Forged in the Light of New Stars

Gwen

 It felt good to be close to Brian again. I was a little surprised that he didn’t flinch away when I hugged him. Instead, he melted into my arms and hugged me back, tightly, like we were kids again. When I looked at him, he looked peaceful for the first time since we’d reunited at the library. The deep bags under his eyes and tousled hair contrasted with the soft smile on his face.

I’d not noticed how dull his eyes had been, their blue all washed out and faded. But they brightened as he energetically began to tell me all about the train. “Nightshade told me about how the pillars work and how they pull in ambient–” The words blended together as all I could think about was the smell of florals and citrus on his breath, the excitement in his voice. It was good to see him like this again. “--and the speeds this thing can reach! We aren’t even traveling as fast as it can go! Isn’t that wild?”

Laughter bubbled up within me, I couldn’t help it. “Brian, you are such a nerd!” 

He spluttered and tried to cross his arms, but I was still leaning against him and his movements made me fall into his lap, where I continued to laugh. It’s hard to look indignant from this angle, all he was achieving was pouty. “I missed this,” I said dreamily.

Brian blushed. “Y-yeah.”

I sat up and felt the urge to push his buttons a little more. “Something the matter? You’re looking so red!” Twirling my finger in my hair, I adopted an expression of mock concern.

“Aaaah! It’s just so weird knowing it's you, except your hair is all shiny and smooth and you smell nice, like a girl,  and that voice and then–” He peered in close. “--you’re wearing makeup, I think?! Where did you get makeup?” He threw up his hands and stood up, blush as red as strawberries on his cheeks. 

Oh he was making this too easy. Wait, he thought I smelled nice? Oh gosh, that feels…pretty good, actually. Wait, focus, Gwen, focus. “Oh, the makeup? Melody packed some and I applied it while you were having a little chat with our sexy conductor.” I paused for some appropriate tension to turn the tables on him. “I don’t blame you for sneaking in a private chat. He’s quite attractive, all the gold and blue. Must have had quite an effect on you, since you’re blushing so hard just thinking about him.” 

Brian’s eyes grew wide. “Nightshade? Attractive?” He spluttered. “I mean, yes he’s really pretty, but I’m not blushing about him, I’m blushing about you–” His brain caught up to his words and his eyes somehow got even wider. “No, wait, that’s not what I meant– you are being so mean to me!” 

I giggled. “Yes, a little bit. Consider it payback for being a dick to me recently. And it’s always been rather endearing watching you get flustered around pretty women. Especially tall women.” I stood up to loom over him a little, enjoying the way it made him short circuit as I continued. “I never imagined it would be even better when I’m the tall, pretty woman in question.” 

He groaned. “You are the absolute worst. I’ve missed you so much and you are the worst. Just terrible. I had a crush on Sally back in 8th grade and you never let me live it down.”

“She was a basketball player and towered over you, I seem to recall that being a factor.” 

“If you are going to bring up types, let’s revisit your infatuation with goth girls, shall we?” He paused. “Wait, are you even into girls if you’re…I mean, that is…wouldn’t you be into guys?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Brian, I know for a fact you know what lesbians are. Why would I be into guys?”

He coughed and refused to meet my gaze. “Well, it’s just…in all the stories whenever a guy turns into a girl, she always starts dating guys, so I just thought…” He threw up his hands, exasperated. “I don’t know! It just made sense at the time!”

“Brian, the idea that becoming a woman would mean you are automatically into men is just something weird cis hetero writers assume when they write gender benders. Also, goth girls are objectively hot. Everyone knows that.”

He was quiet for a moment, deep in thought. 

“Bri, whatcha thinking about?” I poked him gently. 

Brian jumped a little at my touch and looked around before responding. “Oh, yes, goth girls are very hot, agreed.” 

Giggling, I watched him sink back into thought before turning my eyes towards the scenery. It was a little surreal to see how fast we were moving without any sense of motion. There was no rocking back and forth, no little jerks and pulls as the train glided through the valley. The beams of light from the sun hit the mountain slopes just right for a moment and I saw that the rock was threaded with crystals, like a geode. Tellara just continued to amaze me, everywhere I looked. So much was familiar, yet still fantastical. Like coming home to a place I’d never been. 

A light knocking at the door grabbed my attention and I opened it to find Nightshade. 

He nodded to us both before gesturing to the dining car. “If either of you are hungry, lunch is now ready.” 

