Heartthrob

Rage. Revulsion. Despair. And yet... an obscene, despicable sense of relief.

Each of these flowed in equal measure through Esper James's veins as the pair laid there in the darkness, breathing soft and slow, taking in the scent of one another. Purity was all bubblegum and pink candy, sugary-sweet and delicious, sensual in an unspoken way. Esper James was sweat, booze, the natural musk of skin, and the leftover remains of her hair product from the last time she showered. Each participant was both trying to ignore the other's aroma, but also, hatefully, enticed by it. For EJ, it brought her mind back to the Jezze, to their first night dancing together, to the more personal administrations that followed back at Purity's apartment, and the beautiful, loving morning that followed. For Purity, it reminded her of two things: firstly, a soft, sweet, unfortunate girl who had lost her way, one who was desperately in need of help, of comfort, of anything to soothe the pains of the waking world; secondly, it reminded her of herself.

Memories flooded in, past gates long since locked and barred, but Purity kept a brave face. She wasn't that girl anymore. She didn't even really know if she wanted to be the girl she was now, but having someone there with her, someone she wouldn't see one night at a party and then never see again, it gave her what little strength she could muster. It kept her strong enough to not break down for a third time, right there in the bed. She gave EJ a squeeze, soft and hopefully reassuring, pulling her petite pal further into their snuggle. EJ held back the desire to spit vitriol at the other woman, too comfortable in their shared closeness to want to threaten it's continuity, but still feeling a bubble of fury form within her heart that Purity would be acting so familiar with her. She wanted so badly to pull away... And yet, a traitorous part of her wanted to immerse herself in Purity's grasp. To never leave, to never be let go, to never go back to work or see Judas again.

Thoughts of Judas sent ice through her body, jagged, creeping fingers of some distant, unseen devil from the frozen layer of Hell where betrayers are punished. What would Judas say? Or do? Tomorrow, when she went back to work... Even a beating would seem light, a gentle punishment, a deserved sort of agony. EJ's mind slithered to the memories of Judas's twisted form from Tuesday night, her long, terrible claws and fangs, her lengthened and rippling musculature, her hair like that of a wild beast, frazzled and no longer the perfect, straight curtain of midnight locks it usually was. It had been horrible to witness. Atrocious. To think that she had let such a beast ravage her earlier in that evening, give her bruises, explore her body like she had been looking for buried treasure, abuse her in such ways... At the time, it had felt good. It had been exactly what some inner part of EJ needed - for a woman, one like Judas, to devastate her physically and degrade her mentally. To put her in her place, as it were. And yet, the reveal of that inner demon, seeing her and Est battling in what surely would have been a lethal confrontation...

She shook her head lightly, shaking those thoughts from her mind. Thinking of Est now, that was a whole other can of worms. A threatening, worrying can of worms, one that both intrigued and unsettled. The last she had seen of the Knight of St. Lazarus, she had been curled up and pathetic, dying slowly from her wounds, practically begging EJ to free her from this mortal coil. She wouldn't have a chance at second-life; she would have had her true death right then and there, as all mortals do, her metal-and-flesh body rent asunder by the power of Judas's pistol. And yet, EJ had been too scared, too unsure, and despite herself, too fond of Esthrielle to do the deed. She had shown mercy. The secretary had purposefully shot wide, and then left, an emotional mess as per the usual, battling her own feelings of horror at her boss and dread at what Est's fate may be.

So why then had Est returned the choker? It looked good as new - didn't reek of nutrio-fluid, didn't have any strange blue stains, and it was free of any damage that EJ was sure had happened to the leather strap. The question of how Est had entered her apartment in the first place was a foregone conclusion - she had picked the lock somehow, without a doubt, and so that didn't bother her. What did bother her was why. Was it repayment of her earlier mercy? That had to be it. Had to be. Otherwise, any other even semi-believable conclusion was too outrageous to consider. As she pondered, she was unaware of the ice in her body being replaced by the curious, seeking tendrils of sleep, the whole day having worn her out despite herself, despite this technically being the time of day she should be awake. Soon, without warning, she fell asleep, beginning to nap.

When she awoke, Purity was nowhere to be seen - but checking her clothes, she herself was completely unmolested in any regards, no further attempts at gratification made upon her sleeping form. It had only been for a couple hours, she found, checking her phone - and Purity had, as it seemed, left while she was sleeping. That was surprisingly decent of her. And yet, as her feet were slung out of bed and touched the floor, she heard the clatter of pots and pans from the kitchen. A deep sigh welled in her torso and released itself through her mouth, past her myriad fangs, a display of weariness and displeasure for no one's benefit but her own. She stood, then, and began to proceed towards the kitchen, the energy she had gained from a bit of sleep giving her the conviction to actually kick Purity out this time.

