Heartthrob

Esper James was... comfy.

It was an unusual feeling for her, after the events of the last few days. Even trying to process any of those put her into a bit of a state of heightened anxiety, her tongue rolling over the smooth inner walls of its ivory prison, but looking outwards at Kell and her friends helped to center her - to bring EJ's mind away from the tumult she'd been put through. The one thought she couldn't shake, however, was Purity. The pinkette's behavior still shook her to her core, everything from the semi-forcefeeding of literal human meat to the attempted disregard of consent... It made EJ's stomach roil. Made it gurgle and croak, like she'd been starving for a thousand eons. Made it slosh and ripple, fighting to break free from her own pallid flesh, to make its displeasure known.

Kell, sitting to EJ's right, took notice immediately - she was still in the mindset of being EJ's minder, though it had been expressly stated that the wayward secretary hadn't needed such personal attention. As EJ stared into the pseudo-wood of the kitchen table they were playing at, letting Kell's friends' speech roll over her like auditory waves in an ocean of sound, Kell herself gave EJ's bowl of BBQ a gentle push so that it occupied the blonde's vision wholly.

"Hey...! EJ, dude, you look fucked. Like, in a bad way. C'mon, eat something. Please? Seriously, you look like you're about to start taking chunks outta the table soon."

Kell laughed softly, the hand she had used to push the bowl going up to EJ's opposite shoulder in a show of hesitant camaraderie. EJ was, in turn, shaken from her daze - eyes now focused on a bowl of mixed, unidentifiable meat, shredded and mixed with a barbecue sauce that was instantly notable as a blood-infused recipe. Blood, brown sugar, salt, other spices too minute to upset the stomach of an undead... It smelled so good to her weary nostrils, and it was blazing hot, fresh from a crock pot somewhere in the kitchen. The clayware bowl it was sitting in absorbed some of the heat, too, making it pleasantly warm to the touch, and EJ subconsciously put her hands on either side of it - drinking in the warmth of both the bowl, and surprisingly, Kell.

She turned her gaze upwards and to the right, towards her benefactor, her own red-flecked irises meeting with Kell's own distinct ambers. The bigger girl smiled down at her and gave a toothy smile, but there was an amicable undertone of concern to her expression - she was worried that EJ was zoning out, and for the second-living, that usually meant only one thing. Little did Kell know that after Esper James's lunch today, the timid little blonde was far from having that sort of freak-out. For now, at least. She'd need to get more pills tomorrow, though.

EJ gave a quick nod and a half-smile up at her new friend, her own expression turning to one of bashful gratitude, eyebrows going down and eyes narrowing as her lips went up to bare her teeth for that aforementioned smile. She took the fork which was sitting half-deep in the barbecue slop and stabbed into it, bringing a great wad of meat up to her mouth, and chewing visibly but with her mouth closed in a performative attempt to ease Kell's mind. The taste of sweet, savory, and strong, peppery umami crushed into her tongue like a tidal wave, not nearly so enthralling as the human flesh she had been 'treated' to earlier today, but it was still pretty good for potluck fare from a bunch of strangers. In a way, EJ was thankful for the food, helping settle her stomach but also giving her an excuse to not say much, or really pay attention to everyone else at the table. Kell, too, seemed happy that EJ was eating, giving her a friendly wink before turning her attention back to the rest of the table - and then back to EJ.

"So! Little guest! We are all very excited to see that Kell has finally brought a cute girl home, and even more excited to see that she's brought that same girl to sit at our table, and maybe join our game! Now, I suppose introductions are in order: I'm Eddy Jacobs! Hotshot extraordinaire, and your local dungeon master, ha-haaa!"

The new, unfamiliar voice snapped EJ from her BBQ-consuming trance, making those uncertain eyes raise to their source - and finding that everyone at the table was staring at her intently now, each hunched over small pieces of printer-paper to lean towards her like a pack of hungry jackals regarding their prey. It was frightening for someone who had just met a pair of scary individuals already today, but feeling Kell's arm on her back and hand on her shoulder emboldened her. Esper James swallowed deeply, gulped down that last mouthful of barbecue, before taking a large glug of her blutbier and clearing her throat. It seemed the man with the slicked-back hair was their host, and also, the aforementioned 'dungeon master'.

