Falling apart in moonlight

Yesterday I told you I dreamt of rumors of Ren and I dating and in today's dream he was confessing to me.

You see today is valentine's day and I woke in the morning with the dream fresh in my mind.

In it I saw PJ and Ren walking towards me and I knew that they wanted to say something , so I turned around and saw Mia, so I pretended that I was watching her. Then suddenly PJ yanked me in Ren's direction making me face him. Then he sped off almost in a cartoonish way. Then Ren started confessing to me. He was saying it in a so low voice that I had to lean towards him to listen to him. And I don't know why, but I smirked, thinking he was finally confessing. He said nervously "You see, we know each other for a long time ago. And we used to be friends when we were little."

- Yeah we used to be friends Shifu, I him and one more boy who was our classmate since like mm... kindergarten.

Then suddenly we were standing on some stage with my family and relatives and he said "You see, i like you since the time when we were little-"*pause(way little like in kindergarten)"- and there were some seniors who were ditching classes, you saw them and told you not to tell anyone, and you didn't" and now suddenly I am giving my cousin's son to her sister and telling her to take care of him. He paused the video of mdthat he was playing, and started it after I returned mu attention to him, and my dream broke.

I mean what he said in the dreamwas true, that if I was told not to say something or tell someone something, I wouldn't. I have always been like that.

Like once when all my paternal side cousin's and I went to park they were older than me so they played with water from the tap and told me not to tell anyone since they would've got scolded for sure , neither did I nor was I going to. They tell me not say something and those thoughts don't even cross my mind.

And once when I was a child, i was at my cousin's home she cooked pasta for me , that was definitely not so tolerable for children like childrenwouldn't like it if they eat it, I ate it and she asked me how it was, and I told her..... it was NICE! Like have you ever seen a child see something they didn't like and say nice to it. I mean I have always seen children who say straight away if they don't like something, bur I don't know how I wasn't like that. I am an introvert and the fact that it has reduced in the past one or two years is not something that I have anything to say about. Like I as so shy that I couldn't even look at people's faces before, and now I boldly make eye contact from time to time, since my social battery always runs low, so no wonder I don't do that often.

And I have ADHD too. You know what it is and if you don't then let me tell its a chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.ADHD often begins in childhood and can persist into adulthood. It may contribute to low self-esteem, troubled relationships and difficulty at school or work.

Symptoms include limited attention and hyperactivity. Simply saying it makes you forget things constantly, hinders in your emotions and you will have problem in concentrating on things. So yeah,I suffer from ADHD. I think like it is inherited, I don't know why, but thats what I think. It progressed too fastly after my paternal Aunt's daughter left.

She came to our city so that she could study to become a teacher or at least that's what she used as an excuse to stay away from her family. I was a little too much attached to her. I mean I was only 12 and what else do you expect from a child who spent seven initial life as a single-introverted child. So yeah I was attached to her,so much that I even supported another cricket team just because she was too. I liked her so much that I made her likes and unlike mine,she used to like Sh**Chan and we used to watch it together all day long, so much that I used to wait one long hour empty-stomached just so that I could eat together with her, so much that even though I felt too hot in summers I used to sleep with blankets with her with only a ceiling fan. And even after all of that she told her parents that my parents used to give me nice food and her the leftovers and that they didn't took good care of her (I wonder why her parent's didn't ask her to come back if my parents didn't treat her nicely). I mastered myself in badminton just so that I could play with her bcoz she said I wasn't good enough. She started coming home late , so i couldn't eat with her anymore. Then suddenly she left . We searched for everywhere, places she could have been and went to.I loved her and she left just like that.

She left a letter in her wardrobe, cursing her family and thanking my parents, which made her family think that my mother helped her run away. Like they are so stupid. Though I wished she had written something for me too.

So she is the reason why my ADHD progressed faster

And if you think that heartbreak can only come from your bf, gf or ex, then you are wrong. It can come from anyone you father, your mother, you best friend, or the cousin that you were obsessed with that ran away. For me it was from everyone except from my BFFs, they are the best. But I love all of them.

Not the bf or ex, i never had any nor do I plan to .

Like the first man that broke my heart is my father, so weird but in a casual way. He called me slow since I was a child , but after all the damage now I know that I was slow in understanding and learning because the development of my brain was slower, that simply means I am not an idiot but a patient learner.