When she arrived at the kitchen, she was greeted by the sight of Purity whipping something up that looked fairly complex - some kind of meat dish that smelled delicious, but didn't look close to done yet. Not a chance. In fact, the scent of garlic and honey and cooking meat was overwhelming, but EJ could tell just from a whiff that the meat was still mostly raw. She took a few steps closer, getting right up beside the preoccupied pinkette, one of the blonde's hands reaching out to tap her shoulder. "Ahem. Puri. What the hell are you doing? This is my place, these are my groceries, and I'm still pissed at you. I probably will be forever, but, y'know." The words left her lips with an air of disdain, carefully selected and implemented, trying to spook the taller woman into an apology and potentially a departure.

Purity whipped around, nearly spilling the bottle of Worcestershire sauce she held in hand. Her face was a perfect portrait of a woman caught doing something she shouldn't be doing: eyes wide and frightful, mouth agape, whole face pulled into an expression only describably as 'aghast'. She set the bottle down quickly and looked around the room at a rapid pace, trying to find a proper answer, before finally her eyes shut in a pained look. "Ok! I'm sorry! I thought maybe you'd be hungry when you woke up, so...! So I decided to make you dinner! Or lunch? I guess it'd be breakfast, given the time for you, but still...! Look, EJ, can we talk?! Once this is done, we can sit down and have a nice meal, sit a respectable distance from eachother, and just... I have so much I want to tell you. To admit to you! Please!" The distress in her voice was obvious, the woman speaking not even attempting to hide it, her panic infectious in the sense that EJ felt her conviction relenting.

"Fine. We can eat. I'll go sit down, and wait for you. Once we're done... talking, then you've got to leave. I'm only kinda sorry, but after you almost fucking assaulted me earlier this morning, I'm still considering whether we can even be friends still." The words were tinged with false malice, but EJ had her own underflow of regret coursing through them. Purity had made her feel so wanted, so special; why had this had to happen? Why couldn't things just go right for her for once? She harrumphed, turning away before Purity had the chance to answer, and walked over to the dinner table - only two chairs were there, opposite one another and one of them rarely used. EJ sat in her preferred seat, the pseudo-wood not even creaking beneath her weight.

Purity simply nodded frantically at EJ's words, then spun right back around to continue cooking. The minutes ticked by as silence enveloped the two, only broken by the sizzling of beef and the gentle splashes of sauce or the shaking of seasoning. After a bit, Purity removed the pan from the heating element of the stove and placed it onto a metal rack made for holding such things. She dished up two plates, one much more full than the other, and walked hurriedly over to the table - placing the fuller plate before EJ, with a pair of reusable chopsticks, and sat across from the blonde with her own plate and utensils. She hadn't thought to bring anything to drink, but that was fine - the meal was so saucy, no further liquid would likely be needed.

EJ took her chopsticks and put a piece of beef into her mouth immediately, ghoulish hunger, never truly sated, giving her the appetite to eat again after the earlier barbecue. It was some kind of Eastern-inspired recipe, honey and garlic mingling with the umami of the beef and Worcestershire sauce, an undertone of sesame coating the entire thing in a mellow and nutty flavour that was given a bit of spice from sprinkled red pepper flakes. Frankly, it was delicious - Purity had obviously made it before, and put additional care into this batch. Or so one could assume. As EJ chewed and swallowed, relishing the flavour, she looked up at Purity expectantly. She had said she wanted to tell EJ something, after all, and so a bit of prompting couldn't hurt.

Purity didn't touch her food. Not yet. She sat smiling, eyes sad but mouth happy, pink lips parted in a pathetic excuse for a display of joy. Her brows were furrowed, though, and her eyes seemed like she was watching a dying pet have its last meal. Eventually, she began to speak. "Ok, EJ, this is a lot... Like, a lot. You probably won't believe me, even, b-but... Well, I want to rebuild what we had going. I want to prove to you that I'm not as bad as you're probably thinking. I won't feed you a line of bullshit, I promise, but, like... God, how do I even start? Ok. Ugh. Here goes nothing. I... work for Tsang. I have for two years, at least, and before that..."

