Harry Potter: Cursed Harem King

I couldn't believe my eyes. What is this? What is this? Micro… I don't even know what to call it.

In my pants, to put it simply, there was not a normal male sexual organ, but some kind of pipette. That's it! Exactly! The curse of the pipette—that's what I'll call it! And considering that this pipette has now become flaccid again, its size has noticeably decreased. You don't even need a big belly to not see this "dignity" when looking down.

What kind of harem can there be when I can't even find one girl for myself with such dimensions? Any girl would laugh at me. And even if some crazy love happens, you won't be satisfied with it alone. It will reach the bed—and that's it. Yes, my little finger is bigger than this pipette!

With a heavy sigh, I pulled up my pants and trudged off in a terrible mood to catch up with Maya. And you can't share your troubles with anyone.

"Why were you yelling at the top of your lungs?" she asked when I caught up with her.

"Oh, nothing special," I waved away the question.

"Well, as you wish," Maya said easily, continuing to walk further.

I had no desire to talk, so we walked in silence. But until I saw something black in the bushes. Maya walked as if she hadn't noticed.

"What is this?" I stopped and looked closer.

Maya stood up and turned around.

"Oh, that's a piano in the bushes," she smiled. "No big deal, let's go."

"And why is he here?"

"Just like that."

I couldn't resist and went up to the piano. I pressed a key with my finger. However, instead of sound, a male voice came from the piano:

"No…"

Out of curiosity, I clicked on the next one.

"…ka…"

One more.

"…who…"

And one more thing.

"…those…"

Another key.

"…be."

I pressed the rest one by one and faster.

"…ro…"

"…I…"

"…pour."

And once again, quickly going over the same keys, I heard the phrase in full:

"No pianos for you."

Hmm, funny thing. I shrugged and moved on again. This piano had distracted me from my thoughts and the curse of the pipette for a while.

"What is the name of your village?" I asked.

"The Second," Maya quickly answered.

"What, is that what it's called?"

"Yes."

"So, there is the First, Third and so on?"

"Everything is correct."

"Strange way to name villages."

Maya suddenly stopped, pricked up her ears and turned to the left, peering somewhere.

"Did you notice something?" I looked in the same direction, and my eyes widened. "Damn. Houston, we have a problem."

A brown bear was wandering nearby. And it would have been fine if it had just been wandering. The animal noticed us, stood up on its hind legs, looked—and then immediately dropped to all fours and ran in our direction.

"Your mother! Let's run!" I shouted, mechanically grabbing Maya's hand.

After running about ten meters, I saw a suitable tree.

"Come on! You first! Get in!"

She immediately started to climb. She looked like a cat, but she crawled very slowly.

I looked back: the bear was inexorably approaching.

"Yes, faster! Faster!"

Grabbing Maya by the buttocks, I started pushing her up. It helped! Either my pushing, or she didn't want me to paw her, but the cat climbed up much faster. Although I didn't have time for that—I just wanted to save my ass!

Having managed to jump onto the tree at the very last moment, I began to climb like a real climber. That's what the desire to live does!

But when I climbed higher and looked down, I realized that fear had turned off my mind. The bear was going to climb the tree after us! And he started doing it.

Meanwhile, Maya managed to climb even higher, climbed onto a thick branch and settled down there. It seemed she didn't care about me at all.

Climbing higher, I quickly figured out what to do, what to do. The beast will get us, especially since it clearly climbs trees better.

Come what may…

And I took a desperate step: either I'll get lucky, or the bear will tear me to pieces.

When he climbed higher and was ready to grab me, I made a feint with my foot at his face. I knew that he would grab me right away, that's why it was a feint.

The mouth clicked, touching the shoe just a little. And then I hit the bear in the face with all my strength, already intending to hit it right! And for some reason there was nothing left of it.

Instead of a bear, some long-eared guy flew down. It looked like a feline, like Maya. He fell from a decent height on his back to the ground and groaned pitifully, howling in pain.

"Rumo?" I heard Maya's voice. "Rumo, is that you?!"

I raised my head and looked at her.

"Do you know him?"

"Yes! We studied together!"

Without understanding anything, I watched Maya climb down from the tree. So everything was fine, so I climbed down myself.

The cat was lying on his back, moaning and groaning. Maya knelt down and started asking him how bad it was, what she could do, and so on. He told her he had a potion in his pocket that would help.

Maya quickly found the potion and poured it into his mouth. He drank it, but continued to lie there, hoarsely saying:

"Wait a little bit, I'll feel better soon."

We moved a little further away, and then I asked Maya:

"What was that anyway? Magic or something?"

"More like a magic scroll," she answered thoughtfully. "Rumo must have gotten it from somewhere to turn into a bear and scare everyone around him."

