Gacha Gacha Hero

♪Toot do do do doot♪

“Blistering barnacles, are you playing that trumpet or smashing it?” The Daedal Keyboardist said.

“I’m warming up. Not that I expect a pianist like yourself to be familiar with the concept.” said the Panicked Trumpeter.

“That instrument sounds like it is trying to escape from your untalented hands.” The Daedal Keyboardist shuffled the sheet music on the bench of his piano.

“Be honest, you only picked the piano because you need something to hide you from the audience.” The Panicked Trumpeter went back to warming up.

“You two had better get all the bile out of your bladders before showtime. I don’t want to hear this while I’m saving this show from becoming an embarrassment later.” The Bandaged Cleric continued her finger warm ups exercises on the neck of her cello.

#

The Amphitheater was located in the middle of a public park. The stage was a raised stone platform almost sixteen meters wide in an oval shape. The stage was divided in half by a metal gantry mounted with ropes and pulleys. Two massive metal towers were placed next tot he gantry and covered with felt curtains. There was a large, hollow concrete cone that formed an acoustic shell over the back half of the stage. A number of large rubber cables ran from one end of the stage to the other. The grass clearing in front of the theater platform sloped up and away from the stage. It was filled with hundreds of wooden benches set out in a semicircular pattern.

While the band made polite conversation in the back of the Amphitheater, Ash was upstage standing over a red x that had been taped onto the floor of the stage. He was dressed in the leather costume from before. Ash held a pose with his feet shoulder width apart and his hands on his hips. He tried not to move around too much.

Bede climbed a ladder next to a spotlight that was mounted next on a tripod at the edges of the stage. He held a box under one arm. He removed a sheet of colored gelatin and held it up so that it was in front of the light. Bede looked over at Ash on the stage. He frowned, put the gel back, then pulled out another.

“How long have you been a director?” Ash shouted over the bickering musicians.

“All my life.” Bede replied.

“How many shows have you put on?”

“This will be my first.”

“Huh, but you said-”

“I have always been destined for theater. I just didn't know it until I walked onstage for the first time.” Bede held up another gel. He threw it away in disgust. “Have you ever acted before?”

“I was in a play in school.” said Ash.

“What was your role?”

“Tree number 3.”

“You certainly have the arms for it.” Bede looked at Ash through a gel.

“Hey!”

“Sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound like an insult. But skinny actors typically get supporting roles. That's how it is in theater. They're harder to see on stage.”

Bede adjusted the shutters on the spotlight.

*Grumble* “And harder to light.”

Ash squinted into the light. “Are you using arc lamps to light the stage?”

“That’s right. It’s revolutionary. Normally arc lamps are used for commercial or industrial buildings, but I’m going to be powering the whole stage with arc energy.”

“Aren't those expensive?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Bede tossed a gel over his shoulder.

“Who is Ash dressed as?” Jack leaned back from his seat on a bench in the front row of the Amphitheater. “That costume looks familiar, but I can’t quite place it.”

“Constantine Grimager.” Bede yelled back across the seating.

Jack slapped his hands together. “That’s right! The main character of ‘Fish Cage of the War Gods.’ I thought he looked familiar. I used to hate that play when I was a kid.”

“And now?”

“I still hate it.”

Vance leaned over in the seat next to Jack. “Everyone hates that play. It’s a historical drama chronicling the fall of an ancient kingdom to an army of shadowbeasts told exclusively from the perspective of the military generals as they fill out supply requisitions. It is the most boring play ever written.”

“Why is it so popular then?” asked Jack.

“Because, it is the most boring play ever written.” said Bede.

“Huh?” said Jack.

Bede spun the spotlight at Jack and Vance. “As a historical drama chronicling the fall of an ancient kingdom to an army of shadowbeasts told exclusively from the perspective of the military generals as they fill out supply requisitions, people assume that it is educational. It doesn’t matter that most people can only name one of the characters in the cast. Most people still perceive it as high art even if they don’t enjoy it. The context of the play is more important than the script.”

Jack shielded his eyes. “But Ash is dressed like one of those characters. Why are you putting on a play if you don’t like the script?”

“I’m going to ignore the script.” Bede smiled.

Vance lounged on the bench he was sitting on. “From what I’ve seen you’re also going to ignore good taste.”

Bede targeted the light on Vance. “Vance, you’re as clever as a houseplant and twice as dirty.”

“Well you’re as dumb as a bag of hammers.”

“Try not to leave a trail of slime when you slither off that bench.” Bede spun the spotlight back onto Jack. “You there, you look pretty strong. Lift him up.” He pointed at Ash on stage.

“What? Why?” Jack blinked.

“Come on Jack. If you don’t help out then I’ll be the only one in the spotlight.” Ash called down from the stage.

Jack rolled up his sleeves. He climbed onto the stage and grabbed Ash by the waist. He lifted the other boy over his head.

“That’s great.” said Bede. “Now hold him there.”

Bede angled the spotlight up at Ash. He pulled out a different box of gels and started sorting through them.

“I kind of like looking down on you.” Ash said.

“Can I throw him? Would that help the play?” Jack asked Bede.

“It might.” said Bede.

“What?” Ash looked up.

“I’m not running ‘Fish Cage of the War Gods’ as it was originally written. I’m adapting and combining it with another play. I’m going to create an entirely new form of theater.” Bede held up another gel.

“What play are you combining it with?” asked Jack.

“I’m going to add in scenes and characters from ‘I Want to be Your Canary.’” said Bede.

“I love that play.” said Jack.

“Me too.” said Ash.

The two boys looked at each other. They frowned in unison.

“But, aren’t those to plays in different languages?” asked Jack.

“‘I Want to be Your Canary’ was originally written in Franzés. So I’ve made some alterations to parts of the script.” said Bede.

“Don’t they also have completely different themes as well?” asked Ash.

Bede shuffled a series of gels in front of the spotlight in quick succession. “One is comedy and one is drama, but I don’t see that as a problem.”

“Won’t the audience be confused if the tone of the story keeps changing from one scene to the next?”

“Why does a story have to be either a comedy or a drama? Why can’t it include both? The focus of the story should be the journey of the characters. As long as I can keep people invested in the adventures of the characters then they’ll want to follow along no matter what happens in the story.” Bede nodded to himself.

“I suppose that could work. But you would have to be a really good writer to manage something like that.” said Jack.

“Yeah, but what if you’re not a really good writer?” Vance shouted from the audience.

“Then let’s hope that these !Fireworks! will distract people long enough so that they won’t notice!”

Bede pulled out a box of paper tubes with fuses attached to the ends.

“Also, all of the actors are going to be children!”