She grimaces as the memories come back to her, invisible specters accosting the safehouse of her mind. She cleared her throat, choking back emotion audibly as she gulped before continuing. EJ, respectively, perked up at hearing Purity worked for Tsang. Up until now, she had been under the assumption Purity was a high-class camgirl, and that was how she afforded such a nice apartment and lifestyle. But she had told Purity she'd listen, and so she did, though that honey garlic beef continued to be gobbled down without any hesitation, her eardrums playing the muted drumbeat of every chew, every swallow.

"...before that, I was homeless. Jobless. I had fuckin' nothing, you know? I was alone in Vitus, scared and sleeping at shelters, trying to... To find someone to take me in, I guess. It was horrible. I dealt with so many fuckin' creeps in this city, and I never had money or time to have any fun, and every shelter I went to, they... They suggested I kill myself, you know? To get a second-life. To get hired by Tsang. To not need to eat as often, sleep as long, to be more resistant to the elements... I mean, they were Tsang-owned shelters, so like, sure, I get it, it was to their benefit, but... Ugh. I was so full of negativity. Everything and everyone around me was terrible. It was like living in Hell. Grimy streets every day, bleak shelters filled with hateful staff and weird, aggressive perverts every night... I hate that period of my life. I would have done anything to escape."

EJ nodded along, listening intently, the images of what Purity was describing forming in her mind's eye. Her own mind went back to earlier in the week - when some cretin had cornered her in the alleyway, when she had met Est. If Est hadn't shown up, it would have been too traumatic for words to describe, too horrible to consider. And to think, a pretty girl like Purity, homeless, vulnerable? Wandering the streets at night, trying to find someone to be her friend, to show her a sliver of kindness? The secretary shuddered despite herself, still not sure if she believed Purity, but the tale she wove was certainly vivid, if nothing else. The rest of it didn't shock her too badly, though - she had heard of plenty of mortals, of first-living, 'killing' themselves in public places or grand shows so that they could find the immortality of second-life, the benefits of such an existence outweighing their warm, mortal lives, in their minds. It was grim, but in her decades of being alive as a ghoul, un-aging and unchanging, the shock had dulled considerably.

Purity continued, her words becoming more feverish and impassioned as she continued, the pain in her heart emboldening her but also wracking her with the aftershocks of great trauma. "A-And then, one day, at a shelter, one that I went to regularly, some dude in a suit approaches me. Says he's from Tsang. He's part of some weird initiative, and if I sign a contract, then I can have a few thousand dollars right then and there. They'll help me find an apartment. Help me buy new clothes. Help me wash up, fix my hair, learn to style my makeup... It was like something from a dream! It was everything I had wanted! Some strange benefactor stepping in, to help me, to fix me, to make me normal - make me real - again!"

Now that was a shock to the ghoulette. Imagining Tsang offering such generosity was frankly insidious, because the corporation never gave without taking, and while they were good to their employees, they also worked them like dogs. Everyone but executives felt as though they had been indentured into slave labor, for the most part, and EJ knew that feeling firsthand. What was the catch? What was the snag? Thousands of dollars, a new apartment and wardrobe, and personal lessons in helping her fix her appearance... It didn't sit well with the blonde. She stopped eating then, emerald eyes narrowing at Purity as she listened, her body hunching over the table to lean closer and listen. What followed did anything but set her at ease.

"So, I signed it! I didn't even read it, so fucking stupid of me. So fucking stupid. It... They needed help... Getting 'genetic material'. From second-living. Any kind. But they emphasized a specific way of... getting it. I'll let you fill in what that means. Maybe me taking you home and sleeping with you the first night I met you will give you a c-clue, if you can't figure it out on your own." Purity took a second to gulp back her emotions even further, and EJ, sitting there dumbfounded, felt a lump form in her own throat as she considered the implications. They were... grim. Repulsive. Almost too unbelievable to be real, but... Purity made a good point. She, a wayward ghoul, had wandered into the club and gone straight over to her. Purity had snatched her up with no pretense, seemingly so smitten with her she whisked her right home. She had made EJ feel so special, gotten her drunk and horny, and then took a sample of her genetic material, wrapped up nice and neatly in the latex of a condom.

