's too harsh, as I suddenly grew to like Stale, as he gave me relief with his assessment. “Just because he blocked my blow?”

Well, if this will become a conversation... I try to push the turd away, make him take a step in hope he'll just run away, but instead he falls over. Seriously!? Come on!

“If you see and fight enough battles, you get better at judging one person's strength. Every movement, the way they position themselves, their presence, everything flows together. If you don't believe me, go ahead. I'm neither your dad nor the chief.”

Rusty snorts: “Don't mind if I-” I guess the only way to handle it is to attack first. “WHOAH!” He barely dodges my thrust, but the thrust becomes a swing to his feet, as his dodge puts him out of balance. I sweep his feet with ease, then I strike from above.

“Skall!” Fuzz hits my spear to the side, but I let it go with one hand and land a punch into his unshaven face. I feel his stubble on my fingers. It doesn't really hurt, but is slightly uncomfortable. “Uggh.”

I let my hand slide along my spear-shaft, ready to stab his eye with my short blade, but the long end is caught by Mole. She grins like a madwoman as her muscles bulge out to try to keep my weapon under control: “Now let me-”

“[Entangle]!”

“Not again!” As branches grab her, I use her loss of focus to stab forwards while kicking Fuzz. If I were Rine, I could have put all my power into both attacks, but I prefer the stabbing over the kicking, as that's the more permanent solution.

...flash of inspiration! Need to try that later!

I hit flesh and bone, but sadly, Mole blocks the blade with her arm. “AAARGH!” Hurts, right?

“You stupid-” As Rusty tries to stand up, I retract my spear and knee him in the face.

Seriously? I mean, Stale already said I'm stronger than them. But that? These guys are pathetic.

This is the moment where Fuzz kicks a tree at me. It's slow, as the roots are resisting, but I don't want to know what will happen if I get buried under it.

Shit, turd is still there. I grab him before evading, this is exactly what I tried to not have to do. “Seriously, just piss off!” I yell at him.

“Uhh---uh---uh...” Now he's bawling. Great! Can't he do that while running away!?

I seriously have no time to deal with that shitty brat! “Go!” If pushing doesn't work... I roughly grab him by the nape and lead him away from the barbarians.

“Uff...” Rusty stands up, blood drips from his broken nose. “Shit! Why!?” He spits out while picking up his weapon, “What is your deal!?”

I guess he's as confused as me. I mean, I can't believe how weak these guys are either. “Sure you are barbarians?” I turn a bit so I can subtly prod turd to finally run with the other end of my spear, which may be pointy but... let's hope that it works like stinging cattle. Meanwhile, I can buy a bit of time for him by engaging in that conversation.

“WHAT!?” Well, or I can piss them off greatly. That's more my nature, I guess. “You're calling us weak?”

“...” That'd be like calling water wet, but I should seriously hold my tongue here.

“Oh, nothing to say!?” Rusty spits out once again while yelling that.

“Asshole!” Fuzz tries his best to insult me.

“I'm gonna push you down and have my way with you.” OK Mole, that's nothing I want to hear from you.

“Phew...” Well, these guys are losers. I would almost feel pity for them, but... it was clear that Rusty tried to kill the turd, who still isn't moving much! I'm about to kill that stupid brat myself. I mean, how often do I have to make it clear that he's in the way!? Nonetheless, these guys won't show any mercy, not even to children. “One question...” I start in a low voice.

“Huh!?”

“There was a farmstead that was attacked by four... were you those four?”

“Oh? Had relatives there?” Rusty's smirk is clear: I was asking about what he considered one of his finest works.

…

...let's kill all of them.

The moment that thought crosses my mind, Stale suddenly starts to move, kicking the tree that Fuzz kicked in my direction before, but instead of moving the whole tree, a part breaks from it, becoming a projectile as large as my head.

Thanks to [Focus], I get a picture where it'll hit me and can move that part of my body out of its trajectory. OK, this one is definitely dangerous.

Stale starts shouting: “Kill the boy!”