"And my kick in the face deactivated the scroll, apparently," I smiled contentedly. "Well, it's his own fault."

"I agree with you here. There was no need to scare us."

"By the way," I remembered the moment when I pushed Maya against the tree, "your buttocks feels great."

In fact, I wasn't sure about this, because I didn't really remember it, but it was necessary to defuse a serious situation.

"Thank you, of course, but don't even think about it."

"I didn't think so," I sighed.

And there was a reason: the curse of the pipette has not gone away. Something needs to be done about it. There is magic here, so my problem can be solved. And where is this advertisement for penis enlargement that is so needed now? True, I never believed in our world that it works. I only laughed. But now I would try it, because hope dies last.

"You'd better think about what you're best at," Maya said. "If you're not useful, you won't stay with us in the Second for long."

"Yes, I can do everything. And what I can't do, I'll learn."

After Rumo, aka the ginger cat, finally recovered, we listened to his story. It turned out that he had indeed gotten hold of a scroll to turn into a bear, and couldn't think of anything better to do than use it for fun. My version that the blow to the nose had played a role was also confirmed. Of course, Rumo apologized to us, realizing that it had been a stupid prank. He must have realized it only because the blow had bounced off his nose. And he was lucky that his nose hadn't broken. I could have hit him harder. Anyway, he went with us to the village.

On the way, I listened more than I spoke. They really did go to the village school together, and even dated, if I understood correctly from their conversation. And Rumo, every now and then, made attempts to supposedly return to the past. Maya, on the other hand, immediately cut off any hints, and Rumo only sighed desperately. It was understandable: Maya really was pretty, and even a skirt could poorly hide her buttocks from behind, round and beautifully shaped. I involuntarily imagined what such an appetizing ass looked like without clothes, or in tight pants. But I sighed again: with my current pipette, it was not worth trying.

I also learned that they are currently having a conflict with some heir to the emperor. Judging by the conversation, there is a snot-nosed aristocrat there with a very high opinion of himself. As I understood, this is a whole empire of people, ready to seize more and more lands. And then I thought: does this snot-nosed kid have an elven princess? But I didn't ask yet. The more I hear in their conversation, the better. Maybe they completely forgot that I was there, and will say something that I would not have learned otherwise.

Alas, we didn't get to learn anything more like that, and we came to a village that was located on a plain surrounded by mountains. Well, what can I say? A small village, typically medieval, with huts, perhaps without chicken legs. At first glance, there were about fifty houses. Some were working in the fields, some were chopping wood, some were picking fruits and vegetables. In other words, almost everyone was busy. And they didn't pay much attention to me. Well, a person is a person—what's so special about that? That's what was read in the looks of all the cats.

"First I'll show you to the shaman, and then I'll take you to the elder," Maya said.

"Why show me to the shaman?"

"He will determine what is best for you to do. You can listen to his advice, or you can decide for yourself. But remember: your usefulness determines whether you stay with us or not. Besides you, there is another time traveler here. He goes hunting with us."

Now this is interesting.

"Is he human?"

"No, an elf from another world."

"It's a pity," I sighed. "I thought he was a human. Well, take him to the shaman then."

Walking along the narrow streets between the houses, Maya led me to an old, gray cat who was sitting on the outskirts of the village, lighting a fire and smoking a pipe. He was dressed in some kind of clothes similar to mine—that is, he also looked like a homeless person. He glanced at me, blew out smoke and waved his hand, indicating for me to sit down next to him.

"Maya, you can go," he said dryly, not even looking at the cat. "I will talk to this young man myself, give him some instructions, and show him to the headman."

"OK, thank you."

And she left.

The shaman looked at me and smiled—surprisingly, his teeth were white and healthy.

"A time traveler, then. Purpose of arrival?"

"Well, actually I came to conquer the world and gather a harem," I shrugged.

The gray cat laughed, then coughed and said:

"So much ambition. Oh, this youth. Where will you start?"

"From your village."

"Here you will not be able to gather a harem and earn money, without which a harem is impossible. You need to set out on a journey. Now," he paused, "I will turn to the spirits, and they will tell you who it would be better for you to become in the Second village."

The shaman brought the pipe to his mouth, took a good drag and blew out a lot of smoke. A whole smoke screen. He sat like that for a few seconds and passed out.

This seems to be how spirits communicate. I checked his pulse just in case. He was alive and breathing.

Having looked at his pipe, I also decided to join in the communication with spirits. Why not?

The first drag—and everything went blurry before my eyes. I started seeing silhouettes of ghosts that surrounded me and were chatting, but I couldn't make out a word. And then I started to fall over. And I fell down not far from the shaman.

The last thing I thought was, "This is so inspiring…"

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