Fork This Life!

Chapter 11: I fork it up again…

(POV Ferdinand)

The next day when I head down to the guild, I can’t help but notice people are giving me strange looks. I can’t imagine why, unless the guild has somehow discovered I was involved in the death of the spider matriarch?

But that’s impossible, surely. There was nobody around, and I didn’t say anything suspicious…

Ignoring them, I glance over the request board, and notice an ooze subjugation quest. With the amount of oozes that attacked me the last few days, this should be easy money.

Walking to the counter, I’m about to ask to register for the quest when the female staff there cuts me off.

“So, are you?”

It completely throws me. If it’s about the spider matriarch, wouldn’t it be more of a ‘was it you’ question? If it isn’t about that, what is it about?

“Am I what?”

“Cursed.”

Okay… what?

“Why would I be cursed?”

She raises her eyebrows as if I’m the one saying something strange.

“The last few days, we received reports that monsters near the city were moving one by one in the same direction. When we investigated, we saw you surrounded by the corpses of those same monsters. Do you have a skill or item on you that allows you to attract monsters?”

So, it was only happening to me? How strange…

“No, I don’t know why all those monsters attacked me.”

She nods.

“Then, I’m sorry to say you’ll have to leave this city. We can’t risk strong monsters being attracted to this city.”

But I’m not cursed… am I? I’ve hardly done anything meriting the curse of any god, right?

…Oh come on, it can’t be because of the spider matriarch, right?

…Right?

“Can I at least take an escort mission to another city?”

She nods.

“Go ahead. And you may only return to this city in the future if you find evidence that you are not cursed.”

I head back to the request board. Since I had been planning on staying in this city a little longer, I hadn’t paid any attention to the escort quests.

Escort quests, in my humble opinion, are great. It means you don’t have to travel alone, you have someone with a map, and a fighting force of reasonable size. All things you should have when travelling.

Now, let’s see… Mehston, too far. Huktor, monsters too powerful… Port Acktown, eh?

That should do.

“Can I register for the escort quest to Port Acktown?”

She looks down at some documents in front of her, writing something on one of them.

“Done. It leaves this afternoon, west gate. If you don’t go with them the guards will forcefully evict you from the city.”

My days are going well, aren’t they? It seems to be a trend now, really. First the spider matriarch, then all those monsters attacking me, and now this.

I should collect my things from the inn, I suppose.

(POV Gerald)

You know, this minesweeper is starting to get on my nerves. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been going well, only to have an entire area enclosed by a circle of mines, or stuck at the start with a small rectangle of ones and twos?

Too many.

But anyway.

We seem to be going somewhere. Hm.

“Hey, what is happening this time?” I ask Ferdinand.

“I’m being forced to move cities because the guild thinks I’m cursed.” He replies glumly.

That’s bad, right? That sounds bad.

“Cursed? Surely you would be able to see that on the status somewhere?”

“Normally, yes.” He replies. “But if you were cursed by a god, or a goddess, they can make you unable to see it, if they want to.”

Gods? And goddesses? Well I’ll be. Note to self: Ask him more about this subject later.

“So, if nobody can see it… how do they know you’re cursed?”

“They don’t. But apparently, most of the monsters in the area were being attracted to me somehow over the past few days. It would sure explain how a few dozen monsters attacked me in an area where monsters are supposed to be rare.” He sighs.

Wait, that was me, wasn’t it?

…That was totally me.

Uh, I definitely screwed up. I got the guy kicked out of the city.

He’ll be pissed if I tell him. Problem is, he’ll be way more pissed if I don’t tell him and he finds out later.

Damn, what should I do?

“Oh well, I suppose I was getting too attached to that city anyway. About time I moved.” He says in resignation.

Okay, not as bad now. Still bad.

So, I tell him. What’s the worst-case scenario?

Let’s see… He can’t touch me, because acid and poison, but what if he swung his sword at me? I think I could absorb it, but what if he used magic edge? My skill can absorb ambient mana, but what if it’s controlled by someone else?

It doesn’t specify. But, it does specify things like that everywhere else, so I should be able to.

He can’t take any offensive action, then. Worst he could do is drop me.

Which would be an annoyance, sure. But with my level of telepathy, I could sort something out, eventually.

