Gacha Gacha Hero

*Ker-crackle*

Ash concentrated and summoned. A mismatched pile of pants appeared next to him. Ash picked through the pile. He tugged a random pair onto his legs.

Luke leaned against a wall and watched tourists walking past in the street. “I hope Tasha and Eins are okay.”

“They’re fine.” Ash summoned a pile of shirts. “I’m sure that they’re back with Tasha’s carriage relaxing and drinking coconut water.”

Ash pulled the shower curtain over his head and tossed it in a corner.

“You’re not going to leave that are you?” Luke asked.

“Why not?”

“It belongs to Tasha.”

“So.”

“So she let you borrow it.”

“Yeah and then my clothes got shredded by Shadowbeasts.”

“That wasn’t her fault.” Luke walked over and picked up the shower curtain. “You shouldn’t be so careless with other people’s things.”

“She probably won’t even notice that it’s missing.” said Ash.

“Well what if she does?” asked Luke.

“Fine. Let’s just get back to the front gate.” *Sniff* “Ugh. Is that us?”

Luke brushed his bangs aside. “It’s been a long day. Also we did fall down that chute.”

“We were pushed.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

Ash frowned. He picked a few bugs out of his hair. “Let’s find someplace to wash off at least.”

#

“What about that place?” asked Luke.

“I don’t know. It looks really popular.” said Ash.

Ash and Luke stood in the middle of the street in front of a restaurant. The building was three stories tall with balconies, extensive outdoor seating, and decorated with colorful miniature arc-lamps strung up on wires. A line of tourists was wrapped around the block leading to the entrance. The waiters were dressed in long flowing tunics tied with gold braids. Some of them had plastic stars pinned to their hair and clothes. Others wore paper mache caricatures of suns or moons on top of their heads.

“The Galaxy Lip.” Luke looked at the sign hanging in front of the building. “Sounds fancy.”

“Looks busy.” Ash eyed the line of tourists. “Let’s try that place instead.”

Ash pointed at a single story building across the street. It had a flat roof and wooden shutters over the windows. A wooden sign without writing on it was hung out front. The door at the entrance was slightly ajar.

“What is it?” Luke asked.

“ I don’t know. A morgue maybe? They should at least have a washbasin we can use.” said Ash.

*Sniff*Sniff*

“Maybe some formaldehyde.”

#

*Knock*Knock* Ash rapped on the door with his knuckles.

“Come in.”

Ash opened the door. He and Luke stepped inside.

The interior of the building was lit by a number of candles. Several tables were pushed up against the wall of the main room with chairs stacked on top of them. A small swinging wooden door led to a kitchen.

“Are you here for the job?”

A large barrel shaped man was sitting at a table in front of the door. As they watched his large calloused hands rolled a bundle of silverware into a white napkin. The man had heavy eyelids, round cheeks, and an easy smile. His movements were slow, careful, and precise.

The large man put away the silverware. “Forgive me for not getting up. We’re still preparing for the dinner rush. Is it only one of you interested in the job or both of you?”

Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other.

“What, uh, job was that?” Ash asked.

“The one that we posted down at the Adventurer’s Guild.” The man replied.

“Right. Right. Right. The…” Ash tilted forward expectantly with his whole body.

“Assistant Chef job.” The man finished.

“Assistant Chef. Of course.” Ash nodded.

“How much does it pay? Luke asked.

“Well right now we are offering-”

“Is someone here for tha job!?” A voice shouted from the kitchen.

“I’m asking them right now!” The large man shouted back. “You are here for the job aren’t you?”

“Sure. How much does it pay? Asked Luke.

“What do ya mean them!?” The other voice shouted again.

A skinny man pushed his way past the swinging door. Skinny was the wrong word, gaunt-ish, almost skeletal. His body was mostly ligaments, flexible and snappy. Even his long, tied back hair would yank itself over his shoulder as he turned his head. The thin man adjusted his apron and pushed back his sleeves. There was a long scar on the top of his right forearm that mirrored itself on the bottom of the same arm. Another scar tugged at the very corner of his mouth. It made even his neutral expression look harsh. Smaller layerings of scars crossed his fingers and the backs of his hands.

“Who are these two? Are you here for tha job?” He pointed a long knife at Ash and Luke.

“I was just asking them that.” The larger man said.

“Job? Yes or no. I’m a busy Chef. Stop wasting my time.” The thinner man yelled.