"And I did it for years! Years of my life spent as... a-as a glorified hookup girl! Making my bread and keeping everything I owned only because I slept with strangers! And then, I... I met you. Working my usual spot, I met a girl who, well... Seemed genuinely interested in me. Not just my body, but like, me as a person. As someone you could date. As someone to be with. And, well... My contact. At Tsang. My handler. They told me, y'know... 'Get us more samples like this', and so, I thought it was a way out. A way to find love, to find a permanent partner, and to be free of all this. I've... I've got a plan, you know? A plan to, on the next package I send in, to... To end it all. To be free. To take my money and run, in a sense. And so, I kinda... I was blinded by that idea. That sleeping with you one more time, right then and there, could help me be out of that life forever."

Purity's lips curled into a remorseful, pained smile, like someone resigned to their fate. Her eyes dropped, down to her untouched food, and she couldn't bring herself to raise her chopsticks and even pick at it. The admission, the very weight of it, hung in the air like a piano ready to drop. The air was heavy now, thick enough to cut with a knife, and the tension was palpable in a nearly physical sense. The pair of them felt sick to their stomachs. Eating was far out of the question now, and in that silence, Purity fought back tears as she waited for EJ to say something. EJ, however, was too mortified to do so.

If what Purity was saying was in any way true, then it was a horror story the likes of which EJ couldn't really, fully bring herself to believe. Logically, it checked out - Purity always made sure she was as appealing as possible, smelling nice, looking nice, acting approachable and enticing, but to think that Tsang would stoop so low? For something as basic as this? They could simply have had all the employees do a mouth swab before work, or at the end of the day, and gotten what they theoretically needed. Even if the genetic material they needed was the product of sexual liason, then why the hell wouldn't they just... Well, actually.

Then more Esper James considered it, the more it made sense. Tsang wouldn't ever go so far as to harvest it openly, or get what they needed from direct means. The public outcry would be staggering, and most Tsang employees would never agree to it. In addition, it would paint the company in a terrible light, and reveal that they were doing something shady in the first place. What would they even want genetic material in such quantities for? Expies, maybe? Further research? Something else? Briefly, Esper James's mind wandered to Fix-Ate, that little appetite suppressant with ambiguous origins. Was it made from that sort of stuff?

That thought turned EJ's guts, made her regret every pill she had ever taken, but also dredged her revulsion to the alternative back up. Ugh. She took a deep breath and released another big sigh, still kind of mulling it over in her own mind, but more than a little unsure as to what the right conclusion was. Tsang was shady, and did evil shit - that, she knew for sure. Hell, everyone in Vitus knew it. But this? Picking up homeless young women and turning them into this? It was a bridge too far. It was despicable. Disgusting. Vile. Her hands were gripped in rage at the idea of it, the idea that Purity may have been subjected to it, that it took this long, and this level of extremes, to even offer an out. Her mind went to the IRE sites, the way those who were 'rehabilitated' there were treated, almost made into a new underclass of mindless serviles. Fuck. Maybe Tsang could be so cruel.

And so, EJ stood, walking straight over to Purity, who was still gazing emptily at the table. It was EJ's turn to be the first to go for an embrace, to offer that comfort the both of them so needed. They each had their own personal Hell, and neither was worse than the other, it just spurred a different sort of actions and reactions. EJ's arms went around Purity's shoulders tightly, but not too tightly so as to be aggressive - Purity, for her part, simply sat there like a broken wind-up doll. It was disheartening to the ghoulette, seeing the pink-haired clubgoer so devastated, to hollowed-out and empty, but she couldn't offer any words of comfort that would truly matter. Nothing that would ever come close to soothing the pain that she had supposedly endured.

And there sat the crux of the issue. Was Purity telling the truth? Without any evidence, and in light of this morning, EJ was skeptical - but seeing her now, destroyed as she was, and putting the pieces together... There was a definite chance it was genuine. And on the off chance it was, in her heart, some part of Esper James forgave Purity's misdeeds, even the human flesh thing. They had both been warped by this world, by this place, by Tsang. They had both been put through terrible atrocities, just of vastly different sorts. They both would need serious time to heal. Purity finally found the strength to respond to the embrace, returning it with a single choked sob, looking up with a wide smile lined with wavering lips. She was holding back tears, visibly - they had both cried enough for one day, but in the end, if she had to, EJ would be there for her if she had to release those emotions once more. They both leaned into eachother for a long while, taking strength, taking comfort, in whatever contact they offered one another. The arms of a lover felt good, even if they weren't official, and still had a huge rift between them. Even then.

And then, a knock came from the door. A hard knock, a forceful knock, one bestowed with a sense of entitled authority that few could properly administer. "Tsang Solutions product reclamation taskforce. Open the door, ma'am. We know you're home. You have thirty seconds."