Now, best case scenario: He gets angry, yells at me a bit, but ultimately forgives me.

Putting it like that makes it seem an obvious choice. Well, here goes nothing!

“Uh… Ferdinand? I don’t think you’re cursed… the monsters getting attracted to you was my doing. I was practicing telepathy, and I had thought at the time that it would be good for both of us if more monsters came. I should have asked first. I’m sorry.”

Come to think of it, didn’t I say something similar last time?

Crap.

“…You know what, I’m just going to ignore you doing this, again, and be thankful that I’m not actually cursed.” He sighs again, this time half in relief and half out of frustration.

Thank G- Actually, I still don’t know anything about the gods, better hold off on that. I wonder if it’s capitol G God or if it’s just a title or something.

“And wait, you can attract monsters? Then can you repel them as well?” He asks curiously.

“Sure, it’s even more reliable than attracting, but why would you want to?” I reply.

“Because my leg is still injured and I want an easy trip.” He states.

“Oh yeah, there was that.” I realise to some surprise. “I forget about those things sometimes, since I have a skill which allows me to repair myself. Thinking back, certain things have become much easier since I became a fork.”

“You really should pay more attention to those sorts of things, if you want to interact with other people in the future.”

I can hear some exasperation in his… voice? What do you call it when neither of us are speaking? Voice. Yeah, let’s just keep it simple.

Is this telepathy skill slowly allowing us to use more complex tones? Yay higher proficiency.

“Yeah. If only I could get a memory skill, it would be much easier… wait, I don’t have a brain, so how am I remembering and forgetting things? Am I forgetting things?” I reach an epiphany mid-sentence.

Looking through my memories, I can see them all with extreme clarity, playing them back like a movie in my… mind… for want of a better word. Crazy.

“Turns out I can’t forget things.” I say with some excitement. “So, that happened. I don’t suppose you know of any monsters with skills that could allow me to move? Something like levitation, flight, telekinesis…”

“You get weirder by the day, you know that? By. The. Day.” He emphasises. “Movement, huh? I know a few with those abilities… A few types of elementals levitate or fly, but they’re extremely rare, and powerful. I don’t know much about psychic abilities, sadly, so I can’t help you there.”

Recalling what he had mentioned earlier on, I say, “Oh well. Now, what’s this about gods and goddesses? I don’t think we had them back in my world.”

“They’re beings of unimaginable power. Each of them rules over a certain aspect of the world, which they know everything about, are unrivalled within…” He says in awe. “…and there are a lot of them, so I won’t bore you with their names. I don’t know even half of them myself.”

Well, I suppose that technically, earth had a huge host of gods and goddesses as well… if one first assumes that all the religions’ gods/goddesses are real. “Huh. Well, I’ll go on to… repelling all the monsters that wander near us?”

“That would be great.” He confirms.

Note to self: definitely ask next time I arbitrarily decide to do something that will affect Ferdinand.

Now, monsters, monsters…

One, two, three… three. Only three monsters within seven hundred and eighty meters? No wonder they say that they’re rare in this area. How on earth do people level up in this area?

It’s not earth anymore, is it. I should ask at some point what this planet is called. If it is a planet. Who knows when there’s magic involved. Not to mention psychic powers. And whatever else there is in this crazy world.

Oh, one of those bicorn boars is wandering towards us.

“Scary things this way, food that way, shoo! Shoo! Big scary… what eats pigs? Uh, a lion could eat pigs, right? Big scary lion this way!”

Yep, I’m a genius.

It’s working wonderfully. Thing about attracting them is you can only really use the promise of food. If you make them afraid of something, they might just ignore you and keep running, or panic and desperately attack you. Or, I think that’s how it is, not like I’ve tested it.

I may be stupid sometimes, but I’m not that stupid.

But if you just want them gone, what do you care about it rampaging? And of course, if you make it think there’s also food in the opposite direction, why wouldn’t they dash over there?

Of course, it might ignore the food in its panic, but one of them will surely work.

Mana’s back up to full, maim myself, heal, maim myself, heal. Up to 79.83%, getting really close.

