Gacha Gacha Hero

“Now hold still. I want to see how the light reacts with you two on stage.” Bede lit one of the fireworks. He aimed it up into the sky.

*Fssszzz…*Ka-Boom*

“Not again Bede. We just finished putting out the last fire.” The Bandaged Cleric shouted at him from backstage.

“Sorry. That’s right. Vance! Get the curtain so that we don’t bother the band.” Bede yelled.

Vance climbed out of his seat. “I’m on it.”

“Is it safe to use fireworks during a play?” Jack asked.

“There’s no rule against it.” said Bede.

“Don’t you need permission from the Mayor to use them in the city?”

“Kaseihgaeu has no Mayor.” Bede smiled.

“Well where did you even get them?”

“I summoned them.”

“Aren’t summoned explosives incredibly dangerous?” Jack took a step back.

“Dangerous yes, illegal no.” Bede winked.

Vance climbed up to the rigging over the middle of the stage. He pressed a button. There was a mechanical *Whirring* sound. A heavy curtain dropped down to cover the back of the stage.

Bede aimed a confetti popper at the curtain and pulled the string to set it off.

*Pop*

Paper streamers hit the curtain above Vance’s head.

“Ah! You manky git!” Vance shouted in surprise. He pulled the confetti and paper strings out of his hair.

Vance reached behind the curtain and pulled out another box of firecrackers. He grabbed a bundle of snaps and began throwing them across the stage at Bede.

*Pop*

*Crack*

*Poof*

“Is this, theater?” Jack stood in place and watched.

“If it is, I wish I had joined sooner.” said Ash.

Bede pulled a bottle rocket out of the box he was holding.

“Hey! No projectiles! You know the rules.” Vance shouted.

“Untangle your testicles, I wasn’t going to light it.” Bede waved dismissively at Vance.

As he waved his hand Bede held the bottle rocket just a little too close to the spotlight.

*Kfffsss…*

The fuse ignited as it touched the heated housing of the spotlight.

“Oops.”

Bede licked two of his fingers and pressed them against the lit fuse.

*Sizzle*

The fuse went out.

“There. Now let’s get back to-” *Ker-sprrreee*

A stray ember reignited the bottle rocket and it shot off into the sky. It exploded with a loud *Bang*.

Bede tipped over in surprise and dropped his box of fireworks. He tumbled over the edge of the proscenium into the seating.

Several quick *Bang*Bang*Bang* followed as the pressure sensitive poppers in his box detonated.

Ash, Jack, and Vance ran to the side of the stage.

“Are you alright?” Ash asked.

Bede rolled over. Several boxes were crushed beneath him. An orange lighting gel was stuck to his face.

Bede rubbed his elbow. “Yeah, I’m fine. The boxes are ruined but I can always summon some more.” Bede held up the box of crumpled fireworks. “It’s a good thing that nothing else was damaged.”

The smoking remains of the bottle rocket fell down from above and landed in the center of the box.

“Oh.”

Bede dropped the box and ran.

#

Ash, Jack, Vance, and Bede sat on the edge of the stage. They were each of them covered with a layer of dust and soot. They started listlessly into the smoking crater in front of them. The curtain behind them on the stage was pockmarked with burning holes. The Panicked Trumpeter was laying on the ground breathing into a bag while the Bandaged Cleric fanned them with a sheet of music.

“Dancing dolphin dicks Bede! How are we supposed to attract a crowd when you keep setting fire to the theater.” The Daedal Keyboardist kicked a wooden bench that had been charbroiled by the fireworks.

“This was an accident.” Bede rubbed some dirt off of his neck.

“And the incident this morning?”

“An unintended preview.”

“And the other four incidents this week?”

“Only some unforeseen complications.”

“If your complications were chords I could conduct a symphony. I’m starting to see a pattern here Bede and I don’t like it.”

“Look it’s fine. Nobody got hurt this time.” *Cough* “Much…” Bede adjusted his singed jacket.

The Daedal Keyboardist put his hands on his hips. “I don’t care about that!. Look at the spotlight.”

The pianist pointed at the sparking, half burned arc lamp at the edge of the stage.

“That is going to be expensive.” Bede frowned.

“I joined you because you promised me the most technically impressive theater spectacle that the world has ever seen.” The Daedal Keyboardist stomped his foot.

“I did.” said Bede.

“Well at this rate I’m going to be performing inside of a crater if you don’t quit having so many unintended previews. Just promise me that you will fix the stage and that you won’t set off any more fireworks until it’s time for us to perform.”

“I promise. I’ll be more careful from now on.” Bede hung his head.

“I don’t care if you’re careful. I just want you to save the explosions for opening night.”

Bede looked behind him out into the park. “I’ll make sure it’s taken care of. Now go get the band. I don’t want our actors to see someone having a panic attack on the stage.” Bede waved at the Daedal Keyboardist.

The Keyboardist frowned, then went to check on the Trumpeter.

Bede stood up and faced the seating area. He tried to brush as much dirt off of his clothes as he could. A group of local children were running across the grass towards the amphitheater.

“Mr Bede did you set off another explosion again?” asked one of the children.

Bede smiled. “I did.” (Bede could feel the eyes of the Daedal Keyboardist burning a hole in the back of his head.) “But that was only a test run for the performance. The real fireworks will be better controlled. Now tell me, did you get permission from your parents to participate in the play?”

The children all answered at once.

“No.”