The younger ones are rattled by that command: “But-”

“Just do it!” The old man draws a handaxe: “[Serpent Slice]!” A flying cut, but unlike the ones I know, it curves and winds, making it hard to follow. Which I won't get any time for, as he throws the weapon itself. Two [Skills] at once with the same weapon! At least almost: “[Boomer-]” [Distraction]! “[-axe]!”

[Distraction] is a [Stealth]-skill which makes people around you look away for one second. While it's meant to open a window to activate other [Stealth]-skills to disappear—especially given that the targets usually don't notice that they were made to look somewhere else—it can also be used to throw off attackers.

Too bad it costs a bunch of SP, making repeated uses of it rather challenging, as low SP also means having less energy to fight.

In this case, it's the save I need, as Mole, Rusty, and Fuzz are about to jump at the turd, but I'm faster. The [Serpent Slice] misses me, the [Boomeraxe] is thrown through a tree, cutting it cleanly—urgh, better avoid it—while I grab the turd by the collar.

Time to deeply traumatize a child.

I change to [Pikeman] for only a moment, throw the turd into the air, before changing back to [Ranger]: “[Entangle]!” The upper branches grab the turd, while I jump at a branch, climbing up with little problem, because slow climbers will be caught by the roots… Don't ask me about that... “[Entangle]!” I target another tree, which means the one Turd is caught by releases him, only for him to be caught by the next one.

Seriously, I should have done so from the start.

“[Boomeraxe]!” The axe rotates so hard that it looks like a disc. I use [Focus] and realize that it will cut the tree beneath me and the one turd is at.

Shit! I could throw the axe off by using a power surge, but I can only use it in [Pikeman], which would cause Turd to fall to his death, which he has certainly earned at this point—that stupid slowpoke—but I kinda owe his family. “[Speedthrust]!” So I launch another skill at the axe, hoping for a similar result.

Well, the handaxe bounces off, returning to its owner without a fail. That's good. Less good is that I also bounce off, which makes me fly through the air for a tenth of a second, before I crash into a tree and fall down from it like a sack of potatoes.

Ouch.

Around a fifth of my HP. That's not good. OK, Stale is definitely what I expect from a barbarian.

I get up on my feet, but I see that Rusty and his friends are almost at Turd, who is bawling his eyes out. Too bad that I have Stale to deal with, who grins as his plan is coming to fruition.

It's really simple: Just let the teens attack the boy, so I'm distracted to make it easier to kill me. “...phew...” Well, it works well, as my [Entangle] idea backfired at me hard, as I can't even switch classes right now.

Stale draws a hammer, it's rather small if we compare it to warhammers in games. Guess, you don't need that much hammerhead to kill someone.

I draw a smoke bomb and throw it at Stale, who covers his eyes, which is enough of a window for me to stand up and climb the tree. He may chop it down in a moment, but I need to move Turd, or he's gone. First: “[Entangle]!” I deliver him to another tree, which makes the barbarians change their course. They may not be too bad at climbing trees with their big jumps, but I was terroriz---trained by the alfar rangers!

With [Sneak] and [Mask of Wildlife] I make sure to avoid the eyes and ears of Stale, and I'm seriously surprised how well it works. I mean, I didn't even use [Camouflage] as it was another SP-sink and I will need every single one of those points!

I release [Entangle], Turd cries: “Whhhhhhoooo...” as he falls, but I catch him only to make a tree grab me with another “[Entangle]!”

“There you are! [Boomeraxe]!” Two more trees take massive damage as I avoid this attack by letting myself drop a bit, before I let another tree take me. But this looks bad.

I lost almost all of my altitude, which means that my mobility is more limited. Well, I can work with it.

What is more challenging is how I run away with Turd. [Mask of Wildlife] and my [Stealth]-skills only work on me, and while I may create enough cover with a few smoke bombs to cover my retreat and I could use [Trackless], I have a wailing piece of shit with me, who will give away our location at any point. “Wuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaa....”

“Shut up or they'll get us!”

“Wuaaaaaaaaa!”

Seriously, that's why kids are just such a pain in the ass. I mean, I may also be a hero which causes my mind to be able to put up with this pressure, but— ...ah shit.

I start running while considering if I can knock that brat out without accidentally killing it. Having him with me slows me down enough for the barbarians to catch up, so my options are limited.