"Hello, everyone...! I'm Esper James, but most people call me EJ! I'm really glad to be here tonight... Unfortunately, I h-hate to break it to all of you, but Kell and I aren't... Romantically involved. However! I'd be happy to join in on whatever game you're playing, and since I live locally, I'd, uh, be happy to join in on any further game nights you guys have...!"

She capped it off with a big smile. It was fake, sure, but they seemed to eat it up - and while they cheered and welcomed her, she surveyed the audience. A couple men with well-maintained, ashen skin, seemingly brothers; a single woman with long, green-dyed hair, sitting close enough to Eddy to imply that perhaps they were a pair; and then Eddy himself. Pale as a ghost, paler than EJ, even, with oily-black hair slicked back like a gangster from hundreds of years ago, and with piercing yellow eyes which reminded Esper James of a rodent. His brows were thinner, his teeth big and white and notably mostly sharp, though something was odd about them. His face was approaching gaunt, and he had a tattoo of the same design as Kell's on his neck, on the left side.

Esper James thought about those teeth for a few moments, before it hit her - they were all second-living, but those weren't the fangs of a ghoul. He must've been an expie, an experimental strain. Tsang is always trying to innovate, after all, and so the defined convention of vampire, ghoul, zombie wasn't as set as it seemed to be to an average civilian. Sometimes, Tsang worked on developing new strains, new types of second-living, or attempted to. It was rumoured that the first two, vampires and zombies, were designed from some sort of genetic baseline - but then the latter developments, things like ghouls and the oft-rumoured ghasts, were synthesized in part from using the genetic material of vampires or zombies to influence the resultant product. Of course, EJ had never seen or heard anything that could corroborate this claim, but... well, it was in the back of most people's minds when the topic of expies came up.

"Welcome, Esper James! I'm so sorry to hear that Kell still has yet to get _any_ pussy in the most recent decade of her life, and yet! Overjoyed that there is, in any capacity, a new guest to our table! Tell me, EJ, have you ever heard of the game 'Wayfarer'? It's just released its second edition, and we're all trying it for the first time recently! This is our third session, but you won't be far behind! We can walk you through char-gen if you'd like!"

Eddy sure was talkative, wasn't he? Or so EJ thought to herself, that bashful tinge to her smile returning, a hand going to the back of her own head to scritch-scratch at it in pleasant embarrassment. Kell, meanwhile, had already produced a series of game books - physical copies, surprisingly, therefore quite expensive - and was laying them out on the table in front of her. One of the brothers, to her left, placed a series of plastic miniatures beside them - each unpainted and grey, but with obvious detail to their design. It felt, in some strange way, like all the treasures of Solomon were being laid before her, some tribute to a foreign goddess to entreat her favor. Or, that's what she would be thinking, if she were Judas. Instead, it was all horribly awkward for her, making her skin burn and her blood pressure rise and her ears start to ring gently.

She nodded her affirmation, and in an instant, Kell was leaning over her to help her make her character. She settled on a ghoulish elf, this version of the game having second-living variants for the purpose of representation. For a class, she chose a rogue - someone who could hide in an instant, who could avoid threats rather than confront them head on. That, too, was telling, and in a sense EJ wished she could have just chosen something brawny and front-facing, like a fighter. But Kell was already a fighter, and their group had multiple magic users, so a sneaky thing like a rogue would be ideal.

Once her character was completed, the game began. They were fighting a horde of goblins, both living and second-living, a mixed group. EJ was a fast learner, though, and slowly felt herself enjoying her time with the game - the sense of agency, of being able to control her character to do things she herself wouldn't have dared to dream doing, that ever-present underflow of escapism gripping her hard in its claws. As she played, she felt her phone vibrate a few times, generally in a rapid spurt of texts. Taking a moment to check, it was a series of tAsT notifications, many of them from Purity. She ignored them, not even reading them, surprising herself in the process; Purity had been so built up in her mind that just yesterday she would have dropped everything to respond and seem like an attentive, doting 'friend', but now? She was too preoccupied with these new friends. Their new offerings. The temptation of living a normal life, having a normal hobby, enjoying normal friend activities with Kell and Eddy and the others.

