Euphemistically Yours

The next morning, we rose well before the sun. In fact, trying to sleep so much in one day left me feeling tired and grumpy. It was even worse for Eu. I could hear her tossing and turning on her bed throughout most of the night. We were both awake, so there was no reason to lay there any longer.

Emberwell, our destination, was only a day’s walk away. Leaving this early, we would arrive well before sundown. My anticipation was building, but I knew the task wasn’t complete until I’d divested myself of the cargo. The Duke wouldn’t be available on short notice, so even if things moved quickly, I’d need to wait for that until tomorrow. On the other hand, home meant seeing my family and sleeping in my own bed. After two weeks on the road, that call was pulling me forward.

Since we were leaving so early, there was no opportunity for breakfast. Not that I expected anything worth eating, but it was entirely too early. In fact, since Honey was in the stables, we had to wait for the ostler to wake before we could depart. His cot was intentionally set to block the door to prevent horse theft.

“What’s the big hurry? It’s pitch dark!” he whined.

I passed him a brass sun to cover the fee, plus a few stars as thanks. “Eager to be home.”

“Sure. Get on then.” He helped me up into the saddle, then settled back onto his cot.

By this point, Eu knew that she didn’t get to ride while we were in the city. As I did a last check over my gear, she set off down the road. Once we were out of earshot, she turned back, “Home?”

“We’ll be there tonight. You’ll see.”

“I will see … for now.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Did she have to make everything difficult?

Once we’d passed through town, we switched places. Eu was a child, so she couldn’t possibly walk as fast as me. Besides, Honey was glad to have me off of her back.

“What is Deft home?” asked Eu.

“It's a small house. I’ve been granted that and the attached holding.”

She tilted her head. I hadn’t taught her any of those words, so it probably sounded like gibberish.

“I have a wife and three living children - one son, two daughters.”

“What is a-wife?”

“My wife is like … Diligence?”

She pursed her lips, confused.

Perhaps it would be easier to explain the whole family at once? “My son is like… err… what was his name? That boy back in Lakesedge. Uh... Vigor? My daughters are like his sister Cheer. My wife is like Diligence.”

“Oh! Deft wife is mother. Deft son. Deft daughters. Deft.”

“Right!” I was surprised she was able to figure anything out from my stumbling words. Apparently, she’d already learned the word, “mother”, probably from interaction with Diligence’s family.

“Hmmm….” She mulled over my explanation.

Actually, now that she seemed to understood family relationships, I had important questions! “Eu… is daughter?”

“I am Deft daughter?” She looked shocked.

“No!” I shivered in terror. Heavens forbid!

“I am … Deft … what?”

“No! Not me! You are daughter of… who is your mother?”

“Oh! Mother name is ***GENTEELISM***”

Of course, that’s not what she said. I covered my ears in shame and tears leaked out of my eyes. Her mother’s name was just as disgraceful as her own! No, it was even worse! Likewise, Eu’s voice had softened in the last few days, and she’d learned to use vowel tones. I’d forgotten how harsh and guttural her native language was.

Regardless, she’d understood my question and answered. I was making progress!

“Where is your mother?”

She shrugged, then pointed up at the dark sky, “Cloud”.

“You mean the sky?” Distinguishing the two had been a problem earlier when teaching.

“Sky. Cloud.” She shrugged again.

“Is she dead? She’s in heaven?”

“What is word dead?”

“Mmm… not alive. Mmm… sleep in ground.”

She shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. “Dead… for now.”

What did THAT mean? “What about your father?”

“Father? What is word father?”

“Ahhh… like a mother… who is a man. Like… me and my wife. I am the father. She is the mother.”

“My father? Dead. Dead.”

That was different. One was sort-of dead and the other was dead-dead? “You’re an orphan?”

“What is word orphan?”

“Someone with no father and no mother.”

She thought about it and eventually nodded, “I am orphan.”

“Don’t worry, you are going to the Duke. He’ll decide where you belong.”

“The-Duke?” She combined the two words into one.

“The Duke is …” I paused since I was stuck. How do you explain noble ranks without using any complex words? I thought of the relationships she knew and came up with one possible solution. “I am like … the Duke’s horse.”

She laughed, “The-Duke is Deft. Deft is Honey?”

“Right.”

She smirked at me, “Deft bite The-Duke?”

“No. The Duke gives me carrots.”

“Oh?”

“My house is one of the Duke’s carrots.”

“Deft home is carrot!” She laughed and patted Honey. "Honey eat house?"

“You’ll see. It’s a pretty nice carrot.”