*BRBRKRRRR*

I see pieces of wood flying around me, I guess Stale has had enough and is willing to tear down the forest if needed.

My speed increases, which can only mean--- “FETCH!”

I throw Turd into the air, who is caught by the cavalry. Or in this case, an alfr I happen to know well. “Oh, did they make you cry?” Ara-san says to the child in her arms like it was an infant.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” This cry is much louder than before, probably because he realized what caught him.

“Don't worry, you sweet little thing.” Please Ara-san, you sound like a pedophile!

“Just get him away.”

“Sure. Would you mind repaying in kind those who dare to tear apart a forest?”

“Planning to.”

“[Boomeraxe]!” Stale throws his axe at Ara-san, but she's much faster than it, as she's an alfr [Acrobat] in a forest. No way they could catch her. Her mobility and speed are incredible in this terrain—even though she's an absolute indoor type—and she's already out of sight.

Alright, now that this turd is taken care of, it's time to kill these child-murdering pieces of crap!

The problem is Stale, so it's better to deal with the others first. If I were to put it in game terms, this is a boss encounter with Stale as the boss and the others as mobs. It's usually the smart move to deal with the trash first to decrease the number of their turns and attacks.

Within half of a second, I take in my environment. Stale is a short distance before me, his target is me, and he'll attack in a second. Rusty is above to the right, he’s looking at me, so he’s reconsidering his options. Mole and Fuzz are still fixed on Ara-san and the latter is about to land on a branch.

“[Boomeraxe]!” Stale throws again, but he also dashes forward with his hammer, probably trying to keep me from simply evading him, but with another [Distraction] I throw his timing off, giving me the chance to slip away, right under the branch Fuzz is currently landing. The beard-growing asshole is jumping off, but I grab his ankle while changing to [Pikeman] to get the extra beef to keep my hold on the trunk despite the sheer power of his leap.

Argh, this feels like trying to hold a driving car with bare hands! At least I think so. I can't keep Fuzz with me, but as he breaks through, he begins to flail through the air, he bumps against a thick branch with his chest, and instinctively grabs it with his arms and chin.

I switch back to [Ranger] for a jump of my own, feet-first right at the back of his head. “URGH!” I hear the ugly sound of his throat being thrust against the wood as he begins to lose his strength.

With a quick step, I help myself onto the same branch, lift my spear and thrust it to the side of Fuzz's neck. Blood splashes out. He loses his grip and falls down to earth, possibly breaking his neck, but I'm pretty sure I hit his throat anyway.

“YOU!” Rusty jumps at me, maybe feeling something like righteous anger, but with my [Focus] I know his trajectory exactly. Evading him won't be a problem, but Stale found me again and is about to throw his axe again, probably hesitating because he may hit Rusty if he messes up the timing.

Instead of meeting Rusty, who may hit my spear aside when I brace it, I grab the trunk and evade the attack by slingshotting myself into Rusty's back: “[Speedthrust]!”

“Uh!” He grunts, despite having half of my blade in his back. He also tries to grab me, and while Rine would most likely somehow move on his back while falling, I'm not able to for some reason, despite making some very reality-challenging moves.

We hit the ground, I'm at least able to break my fall somewhat by rolling over Rusty, who got a nasty cut in his back, as I didn't really care about precision while pulling my spear out of his body during my somersault.

Stale comes rushing, he looks pissed. “[Sandcleaver]!” He cuts with his axe from low to high, and a blade out of dirt follows, leaving a fissure where it goes, growing bigger and smaller during its travel.

Ah, whenever it cuts a root, it loses strength, it seems. I rush back at Rusty, grab him with one hand while changing to [Pikeman] and throwing him into that attack.

It's not pretty. Let's say that bloody sand and intestines may be the cause of my next nightmares, and I'm happy that I had the mental fortitude of [Pikeman] in that moment, as the realization of how much a single mistake may cost is horrifying.

“SKALL! INOLF!” Mole may have realized that I'm killing her friends, though technically, Stale killed the second one.

“Shit!” Stale is also looking haunted, but that doesn't seem guilt-ridden.

“Ulw! Let's run!”