Minutes turned to hours. The early midday lengthened into the afternoon, and despite herself, EJ couldn't help but feel the effects of a great fatigue brewing in the depths of her being. It had been a long day, such a long day, and while their game was fun, the second-living were a nocturnal breed - so much so that everyone at the table seemed to be drowsy, yawning, or having their mental processes slowed. Eventually, Eddy clapped his own book closed, and announced that the session was coming to an end.

"And a big thank you to Esper James, our newest player! EJ, I really hope to see you again! We play every Wednesday, at around eight AM! We stop around noon, usually!" Eddy winked at their newest player, pulling the girl with green hair closer so she could kiss his cheek and be a good little piece of arm candy. It chilled EJ to think that such dynamics might exist even amongst the normal citizens of Vitus - it reminded her too much of Judas, and Purity. How they pushed and pulled her. But still, she managed to put on a brave face and smile wide, her own arm going to wrap itself around Kell's midsection to the amusement of the taller woman.

"Yeah! It was really fun, Eddy, Kell, Damien, Vivica, Franklin! I'll try and make it more often, but usually, my job has me getting up around now for work... but I'll try! I promise!" Kell snickered softly, while the other gathered attendees each nodded or made some other display of acknowledgement. And then, she was ferried free of the apartment by Kell while the others cleaned up. Once they were out in the hallway, Kell leaned down to put her lips near EJ's ear, putting on a stage whisper. "EJ? You gonna be good to get home on your own? You seem kinda shaky... You could come crash at my place, if you really wanted. Or do you need to work?"

EJ's cool blood ran colder as Kell's words set in. It reminded her of something Purity would say, would offer, trying to get her back home just to screw her silly and have whatever she wanted from the petite blonde. She couldn't bring herself to agree - those wounds were still fresh. "N-No thanks, Kell! I'll be ok... Just gotta get dressed for work, haha." A frankly pathetic smile was offered to the bigger woman who she currently leaned on, the only thing to focus on in the hallway, as far as she could see or perceive. The blood high from her lunch had waned at this point, and she could no longer make use of the heightened senses that came with, but now, just the two of them, EJ leaning on Kell's torso like a little lost drunk... She became vaguely aware of Kell's musculature, toned and distinct. If it wasn't natural, she had had work done - and if it was natural, she was likely pretty strong. Strong enough to whisk EJ away if she really wanted. Strong enough to be threatening.

But Kell didn't seem like she wanted to do that. She just shrugged and nodded, letting EJ stand on her own again. "A'ight, cool! I'll see you around, ok? Maybe find you on tAsT or something, yeah? My username is 'SerialKeller420', haha! Add me, ok? Alright, I'll see you around, bye!" And with a shared wave between the two of them, Kell walked down the hall to her apartment, only four units away from EJ's own - but in the Kehler Complex, that was still a pretty fair distance. The domiciles were spacious enough, as far as reasonably priced apartments went. EJ was left alone, standing in the hallway, contemplating her next move. There was still so much she had to do, and she'd have to show up for work today if she didn't want to get fired, even though Purity had said it would be ok to miss a day. And so, her feet began to slowly take step after step towards apartment 2091, dread rising in her chest to match the bile rising in her throat.

As she walked, out came her phone. 23 missed messaged from Purity. They were worryingly kind and caring in their content - wondering where she was, if she was safe, if she had eaten anything else, if she was in trouble, and a whole litany of apologies. God, so many apologies, and each with a slowly growing underflow of self-loathing. Purity said that she was sorry, that it was disgusting of her to try and do that, that she had misread so many signals, that she understood they were just friends and not an item, that she would do anything for another chance... and further. More and more of the same. It honestly rent at EJ's heartstrings, seeing the woman she had so admired (and then feared) be laid so low, to see her stoop to such a level just for EJ's sympathy and acceptance. The rising tide of emotions was as terrible as floodwaters in a tainted bog, setting a disease of sorrow upon every part of EJ, but one she refused to acknowledge yet, despite the tears welling at the corners of her eyes. God damnit. Crying again.