On cue, a loud rumbling from both our stomachs confirmed that yes, we were hungry. Nightshade was polite enough to not comment as we followed him. The sound of water greeted me as I stepped through the doors and got my first taste of the dining car. No sooner had I noted the water features behind thin glass than I was distracted by the sight of taco plates arranged along the bar. Tacos?!

Brian gasped behind me and we both drew closer to take a look. The tortillas were definitely corn tortillas, or close enough in texture. In color…well it was the first time I’d ever seen purple tortillas. Each taco was filled with fish of some kind along with a fruit salsa. More pavo fruit from the looks of things. Beside the tacos were purple chips and the bright green of guacamole. 

We looked at each other as Nightshade directed us to pick a booth and brought us each a plate. Ellya and the spiders were already enjoying their meal and as we sat down, Ashforth made his way into the car. He spotted the plates and grinned widely.

“Nightshade, you rascal, you made my favorite! Whitefish tacos with pavo salsa!” He took a seat at the bar and clapped with delight. He paused to turn to us. “I hope you two enjoy it as much as I do!” 

“Well, I’m quite the fan of tacos back home. Never expected to see them here!” I said.

Our host looked up from behind the bar as he filled water glasses. “You’d be surprised what sorts of things have made their way from your cultures to ours. There is a sort of…pattern to the otherworlders and where they show up on Tellara. Tacos are one of the things that became a staple on Bellius for a reason.” 

Brian took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, eyes widening. “Wow, this is amazing! I’ve had fish tacos back home, but these are incredible!” He took another bite and swallowed carefully before continuing. “You said something about a pattern…do you mean that people who arrive here from Earth tend to come from the same places on Earth?”

Ashforth turned away from the bar, his face alight with an expression I had seen on every passionate teacher I grew up with. “Just so! Just so, young Brian!” He waved his arms excitedly as he spoke, as if trying to pull words out of the air to convey his thoughts. “Otherworlders aren’t common, as you know, but have consistently arrived on Tellara for centuries. Records of any arriving before the cataclysm are presumed lost, but there has been an effort to track information from then onwards.” He stroked his smooth chin in a practiced fashion that implied a beard had graced it not too long ago. “In the year Twenty-Five AC, that is After Cataclysm, the arrival of–”

Nightshade interrupted with an apologetic look at us. “Ashforth, I don’t think the remainder of our journey will be sufficient for the lecture you were so clearly about to begin. Keep it brief.”

Ashforth sighed and grumbled, crossing his arms. “Yes, well, to answer the question: there is a correlation between regions of your world and ours. Bellius has had forty-seven recorded otherworld arrivals and it is believed that almost all of them come from the same continent on Earth, primarily from the central and southern parts of that continent. Other islands have recorded arrivals from different Earth locales.” 

I pondered that for a moment while trying a bit of the guacamole. It was quite good, similar to what I might have had back home. “That sounds like it might be North America, since that is where Brian and I are from.” I said, reaching for another chip.

He nodded and pulled out a slate to add a note. “North America…so that’s what they are calling it now. Wonderful, simply wonderful. There hasn’t been a recorded otherworlder for nigh on fifty years, so our data has been running the risk of becoming outdated. But yes, this particular island would be home to those crossing over from North America, so you’ll see cultural influences from what you are familiar with.”

Ellya laughed. “You’ve done it now, Gwen! You watch: Ashforth is going to ask you to give him an interview or ten to ask you about everything you know. He’s rather infamous for his long-winded nature.” 

“You don’t say? I hadn’t picked up on that at all,” I said, rolling my eyes and giggling. 

Ashforth mumbled a yes, well and returned to his food. I looked over at Brian, who was making steady progress on his plate, listening thoughtfully and staring out the window. Ellya was chatting with her sisters, words and symbols flowing quietly back and forth. Nightshade wiped down the bar even though it already gleamed without a speck of dirt.  

   It was nice, this moment of peace. There’d been some time to sit and think back at the lighthouse, but being on Tellara still felt so new. It was only now, on this train, in this moment, that it really hit me how far we’d come and how far we could yet go. Looking over at Brian as he sat deep in thought, I realized how excited I was to share it all with him. I was still a bit hurt about the things he had said and how distant he had been, but it felt like now we might finally be able to move past that and enjoy this world. Together. 

“Hey, Brian?” I asked. 

He blinked and looked back at me. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad we came here, together. Being able to share this with you makes me very happy.”