“How much does it-” Luke started to ask.

“You’re interested! Great. Now take tha test.”

The thinner man *Stabbed* the knife into the table. He pulled a walnut out of his apron pocket and dropped it on the table. He produced a cleaver from somewhere, flipped it, and *Cracked* the shell of the walnut with the flat edge of the cleaver. As the two halves of the walnut launched into the air he raised the cleaver and caught them on the flat of the blade. He held the cleaver out in front of Ash and Luke.

“Go on. Taste. Let me see what ya got. Give me tha flavor profile.” He said.

Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other. They looked at the nuts.

“Sure. I’m hungry.” Ash grabbed a walnut.

“And I’m excited to see where this goes.” Luke took the other walnut.

The two boys ate the kernels and started to *Chew*.

The cleaver wielding man crossed his arms. “Well?” He asked.

Luke nodded. “Very fresh, and crunchy, rich with a slight earthy aftertaste, maybe oak?”

“And you?”

Ash swallowed. “Nutty?” He shrugged.

Luke put a hand on Ash’s shoulder. “You will have to forgive him. He eats a lot of charcoal.”

Ash shrugged again. “Yeah.”

The thinner man pointed his cleaver at Luke. “You. Why did ya spout off all that fancy crap?”

“I’m sorry?” Luke blinked.

He pointed at Ash. “He’s got tha right of it. It’s a nut. Only a nut. The only flavor is nut. What was all that other crap? Is this a joke to you? Are you trying to trick me? Are you a spy!?”

Luke put his hands up. “I would never.”

Ash put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “He would never.”

They both stared indignantly at the other man.

“This is no way to talk to ya potential boss!” The thinner man shouted.

“And this is no way to talk to our potential employees.” The larger man chided.

“You think you’re too good to work here!?” The thinner man kept yelling.

“No.” Luke shook his head in confusion.

“Then why don’t you want the job?”

“Well maybe I don’t!” Luke crossed his arms.

“Alright. Final test!” The thinner man pulled two knives out from his apron and tossed them onto the table.

*Clatter*

“Here. Fight each other for the position.”

“Oooh. A knife.” Luke casually picked one of the knives up.

“Alright let’s get this over with.” Ash said. He turned to Luke and put his hands on his hips.

“You mean you actually want to fight for the job?” Luke looked shocked.

“Haha no.” Ash held his arms out. “I would rather get stabbed than work for this snake sucker. But let’s get this over with so that I can finally use the restroom.”

“Enough. You’re hired.” The thinner man slapped the knife out of Luke’s hand.

“Really?” said Ash.

“No, not really.” He pointed at Luke, then Ash. “He’s hired. You can eat pavement.”

Ash thrust his chin out. “Maybe I will. Judging by how few customers you have I bet it tastes better than your food.”

The thinner man slapped the knife back into Luke’s hand. “Sous Chef. Stab him!”

Luke cradled the knife. “I would never.”

“That’s right. He would never.” Ash added.

“Come on Cophin. You don’t want to scare away our first employee.” The larger man said to the thinner man.

Cophin pulled at the strings of his apron. “I’ve made my choice. I can tell. Dis one learns. Dis one’s got ideas.” He looked between Luke and Ash.

The larger man held out a hand to Luke. “Chef Cophin has an assertive personality. But we do need the help if you’re interested.”

Luke shook his hand. “I’m Luke and I am interested. And you are?”

“You can call me Plinth. I’m the sommelier. You know, we still need a server.” He looked back at Cophin. “Perhaps we have an additional opening?” He held his hand out to Ash.

Ash grimaced. “I’m Ash and I would still rather be stabbed.”

Cophin smirked. “He’s right. With his behavior he would make a betta pincushion than a waiter.”

Ash slapped the table. “That’s it! I’ll take the job.”

Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other.

Luke whispered.

Ash replied.

Luke shrugged his shoulders. “It looks like we’re hired. What is the pay?”

Plinth gave a sheepish smile. “We can offer you room and board.”

“So we would have to be desperate to work here huh?” Ash pulled his collar.

“I have good news for you.” Luke leaned over the table.

Plinth shook both of their hands. “Fantastic. We’re so glad to have you join us. Now let’s find someplace for you to wash up. You smell like you’ve been in a culvert.”

Plinth led the two of them back to the kitchen. “So tell me Ash, have you ever worked in customer service before?”

*Ash stopped laughing after approximately two minutes thirteen seconds.*