Gardenia of Blooming Desire

Young Lord left the room after giving me a new name. No, returning my real identity.

'Ramuja.'

It was strange. Since the first time I became a slave, I had given names, sometimes number, I was called 'Eight' as I was the eighth boy that entered that old master's chamber. I was 'Coal', as my skin gradually became darker than my original brown complexion. I was 'Dumpster', because it was my identity as a reliever for the workers. Then, I was 'Slut', the personal name that my previous master gave before I was sold again.

Now I am Ramuja. The real name my parents gave me before I was sold into that ship.

My chest felt stuffy. Joy and resentment filled my mind, unable to blend. I was well prepared for another given name, because my identity was a pleasure slave. I didn't mind another wretched name, and I didn't mind 'Slut', 'Dumpster', 'Bitch' or anything at all. But I was not prepared for 'Ramuja'.

"How long will you kneel here," a tip of black shoe lightly nudged my hand, I looked up and saw the butler who took me in earlier. Just like everyone else, his face showed displeasure, "Go follow Young Lord. Young Lord's classroom is at the end of the corridor."

After giving me an instruction, he turned his back, took a handkerchief and wiped the tip of his shoe. I walked out of the dining hall, and followed the corridor to Young Lord's class. The corridor got narrower until I saw a single door at the end of the corridor.

I almost knocked the door, but I heard chatter inside the room. Young Lord was in his study right now. So, I stood silent in the corridor, waiting until Young Lord finished his class and gave me a task.

I faintly heard Young Lord speaking with someone called 'Sir Douglass' inside. I know it was audacious for a slave to eavesdrop his master's matter. But hearing Young Lord being relaxed eased me. The image of him smiling in the garden appeared in my eyes.

His shining golden hair, deep eyes and thin lips smiled at me. It was beautiful. Unconsciously, my lips curled up. I closed my eyes, while eavesdropping, I Imagined Young Lord talked to me with a nonchalant attitude and smiled.

"What is slut?"

I opened my eyes immediately, the beautiful image dissipated as I heard the question Young Lord just asked.

"Young Lord, that-- where did you know that word?"

"My new servant, 'Slut' was his previous name. The maid was stupefied when they heard it. Was it something unpleasant?"

I felt the chill stroking my body. I thought Young Lord knew my identity and decided to accept me. I thought my previous name was no big matter for him. So, I was happy when he took me from the slave trader.

I gulped, my throat felt dry suddenly.

'Will I be returned to that despicable merchant?'

Image of me sitting in a dirty cart with other starved slaves, waiting months until someone took me, used me and then left me alone until I was half-dead flashed through my mind. I swallowed my saliva again and again to no avail. My breathing grew heavier; it felt suffocating even in this luxurious castle.

"It is something unpleasant, Young Lord," The teacher called Sir Douglass finally spoke after he stayed silent a while ago. I closed my eyes and rubbed the cold sweat in my palm.

"It is… a humiliating word to call someone, an insult commoner had created. It--It is certainly not a word for you to fuss about, Young Lord."

"I see…" Young Lord was about to continue asking before Sir Douglass quickly switched the topic. I took a deep breath. I thought Sir Douglass would outright tell Young Lord about the meaning of my previous name. It was relieving to know that I wouldn't be kicked sooner than I predicted.

However, as I waited for Young Lord, I couldn't create the image of him nonchalantly speaking to me and smiled brightly in my mind. The light smile on my face turned into a bitter smile. Because I realized that imagination would shatter if Young Lord knew my identity.

The door opened after 2 hours, I straightened my posture when I saw Young Lord opened the door. He was surprised when I stood in front of him. I kneeled, "This servant is waiting for order, Young Lord."

"Follow me." Said Young Lord.

I was surprised at how indifferent his tone was. He was eager and chuckling inside the classroom, why did he suddenly become cold? I gulped once again, and then followed him from behind.

He was a few centimeters shorter than me, smaller frame, and his golden hair waved whenever he moved. He smelled like sandalwood, and when I drew closer, I could smell a sweet aroma from his hair, like flower nectar. Which intoxicated me even further.

'Young Lord smells sweet.'

I shook my head before my mind went too far. Young Lord would feel disgusted if he could read my mind.

We walked in silence to the east tower, the one where Young Lord climbed the stairs this morning. I silently followed him in this spiral staircase until we reached the peak of the east tower. A maid stood still in front of a door. She was surprised when she saw me, but looked away and opened the door for Young Lord.

As I entered the room, the maid closed the door and I felt a familiar feeling of me doing my job again. This situation, private room, closed door, alone with Young Lord…

It was not my first time. I had lost count on how many times I did it. But I felt strangely nervous

"Young Lord, May I ask--"

"Silence." He cut me short and I fell silent. I watched his image seep into my eyes. He hadn't moved a finger. He just stared at the flower garden outside, where we met this morning. The strange thought in my head slowly dissipated, replaced by Young Lord's piercing eyes. He looked sad and then he closed his eyes.