By noon, the amount of traffic on the road was picking up. Small paths merged into larger ones like streams of water into a river. Eventually, I realized that this close to home, someone I knew might see me. I switched with Eu again, moving into the saddle. Likewise, I brushed off my armor, straightened my beard, and shook the dust out of my cape.

There was still a long way to go, and I could see that Eu’s wooden shoes didn’t have a bit of padding. In sympathy, I took frequent breaks. Honey didn’t mind that at all. On the other hand, she knew the smell of home, and I could see her gazing ahead to the horizon.

That afternoon, I caught the first glimpse of the outermost borders of the town. Since my estate was out here in the outskirts, the distance remaining got shorter and shorter. It wasn’t long until we turned onto the path leading to my front gate. This close, the fields on both sides were my property, as well as the serfs that were working them.

The holding wasn’t large by any means. If you had to choose the lowest ranking squire in service to the Duke, you’d probably point at me. But, it was enough to live comfortably. The house was wooden, but well-built and practical. I only had a few household servants that lived in the nearby huts. Instead, most of the daily tasks were handled by my family.

An example of this was my son, Grit, who rushed out the door as I arrived. He was nearing three hands old, training to become a squire himself. He was right on the verge of manhood. After all, as my only son, he was the heir. Taking care of Honey was one of his duties. “Father. Welcome home.”

“It’s good to be home.” I swung down from the saddle and handed over the reins.

“Was your task difficult?” He pointedly ignored Eu because she was dressed as a peasant. In return, she pointedly ignored him. Instead, he greeted me as kin first by laying his hands out on top of mine, then by kissing me on both ears, while I did the same in return.

I gave him a smile. “Difficult? You have no idea, but I am no worse for wear. Is your mother in the house?”

“She is with my sisters, in the middle of lessons. She will be glad to see you.”

“Good. I’d best go see her first thing.” With that, I motioned Eu to follow me as I went in through the front door. At that point, Grit’s eyes narrowed to examine Eu more closely, but I waved a hand at him, “Don’t worry. This is the Duke’s business.”

“Yes, Father.” He turned away to focus on Honey. However, I could guess that his curiosity was burning a hole between his ears.

Honey followed him eagerly toward the paddock. After all, she was glad to be back with her friends, our two mules. I could only wonder what tales she would tell them.

Once inside, I hung my sword belt on the hooks at the front door and moved deeper into the house. As Grit had said, I found my wife, Constance, in the main hall reciting a passage from the holy scriptures to my daughters for memorization. Like Grit, all three of them had the same light brown hair and fair complexion nearly identical to mine. However, as women, they had grown their hair as long as possible, binding it in a braid to keep it manageable. When I entered, each one rose to their feet to give their greetings.

My wife’s greeting came first. “Husband. Welcome home. The house and holdings are in good standing.”

Since it was custom for the wife to manage the estate and finances, this was a standard report. After all, the family’s finances were secured by her dowry. Even so, she didn’t even really need to say anything. I knew that I could trust her to handle money better than myself.

After I gave her a nod, my daughters followed. Progress was the eldest, only one year younger than her brother. “Father. Welcome home.”

The youngest was Swift with her bright smile. She’d just passed her first hand of years, but I was happy to see her behaving like a small adult. “Father. Welcome home.”

The three approached so that we could each clasp wrists and kiss each other’s ears in turn. I had to lean down pretty far to reach Swift's ears, but that only made her even more pleased to see me. Once that ritual was complete, I could turn my mind to the next important matter.

“I am glad to be home and glad to see each of you. Wife, we have a guest for tonight.” I turned to find Eu peeking out from behind me. “This is Eu. I will be taking her to see the Duke tomorrow.”

Eu bowed her head gracefully, while chaos erupted on the other side of the room. Each member of my family had a different concern.

“Husband. I could have prepared if you’d sent word that we would have a guest.” Constance was controlling her expression, but I could tell she was furious. Furthermore, I could read her well enough to know that her stated complaint was a facade for her actual concerns. Unfortunately, I was left mystified by the reason for her reaction.

“Father. You said 'her' ... why is she wearing pants?” Progress was scandalized. Her eyes were wide as she stared at Eu in horror.

“Ewe? Why is a boy named after a mama sheep?” Swift was so lost she didn’t even understand the implications of what had been said. On the other hand, she had a very good question.

Even more concerns sprang forth to follow the first, but I held up my hands. “I’ve just arrived and your brother, Grit, should be here for such discussion. Let’s hold off until after dinner.”

That would give me time to come up with better answers. I could hear the clink of plates from the servants in the dining room, so I immediately set off in that direction.