He blushed and stared down at the chips. “I, uh, I feel the same. I guess.” He mumbled and shrugged. “When that portal opened, I was afraid. If you hadn’t been there with me, I don’t know if I would have gone through. Sometimes I wonder if I actually did, or if that even happened. Is this all a dream? Am I going to wake up to my alarm and slide out of bed for another long shift, wondering where you’ve been and what’s happened? But too much has happened already, too many things feel real. I don’t think in my wildest dreams I would have pictured you as a girl. Now it feels hard to picture you as anything else.”

My heart skipped a beat, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, a flood of an emotion beyond happiness, all because of his words. He saw me now, truly saw me. “You mean that? It’s not just the outfits or the, erm, well the chest right?” I asked, clutching at my skirt nervously.  

He looked away and we sat for long agonizing minutes in silence, the background noise fading as I waited to hear his reply. Quietly, slowly, it came. “It’s not any of that. I mean, the clothes look beautiful on you and the, uh, accessories certainly add to that. I don’t know, it’s confusing still, but I just see you as Gwen now.”

“That’s…all I’ve ever really wanted, Brian.” I smiled and took a bite of the taco, savoring the moment. 

“Can…can I ask – that is, I don’t want to be rude, but I wanted to know–” He paused, gathering his resolve. 

“Yes?” I asked. 

“What’s it like – no, never mind. Forget it.” Brian shrugged, his mouth a tight line and brow furrowed. He gathered his now-empty plate and moved to stand.

I grabbed his arm gently. “Brian, you can ask me questions. It’s alright. I’ve wanted to talk about this with you for a long time.” 

He looked over at the others, who each wore an expression of someone who is trying very hard not to listen in on a conversation and were failing miserably. “Not here, not now. I’m…not ready. Later, though. I want to understand,” he whispered. Then, louder: “Thank you for the food, Nightshade. It was very tasty. How far out are we from our destination?” 

Our conductor took the plate from Brian with a nod of thanks and then peered upwards at some unseen map. “We are nearly out of the mountains and entering the forests of the foothills. At a little over halfway, I’d say we have a couple of hours before we arrive.” He gestured out the window with a free hand. The sun was hidden behind the massive trees and rolling hills we now rushed past, but daylight was fading as we approached evening. The light was softer, dreamlike as the hues of the moons mixed with the dimming sunlight. “It will be dark when we arrive. If you two are finished with your meals, might I suggest returning to a viewing room to enjoy the scenery while it lasts? You are also welcome to read any slates on the shelves. I’ve a modest collection of novels if you would like entertainment…or perhaps something a bit more educational since you’ve only just arrived?”

My fingers itched as I recalled those tightly packed bookshelves, their spines glittering with titles that pulled at my imagination. But, I didn’t want to leave Brian alone now that we were talking again. Fear that he might pull away again sent a chill down my spine. Our renewed friendship was so fragile, so delicate. A lit match with the smallest flame, so faint that an errant breath might snuff it out. 

“Gwen, you alright?” Brian’s voice was right in my ear and I was startled to find I’d been spacing out. Both he and Nightshade were looking at me with concern. 

I shook my head and blinked a few times to focus. “I’m fine, just thinking about what to do.”

He smiled. “Good, good. I think I’m going to go chat with Aria for a bit and meet back up with you later. Pick out a good book for me, please? You know what I like.” He started to walk away and I grabbed his hand on impulse. My fingers couldn’t help but trace the rough calluses and faint scars on his palm. “Gwen?” he asked. 

“Just…don’t be a stranger, Brian. I’m glad we are talking again and I’m…worried you are going to go quiet on me again. Promise you’ll find me when you are done with Aria?” I gripped his hand tightly. 

“Promise. She wanted to show me something; I’ll be back before you know it.” He smiled and gripped me back before letting go. As he walked away, the little purple spider jumped from her table and onto his shoulder and he whispered quietly to her as he walked away. 

I sighed in nervous relief and gathered the scraps of my meal to take to Nightshade. The food had been delicious, but the turmoil of my emotions dulled my appetite. Nightshade gave me a look of understanding before turning back to Ashforth, who was pointing to something on his slate and speaking excitedly. Waving to Ellya and Melody, I made my way back to the observation car and started to look over the shelves, wondering what I should read first. 

****

Closing my eyes with a groan and rubbing my temples with one hand, I tried to make sense of the slate I’d spent the past half hour stumbling through. The view outside had darkened considerably as we journeyed through the ever thicker forest. I tilted the slate over and considered the title again: Edifying Transformation: The Chimera’s Art. It had been among the educational section of the train’s library and my interest grew as I called up the cover as Melody had taught me. An androgynous figure posed like the Vetruvian Man shimmered to life, their body covered in inhuman features. 