He dozed off not long after.

'Eh, sleeping? What is the point of taking me here then?'

'Was Young Lord always this oblivious? Did he really not realize my true nature?'

If Young Lord bought me as a regular slave, then I would not need to serve his urges. The idea of me not being used as a pleasure slave excited me. If I became a regular slave, that meant I would be able to stay until I got old. So long I had a place to stay, even as a labor slave, it would be the best reward for me.

"Mmm…" the sound of Young Lord's mumble was funny. Tempted by the sight of Young Lord sleeping, I carefully approached him. My eyes were locked in his beautiful face, his long eyelashes fluttered and his bright golden hair waved as the summer breeze passed the balcony. I didn't dare to touch his skin, but watching him sleeping made me content.

'Young Lord really is a gorgeous man.'

I remembered the appearance of the Grand Duchess. Young Lord was really an exact replica of his mother. However, Young Lord's eyes were deep and piercing, like his dad that I saw yesterday. I didn't find it scary. I preferred his eyes rather than Duchess'. Because the Duchess had a condescending gaze on everyone, including me. It felt like her eyes stabbed my guts, crippled my strength, forcing me to kneel in front of her.

While Young Lord's gaze, while sharp and indifferent, it always had a calm aura in it. It was as if I was seeing a blue moon on a dark sky. When I was caught within his deep eyes, I was instantly drawn and enticed. I wanted to draw closer to submerge into his deep eyes. If the Duchess' gaze cut your guts and made you kneel, Young Lord's made you submit not by force, but by devotion of intoxication.

I locked my gaze to Young Lord and waited for hours without moving an inch until his eyelashes trembled. I took a few steps back and looked straight to the balcony. If Young Lord realized that I've been watching him like this, I could lose my head right now.

Young Lord yawned, stretched his body before turning his head on me. He looked indifferent for a few seconds before he was suddenly taken aback.

"Were you here when I was asleep?" asked Young Lord. He lost his composure. For once, his eyes widened and the sharpness vanished, turned his eyes into such a big eye, much like a puppy.

I chuckled at heart, but answered with a slight nod, "Yes, Young Lord."

Young Lord's expression was funny. He looked stupefied, and then his face became beet red. He opened his mouth, but pursed his lips before saying anything. He turned away and said; "You can go now."

He resumed his usual indifference in his words. I wanted to giggle. If this was the way on how Young Lord showed his dominance, then he failed miserably.

"Pardon me, Young Lord. But what should this servant do next?"

"I allowed you to study the mansion," said Young Lord. He took a silver bell and ringed it.

"Yes, Young Lord." The maid who guarded the door entered the room. She glanced at me with disdain, but said nothing.

"Christie, take this servant of mine to a butler. He needs to know the mansion," ordered Young Lord. The maid, Christie nodded and permitted herself out. "Pardon this servant, Young Lord."

I turned my back, following the maid before my step was stopped by a hurried call from my behind, "You--"

I turned again and smiled at Young Lord, "Yes, Young Lord."

"Tomorrow, I ordered you to accompany me from dawn. I expect you to come earlier," Young lord's voice got softer and his face turned beet red again, "Wait for me in the east garden."

"This servant will wait for you in the garden before dawn Young Lord," I replied, then excused myself.

I couldn't hold my smile. Young Lord was very cute. His beet red face hinted embarrassment that completely erased his supposedly domineering attitude. His stupefied look replaced his cold, indifference attitude when I saw him before. I was more than satisfied to know that Young Lord was not a ruthless man. It was enough to ensure my safety for now, at least.

He even asked me to accompany him to the garden tomorrow morning. I had his favor already, wasn't it more than enough?

I followed the maid who passed me over to a butler. Although the butler also showed contempt, he did not say anything degrading. He did his job strolling me around and giving explanations on what was inside the mansion.

The sun was setting when the butler finished touring me around. We stopped at the east garden where I met Young Lord today. The waft of various flowers swayed me as I remembered the smell of Young Lord's hair. It was similar to this garden, fresh, sweet, but not overly sweet that would disgust you. I closed my eyes, imagining the presence of Young Lord here. But, before I imagined even further, I shook my head and slapped my own cheek.

'No, this is wrong. I shouldn't get myself charmed.'

I slap my cheek again. I realized how deadly Young Lord could charm me just with two meetings. However, having Young Lord's favor as personal servant and not being disposed was more than enough. I shouldn't chase over the moon.

I scurried to the barrack, as the dinnertime for the serfs was about to start. I needed to eat, rest and wake up early tomorrow. Since Young Lord expected me to come earlier to the garden.

My lips twitched and I curled up a bit. Imagining Young Lord standing in the garden made me somewhat happy.

As the moon glinted on the sky

A night felt like days

Essence of impatience slowly formed

And I, we, waited