“Mine said no.”

“I didn’t ask yet.”

Bede held his hands in front of his face. “Look kids we’ve been over this. You need to get permission from your parents so that we can start auditions for the different parts of the play.”

One of the kids held up their hand. “My mother said that children aren’t actors. She said that only grown ups can be actors. She also said that you’re really weird for hanging around kids all the time.”

“You can tell your mother that I don’t need her approval to create an entirely new genre of theater. You can tell her that her child has a wonderful singing voice. You can tell her that stifling her child’s creativity will be a mistake that she will regret for the rest of her life. *Forced Smile* You can also tell her that she is a beautiful woman and that I look forward to working with her very much.”

The child gave a thumbs up. “I will tell my mom that she’s beautiful for stuffing creativity. Got it!”

Bede addressed the group of children. “Good. Now the same goes for the rest of you. Go home and get those permission slips signed.”

“We’ll try Mr Bede.” said the kids.

“Don’t give me your ‘try’. Give me your ‘best’.” Bede patted his pockets. “Here, I’ll give you some poppers.” Bede held up a bag of paper fireworks. He passed them out to the children.

“Yay!”

“Don’t throw them at each other.”

The children immediately started throwing the poppers at each other.

One child looked up at the stage. “Mr Bede, should we tell our parents that your stage caught on fire again?”

“No, you can leave that part out.”

#

“You weren’t kidding about having children be the actors in your play were you?” said Jack.

Ash, Jack, Bede, and Vance were back in the apartment. The four of them peeled out of their fire roasted, crispy costumes.

“I was not.” Bede stripped down to his short pants. He used a washcloth to clean his face.

“Is it wise to give explosives to children?” asked Jack.

“Who is going to tell me not to give explosives to children, the Mayor?”

“Ha ha ha.” Everyone except Jack had a good laugh.

Ash held up the costume he had been wearing. “So that’s why the costume is so small. I was meant for a child.”

“Then it’s a good thing you haven’t grown since you were in grade school Ash.” Jack smirked.

“You’re only envious that someone recognized my talent for acting.” Ash smirked.

“Considering how Constantine Grimager is supposed to be an insufferable twat I would call that perfect casting.” said Jack.

Ash hit him in the face with a washcloth.

*Splat*

Jack responded by rolling his towel up and using it to whip Ash. Ash responded the same way. The two of them took turns whipping each other with their towels.

*Whap*

*Whap*

*Whap*

“Hey! Stop that. You’re making a mess in my apartment.” Bede yelled at them.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

Bede took his time sorting through the hanging costumes as he looked for something to wear. “Do you know what I was when I was a child?”

“Younger?” said Ash.

“No! I was bored.” Bede held up a satin waistcoat. “I had a habit of making trouble. My parents sent me to live with my Aunt because they thought I needed discipline. They thought that I needed structure. My Aunt has all the money in the world so it was no inconvenience for her. It was trivial for her to take us in and hire the finest tutors to raise us.”

“No amount of education will make a peacock not a peacock.” said Vance.

“And chicken in a tailored suit is still a chicken.” said Bede.

Vance threw a feather boa around his neck. “Hmph!”

Bede pulled an undershirt over his head. “When I was a child no matter how many books I read or essays I wrote nothing changed. I was still bored. I didn’t want to learn. I wanted to run and scream and yell and set things on fire. And then one day our Franzès tutor took us to see a famous Franzès play ‘Histoire de Romulus la Table des Chevaliers.” It was the single greatest thing that I have ever seen in my life.”

“At least until you met me.” said Vance.

“Life is a series of meetings and partings. Some partings can’t come soon enough.” said Bede.

“So that was when you realized that you wanted to be in theater?” asked Jack.

“That was when I realized that I wanted to make theater.” said Bede.

The young man walked over to the window. He placed his hands on the glass and stared out at the park across the street.

“On that day I discovered the theater I discovered my true calling. The theater is a magical place where not only were you allowed to run, and scream, and yell, and set things on fire, but it is actually expected. Everyone thinks that the theater is a polite institution. That the purpose of plays is to show off culture and decorum. But I’ve seen more philanthropists sleep through high art than I’ve seen rats in the town sewers.”

Vance looked over at Ash and Jack. “That’s not an understatement. In a city like Kaseihgaeu there are a lot of rats.”

Bede pressed his hands against the glass of the window. The frame creaked under pressure. “I’m going to show the world children’s theater. A performance by children, for children. I’m going to show them a spectacle so magnificent that no one will be able to look away. I’m going to stimulate their little minds until they explode.”

“You make it sound like there’s going to be violence on stage.” said Ash.

“I can only hope.”

Bede turned around. “Vance! What are you doing? I told you not to get into the crafting supplies. Those are for the kids’ costumes.”

Vance shoved a box behind his back. “I was looking for some sewing thread. This cravat is too tight.”

“That’s because it’s supposed to be a pair of spats. Those go on your feet! *Crash* And now you’ve dropped everything. Look at this, there is glitter everywhere. Don’t touch anything else.”

“Stop grabbing! I’ve got it!” Vance yelled.

*Slap*Slap*Slap*

A glitter encrusted piece of cloth slid across the floor. Ash leaned over and picked it up. He stared at it. There was a pink glitter handprint outlined on the fabric. It was identical in every way to Vance’s own hand.

“Interesting.” Ash said.

In the background Vance and Bede took turns whipping each other with rolled up towels.