Intrigued, I’d continued to the opening lines. Chimeric change is an art that unifies us all, even though its practice is entirely personal. A chimera shapes their form into an expression of their soul, their life. What some may view as a rejection of nature’s wisdom, many understand to be the deepest understanding of that wisdom. It is no rejection to turn wheat to flour, to ferment fruit into wine; existence itself cries out for us to engage in creation. 

To become chimera is to create. To create is to speak to the universe and be heard. This book will serve as a guide on the basics of the Chimeric art. Let its lessons guide you on your own journey of change or deepen your understanding of others if you have no wish to become a chimera. 

What followed was an inscrutable series of charts and diagrams and explanations of how to apply arcane principles to one’s own body, to achieve a variety of changes, and so forth. The examples given sounded like stuff out of my wildest dreams, but I couldn’t parse any of the actual practice. Was this magic, like Ellya practiced? Or alchemy? 

I opened my eyes again and paged through the slate, wondering if there was perhaps a less technical section to engage with. The door to the observation room slid open quietly and I looked up to see Nightshade enter and pause, looking at me expectantly. 

“May I join you for a little while? I won’t interrupt your reading, I’d just like to sit here with you for a bit, enjoy the sight of you, if I may.” His voice had been light and melodious previously, but now it was a little lower, sensual even. 

I found my face growing warm as he looked at me, respectfully yet with interest. I blinked and motioned to the chair next to me. He passed close by as he sat and I caught a hint of perfume, floral yet delicate. As he sat, I realized I hadn’t properly looked at our host before. I’d been so flustered at his compliments initially and then so focused on Brian and the trip, I hadn’t realized just how beautiful he was.

He looked over at the slate I was holding and nodded. “An excellent choice. Chimera are often of great interest for otherworlders; I’m not surprised you gravitated towards that one. Especially given what Brian has told me about you.” His calm demeanor broke for a second as he realized something and looked at me in panic. “Sorry, I don’t mean to presume!” 

I chuckled nervously. “No, no, it’s alright. I’m not interested in keeping secrets here, not with everything I’ve seen so far.” 

He smiled, relieved. “I’m glad to hear that. Well, don’t let me keep you from reading.”

“Well, that’s just the thing. The premise sounded fascinating, but once I got past the introduction…well none of it makes any sense!” I huffed in frustration. 

“Ah, right, you wouldn’t know any of the foundational concepts.” Nightshade held his hands up as he continued. “Nor should you be expected to! I mean no insult to your intellect or knowledge. That, uh, particular book is quite informative, however the author is somewhat infamous for launching right into things and assuming you know what they are talking about.” 

“Oh, so that’s what’s wrong! I was feeling foolish, trying to make sense of it all.” 

We laughed together softly. Nightshade leaned back and rested his delicate chin on his flawless hand. “I can explain a little, if you like. Though you are very cute when you are trying to puzzle out something, did you know that?”

I blushed and set the slate aside before rubbing at my arm nervously. “Oh, you’re just saying that.”

“Many travelers journey on this train, so I see a wide variety of people. It is no exaggeration to say that you stand out with your beauty.” He smiled gently.

I looked at him intently. “Are you hitting on me?” 

“Yes.” He paused and we looked at each other. He continued. “Would you like me to stop? I can, if I am making you uncomfortable.” 

“No, it’s alright. Just…unexpected. I’m not used to that kind of attention.” I shook my head and looked at him closely. The light from above made his hair glitter softly and his golden eyes looked at me with care. 

“Brian told me a little about how you had to hide. I understand the reasons, as much as I can anyway, but it feels like a great crime to me that you couldn’t receive the attention and affection that you were due.” His voice was steady, soothing, and considerate. “But please, don’t think I am drawn to you only for your looks. You carry yourself with grace and I enjoy listening to your voice. I’d like to know more about you, if that is alright.” 

“Me? I’m not that interesting, really.” 

“I disagree,” he said. 

No matter how I looked at him, I could detect no trace of mockery. He was entirely sincere and the quiet intensity he had was quite alluring. Oh…it had been a while since I’d felt like this, since I’d been looked at like that by someone I found captivating. And he knew about me, knew who I was. “You…you don’t mind that I’m trans?”

“No, why would I?” he said.