In the meantime… tap. Tap. Tap…

(POV Ferdinand)

It’s very relaxing, just walking along and appreciating the views around me. As we get further away from Idiro city, the flat grasslands and plains turn into rolling hills sparsely dotted with trees.

Without my worries about being cursed weighing me down, I feel as light and carefree as a wind elemental. There has been a lot of time to think, with all this travelling, and after some contemplation, I have truly come to terms with being forced to leave the city.

I went there because I had heard the monsters there were weak, but it was even more ridiculously quiet than I’d thought. There were some days where I would spend all day looking for monsters and wouldn’t find them, or all I found was a few rats. Thinking back, staying there for as long as I did has caused my level to stay the same for almost a year. Only a tiny amount of experience for so long…

In a way, the horde of monsters yesterday was the shock I needed to break out of my rut.

My injury has even healed over the duration of the journey, turning my slight limp into a comfortable walk. Honestly, I’m not sure anything could-

‘That’s a jinx as well!’ Gerald suddenly interrupts my train of thought.

Wha- how-

‘Are you psychic? Oh wait, I guess you are.’

‘My jinx senses were tingling.’ He says triumphantly.

‘What in the world are jinx senses!?’ I retort.

‘A joke!’ He quips. ‘I just popped in saying that because I was getting bored. Speaking of the world, what is this one called?’

Let’s see, I think it was… ‘Odwia, why?’

‘Just curious. I don’t know much about this world, after all. And what’s with the system? We didn’t have that back in my world.’

How strange… wait, his world didn’t have the system? Then, ‘How did you survive the monsters?’

‘No monsters on my world.’ He replies.

‘Find out how strong you are?’ I ask.

‘Eh, trial and error.’ He explains. ‘We mostly based physical ability on how much you can lift, how fast you can run, those sorts of things.’

‘See how much health you have?’

‘We had some people who were trained to be able to see how healthy you were.’

So some people had the ability to see health, even without the system… how strange. Could they see stamina too? Not that it matters, because I’ll never go there.

‘So, the system?’ He asks again.

I think for a moment, before realising I know next to nothing about the status outside the obvious. ‘How should I know anything about it? From what I’ve heard, people have always had access to their status and skills.’

‘And you all just take it for granted?’ He asks in disbelief. ‘I mean, the system makes you stronger the more you kill things. That promotes conflict, whether that be causing a farmer to turn to banditry or an extra incentive for war. Generally, I tend to be sceptical about things that like people to kill other people.’

The concept strikes me, causing my footsteps to falter for a moment. Now that I think about it, the system does cause conflict… how strange.

‘But surely it isn’t anything to worry about? After all, everything’s been fine for years.’ I reason.

Gerald doesn’t respond for a second. ‘…Ferdinand. If I ever become able to write, the first thing I’ll write will be called one hundred and one horrific jinxes you should never, EVER say.’

‘What? Did I say something again?’ His obsession with these things is unusual.

‘Oh, you just increased the chances of a worldwide catastrophe happening in the near future, nothing big.’ He says with a false nonchalance.

Unfortunately, I don’t quite understand what he said. ‘Cat as trophy? What does that mean, everyone gets cat trophies? That’s just stupid.’

‘Words with similar meanings include, but are not limited to: disaster, calamity, cataclysm.’ He says dryly.

‘…I’ll take the cat trophy, thanks.’ I immediately eat my words.

‘Just try not to say things like that in the future… Else my heart won’t be able to… I don’t have a heart anymore, do I? We’ll both die, probably. I’d rather not die.’ He says, before wryly adding, ‘Again.’

Wow, he really takes those jinks things seriously. I really hope it’s just him overreacting. What did he say it was? Worldwide cat-as-trophy? That sounds bad.

Aw, he ruined my good mood, darn it. Now I’m not going to enjoy this trip as much.

(POV Gerald)

Note to self, importance: Maximum. Prioritise learning abilities that could allow self to write. Impending doom possible otherwise. Write Ferdinand book on what not to say at earliest opportunity.

He unknowingly says things like that quite often, doesn’t he? Heck, I’d believe in that curse if I didn’t know better. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Exhaustively tutor him? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Wait, I do… should I?

Nah…

It shouldn’t be that serious.