“Don't be stupid! If we run, he'll hunt us down!”

To my own surprise, I start to talk: “Shitty when things turn around, isn't it?” My voice even gives me the chills, though I also realize where this is coming from: “Used to bully only the weak, aren't you?” I know plenty of people like that, and they always get under my skin.

“Did you call us cowards!?” Mole exclaims: “We're barbarians! We've faced dangers countless times, we are proud warriors!”

“You're a bunch of self-aggrandizing bandits and murderers.” The cold hatred I feel is boiling up from my stomach, looking at these people makes me sick. “How many elders and children did you kill when you attacked the farm?”

“Woda, support me. I'll rip him apart.” Stale doesn't justify his actions or ask for mercy, so I can at least recognize the honesty. He takes a step forward, forfeiting any kind of defense, which seems too reckless.

He lunges out and I can feel the force of his attack even now. If he hits me with it, he may break every bone in my body. “[Speedthrust]!” That's the time for a power surge! I lunge forwards before he can throw his attack, the speed and power of my skill much higher than usual.

*KRONK*

I push him back, but I don't do any damage. I know this skill! He hardened his skin for a brief moment, but that explains his lack of defense and why he didn't use a skill during his attack as well. Though this defensive skill has a fatal flaw.

Not that I can use it while Mole is still here. She throws herself at me as I still need to get my footing back, attacking with her feet and a mace. That way I can't pursue Stale, which negated the advantage I had before I was able to grab it.

Her swings are wide, most likely she's more concerned in keeping me off-balance than finishing me. It’s the smart move, sadly, as I'm rather confident at this point that I can kill her the moment she lowers her guard.

Therefore I avoid her attacks while keeping tabs on Stale, who is about to rush in again. Mole also notices it, and shifts her weight to jump back and get out of the way. This allows me to straighten myself for a moment and get in a proper stance, but Stale is already too close and he does the same as before: No defense, insane power.

I opt to evade that attack this time, the air pressure throws me back a bit, and under normal circumstances I'd be attacked by Mole now.

She's busy though. Busy with the shards of ice that were thrown into her back. “Huh?”

Are they that dumb? I mean, of course Ara-san would return the moment she put Turd into a safe spot. The alfr-girl is squatting on a nearby tree, looking down at the barbarians with her usual non-telling face, but I sense her anger without even seeing her. Seems that even as a [Pikeman] my spirit-sense has improved greatly.

“Oh?” Ara-san says in wonder towards me: “You wanted to deal with them on your own to ascertain your wish for dominance? Then I have to apologize for my intrusion.” Don't fuck with me now!

“Bitch!” Mole turns to the alfr and I'm sure she had either an attack or at least a stupid line to throw at her.

However, Ara-san already answers her by switching to [Acrobat]: “[Stingfall]!” Mole evades, but Ara-san just uses her staff to sling herself back at the female barbarian: “[Scorpion's Tail]!”

The only question I have is why Ara-san seems to be keen to actually fight her, instead of hurling more spells at her, but I'm kinda busy with Stale, who decided that now is a good time to crush my head.

Well, I'm just stalling for time now, so let's switch back to [Ranger] to keep evading and use [Focus] to foretell any other skills.

Maybe a minute later, Ara-san grows tired of fighting Mole, swaps back to [Druid], and continues to throw [Icicle Knives] and [Root Lances] against Mole, until she resembles a porcupine. “That was mildly inconvenient.” Then do that in the first place! “Style is always a consideration,” she replies to whatever my spirit tells her. “Let's move on before Katarine-san arrives.” So Rine is on her way as well? Why isn't she... “She went ahead.”

…

...alright, she probably used her sprinting-skill to go as fast as possible, but lacks ways to track people down in forests. I guess Ara-san found me so quick with her supreme hearing, though I'd trade her in a heart-beat for Rine in fights.

Oh well, Ara-san will do. “He's using [Iron Defense].”

“I see.” Ara-san and I talk a lot about skills, and she knows many of them. That's why both of us know exactly how to deal with it. She swaps back to [Acrobat], running into Stale's back, timing her attack with mine.