And then, a familiar voice called out from down the hall, right outside her door. "...EJ! EJ! Oh my god, you're ok! Oh, fuck, I-... EJ, I'm so sorry! Please, I got so worried I came to see you, please oh please say you're ok!" Purity. Standing there in the exact same outfit as this morning, her eyes red from crying and her makeup in a state of uncharacteristic disrepair, her trembling hands holding Judas's coat and boots that EJ had left behind. Her face was a mask of emotional pain, even just laying eyes upon the little secretary seeming to have both soothed a part of her and destroyed another. EJ didn't even have time to react before Purity rushed forwards as fast as she could, going initially to embrace the diminutive blonde, but then thinking better of it and just allowing Judas's stuff to clatter to the floor instead. She bent down, so her eyes were level with EJ's, barely shaded by her hot pink hair and still lined with gorgeously-done liquid eyeliner and mascara.

EJ's heart was pierced by a dagger of the coldest ice that could ever exist, stolen from the northern reaches of the UNAC, now driven directly into her sternum to graze her emotional center. Seeing Purity in person was... unreal. It was obscene. The woman who would have been her abuser now here, inclined down to be level with her, tears beginning to fall hot and slightly black as the human gazed upon the blonde. In her head, EJ was going to wait at least a week or two before seeing Purity again, before considering forgiving her, before even trying to reconcile. However, now? She was put in a hard spot. The hardest spot. Caught between the feelings of joy and comfort and fondness Purity had invoked earlier, and then the fear and anger of later... But she wasn't strong enough to voice this. She wasn't strong enough to be mad at her anymore, and she hated herself internally for it. She wanted to be mad, to be pissed, to tell Purity that she was disgusting and controlling and that what she had tried to do was equally disgusting and abusive. But, staring into those big pink eyes, mouth agape, EJ began to bawl.

She stepped forwards as she cried loudly and openly, throwing her arms around Purity, resting her head on the shoulder she hadn't kicked this morning. Purity gasped and began to cry openly as well, the hot tears from moments ago a prelude to the deluge that now flowed freely down her rosy cheeks. The two embraced - Purity's arms swaddling EJ into her own buxom form, a soft cushion for a cool and exhausted body, their shared fabrics rustling as their brushed together. Purity was warm, so warm, so very warm, and she smelled as good as always. There was an additional sort of softness in how she handled Esper James now, holding her close and letting her have all the time she needed. Purity, frankly, also needed some time, it seemed.

The pair stood there, interlocked, for what felt like only moments but was in fact nearly twenty minutes. Eventually the flood broke and the tears stopped, down to only whimpers and soft regrets, the bubblegum-haired party girl never fully letting her hands leave EJ's body - now upon either shoulder. EJ was the same, though: her own hands rested on Purity's midsection, on her burgundy coat, an inch or two above either hip. Their actions said more than words could, in this moment, and frankly, they were better for it. Words would have ruined it, and so, they enjoyed the silence. The pair both had so much they wanted to say, it was obvious, but neither could bring themselves to say it; not yet. EJ's eyes and head briefly turned towards the door to her room, an unspoken question, and Purity nodded curtly and let her go. They gathered up the dropped items and walked in unison, Purity opening the door for EJ.

Once inside, the items were set upon EJ's kitchen table, alongside a small box. EJ noted the strange box but didn't yet inspect it, instead clearing her throat and turning to face Purity, who stood a respectable distance away so as not to encroach upon Esper James more than she already had today. When EJ finally found the strength to speak her words came thin and weak, and warbling, the sound of a dying bird whose song was being warped and lost by whipping winds. "Purity... I... I... I don't know if I-I can... If I can forgive you. It might... It will take some time. But... But at the same time, you make me feel a way that no other woman does, no other person. You make me feel loved. Wanted. Needed, in a way. And I... I need that now. I need you in my life, even if you hurt me, I need you, even though it pisses me off. Please. This morning was... Shitty. So fucking shitty. Extremely shitty. I never want to experience anything like it ever again, and I know your friends might say otherwise, but it wasn't good for me. I've felt so rattled ever since eating that meat, and then you..."