(POV Ferdinand)

The smell of salt grows heavier in the wind as we come ever closer to the shore.

I take a deep breath through my nose. Ah, the scent of the ocean. Why did I ever leave the coast?

A nagging voice in the back of my head starts listing the various reasons, but I ignore it. I won’t be staying long enough for those to be a problem, anyway. Perhaps a month, then a move onto another city. Still, I should take some care not to repeat past mistakes.

The wheels of the cart trundle along, a low and continuous crunch against the dirt road, accompanied by the haphazard footfalls of the other escorts, punctuated by the heavier steps of the mule pulling the cart.

It tosses its head to shoo a lingering fly, plodding on slowly but unceasingly at the behest of its driver.

Thankfully the weather is calm today, all clear skies with the occasional drifting cloud. A vast contrast to the sky only a couple of days ago. Still, clear skies today doesn’t mean warm waters tomorrow. As a former farmer, I pay great attention to the weather, a habit formed over many years.

The walls of the port slowly increase in size and stature from little more than haze in the horizon to a towering, fortified construction sprawling out along the coast in front of us.

What with the complete lack of monsters or bandit attacks, this has been the easiest and most comfortable escort mission I’ve ever done. And I’ll get paid for it, too.

Walking under the open gates, I take in the sights around me. The smell of fish assails my nostrils; you can’t get away from that here. Still, there are much more pleasant aromas drifting around as well.

By the side of the road, a street vendor roasts some small fish on a portable grill. They are gradually replaced as passers-by buy one for an easy meal, the smile on the old man’s face slowly growing along with the weight of his purse.

Well, I have been walking all day, may as well get me some grub. Walking over, I wave a hand at him.

“Hello Richard, how are you these days?”

His face crinkles as he squints at me.

I do hope he hasn’t forgotten about me, it has been over a year, after all. But then his face cracks into a smile again, bringing me some relief.

“Ah yes, very well, thank you! I almost didn’t recognise you! You’ve let your hair grow out recently, I see… terribly sorry, what was your name again? All those tumbles I took in my youth are catching up to me now, I’m afraid…”

So, he did forget. But that’s hardly a surprise.

“Ferdinand, sir. I helped you out once when your catch was too heavy for you to carry.” It was enormous, I could barely see him underneath the towering mass of fish and nets.

His expression becomes pensive as he struggles to recall the memory.

“Yes… yes, I remember now. Ferdinand,” He pauses for a moment, mulling it over. “When was it that you left the port, I, I can’t seem to quite remember.”

“Over a year and a half ago, sir.”

He shakes his head in amazement.

“A year and a half… has it really been so long? Yes, yes, I suppose it has. Strange how short the years feel now.” His eyes wander off into the horizon, lost in memory. “I remember that they used to stretch on forever, when I was a lad. Now… Now it seems like every time I stop to think; another month has passed…”

His words trail off.

I cough lightly, and his gaze snaps back to me.

“But you don’t want to hear me ramble, do you? Here, have a fish. Careful, it’s hot!”

“Thank you, sir.”

I give him a few coins in exchange for the skewered fish, blowing lightly on it.

“Good to see you again, sir. I plan to stay in the port for at least a few weeks, so don’t hesitate to ask if you need any help.”

He smiled and waves me away.

“No need, my mind may be starting to fail me, but my body is still strong as an ox!”

To my amusement he flexes, but the muscles that show through his top are no joke. He may look like this now, but if half the stories he’s told me are true, he’s spent more years steering ships through troubled waters and fending off sea monsters than I’ve spent alive.

Now, to find an inn to stay at for the night…

(POV Gerald)

*tap* *tap* *tap tap tap tap*

Damn.

You know things are going to be bad elsewhere when a massive area is revealed at the start of a game of minesweeper.

Stop screwing me over, RNG!

84.03% proficiency… getting there.

In other news…

Gaming – Minesweeper (Advanced) (Low rare, passive) 97.28% - You’ve sunk way too much time into this game. And despite the statistics saying 0 wins, 276 losses, you are way better at this than most other people.

I think I might reach the next proficiency level in this first… My sense of tension is completely gone now…

Gerald Status: Click here for extensive tables describing a fork!

Ferdinand Status: Click here for epic farming prowess!