“People back home tend to care. I’ve known who I am for years, but doing something about it has been…impossible. And that matters to people. Even if I clean up alright, there are some things makeup and skirts can’t change.” I looked out the window and grimaced. “And some people who’ve shown me similar attention in the past…only looked at me as a pretty boy. Or knew what I am and wanted to be with me because of the power they could hold over me, the thrill of dating a freak.” 

“Does it comfort you to know that I don’t think you are a freak? That all I see when I look at you is a beautiful woman with warm, flowing hair and emerald eyes that catch the light in such a captivating way?

I looked back at him and giggled. “Do you break out the flowery phrases for all the girls?”

He laughed nervously, yet it was a warm and comforting kind of laughter. “That was a little much, wasn’t it?”

“Hehe, just a little. I like flowery, though. And yes, to answer your question, that does comfort me.” I rubbed my arm nervously. “Sorry, if I’m a little awkward. I just didn’t expect this kind of attention on the trip.” I looked at him and smiled sincerely. “It is a good kind of attention.”

“I’m glad.” He opened his mouth to say more, but paused, thinking, before he continued. “Do you want to talk about those experiences? Share some of your pain? I’m a good listener, if that will help.” 

“That’s sweet of you, but no. It’s all too recent, the wounds fresh. Coming here was an escape from all that and I’d like to keep it that way, for now.”

“I understand completely. Then, let us discuss the trivial and the mundane. I find that helps take the mind off things.” 

“That sounds nice. I’ve not really had much in the way of small talk since we arrived. It’s been a rush of information, all these new things to learn and process. A bit overwhelming actually. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that magic is real!”

Nightshade nodded and then looked out the window. With an overly serious tone he said: “Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” 

I looked at him and he looked at me. The corners of my mouth curled upwards. His face was serious, but his eyes twinkled with merriment. I started to giggle and giggling turned into belly laughter as he joined me. We laughed and laughed and I had to wipe a tear from my eye as I finally answered. “Yes, the weather is quite nice!” 

We talked about silly, banal things for a while after that. Foods we liked, places we were fond of. He told me what it was like to operate the train, how he enjoyed meeting so many people. I told him about the library and some of the fond memories I’d made there. 

Eventually, I stood up and Nightshade looked at me in confusion, before I gestured to his chair and asked if I could sit next to him, to get closer. He scooted over and I curled up against him, feeling the soft smoothness of his arms and the gentle pressure of his breasts against my back. He pointed out the window as the forest cleared and showed the night sky. The moons shone brightly against the soft blue backdrop of the heavens, a vast blanket studded with stars. 

“Do Tellarans have constellations? Shapes in the stars?” I asked. 

“Oh yes! If you look there, near the indigo moon, see that cluster of stars? Watch.” He pointed and the edge of his finger glowed softly as he sketched a symbol in the air. When he finished, the silhouette of a jellyfish appeared around the cluster of stars, lines stretching between them to sketch the shape. “We call that one the Drifter, after the sea drifters that glow in the depths and travel the currents.”

“Back home, we call those jellyfish. I’ve always been fond of them, though we lived far enough inland I only ever got to see them in books or videos,” I said.

“Jellyfish, eh? What a cute name!” He chuckled and I felt the rumble against my back, a comforting sensation. “I pointed that one out because you remind me a little of a sea drifter.” 

“Oh? In what way?”

He shrugged. “Well, sea drifters are considered a sign of good fortune when you travel the waves. Their luminescence guides lost travelers and they can survive even in hostile waters. Resilient beauty, there when you need it most.” 

I blushed deeply. “You charmer!”

“You deserve to be charmed~” he said. Turning towards him, I saw him looking down at me affectionately, lovingly. Time slowed down as we looked into each other’s eyes. My heart beat in my chest as he leaned in and asked. “May I kiss you?”

My response was to reach up and pull him closer, closing my eyes as his lips met mine. He kissed me slowly, carefully, letting me choose pace. Nobody had ever kissed me so thoughtfully and I melted into the moment. I pulled back for a moment, licking my own lips to enjoy the slightly sweet taste of him before pulling him closer and kissing him again. His soft hands wrapped around me as I straddled his lap, my hands grasping his silken hair. 

As Nightshade ran his hands along my hips and began to kiss along my jaw, down my neck, the door opened.

“Sorry that took so long! The thing with Aria wrapped up quickly, but then Ellya wanted to show me something too and – oh, uh, am I interrupting something?” an all too familiar voice said. 

I pulled back, opening my eyes, to see my best friend looking shocked and…hurt?

Why was he hurt?