Stale uses a skill himself: “[Serpent Slice]!” His chop becomes a flying slice that starts winding around him, I guess that skill is kinda versatile?

Not enough for two people with superior motion-tracking though, as Ara-san precisely thrusts the thick end of her staff through a gap, while I aim for his feet.

Stale kicks against my blade, but takes the hit in the back, then he swings his axe while spinning, which causes him to be cut by me at the leg while I step the minimal amount needed back, while Ara-san strikes him at the side during the same motion.

“Phew...” Of course he has [Regeneration], I can see the cut starting to close already. That will consume his stamina though, so we're absolutely winning.

That's also what Stale believes, which may be the reason why he uses another full power attack against me, ignoring his defense. I use the full reach of my spear to stab into his chest, I hear the screaming of my blade scratching along his hardened skin.

Stale steps forward, ready to crush my head in, but then drops his hammer while crying out in pain: “Argh....” No wonder, as his hand was hit by Ara-san's staff with all of her power... which mind you, isn't much in the greater scheme, but is still bound to hurt a lot.

Ara-san jumps over the pained barbarian and for some reason “Ken-kun!” I know what she wants. I swap to [Pikeman], grab her staff, swing it with her around while spinning back, and she lands with both feet into Stale's face, which has much more power in the aforementioned greater scheme.

It's almost like I can predict Ara-san's movement. She will jump up to attack from above, so I should attack from below: “[Speedthrust]!” He blocks it, but that's OK: “[Rising Point]!”

“[Stingfall]!”

*KKRRRRRR*

He put up [Iron Defense] in time, and even though I hoped that the impact will be enough for his organs, he's toughing it up. Though not for long. [Iron Defense] has something like a cooldown, and the moment it's over, the spear blade on his stomach will cut.

“Urghh... [Serpent Slice]!” He takes the cut to surround him once again with his flying axe-chop, but while Ara-san and I step back to avoid and aim our next attacks, he rushes through his own skill, taking the cuts over his body, to run as fast as he can.

Why? He already knows that I will track him down and kill? Well, I guess he's either emotional in his judgment or just hopes that I will let him go.

Not that this will happen.

He's fast though, and he starts to just run through the trees like a truck, so giving him chase immediately seems difficult, especially given that I used quite some SP during the whole ordeal. I guess, I'll chuck some SP-pots and just follow his very hard to overlook tracks, and-

Ah, no need.

“HUAHAHAHA!” Stale sees the same as I, a single girl who doesn't look like she belongs in the woods. She looks stunningly beautiful, as she looks at the gray-haired barbarian questioningly, especially as he throws his axe at her, aiming at her feet. “[Boomeraxe]!”

My best guess is that Stale tried to capture her, but she jumps right into the whirling axe in a twist dive, uses her hand to push herself off the axe towards Stale, draws her sword, and splits the barbarian's head and torso in half, before the screeching sound of [Iron Defense] stops her blade.

Usually, she would be hit by Stale's corpse, who is still in full forward momentum, but she uses her sword to pull herself closer, plants one foot on each of Stale's face-halves, frees her blade, and makes a backflip off the still moving barbarian, before the same hits the ground.

In the air, she flicks the sword to free it from blood, before she lands on both of her feet like a gymnast.

That's my girlfriend, Katarine von Stolzherz.

“Ah!” Sometimes she kills stuff before she realizes what happened, which makes her startling reaction understandable, yet also very concerning: “I did it again! Is that a farmer!?” She lifts her free hand to catch Stale's returning handaxe: “But he was carrying a weapon... wait, you can also use axes to chop wood! What to do!?”

“...Ara-san?”

“Yes?”

“With which premise did you two enter the woods?”

“To look for a missing child.”

“So she doesn't know about the barbarians?”

“Not yet, but maybe she will catch on in a moment?”

“You don't plan to tell her?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because this is funny.”

“Phew...” I can't dismiss that argument entirely.

“Ah!” Rine looks at the body closer: “He's topless. Is he a barbarian? Or a lumberjack, who worked so hard that he took off his shirt?”

In a sense, it's pitiful and scary that Rine can't tell the difference between a lumberjack and a seasoned warrior while cutting them down...