Her voice broke down. She couldn't continue the sentence, and Purity began to sob once more, melancholy rising up within her as she watched the shaky little blonde, too, let tears she thought had long since run dry fall down her cheeks. They refrained from another embrace, the mood to hostile for physical touch to diffuse, the air taut like a drum and twice as tense. Finally, EJ spoke again. "Purity... Never again. Never again like this morning. I wish we could go back to Monday and start all over again, try it all anew, but... What's done is done. And I c-can't lie, I'd be too fucked up at this point to try and move on past you when you were... The first person in a long time to make me feel ok again. To make me feel acceptable. Please. I'm willing to try again, to go back to what we had before, but... Never a-again." She felt like she needed to ask for affirmation, for some sign that Purity was willing to proceed with this proposed plan, but it didn't come. It wouldn't have been good.

Purity broke down. She nodded as quickly as she could, pink hair flying back and forth, her knees buckling beneath her. Faced with the truth of her fuck-up, Purity was crushed - the single rotten support beam holding up a mountain, finally giving way in her heart. She fell to the ground, now on all fours, tears dripping to the floor of EJ's apartment as the second passed. Between sobs which wracked her body, she made out her response. "Yes! Y-Yes, EJ, of course! Of course never again, never, never ever again... I... I've been beating myself bloody inside, thinking about this morning, I... We had something good. So good. So really and truly fucking good, and I was too fucking greedy to realize that, and I was so disgusting and needy, a-and... And selfish! All I could think about was how I... N-No. It doesn't matter what I was thinking of! I just want to go back to us being, like, situationship friends! Even just normal friends! We don't need to do anything like that anymore, I promise, I just..."

Now it was Purity's turn to drop silent, choking on the words in her throat. The two of them were absolute wrecks. The tears in the hallway were only a prelude to this sudden storm of emotion, and it took uncounted minutes just to pull themselves back together. And when they did, EJ turned back to the table so she could look away from Purity for a moment, hands going to the small box. It was pink and wrapped in a lace ribbon, with the words 'TO EJ' written on it in permanent marker. EJ wondered who it was from, what was inside it, among other things. Was it from Judas? A silver-laced bomb as penance? A lethal fiery IED? Well, she'd have to open it eventually, so there went nothing... Until it was opened, and no mechanism clicked or triggered, and inside was naught but a small black strap, with a steel centerpiece. It was the choker that Purity had given her, washed off and returned, in pristine condition. It looked good as new.

Ice ran through EJ's veins as she considered where she had last seen the choker, but the ice cracked and thawed as Purity came up behind her and hugged her, holding her close, the pinkette's head descending to rest gently upon the blonde's crown. Purity sighed deeply, but smiled upon seeing the choker, assuming wrongly that EJ had simply kept it, rather than having it returned via postage. EJ allowed herself to be held, wallowing in the sudden crush of warmth in her chest - imagined warmth, the kind emotional stimulus often brought on. She sank back into Purity's arms, hating herself for her acquiescence, but also relishing the contact. It was a hard dichotomy to handle: her disgust and outrage at Purity for ignoring her consent, but also her own need for Purity's affection and reassurance. The two stayed like that for some moments, before finally Purity spoke up.

"Hey... Let's take this to the couch. Or something. I... I know you're mad at me, but you looked like you could use a hug. And I've really been wanting to hug you, to make up for this morning. Please. Let's go cuddle, and I can start my penance..." She wanted to chuckle, but only a smile came. EJ wasn't in the laughing mood, but she nodded - allowing herself to be pulled to the couch at first, but she stopped Purity with a hand. Nausea started to roil within her innards, and bile had come crawling acidic and evil up her throat, but she couldn't stop herself from what she did next: directing Purity towards the bedroom for a nap with the gentle gesture of a hand. Purity seemed surprised, shocked even, so taken aback that she wasn't able to move at first - but then finally, after taking some seconds to center herself, the pair headed towards the bedroom.

Within, they both kicked their shoes off, and Purity removed her coat to display a 'HATE FUCK' band tank-top beneath the burgundy layers. EJ kept her own sweatshirt on, and her sweatpants. The two of them remained rather clothed, in fact. And then, they shut the door, drew the curtains, turned off the lights, and cuddled up into bed, EJ's stomach still a tumultuous mass of venom, Purity still shocked she was allowed to get this far after her previous crimes against her semi-lover. The pair snuggled up together, EJ's fists balling as she berated herself internally, Purity's own hands holding EJ close like a lover on their wedding night. It felt wrong. It all felt wrong, even down to the return of the choker. And yet, in some way, some sick, perverse way, this all felt good to the secretary. It all felt right.